Finally, an Order of Iscariot fic. Been wanting to do one for a long time. Sorry if the dialogue sucks. I don't do German and Irish accents.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing or the movie. Sue me not!
IN LIEU OF A DREAM
"Die! All yer hellish freaks!"
Anderson cried out his usual Irish-tinged battle cry as he sent another wave of bayonets spiraling out around him. They pierced the fleshy corpses of the zombies, effectively spearing them. However, unlike the usual ghouls, they did not turn into dust. In fact, some of them continued to lumber towards him, groaning slightly.
Anderson did not even panic. Using his bare hands, he punched the nearest rotting form. The head was smashed in, and the sickening creature let out an unearthly howl. Blood spurted out and drenched his white glove. His other hand moved in with a blessed blade, and with an expert swipe, he lopped off its head.
The zombies moved nearer, unperturbed by the death of one of their own. Indeed, a few of the creatures were already stopping at the corpse, and in front of the disgusted Priest's eyes, they began to devour it. A new wave of anger rose in the Paladin, and he let out another yell.
"Perish in Hell!"
Spying one that was approaching him, dragging a foot that was grotesquely bent at an unnatural angle, he raised his bayonet. Not even needing to think, he flung the sharp object at it. It sailed through the air, flying straight and true towards the intended target.
However, he never saw if the bayonet hit its mark.
For in that instant, something exploded in the back of his head.
And he was spiraling down into darkness.
000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Father Anderson groaned as he floated back into consciousness. There was a dull throbbing pain somewhere in the back of his skull. He tried to move, but he stopped as the pain rose in intensity to something sharp and piercing. His eyes fluttered open, and he winced against the bright light that was shining down from the lamp above him.
"He's coming too..." said a familiar voice.
"It's about time. I can't believe he did all this."
"You shouldn't have hit him so hard…"
"He's a regenerator, Maxwell. He'll live. Besides, he's already crazy. A slight tap on the head might actually help."
Enrico's face swam into view above him, as well as that of Heinkel. The Iscariot leader and assassin stared down at him, both peering into his face. Anderson propped his elbow up against the floor and began to get up. Enrico immediately reached out to help, bracing his back as the older man sought to sit up. Once that was done, the blonde man turned to the woman and hissed at her.
"Put that down, Heinkel. He won't hurt anyone."
"Ah vell, if you say so."
Heinkel lowered the ornate gold candlestick that she was clutching in both hands. It was heavy compared to her guns, and she was glad to be able to put the thing down. The only sign that it had been used beyond its means was the fact that it was bent to one side.
That, as well as the huge lump on the back of the Paladin's head.
Anderson looked around the room, trying to piece together what had happened. It was all so hazy. The place was completely thrashed. Bayonets were imbedded all along the walls, as well as Bible pages that clung to them like enormous "Post-It" sticky notes. The sofa lay on its back, and it was sliced beyond repair, the stuffing poking out through the holes. Various objects lay shattered on the floor, and a few paintings had been damaged, their facades cruelly scratched. More furniture was overturned, and the whole room looked as if a tornado had recently passed through it on its way to Kansas.
The hardest hit, though, was the TV set. A blade stuck out if its shattered screen, smoke curling out through the gaping hole.
However, the damage wasn't on Enrico's mind as the Paladin's eyes grew larger. He pointed at his clothing.
"You're sleepwalking again."
Anderson looked down at his clothing and blushed. He was dressed inhis PJs, his coat pulled over it in an odd fashion. He looked up, embarrassed, at the two Iscariot members, one kneeling beside him while the other stood, arms crossed.
"I… can't remember anything."
Enrico's reply was cut short by some banging. All three of them looked around, trying to trace the origin of the sound. It appeared to come from a tall broom closet in the corner, as if someone inside was struggling to get out. Without another word, Heinkel crossed over and pulled the wooden door open.
Sister Yumiko was standing there, the back of her gown pierced by a bayonet that pinned her up against the wall. She tried to move forward but stopped at the sound of ripping fabric. The sharp blade of the bayonet had already torn a large hole in the back.
"Help" squeaked the hapless nun. Her spectacles were settled precariously near the tip of her nose, and she hurriedly pushed it back up again.
"Yumiko," Heinkel growled as she tugged at the bayonet to free her. Enrico and Anderson approached from behind, both looking concerned.
"What happened? When we came in here the room was dark," asked Enrico, eyeing Anderson sternly.
"I was… we were… actually I was… watching this… the Resident Evil marathon… on TV… Father Anderson… he came in to… to watch with me… After that, he left for bed… I… I continued watching when he came into the room… I was going to hide in the closet when he… he threw a bayonet at me. I… closed the door to… protect myself."
This all came out in stops and stutters, but all three Iscariot members understood Sister Yumiko fully. They sighed.
"Give it here, lass. I'll do it," said Anderson sheepishly. Heinkel stepped back, allowing the tall priest to reach over and grasp the blade. He grunted as he struggled to pull it free. Putting all his strength into it, he finally shifted it out in one swift motion.
However, Sister Yumiko's gown got snagged on the blade. As a result, the forward motion pulled her over as well. She collapsed right on top of him.
There was an awkward silence.
"Er… Are yer alright, lass?" Anderson asked. He was colouring slightly. Sister Yumiko had her head bent down so he couldn't see her face. Suddenly, something fell onto his stomach.
"Sister Yumi-ko?" asked the priest tentatively.
The petite nun looked straight up at him, her eyes narrowed. Then her face broke into s sinister smile, as if something amused her greatly. Yumie reached out to her right, her fingers curling around the bayonet that was now lying on the floor beside them. She quoted a line from the movie.
"My name is Alice. And I remember everything."
There was a loud thud behind him as the door slammed shut.
Father Anderson suddenly found that he was very much alone.
Author's Notes:
For those not familiar with the show, Alice is the name of the lead female character who was previously under the employ of the Umbrella Corporation, a top-secret R & D company doing controversial research. When a new virus was unleashed in the underground complex, it revived those who had died in the lock-down to become mindless walking corpses. Alice struggles to stay alive, and continues to do so in the second movie when the city above gets overrun as well.
Not exactly a funny fic, but I think it's quite fun.
I love Resident Evil! :D Anyone here play the game?
