Chapter 9
I remember the night when I almost kissed her
Yeah, I kinda freaked out, we been friends for forever
And I always wondered if she felt the same way
When I got the invite, I knew it was too late —Marry Me, Thomas Rhett
Bella
Seth and I were out on the dance floor when Lauren showed up. She sashayed through the heavy doors like she was the bell of the ball, draped on the arm of a loser I recognized from school. He wasn't even cute.
I glanced at Seth. He shifted his eyes away from them, pretending he wasn't watching.
"It's okay, Seth."
"It is... okay." The exaggerated smile he summoned did a poor job covering his vulnerable state. "I really don't even care. I mean, I do a little, but it's not like I loved her."
"I know, but you guys went out for a long time."
A spark of humor ignited his eyes. "In dog years."
I giggled. "I'm just saying. It's okay to hurt over a breakup. Three months is... Well, like you said. It's..." I did the dog-year math. "Twenty-one months. Almost two years. So, yeah. Long time in dog or teenager-dating years."
He lit with a truer grin. "Honest, Bella. I'm fine."
I didn't believe him. Glancing back at Lauren, I scowled. Self-absorbed girls like her irked me in the worst way. Hanging against him, I buried my nose into his neck. I guess I tickled him because he laughed. "Stop, Bella. You don't have to." He pulled away, looking at my face.
"Stop what?"
"You're trying to make her jealous, aren't you?"
"I am. She deserves it. He's a loser, and you're so much better than him."
He leaned back in surprise at my comment, which, in turn, surprised me.
"Thanks, but I don't need to play games with her. I'm having a great time."
Unable to tell what smiles were real or faked, I raised my brow. "Are you sure?"
"Positive."
"All right, but I'm still getting her jealous, Seth." It was better than Leah kicking her ass.
Placing my nose back into his neck, I tickled him some more until he laughed, and I felt him giving into the charade by holding me tighter and breathing into my hair. Happy to help, I smiled against his shoulder. To spice up the scene, I grabbed a hold of his hand as we exited the dance floor.
Before long, Lauren couldn't take her eyes from us. We sat together, holding hands, and Seth pretended he only had eyes for me. She looked furious, and seeing her annoyed yet envious expression gave me an enormous sense of satisfaction. We were doing a spectacular job. So much so, my friend Angela came up to us. "If I didn't know the truth, I'd think you were an actual couple. Seth looks completely into you, Bella."
Seth and I exchanged a startled glance. I felt myself blush, and he laughed and said, "Hey, I'm an excellent actor. What else can I say?"
He reminded me so much of Jacob sometimes. His words, though, reminded me why we were together. When Angela roamed away, I tried, again, to get him to open up. "You can talk to me if you need someone to talk to, Seth."
Nodding, he turned away and an awkward air of quietness passing through the moment caused me to explain further. "I guess I just don't understand why its expected for guys to be tough about things like breakups. I mean. A girl can cry about it with no judgement. But guys have to hold it all in, stay strong, suck it up and..." Realizing my rambling made me lose my thought. "And..."
"Rub some dirt in it," we both said, then broke with laughter.
I latched onto the ridiculous clichés as a joke, because it was all that came to mind. But it was strangely rewarding how he'd said the same thing at the same time.
After we stopped chuckling, he said, "So, you're saying that I'd feel better if I cried?"
I gave myself a moment for consideration. "I think I'm saying that... I'd feel better if you cried."
He grinned.
"I'm kidding."
"Good. Cause I'm feeling nowhere near a cry."
From that moment, Seth and I danced every slow dance they played, hardly leaving the other's side. Hanging out with him and my other friends made me feel great. And at some point, Seth's good mood became authentic. But because I was enjoying myself, I couldn't have pinpointed when. Or, when I forgot about Lauren.
I noticed him scoping out the line for pictures in front of the Christmas tree. "Do you want to get a picture together?" he asked. "I'll pay for it."
I must have eyed the line for a little too long trying to decide the best time to do it because he said, "It's okay if you don't want to get a picture. We don't have to. I just thought for charity and all."
"Of course, I want to capture a memory of us. I was just wondering if the line would get any shorter later."
His chest deflated, so I gathered he'd felt worried. I hooked his arm with mine and said, "Let's go, but I'll buy one and you buy one. So we can each have our own."
He grinned and looked genuinely happy.
In the middle of another dance, he asked, "Are you interested in anyone around here?"
"Around here?"
"Around anywhere. Around Forks, I guess."
"Uh..." I stalled for a second, ultimately deciding to tell him the truth. It was a strange new sort of connection between us. "He's not around."
"Really? Around where? Around here?" He waved his stretched-out arm about the room, brimming with curiosity. "Who is he? What's his name?"
I tried to imagine Seth's reaction to it being Jacob, warming at his penetrating glare of interest.
"Can you keep a secret?"
"Sure, sure." He had a partial grin on his otherwise serious expression, but I didn't doubt he was being honest.
I wanted to tell him, confide in someone close to Jacob with a unique insight into Jacob's feelings. "It's..."
His eyes widened in suspense.
"Um, it's..." Wavering, I tried to spit Jacob's name from the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't get it to roll out. My lips refused to let go of my secret. It was too unlike me to open to anyone about Jacob. "I can't say. I'm sorry."
Jacob would be home for Christmas in two days. I learned from listening to Emmett and observing the male species; guys moved on quick when a girl couldn't keep their attention. If Jacob moved on, I didn't want him to find out I still liked him. I wasn't clear where things stood between us. He had called the house, never asking to talk with me. Sometimes, I got a hello passed on to me. That wasn't enough to go on. But I held on tightly to the last time I saw him.
"Ah, come on, Bella. You can't give me that much and then leave me hanging."
"It's just that I've kept it to myself for so long."
"Are you saying he doesn't know?"
"I'm not sure. I thought he did once. A long time ago. I wouldn't want to force the issue with him. What if he said he didn't feel the same? At least this way I can hope. You know what I mean?"
"Actually, I know what you mean. It'll never happen to you, though," he said, with confidence. "I'll bet you any amount of money that any guy you're interested in will jump for joy to hear about it."
I rolled my eyes. "You're just biased because you're my friend."
"Don't believe me then." He shrugged.
The song ended. Hands clasped, we walked back to the table, and I realized how easily we talked all evening. "Seth, I'm glad I came with you tonight. I haven't had this much fun in months."
"I think none of us have." He pointed to Leah and Jasper. "What are they doing over there?"
I cracked up. "It looks like bad impersonations of Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears."
We laughed at them while they laughed at each other, continuing to watch as a popular girl from my grade interrupted them. It appeared she asked Jasper to dance, and he said yes.
Seth and I both turned our heads toward each other, making eye contact, and like a blinding flash of light in a pitch-dark room, he kissed me. Flabbergasted, I jerked my head back, hardly recalling the feel of his lips on mine, but he tasted rather good. My face flamed red.
Seth snapped to wide-eyed innocence. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to do that." He scanned the room. "She was looking!"
There wasn't a hint of color on his cheeks, but his expression said it all. I shifted in Lauren's direction. She was gawking at us with a face as shocked as mine must have been.
"Bella, I hope you're not mad."
A bit dazed, I shook my head. "Surprised is all." He could have warned me.
Jake appeared in my mind. What'll he think when he hears about it? I observed the room, cupping my blushing face in my hands. Only Lauren seemed to be paying attention to us. It happened so fast, maybe no one else saw. The thought calmed me. "It's okay. I understand. But... can we keep this just between us?"
"Sure... yeah... the guy... right. Yeah. Okay." He sounded so nervous, I smiled. As I smiled, he smiled, bringing forth the hilarity of it. Laughter emerged between us, and Seth took a breath of relief. Leah approached us from behind, so we slowed our laughs to chuckles and forgot about it.
On our way home while Jasper and Leah argued about who had the better dance moves, Seth leaned over and whispered into my ear. "I promise I won't say anything to anybody."
Behind their backs, I reached for Seth's hand, squeezed it, and smiled at him, so that he'd stop worrying about it. "I know. I trust you."
