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Fanfic Chapter 95: Holy Match-i-mony
Episode Basis: Lights, Camera, Duel
Previously on Yu-Gi-Oh! Yami-Bakura escaped from the hospital and set out to obtain what he needed to enter the Battle City Finals. Obtaining a Duel Disk was easy but searching for enough locator cards proved to be more interesting. But the spirit of the Millennium Ring found it when he dueled Bandit Keith's former henchmen Bonz, Sid, and Zygor. Yami-Bakura totally owned Bonz and left those three stooges withering in the Shadow Realm. Good riddance I say.
Driving to the stadium where the Battle City Finals were taking place, Harold couldn't help but recall the old joke about clowns in a car. Because that was what he felt like. Mai's tiny convertible was almost bursting. Serenity had the place of honor in the passenger-side front seat. Yugi, Tea, and Joey were sharing the back. Harold was scrunched in the center and Tristan and Duke were hanging off the side. Mai parked her car a few blocks from where the stadium was.
"Why'd we stop?"
"This is as far as we can drive, we'll have to go the rest of the way on foot," Mai explained.
"Fine by me," Harold said popping out of the car and stretching his legs. "I felt compacted in there."
"You must be psyched about getting another crack at the championship, Mai," Joey said.
"You bet your britches I am," Mai said. "This time, I'm taking no prisoners, you got that, boys, you three are going down."
"Yeah, well, I ain't exactly a pushover either," Joey bragged. "But you already knew that."
"What about you, Harold?" Duke asked. "Anyone you want to beat?"
"Not really, even I know I would get creamed if I went up against powerhouses like Yugi, Kaiba, and Mai."
"Hey, what about me?" Joey asked.
"What about you?" Duke countered causing the others to chuckle.
Tristan stared cautiously at Harold. That's weird, I could've sworn Harold joined just so he could get a chance to eliminate Yugi again.
"This Battle City tournament would spell bad news for everyone involved, especially you, Yugi. If you value your life, you would withdraw from this tournament, otherwise I would be force to defeat you and eliminate you."
I better keep an eye on him just in case he tries something with that crazy bracelet of his.
"Oh Mai," Harold called. "By the way, I ran into your cousin."
"You mean you saw Kevin?"
"Saw him, met him, helped him, dueled him, he was one of my toughest challenges. You definitely taught him well."
"I only taught him some basic skills. His card strategies are all his own."
"Is it true his father's Adam Hunter?" That grabbed the attention of Yugi who remembered his Grandfather's story about how Dr. Hunter led the expedition to discover an Ancient Egyptian Archives along with his Grandfather and Professor Hawkins.
"Yup, it's all true," Mai said.
That's Mai for you, Joey thought. On the outside she's tough as stone but inside, she's got a heart of gold. Come to think of it…
"You know, if there's one thing I hate, it's seeing a man cry." Joey looked up to see Mai, travel bag in hand.
"Who's crying, I just have something in my eye, that's all," Joey said quickly drying his eyes with his sleeve. "Stupid thing, it won't come out."
Mai took out a lace handkerchief and handed it to him. "Here, use this to 'get it out.' Just make sure you don't blow your nose in it. You know, every time I think I have you figured out, you surprise me, Joey." Joey noticed that a corner of the handkerchief was damp. Had Mai been crying as well, but about what, her loss to Yugi, or… "Harold told me about your little sister, and about why you duel. Sounds like a bad soap opera but then again, I have a weak spot for soap operas, even bad ones. See you around, Sweetie."
"Hey Mai," Joey said solemnly. "Not that I'm complaining… but what caused you to help me back on Duelist Kingdom? To tell you the truth, you really caught me by surprise."
"Like I said, I have a thing for hard luck cases," Mai replied. "And the feeling's mutual."
"Huh?"
"You surprised me, several times. I didn't think any good people existed in this world but you proved me wrong."
"Yeah, our boy is just full of surprises," Tristan said getting Joey in a headlock.
"Hey, do you guys hear something?" Duke asked. It sounded like tires screeching.
Suddenly a stretch limo crashed through a poster (which was probably made of paper) and came to a stop right in front of Yugi and the gang.
"Hey, where'd you learn how to drive?" Joey snapped.
The door opened and a dashing man with blonde hair, broad shoulders, and a pressed white tux came out. He walked up to Mai and presented her with a bouquet of roses saying, "So we meet again, my little wall flower."
Harold immediately recognized him, "No way! You're Jean-Claude Magnum!"
"You mean the actor?" Joey asked.
Harold nodded, "I recognized that line. It was from one of his movies. Mai, you know him?"
"Know him? I never met him before in my life," Mai protested.
"Oh how soon we forget," Magnum said in a more-dramatic-than-necessary fashion. "Remember the cruise along the Mississippi?"
Mai wracked her brain before saying, "Oh, you're that guy."
"That guy?" The others asked.
"He's just some chump I beat at Duel Monsters."
"It was the first time I ever lost a Duel Monsters game."
"Duel Monsters must be big in America," Serenity commented. "If celebrities are playing the game."
"Remember what happened afterward?" Magnum asked.
"What happened afterward?" Joey parroted casting Mai a suspicious glance.
"I don't remember," Mai replied.
"I remember as if it was yesterday. I said you got spunk and asked you to marry me."
"Marry?" The kids gasped.
"Is she even old enough to get married?" Harold asked.
"Oh yeah, I told you to ask me again when you could beat me at Duel Monsters."
"Well I'm back and I tend to make good on my promise!" He took out a huge diamond and got down on one knee. "Mai Valentine, if I were to beat you at the game of Duel Monsters, will you return to Hollywood and agree to be my wife?"
"Sorry, not interested," Mai said.
"But… I…"
"Look, Jean whatever-your-name-is, I'm only interested in one thing only, and that's being the best at Duel Monsters!"
"Of course, an angel like you deserves the best, and in America they don't come any better than me." Apparently the way to Mai's heart was through her ego because she looked away ponderingly.
"I wouldn't do it if I were you, Mai," Yugi said. "You're already in the finals."
"Yeah, you don't need to duel this Boy Band wannabe."
"Jean-Claude Magnum is not just another pretty face," Harold said nodding sagely. "He's an expert in all forms of martial arts and combat. Plus he does all his own stunts."
"Explains the thing with the limo," Duke cracked.
"Fine," Mai said. "I'll duel you if it'll get you out of my hair. Hey Joey, lend him your Duel Disk."
"My Duel Disk?" Joey asked horrified.
"Please, I won't need to borrow anything," Magnum said displaying his own Duel Disk. "I already have a Duel Disk and five locator cards. So if I win, I'll be moving on to the finals."
"Don't do it, Mai," Yugi said. "You worked too hard to make it here just to have it taken away!"
"You'll be risking your place in the finals!" Joey added.
"Can it, you two," Mai said. "I'm going through with this."
"Lights!" Magnum called. Klieg lights lit up the area around them. "Now, my dear, prepare to lose a duel and gain a husband!"
"That line was from one of his movies," Harold explained. "Only in that one he said 'prepare to lose a brother and gain a husband.'"
"And you would know this because…?" Tea asked.
"Because I have a really crappy social life."
"Thing is I believe him," Tea whispered to Yugi.
"Eject holo-emitters!" Magnum cried striking a heroic (and somewhat overdramatic) pose.
"Duel Tray transform," Mai said rolling her eyes.
"Scan deck!"
"Life points set!"
"Let's duel!"
(M: 4000)
(JC: 4000)
"I'll start by summoning Ninja Commander Ikusa (1) in attack mode! Ninja Commander Ikusa's special ability lets me summon Ninja Soldier Kitana (2) to the field!" Two ninjas in different color outfits appeared.
"Your dueling is just like your movies, second-rate and not around for very long."
Harold nodded again, "The longest a Jean-Claude Magnum movie's ever spent in the highlight was only 10 weeks."
"And how would you know this?"
"I watch TV."
"You had to ask," Tristan commented to Duke.
"I summon Amazon Swordswoman (3) in attack mode!" A burly dark-skinned woman appeared. "Attack his Ninja Soldier!" The woman sliced he sword across the ninja's waist and destroyed it.
(M: 4000)
(JC: 2900)
"Man, this Magnum guy duels like an amateur," Joey complained.
"And he's much shorter than on the screen too," Harold added much to the chagrin of the others.
"I summon another Ninja Commander and use his special ability to summon another Ninja Soldier!"
"Your dueling is just one bad sequel after another," Mai grumbled.
"Mai's cute," Serenity commented.
"Really… uh… I hadn't noticed." Joey said.
"Do you think she has a boyfriend?"
"No way!" Joey snapped then composed himself. "I mean… uh… all she cares about is dueling, who would be able to get past all that to be her boyfriend?"
"No comments from the peanut gallery," Mai snapped. "Amazon Swordswoman, attack his Ninja Commander!" Once again, the ninja was destroyed.
(M: 4000)
(JC: 2100)
"You've walked right into my trap," Magnum said. "With my Ninja Commander and Ninja Soldier in my graveyard, all I have to do is sacrifice another ninja and you're history!" He drew a card. "I sacrifice my remaining Ninja Soldier to summon Ninja Master Shogun (4) in attack mode!" The Ninja Master Shogun wore ancient Japanese ceremonial robes and a kabuki mask. "With Ninja Master Shogun on the field, I can summon two more Ninjas. So now I summon Ninja Commando Ibuki (5) and another Ninja Soldier!" The Ninjas actually ran along the walls of the buildings as they performed acrobatic leaps and landed on either side of the Ninja Master Shogun. "Ninja Commando Ibuki's special ability allows me to summon another ninja to the field and I choose Kunoichi Ayami, the Ninja Girl (6)!" The Ninja Girl had long green hair and dressed in a hot pink kimono and black belt.
"Is Mai in trouble?" Serenity asked.
"Nah, she's fine," Joey assured her. "I know first hand how good of a Duelist Mai is, this B-rated knockoff doesn't have what it takes to out duel her."
Unknown to Joey, Mai beamed at that comment.
"Ninja Master Shogun, attack her Amazon Swordswoman!" The Ninja threw a shruiken which destroyed her.
(M: 3900)
(JC: 2100)
"Without your only monster, your wide open to an attack by my ninja force. "Go, my Ninjas, unleash your battle fury on my opponent!"
"That's also a line from one of his movies," Harold reported. Mai found herself attacked on all sides.
(M: 1800)
(JC: 2100)
"Look on the bright side, Mai, at least you'll have a husband who's a Battle City finalist."
"If this keeps up, Mai will have to marry this guy and lose her place in the finals."
"You only hurt the ones you love," Magnum said placing a card face-down.
"Another line from one of his movies?" Duke asked Harold. Harold nodded.
"I summon Cyber Harpie (7) in attack mode!" Cyber Harpie was a taller, paler, and more… well… cybernetic version of Harpie Lady. "Attack his Ninja Master Shogun."
"You fell into my trap," Magnum cried activating his face-down card. "Ninja Smoke Ball!" A burst of smoke came between the monsters and Cyber Harpie was forced back to her original position.
"I knew you were all smoke and mirrors," Mai said putting a card face-down.
"I play a magic card Magic Kite of Ninja," Magnum said. The Shogun grabbed the kite and flew into the air. "This allows my Ninja Master Shogun to hover in the air above the field and out of reach of any of your monster and magic cards. Plus I can sacrifice one of my monsters to allow my Ninja Master Shogun to attack your life points directly! Now, I sacrifice my Ninja Soldier! Ninja Master Shogun, attack her directly!"
"Mai!" The others cried as the Ninja dive-bombed and slugged Mai before retreating back into the air.
(M: 200)
(JC: 2100)
"Hey Yugi, can Mai turn this duel around?" Joey asked.
"If she uses Harpie's Feather Duster, she can destroy that kite and make his monster vulnerable to attacks again."
"Good idea. Hey Mai, you got Harpie's Feather Duster in your hand?"
"If I did, I would've played it," Mai replied annoyed.
"So what should I wear to your Hollywood wedding?"
"Nothing because there's not going to be a wedding. Not if I have anything to say about it!" Mai drew Elegant Egotist. It's not Harpie's Feather Duster, but it could be helpful.
"Mai should concentrate on destroying the ninjas on the ground," Yugi told Joey. "That way his Ninja Master Shogun won't be able to attack her life points directly."
"Good idea," Joey said. "Hey Mai…"
"Can it!" Mai snapped making Joey wince. "Look, Joey, not that I don't appreciate you trying to help me, but this is an official Battle City duel and it's illegal to receive aid from anywhere other than your own cards. I won't listen to your advice."
"Then listen to this instead: stop looking like an amateur and duel like the Mai we all know!"
"I plan to do that," Mai said. "I play Elegant Egotist multiplying my Cyber Harpie by 3!" Cyber Harpie was tripled. Now my Harpies, attack his ninjas!" The Harpies attacked with their claws and destroyed Magnum's ninjas. She turned and gave Joey a thumb up, "How was that?"
"Perfect," Joey replied returning the gesture.
Seeing this act of camaraderie angered Magnum and turned his anger on Joey, "Look, you little runt, leave the dueling to the grownups!"
"Hey, I'll have you know I was runner-up at Duelist Kingdom!"
"Who cares, you're not a star like me!"
"That actually was a line from one of his movies too," Harold said.
"All right already, you're the Magnum expert of the group, we acknowledge that," Tristan said annoyed.
"I play a card face-down and end my turn."
"I summon another Ninja Girl!"
He's planning on sacrificing it to allow his Shogun to attack me directly. "Reveal face-down card: Grave Arm!"
"Grave Arm, what does that card do, Yug?"
"It destroys a low-level monster the moment it's summoned."
Grave Arm destroyed Ninja Girl. "Now it's my turn," Mai announced. "And while your shogun is equipped to your kite, it can't protect your life points so that means your wide open to me! Harpies, attack his life points directly!" Magnum found himself the victim of three fierce scratches.
(M: 200)
(JC: 0)
The gang cheered and ran up to Mai, "I knew Jean-Claude Moron didn't stand a chance against you," Joey said giving her a high-five.
A cheap laugh came from behind them. They turned to see Magnum, kneeling on the ground. "You pitiful rug-rats seemed to have overlooked something." He pointed up.
The Ninja Master Shogun was still hovering in the air on his kite.
"No way, he should've disappeared when the duel ended," Harold protested. "But how could a hologram remain on the field after a duel unless…" The Ninja Master Shogun flew down and threw a net over Mai. It picked her up and carried her off.
"Mai!" Everyone cried again.
"One way or another, Mai will be my wife!" Magnum declared as he got in his limo and drove away.
"I should've seen this one coming," Harold complained as they ran after the Ninja Master Shogun. "He did this exact same thing in one of his movies."
"You serious?" Tristan asked.
"Yeah, it was the only movie where he played the villain role. He kidnapped the hero's childhood friend by having one of his henchmen fly down on a kite, throws a net over her, and carry her off!"
"What happened at the end?" Tea asked. "Did the childhood friend get rescued?"
Harold blushed, "I… don't know, I fell asleep half-way through the movie." Most of the others groaned.
"Maybe you should take up reading instead," Duke suggested.
Hold on, Mai, I'll rescue you somehow… Joey turned to Harold. "I have an idea. Harold, I need you to go up there and get her."
"You got it!" Harold said as he used his Armlet to propel himself upward and onto the rope holding the net. "All right, Usaki, taste the power of my Armlet!" Harold fired his Armlet which shredded the kite.
Nearby, Magnum waited with his limo. "Soon my Ninja Master will deliver my beloved bride to me and then we'll disappear to live happily ever after. Fade away to black, cut, and print. Ah, there he…" Magnum gasped when he saw Harold grappling with his Ninja Master Shogun. "That isn't in the script!" He cried. He then growled, "It's those brats!" He ran off towards the Ninja Master Shogun.
Harold's Armlet cut the net releasing Mai. Unfortunately, it was over thirty feet in the air.
"Oh crud," Harold moaned as he and the Ninja Master Shogun went down as well. Harold used his Armlet to cushion the fall. He dropped the Ninja Master Shogun. "Now let's see who's behind the mask."
The face behind the man was scrawny and pale with unkempt hair.
"Please, don't hurt me; I'm just a stunt double," he pleaded in a squeaky voice. Harold looked at him surprised.
"Mai!" Joey cried. Mai had grabbed onto a protruding flag pole.
"Joey, I can't hold on!"
"Let go, I'll catch you!" Joey called.
"You sure?"
"Trust me! Just do it!" Mai let go.
Joey caught her, but it wasn't in his arms, but rather on his face. Joey was fine but dazed.
"Joey, Mai, are you two all right?" Yugi asked.
"I'm fine, but Joey…"
"Oh, he'll be fine," Tristan said waving his hand dismissively. "He's taken much worse."
"Mai," Magnum called. "Are you all right, my love?" He held out his hand to help her up.
Mai swatted it away. "Beat it, Moron."
"But… Mai…"
"I said beat it, my action hero…" she gazed lovingly at Joey who was just coming to. "Is this lovable goofball right down here."
"But… he's a runt!"
"Maybe he is, but he's more honest than you'll ever be, so scram or do you want Kaiba hearing about how a Battle City contestant was caught in a kidnapping plot." Magnum stepped back into the shadows. Mai looked down at Joey. "You okay, Joey?"
"Yeah, I've taken much worse," Joey said accepting Mai's helping hand. "Hey, sorry about screwing up your Hollywood wedding."
"Forget about it, I didn't want to marry that b-movie actor anyway. His lines would drive me crazy and don't you dare say short drive."
"So… is there someone you want to marry?"
Mai just gave him a sly smile, "We should get going before all the good Battle City final spots are taken."
Joey gasped, "Oh yeah, that's right, come on, guys!" He took off with Mai trailing.
"Joey and Mai have both changed a lot since Duelist Kingdom," Yugi observed.
"That's true," Harold agreed. "They've definitely grown closer." He cast a side glance at Yugi. "Kind of like another couple I know."
"Who's that?" Yugi asked.
Harold just smiled at his friend and picked up his pace.
"What did Harold say?" Tea asked.
"I have no idea," Yugi said as he and the others also broke into a run towards the stadium.
The End
Duel Monster Database
(1)
Name: Ninja Master Ikusa
Level: 3
Type: Warrior/Effect
Attribute: Earth
ATK: 700
DEF: 400
(2)
Name: Ninja Soldier Kitana
Level: 2
Type: Warrior
Attribute: Earth
ATK: 400
DEF: 200
(3)
Name: Amazon Swordswoman (Amazoness Swordswoman)
Level: 4
Type: Warrior/Effect
Attribute: Earth
ATK: 1500
DEF: 1600
(4)
Name: Ninja Master Shogun
Level: 5
Type: Warrior/Effect
Attribute: Wind
ATK: 1600
DEF: 1500
(5)
Name: Ninja Commando Ibuki
Level: 2
Type: Warrior/Effect
Attribute: Earth
ATK: 700
DEF: 800
(6)
Name: Kunoichi Ayami, the Ninja Girl
Level: 2
Type: Warrior
Attribute: Earth
ATK: 300
DEF: 200
(7)
Name: Cyber Harpie (Cyber Harpie Lady)
Level: 4
Type: Winged-Beast/Effect
Attribute: Wind
ATK: 1800
DEF: 1300
