Written after a conversation about disgusting romance fanfics:
'Eurgh, have you seen the Ginny/Snape fics? Yuck'
'Ew yeah. Imagine what the Weasley boys would be like if they found out about that.'
'They'd probably form a hit-gang or something...'
'He WHAT!'
There was a hammering on the door, accompanied by angry voices.
Pettigrew looked wildly around the sitting room of Spinner's End, hoping that Severus would come to answer it, but he was disappointed.
Slowly he made his way to the door, shaking. Peter stretched out his hand towards the handle, just as the door was blasted open. The blast knocked him off his feet and he hit the back of the sofa, hard, before slumping to the floor.
In the doorway stood five men. Each and every one of them had the same identical flaming red hair, and each and every one of them had the same identical expression of wild rage on their face.
Two of them were injured – the tallest one had barely healed cuts all over his head, and the one nearest him in height had an angry red burn across one cheek. Both were twirling their wands menacingly.
Stood in front of them was a tall, gangly youth, who was attempting to wave his wand in an intimidating fashion like his two eldest brothers, but the effect was slightly spoiled by the fact that his erratic waving had turned his robes pink, although he didn't appear to have noticed.
And, in front of him were perhaps the most menacing of the group. Two stocky young men were stood, shoulder to shoulder, wielding heavy quidditch beater's bats. They were identical to the last freckle, including the way they were both repeated hitting the palm of their left hand with the bat, in a way that clearly showed that they meant business.
'Where's Snape?' the one with the scars said harshly, glaring down at Wormtail sprawled on the floor.
Pettigrew squeaked in fear. 'He, I'll, he…I'll just get him,' he said breathlessly, attempting to stand. 'Severus……SEVERUS?'
'What, Peter?' came the cold reply from the next room.
'There's, um, some people to see you…' Pettigrew squeaked miserably.
Snape came striding out of a door at the far end of the room. He stepped in front of Pettigrew, and stood, apparently stunned by the site of the youth's fuchsia pink robes, stock still before the group of men.
Pettigrew scuttled out of the way as the men marched in, cornering Snape against the sofa. They spread out round him in a half-circle, the burned one kicking the door closed behind him as he moved in.
'What have you been doing to our sister?' demanded the one still donning the fluorescent pink robes.
'I haven't touched the filthy little blood traitor,' spat Snape, glaring at the boy.
'Don't lie,' said the left-hand twin, his voice low and deadly.
'Ron saw you,' his twin said in the same tone.
'Shall we teach him a lesson, George?' The first twin raised his beater's bat. His brother nodded and made to raise his bat too, but the eldest, scarred brother spoke sharply.
'No. We need to do this properly.'
'Yeah,' agreed the one with the burn, 'let's teach him what happens if you take advantage of a Weasley.'
The scarred, burned and pink brothers all raised their wands as the twins lowered their bats and drew their wands from inside pockets of their robes.
Pettigrew let out a squeak of fear and attempted to get to the staircase leading upstairs, but the eldest brother flicked his wand and Wormtail fell to the ground, whimpering.
'You stay where you are. The more the merrier,' he said humourlessly, before turning back to his brothers and Snape, who was looking around wildly and fingering his wand.
Pointing his wand at Snape, the man who'd just performed the leg-locker curse on Pettigrew muttered 'Expelliarmus' and Snape's wand flew into the air, where it was caught and pocketed by one of the twins.
The eldest brother spoke again, his voice calm and falsely light.
'You first I think, Ron, as you had the unpleasant experience of witnessing it.'
The youth in pink robes stepped forward and pointed his wand at Snape's chest. There was a loud crack and suddenly Snape was wearing a long, lace-trimmed, green dress. He looked down at himself, horrified, before starting towards the boy, snarling.
'You...' but the scarred brother knocked him backwards against the sofa with a flick of his wand.
'How fetching,' the man said sarcastically, whilst flicking his wand again: Snape was now clutching a large crimson handbag. He attempted to throw it away, but appeared to be unable to relinquish his grip on it. The brothers roared with laughter.
The man with the burnt cheek spoke next,
'Charming. Just needs one more thing to complete the ensemble.'
There was a pop and on Snape's head appeared a tall witch's hat, topped with a stuffed vulture. There was another shout of mirth from the brothers.
The twins raised their wands. There was an identical look of vindictive eagerness on each of their faces, which told Snape that what had already happened to him was nothing compared to what these two were about to do. They waved their wands in unison; there was a bang and Snape fell to the floor, screaming and twitching.
The other three men turned quizzical looks on the twins, who spoke together,
'Corset and thong,' they said matter-of-factly.
The others bellowed with laughter.
'Well,' said the tallest, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes, 'I think our work here is done. Let's go.' He held open the door for his brothers, who marched out into the night, then turned a mocking smile on Snape and Pettigrew before following his siblings, shutting the door with a sharp snap behind him.
Fin.
