Never stand begging for that which you have the power to earn.
Miguel de Cervantes
Chapter Nine: Anything Amiss
Emily spent Saturday with Sophie Robillard enjoying a walk along the river to a part of Rouen where shops clustered along a medieval street displayed some of the finest porcelains and lace in the city. Choosing a small tea room, they sat down and ordered refreshments.
"Emily, I want to know what Monsieur is like," Sophie asked. "You don't have to tell me anything that might get you into trouble with him, but I only know what Phillipe tells me."
"Well, I have conversed a bit with him of course; all of it is business though." She sat and thought for a moment. "M. Dugast said something interesting about him, that he is like a puppeteer; he pulls the strings for others. I can see that. It is as if he has already thought everything through and we are just playing the parts he wants us to."
Sophie frowned. "You mean he is just using everyone?"
"No. I think for him to 'use' someone he will make them into the tool he needs." At the confusion on Sophie's' face, Emily added, "For instance, I think he will prepare Phillipe to be ready to face what ever challenges are coming to him."
Sophie seemed to relax. "That is good; I know Phillipe works hard for him." She stopped and considered a moment. "What do you think of him personally?"
"I think he could be hard to deal with. He does have this air of command about him, he expects to be obeyed. I understand that he doesn't leave his home. That puts him in the position as well to have to rely on other people. I don't think he would give out his trust lightly."
"And the mask?" Sophie asked.
"That is hard to describe. I am sure it makes him the way he is. What ever he feels he needs to cover up must be why he has built this shell around himself. It covers half of his face and seems to be made of something soft, maybe leather. It is surprising, but you just get used to it being a part of him." Emily shrugged a shoulder. "He seems an attractive man otherwise."
"I don't mean to pry, but you are divorced. Are you happy this way?"
Emily smiled. "Oh Sophie, I am not happy this way. But that is the way it must be." As Sophie had never been married, Emily told her a little of what had happened and why she felt she would never re-marry.
At the end of the day Sophie invited Emily to stop by the house and meet her Mother. They also saw Phillipe who told Emily that Javier had arranged for a carriage to pick them up for the trip to Jumieges. At the last, Emily asked, "Can Sophie come with us?"
Sophie was surprised, but Phillipe said, "I don't see why not."
Erik worked in his study until his eyes grew tired. He moved over to his chair by the fireplace and picked up the Rouen paper. This was the first day that he had not had personal reports or the schedule of Emily Griggs to know where she was. He knew she would spend the day with Sophie Robillard and hoped that Phillipe would get her back to the hotel.
He still had a hard time believing that people would assume he had a mistress. As Emily had said, people liked a story or some bit of embellished gossip. It must be natural for some men to keep a woman, singly or in addition to a wife. He knew from listening in on people that not all marriages were happy.
Why had Emily divorced? How long did it take people to realize that it wasn't going to work? He knew not everyone got married for love, was that the case for Emily? He could not understand that, would not have attributed Emily with doing something so cavalier.
He thought of Christine. He had loved her for so long he did not even remember when it had begun. First as his student, his one point of contact with a human being who did not run away in horror of him. Then as he watched her mature, her body filling out into the soft curves of womanhood, he could remember wanting to share that exquisite and mysterious body. As she became accomplished, hanging on the every instruction of her Angel of Music, he began to maneuver her into the Opera's spot light. His creation, his beautiful Angel, the mate his soul longed for, moved onto center stage and into the arms of another man.
He watched her become confused; seeking the boys' arms rather than his. His anger had driven him to try to kill Roul. He had made other mistakes as well. He never told her his name, never took the time to build on the seduction. He never told her that he loved her until the end.
If he had the chance to start over, would he have been able to take her away from her lover? It was a question that tortured him because the answer was elusive after all his lonely days.
Could she like Persephone, descend into the underworld to live with her husband Hades, and then return to the living world again? What bargain would they strike to maintain a balance she could live with? Would she have born children to him, to grow in his eternal darkness? He had not allowed for that. He would want them safe and happy, living in the world above, able to enjoy the things he had been denied.
He sat in his comfortable home. In a way it was exchanging one prison for another. He had more freedom, he had people who he could rely upon, but he was always the one left behind alone. It took four years of clawing his way to this spot, to find some comfort and acceptance, to find the security he now enjoyed. What did he still want?
He loved Christine, he always would. She was inside him like the air he breathed. Although air was essential to life, it did not fill his arms. It did not wait for him, share with him or love him in return. The spirit of Christine would be there, he could feel her more acutely sometimes, and wonder if it was because she was thinking of him. She came to him in dreams as well. At first the dreams of despair, of having to let her go over and over again, then the dreams changed. As he had been her Angel of Music, she was becoming his Angel of Life. She helped shape his dreams into a pattern for him to follow to climb out of the darkness. She had come to him the other night, warning him of the danger to Emily.
He wished he could ask her, what now? Am I still the desperate man lost in darkness, or am I a man worth loving?
The trip to the village of Jumieges was blessed by the warmest day Emily had experienced since arriving in France. When they were out from the last part of Rouen, Emily had Javier pull off the road by a field. Alighting from the carriage, she told Phillipe to retrieve the pistols from under the seat. From the way he carried them, it was easy to see that Phillipe was going to have a hard time getting comfortable around them. She handed Javier and Phillipe each an unloaded colt and told them to follow her further into the field.
"There are three basic things you need to learn." Emily began. "First, you never pull one of these out unless you are ready to use it. Second, you should always stand so your body is turned away from the gun." She took Phillipe's colt and held it out in her right hand, turning her body so that he body faced away with her head turned in alignment to the gun. "This is so you present a smaller target. If the other person has a weapon, it will do you no good to get shot first." She took the pistol in her left hand, mimicking the grip with her right. "Third, you squeeze," she slowly drew her trigger finger closed, "never jerk. You will only make your shot go wild."
She handed the gun back to Phillipe, picked up a box of bullets and instructed them on how to load the gun. Once loaded she had them pick a target fairly close by, and instructed them on how to learn to sight the gun. As the first shots rang out, she glanced at Sophie who had covered her ears, but looked amazed at the spectacle of her brother actually firing a gun.
She assisted each of them with some things she noticed they would need to learn to shoot more accurately. As they returned to the carriage Emily asked Sophie, "Would you like to shoot it once?" She shook her head no, but looked at Phillipe. "Come on, Sophie! It's loud, but you should try it."
Javier handed her out of the carriage and gave her the pistol he carried. Taking a few steps away, Emily joined her and helped her steady her arm and told her to take a deep breath, slowly let it out and squeeze. The Colt jumped in Sophie's hand as it recoiled but she managed to hold on to it. "Oh my God, that was, well it was, it was loud, and it was…oh, it jumped and I nearly dropped it." Fanning her face Sophie handed it over to a smiling Javier.
The people of Jumieges turned out in the square, on all manner of carriage, wagon, cart, and horse. Bringing some simple tools and aprons, everyone pitched in to start the planting and clearing.
At the end of the afternoon tables were brought out from local shops and food began to be set out. A pig was roasted in the square and blankets were spread on the ground for everyone to sit on. After the meal the tables were cleared and a makeshift band was assembled, playing on the violin, and concertina. Dancing commenced along with drinking and it was not long before Javier came to ask Sophie to dance. Javier called to Phillipe who was chatting up a lovely looking girl from the village. "Phillipe! Help me here, Sophie says she can't dance!"
Sophie was blushing profusely and trying to get away from Javier, who had gripped her hand. "Oh no you don't," he said shaking a finger at her. "I know that anyone as pretty as you has to have danced before."
Sophie had seen how Javier had shamelessly flirted with all the women in the square, but it still made her feel wonderful that such a handsome man would care to dance with her. "Alright, but I'm not very good at it," she said quietly.
Javier stepped closer and smiled. "Querida, I will be happy to instruct you."
Emily watched the two of them together after that noticing how Javier had spent more time and attention on Sophie. Although he still flattered other women, he always came back to Sophie.
As they dropped off Phillipe and Sophie, Javier invited them as well as Emily to a dinner the next week at his parent's home. "My mother cooks the most amazing Paella this side of the Mediterranean." They finally all agreed to come and Javier took Emily back to her hotel.
As they pulled up to the front of the building Javier said, "I want to ask you something Emily. How are you getting along with the Monsieur?"
"Alright, I suppose. I haven't seen much of his infamous temper yet."
"Let me tell you this. I have known him longer than Phillipe, but still do not know his entire life story. I can't say if anyone does." He looked at her for a moment. "Be careful Emily. I think he would do anything to protect you. I just don't know if he can protect himself from you."
Emily was strangely touched by Javier's words. "Javier, I would be very flattered if he," she stopped not knowing how to say what was in her heart. "I can't though. I can't get married again."
"Emily, why, what happened to you?"
She did not know why she felt like telling him. "It's not what happened, it's what didn't happen." She paused then finally told him, "In six years of marriage I never had a baby. I don't think I can."
"And what if that didn't matter to him?"
"I don't know. There was a man who was interested in me after the divorce. He proposed rather quickly after we met, so I was forced at that point to tell him that I might not be able to have children. He was furious. He accused me of presenting myself as something other than what I really was." She wiped at her eyes. "That's Emily for you; I always have to learn the hard way."
Javier reached out and hugged her around the shoulders. "Take your time then Emily. He has waited this long, he will wait longer. See what happens, eh?" He gave her another hug and a quick kiss on the cheek, then got down from the carriage and helped her get her pistols.
As Javier drove the carriage away a shadow detached itself from the building at the end of the street and followed.
Javier entered Erik's house with his front door key. There was one small light in the hallway with which to make his way to the stairs. If Erik was still here, he would be in his study.
Knocking softly at the door, Javier waited a moment then opened the door slowly. The burning fire gave the only light in the room. From its small flames, light pierced the darkness and made grotesque giants of the shadow of the piano.
He glanced briefly at the desk. Hearing only the tick of the clock, he prepared to turn and leave when he heard Erik's voice. "I am here."
With his hand still on the door knob, Javier reported, "Just checking in to let you know we returned from the trip to Jumieges."
"And what did you find while you were there?" Erik asked in a flat voice.
"I didn't turn up anything new. I talked again to a few of the people who helped with the boat. I don't know if Phillipe got anything. He will be in of course, tomorrow morning."
"Of course, the morning," the voice repeated slowly.
Javier felt a chill moving down his back. Although there was no tone, no emotion to Erik's voice, he sensed there was something very wrong. He paused a moment. Erik did not speak again. Undecided, he finally had to ask, "Is there anything amiss?"
Erik stepped out of the shadows near the windows, startling Javier; he had though he was in the chair near the fire. He was dressed as Charles Martin, his one uncovered eye an eerie glowing gold in the light of the fire.
"Anything amiss?" Erik repeated, almost a whisper. The two men stood at opposite sides of the room. Javier waited for Erik to say something, anything that might tell him what had happened.
Finally Javier had to ask, "Erik, what is it?"
Erik moved out of the shadows. He paced casually over to the gas light near his chair and turned it up. Although the light was still weak, the sudden illumination made Javier blink. Growing tired of what ever mood Erik was in Javier finally spat, "Tell me what is wrong."
"Why don't you tell me about your trip?" Erik clasped his hands behind his back and started walking slowly passed the end of the couch to where Javier waited by the door.
"My friend, if there is something wrong just tell me. Don't circle around what ever it is that's bothering you."
"Bothering me," Erik echoed. He stopped still a moment.
Javier waited; Erik was once again a shadowy form with the light glowing behind him. Growing frustrated of this game, Javier blurted, "Damn it Erik, what is it?"
"Oh, you know, curiosity," Erik's voice was like silk. "Was there dancing, was there drinking, did Madame have a good time?"
The two men stood watching each other. Javier getting angrier at this play on words that Erik had begun. "Is it something to do with Emily? Have you found something out?"
He could almost hear the smile forming around Erik's reply. "Not as much evidently as you have Monsieur."
Javier knew instantly what was wrong. Erik had been there, somewhere. He grew tired of this game of intimidation. "What do you want to know?"
"To know," the voice repeated. "What can one tell another with one's lips?"
Javier knew then that Erik must have seen them talking in the carriage and the kiss he gave her. He planted his hands on his hips and leaned forward. "Erik, I have worked for you, and fought for you, spent days and nights on the river with you. But this," he paused raising a hand, "is not something that I can tell you." Javier saw the slight turn of his head and the movement of Erik's arms. He seem to be doing something with his hands in the darkness. "Erik, I mean it. If you want her, you have to go after her. You cannot rely on Phillipe and me to do it for you. You can't ask us to be parts of you in this." He paused, as he could see a movement and something appeared to sweep by, landing softly on the desk behind him.
Erik had flung the lasso onto the desk and turned away from the man who had been the closest thing to a brother he had in his life. The blinding anger he felt now draining out of him leaving a hollow space. "She said she was not available."
Javier relaxed a little; "She has a reason to say this. I can not tell you exactly why, because she will know that I told you and it will not go well for you." He paused to let Erik think on what he was saying.
Erik turned back to Javier, in a low voice he said, "I am not.." his hand slowly moved towards his mask.
Javier interrupted. "You have to talk to her. You can only offer who and what you are, if she finds she wants this, love will come. But you have to start by opening up your heart to her." Javier knew he had said enough. "I'll see you in the morning." He left quietly, leaving this strange man to his own thoughts.
Erik stood staring at the gas light. How could he tell her? He thought he could hear music in the distance.
