Chapter Sixty-Nine

Such a comment vastly reddened Lorna's cheeks. Her lips automatically curled into a smile that she was unable to resist from happening. She turned her head a tiny amount and hid her face in Nicky's shoulder. Neither said another word as they waited through the rest of the line.

The line dwindled down rather swiftly at their conversation and soon enough the two of them were at the front of it. Nicky grabbed her satchel from the shoulder its strap was resting upon and placed it on top of the counter to rummage through it for money. With a crisp five dollar bill in her hands, she looked across the sales counter and was surprised to see the person running it was none other than Alex Vause. Eyebrows arched ponderously over squinted eyes.

"Vause, since when do ya work here? Ya still work at the coffee shop, yeah? Please tell me ya didn't leave there," Nicky pleaded with a playful smirk taking up form on her face. She rested her hand with the cash palm-side up on the granite surface while she held her gaze on the black haired woman across from her. Her other arm remained securely wrapped around Lorna's waist, making sure she was still right next to her.

Shifting her eyes slowly between the two customers now standing on the other side of the counter she stood behind, concern came flooding to the surface. By the obvious gown and IV tube connecting Lorna to the pole beside her, Alex effortlessly was able to differentiate which one of them was the patient. Of course that only added to her concern. She hadn't seen or talked to Lorna since well before the whole foster family situation. Apparently quite a bit had happened since then, she now deemed.

"I only work here two mornings a week. Been doing this since my mom first got diagnosed with breast cancer—this was the hospital she was in and they took good care of her so I thought it'd be nice to work here while she was sick. And now it brings me a little comfort when I do. I still work at the coffee shop in town, Nicky, don't fret," Alex hurriedly assured with a slight shrug of her shoulders. A heavy sensation formed in her chest to bring up the recollection of her mom. It still stung to think about but each day it grew less and less.

Clearing her throat, she quickly settled on changing the topic and fixed her gaze on Lorna. "What brings the two of you here, huh?" Her hand gestured at the IV pole, "Are you okay, Lorna? How come you're in the hospital?" Eyes moved over to Nicky again, eyebrows subtly waggled.

Lorna tilted her head towards the ground and focused her stare there, too. She no longer had the desire to conversate with anyone. Especially not about the reasoning for her hospital stay. That was the absolute last thing she'd ever desire to discuss with anyone.

Squeezing her arm lovingly around her waist, Nicky sighed and returned Alex's concerned gaze. A faint, not quite eye-reaching, smile melded on her face. She knew what it was like to be left in the dark of things going on with the people she cared about and brought her other hand across to give her friend's shoulder a comforting pat. "It's a long story. Ya wanna come sit and have a coffee with us? If ya have time to, yeah?" Nicky gently offered.

"Well, I get off in about ten minutes so that would be perfect," the taller woman agreed with a nod of her head. She turned her head a small amount so that the coffee menu came in view of her peripheral vision and she held up her hands for the teens to see. "What kinda coffee do you two want? We have a couple different flavors for lattes, not nearly as many as the coffee shop but it's not the worst."

The shorter teen kept her head down and gripped tightly onto her IV pole. If it weren't for that damn bulky IV pole, she'd be long gone from that room. Or the entire hospital, honestly.

Nicky sadly watched Lorna retain her position without budging even a smidgen. She gave her waist a loving squeeze before returning her focus onto the woman behind the counter. Eyes quickly glanced over the menu to see if any of the latte flavors popped out to her as one that Lorna would pick and sighed. "I'll have my usual plain coffee and uh Lorna might like that Cinnamon Swirl latte," she said, shrugging her shoulders in concurrency with the latter statement.

The money was carefully handed over to Alex and she observed her prepare the two coffee beverages. It only took a matter of minutes until a pair of paper cups were being placed directly in front of her. She forced a smile to her face despite the lump sitting in the pit of her stomach, "Thanks, Vause. I need this caffeine so bad."

With Lorna seemingly oblivious to their conversation—but still to be on the safe side—Alex leaned over the counter so that her voice would only be loud enough for Nicky's ears to hear. "Are you two okay? Ya both look really drained, Nicky," she questioned, folding her arms attentively over her chest. Her eyes shifted casually between the two of them and a sigh came up through her larynx. "Whatever's going on, I hope you know I'm here for you. For both of you. I care about you two."

"We'll talk about it once ya get off work, Al. There's a lot going on. It's too much to say right now. Especially with other people moseying around, Lorna wouldn't be comfortable with me sayin' anything out here."

Alex nodded and placed a hand over Nicky's which laid atop the counter. A comforting smile along with a squeeze were given to the other's hand and face as they both held their stares in the same direction. "I understand," her voice softly assured and then she released her grasp from Nicky's hand altogether. "You two go find a table and once I clean up back here, I'll come join you."


Coffees were placed on the tabletop and Lorna rather timidly slid herself into the chair right across from where Nicky had chosen to sit. The cafeteria appeared a little less crowded than when they first came down, she quickly noted by scoping the room with frantic eyes. Conversations were indistinguishable but still picked up on by her ears as she settled herself in her seat. She swallowed thickly and turned her head back so she was facing the table she and Nicky were sat at.

"You okay, kiddo?"

Kiddo? The name repeated questionably through her mind. Her eyes squinted slightly and that must have been noticed by Nicky, she mentally formulated when she felt Nicky's hand reach across the table to cup against the flesh of her cheek. A bitter taste formed in her mouth and she did her best to swallow it down but to no avail. She sighed, lifting a hand to cautiously slick back her hair. "Do I look childish, hon?" The query came out and surprised even herself.

Brushing the tips of her fingers slowly up and down the length of Lorna's cheek, Nicky tilted her head while peering softly into her brown eyes. A gentle breath of air escaped from her. She shook her head with a frown melded upon her face. "No, doll, of course not. Is that—is that what's been bothering you? Is that why you've been so quiet since we got in line for the coffee?"

Tapping her fingers rhythmically against the plastic material of her coffee cup, the brunette bounced her shoulders in a shrug. There was so much buzzing through her mind that she had no idea what was truly bothering her. Or why such innocent gestures suddenly made her second guess every little thing. She drew in an elongated breath and bit down on her lower lip. Eyes kept their gaze on Nicky even though there was temptation to look away. To look into the abyss as she always so desired.

"No—well, I mean, I don't know. You, you called me kiddo just now and that's somethin' ya never did before so I just—I just thought that meant you think I'm childish or look childish. I don't know, I'm probably just being dumb. I'm real good at being dumb," the words came out faster with each sentence she spoke. Her breathing fastened to match and she felt like she could barely catch it. She squeezed her eyes shut but that didn't do much to relieve the sensation.

"Oh, Lorna," Nicky murmured, lovingly pressing the palm of her hand into the flesh of the cheek it remained framed around. Hearing the increasingly loud breathing, she slowly moved her hand up and down her face to bring her any form of easement she possibly could. "I don't think any of that about you, babe. I didn't call you kiddo out of spite or anything, it was just meant out of love for you. I'm sorry I made ya feel any other way. If it bothers you, I won't call you that. I don't want to ever make you feel uncomfortable."

A deep snuffle was sucked up through Lorna's nose. It hurt to hear Nicky apologize for something that wasn't even meant to upset her. Guilt found its way back as it always so easily had. She shook her head and reached up to cover her hand atop Nicky's, stroking her thumb over each one of her knuckles. "No, please—please don't be sorry, hon. I just—I'm, I don't know what's bothering me but it's not you. Everything…there's just so much in my head that even real simple things are getting under my skin and I don't know why. Am I losing it, Nicky? Is this what it feels like to go insane? Because I think I might be."

Opening her arms, Nicky waved a hand at the brunette and—once her attention was gained—she patted her hand on her chest as a nonverbal way of informing her to come sit with her. The frown on her face grew slightly when Lorna only bowed her head down and her body visibly trembled against the chair she sat on. "Come here, baby. Come snuggle with me—you look like that's exactly what ya need right now," she called out in a warm yet hushed voice, patting once more at her chest.

"S'okay, hon. I—I'm okay—"

"Baby, you're shaking. I mean you're shaking so bad the table's wobbling. Please come here. Come let me hold and rock you, Lorna."

"I'm okay, hon," Lorna repeated though the trembling of her voice contradicted her own comment. Her eyes stared widely ahead at the redhead but the room gradually started to spin the more she stared. She tried to force a smile to her face, however, was instead overcome by an intense wave of nausea from how much everything appeared to be spinning around her.

She gripped her hands on the edge of table, using it to push herself up with. The second she stood and tried to step forward the dizziness strengthened greatly. She could barely stand without the urge to vomit right then and there, let alone trying to take the few steps it was from her spot to Nicky's.

Without any hesitation or a single thought, Nicky jumped up from her chair and met Lorna where she stood. Hands carefully grabbed onto Lorna's shaky ones and she very gently, slowly, guided her to the other side of table which she had previously been occupying. She sat down again and tenderly pulled Lorna with her so that she had now been sitting atop her lap. Arms encircled securely around her body, embracing her closely against her chest and the crook of her neck. She rested her chin on the top of Lorna's head and slowly began rocking the two of them.

"No, you are not okay," Nicky firmly stated once she made sure the younger girl was comfortable and less shaky. She still had her arms wrapped protectively around her body but had her face lifted up a small amount in order for their eyes to be peering right into each other's. "You're not okay, Lorna, and that's okay. You're allowed to not be okay and admit that. You don't have to pretend. God, doll, you never have to pretend in front of me. I wish you'd believe that."

Their conversation was soon interrupted by the sound of footsteps approaching closer and closer to them. A chair creaked faintly against the floor and the pair of them both shifted their heads to see the culprit of such sound. Lorna felt a sense of relief to find Alex sitting down across from them—it gave a distraction from the topic and the emotions that heavily loomed around her. Nicky, on the other hand, sighed slightly but covered up her small amount of disdain with a merely genuine smile. It was nice to see her best friend of two years finally joining them.

The oldest of the three took a sip of her coffee once she'd gotten settled in her seat and looked concerningly between the others. A look she'd been giving them quite a bit that morning, she realized. She wouldn't be surprised if her face permanently froze with the concern expressed on it from how often she'd looked at her friends with such a mien. But this time the concern was even more intense as she observed the tear stains on Lorna's cheeks and the desperation on Nicky's. Clearly there was something highly amiss going on.

"So, either of you care to share what's happening?" Alex cautiously queried between sips of the warm beverage resting in her hands. Eyes shifting periodically between the teens. They lingered on the IV pole which sat to the side of Lorna, curious to know what the reason was behind her being a patient here.

Lorna bowed her head down, not in any mood to answer the question. She had enough of talking and explaining shit to everyone. All she wanted was to fucking go home. And not to the Chapman's fucking home, to her home with her real siblings. But, of course, none of that was going to happen. She didn't deserve good things, after all, so why should she be allowed to leave this god-awful hospital where many people probably died every single day and go to her own home with people who actually cared about her? People who weren't a stuck-up, rich, family that only took her in to make themselves look good. A faint scoff huffed from her and she shook her head distastefully. She was sick of it. She was sick of fucking all of it. No matter what she always ended up with the short end of the stick.

Another sigh came out and she did her best to shake herself out of her all-consuming thoughts. If she kept up with her refusal to say anything, everyone would start to believe she was truly and utterly crazy. Not just crazy but the kind of crazy that should be locked away in some facility with the key thrown out. Lorna certainly didn't want that to happen. So, despite the reluctance sitting in the pit of her stomach in the form of a knot, Lorna pushed through and decided it was in her best interest not to sit there like a damn lump.

"I, I don't know how to answer that question," Lorna finally voiced her response, shifting both shoulders up to either side of her face. Still situated on Nicky's lap and having her body securely wrapped in her arms, it was tempting for Lorna to lean her head back against Nicky's chest and hide away from reality but she refrained. Instead she bit down on her tongue and drew in a deep breath. She truly was at a loss for the words to properly respond with.

Tightening her arms around her waist, Nicky lovingly rested her chin on the top of her head while peering straight across the table at Alex. The woman who appeared rather puzzled and unsure of how to help. A sad smile formed from the corners of her lips. "Yeah, a lot's going on, Vause. Ya might wanna be a little more specific with your question," she tried to helpfully point out, running a hand lovingly through her girlfriend's thick head of hair.

Alex nodded attentively, bringing her coffee up for a quick sip. "Okay," she softly started after replacing her cup onto the surface of the table. Her legs shifted position, crossing the one that was resting on the floor onto the one which previously had been in said spot. She moved her eyes slowly from Nicky back onto Lorna. It wasn't much of a challenge for her to notice the slight agony oozing from her brown eyes. "Can we maybe start with why you're in the hospital, Lorna? Are ya hurt, what's wrong?"

The sensation of Lorna's body fidgeting against her lap instantly widened the frown on Nicky's face. She pulled her closer and gradually began to sway back and forth with her.

Nicky's gentle motion was soothing and had the ability to calm her a tiny bit but wasn't sufficient to cease her fidgeting entirely. Eyebrows arched up and down a couple of times as she pondered on what to say. Obviously she knew it would be rather dumb of her to not answer truthfully since Nicky was sitting right there with her and would, without a doubt, correct her if she chose to go the pretending route. She reached a hand up to her forehead and habitually pushed back her hair.

Eyes focused on her coffee and she snatched it a little more violently than needed. It was lifted up to her lips for a long, exaggerated, sip—mostly as a way to prolong from giving an answer. She sighed, swallowing down the warm liquid in a thick manner. Once she set the cup back down, she slowly twisted her neck around as if to crack it but really was only to distract herself from her thoughts and Alex's questions. Alex's many questions she recalled.

"I'm um here because…erm why am I here?" Lorna swallowed uneasily, shifting her body slightly despite having her girlfriend's arms secured around it. Why was she here? Her mind quickly became immersed with the question. Of course—with her self-loathing working full force—the question echoed through her mind in a way that emphasized more than just here at the hospital but here in existence at all. Why was she here on this Earth? Why did Lorna Morello have to exist to begin with?

"You, you don't know why you're here?" The older woman unnervingly inquired. Eyebrows curved up above her eyes and she gradually averted them up onto Nicky, giving her a vastly worried glance. She subtly furrowed her brows at the girl hoping she might be able to shed some light on the matter.

The gesture had not gone unnoticed by Lorna. But she chose not to say anything about it. She let her eyes focus downward so that they were peering at the still untouched granola bar which sat right in front of the paper cup of coffee. An innate finger went to touch the plastic wrapper covering the bar, crinkling it as she did so. Her shoulders bounced into a curt shrug. She was here on false accusations, she thought. Yet, she wouldn't allow that thought to be voiced out loud. It wouldn't go over well with Nicky and she wasn't in the head-space to argue over it.

Fingers tapped numbly against the sides of the disposable cup in front of her. "Oh, sorry, ya meant here as in the hospital. My mind's all over the place. I don't know. I guess to be safe. I just kinda passed out the other day and I guess it worried my sista and Nicky so here I am. But I'm fine. I should be getting outta here soon—today, hopefully," the words came out in a nonchalant fashion; her head moved around her neck almost with each word she spoke and her shoulders shifted up at the same rate.

Blinking her eyes at what Lorna chose to answer with, Nicky had to bite down on her tongue to keep from impulsively saying anything back to her. A deep breath of air was slowly taken in through the nostrils of her nose and shortly after was exhaled through her mouth. She took the time to remind herself Lorna meant well but clearly wasn't in her right frame of mind and therefore it wouldn't be fair for her to try to fight her on what she said. Sure, it was partially true but of course there were several minute details left out. Which Lorna was all to good at doing, Nicky sighed.

Finally receiving the revelation for why Lorna had been in the hospital, blue eyes rapidly widened on Alex's face. A frown also naturally molded itself to it. That was an answer she hadn't been expecting to hear—well, the more her mind pondered the more she realized she had no true idea what kind of a response she was expecting to hear. "You passed out? Where? How come, what made ya pass out? That's awful…I'm sorry, Lorna."

"Too many questions. Too many," the brunette muttered out, eyes refusing to make contact with neither Alex's nor Nicky's. That would only intensify how overwhelmed she felt sitting there. Fortunately with the way she was sitting on Nicky's lap, it wasn't hard to not make eye contact with her but because Alex was directly across from her Lorna had to deliberately keep her focus elsewhere.

Nicky ran her hands warmly up and down the sides of Lorna's body to ease the noticeably building tension within her. She pressed her chin softly into the scalp on the top of her head where it was resting against. "Are you okay with me answering her questions, kid? I know it's difficult for you to share what's happening but Alex is our friend and she just wants to be here for ya. The more people who are here for ya and are willing to help the less alone you'll feel, ya know?"

Saliva pooled at the bottom of her mouth near her tongue and she swallowed it uneasily down. What Nicky said was only the truth and yet it wasn't enough to convince Lorna to say anything. Because deep down she knew no matter what anyone told her, she would never be worthy of their willingness to be there for her or their care or their love or anything that would benefit her. She wasn't a good person. She was damaged and no one should have to be around someone like her. Someone fucking damaged and bad.

She forced herself out of her spiraling thoughts and slightly turned her head in order to look Nicky in the eyes. Despite the frown which now settled on her face, Lorna gave a small nod to wordlessly give her permission to Nicky's request.

Tilting her head, Nicky felt her heart constrict to take note of the frown on the younger's face. Instinctively, she placed one of her hands on the flesh right beside her lips and stroked the palm of it soothingly around the area. "Hey, you're allowed to have people who care about you. You need that, doll," she softly spoke, brushing her thumb delicately from one side of her face to the other. It wasn't much longer before her forehead was lovingly pressing up against Lorna's. "It's so, so, sadly obvious you don't care about yourself. So the second best thing is to have other people around who do care about you and who want to help you through all this, yeah babe?"

"I—I don't know, Nicky. I just want to get out of this hospital and go home. But I can't go home because the stupid dumb state thinks my sista ain't responsible enough to let me live with her even though she been raisin' her son on her own for the past three years. But yeah she ain't responsible. I hate this. I hate it all, Nicky. I just want my life to be normal again. I haven't felt like a normal person in so long that I can't—I can't fucking remember how to feel normal."

Both Alex and Nicky watched her with melancholic eyes. It was blatant that Lorna finally appeared to be at breaking point. Which, in her case, was either a great thing or meant a catastrophe was headed their way. Only time would tell which one it would be.

Cradling Lorna's face in her hands, Nicky gazed intensely into her eyes as a way to precisely observe every part of it. Hoping to find what emotions might be felt by her or possibly what thoughts were whirling around her mind. It was wishful thinking on her behalf to believe any of that would magically come to the surface only from her staring the girl over but it certainly hadn't stopped her from trying, at least.

Their foreheads had still been resting atop one another which made it rather easy for Nicky to notice the loose strands of hair falling over Lorna's eyes—somber eyes now holding tears in them—and she brought a hand up to gently stroke the hair away with. Lips soothingly pressed onto the flesh of one of her cheeks a mere inch or two from the corner of Lorna's mouth. A gesture she chose to take part in out of the hopes of bringing some amount of comfort to her distressed girlfriend.

"I'm sorry, kid, so sorry. I know life has been sucky for ya lately and it's not fucking fair at all," Nicky spoke up once she'd found the will to do so again. After swallowing her own emotions the best she could. She knew it wouldn't help any if she allowed what she was feeling to get in the way of comforting Lorna. Lorna didn't need the stress of her anger, she acknowledged, especially when that anger was not meant for her. She bit down on her lip and inhaled slowly, one of the only gestures that seemed to help keep the bubbling fury from expressing itself.

Her throat was silently cleared and she gently nuzzled her nose against Lorna's. It weighed heavily on her heart knowing and seeing how emotionally drained and exhausted Lorna was from everything piling up on her the past several weeks. Lorna was the last person who deserved all this shit that life was fucking incessantly throwing at her. It boiled her blood watching what her beloved girlfriend had to constantly endure. She wanted to get revenge on anything and anyone who caused her Lorna pain but sighed at the thought. The thought wasn't plausible—it wouldn't really do anything but probably wind her up in juvie and leave Lorna to fend for herself. Both of which she did not want to happen so she would have to refrain herself from going the revenge path.

After exhaling out a breath, Nicky settled on putting her energy into comforting and soothing away all of Lorna's franticness. Or at least that was the goal, she wasn't sure if she'd actually be able to comfort all of it away but even if she could diminish some amount of her girlfriend's suffering she felt that would be a win. "I promise life isn't gonna be like this forever, doll. Things will get better."

"Yeah? How—when?" The queries came out slightly more bitter than Lorna would have liked. Immediately regret set in but she swallowed it down. Or tried to swallow it down, anyway. The exasperation was too much for her to stay seated any longer, her body felt suffocated; she pushed herself up—and of course such decision caused even more guilt to arise—and stood there right beside the chair Nicky remained in. Lower lip sucked in beneath her top one as she contemplated what to do next.

A sigh came from Nicky's windpipe. "Lorna, come on. You need to sit down and relax. You're in no shape to be pacing around. I understand you're upset but that doesn't mean you oughta pace around the room and—"

"I pace around like a lunatic, is that what ya were gonna say? It's okay, hon, I know I'm messed up. I'm so sorry. I really am. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't understand. I feel crazy. I am crazy, aren't I?"

Having watched the interaction between her friends without a word for the past few minutes, Alex decided maybe it would help—or at least she hoped so—if she stepped in. She stood up from her chair, after sharing a look with Nicky and receiving a nod to her wordless offer, and cautiously walked over to where Lorna stood. A gentle hand was placed on her shoulder. Now that she was directly in front of her it was easy for her to observe the deeply hidden heartache in her eyes and upon her face. It was a familiar heartache, one she experienced when she watched Mrs. Vause pass away over a year ago and still, now, it would come up when she least expected it.

No wonder Lorna appeared to be all over the place right now. Grief sure had a way of taking a toll on those who struggled with it, she distastefully thought. It took one on her, too, immediately after her mom's passing she knew and it wasn't shocking it was doing the same with Lorna. She sighed and patted her hand softly against the shoulder it was covering atop. "I kinda know how you're feeling, Lorna. Losing a parent isn't easy at all. I still struggle with the grief of my mom's death. And yours only happened a few months ago—it's a process, the grief and dealing with it—"

The comment had the young teen's head shaking quite rapidly. She backed away slightly and waved a hand swiftly about in the air. "Eight months. Eight months. That's how much time has passed since—since my mom, since she was fucking unfairly taken from me. My mom, she was the nicest person and-and the one person who, who, the one person," sniffles and cries took over and halted her from speaking.

It took several breaths before Lorna was able to collect herself enough to continue talking in a coherent manner. Tears were leaking along her cheeks by that point and there wasn't any way for her to stop them. "She, she was the one person…the one person who truly cared about—about me. And, and," a snuffle shook out of her, momentarily pausing the words. "and now she's gone but, but my dad. My dad—he gets to have a second chance at life? I just… I want him to switch places with my mom. She's the only, the only one who fucking deserves a second chance at life. She should be here, should be the one getting a new liver to save her life. Not my dad. It's not fucking fair."

Alex opened her mouth to say something but they were both swiftly interrupted by a random blonde girl briskly making her way over towards where they stood.

The closer the girl got the easier it was for Lorna to recognize exactly who she was. And when she did, she felt every inch of her body freeze along with the color from her skin vastly drain away. How the hell was it even possible for Annalisa to have known she was in the hospital? How could she possibly have such luck that Annalisa would find her in the hospital cafeteria? Lorna's mind swirled with unnerving questions as she swallowed thickly the saliva in her mouth.

A smirk formed on the blonde's face once she was standing right in front of Lorna and could better observe the fear emanating from hers. "Little Morello in the hospital?"