BITTERSWEET STRUGGLE-2
Hello my dear people. After a break I'm back again to continue the story, which gives me thrills of excitement, because I have quite a few ideas for next chapters. Thank you for all the reviews and all the support you gave me so far. I would just like to underline, that I don't know much about the symptoms of palsy, so they may not be accurate in this story. I hope it won't bother you that much.
Elsie was confused about Charles's behavior in the recent time. Something was very different. She couldn't really tell what it was, but she felt, like he was drifting apart from her and it caused a great pain in her heart. They've been married only for few months, but without any hesitation, she would tell everyone, that it was the happiest time of her life.
She had no idea how was she able to live with him, but really without him for so many years. All those little joys of living together, mutual dinners, their book reading at the sofa, their long talks in front of the fire. Ever since they got married and lived together in the cottage, they were practically inseparable, once they've crossed the treshold of the cottage. They did everything together.
To Elsie's great joy, Charles became more involved in domestic duties, after a lesson, that she and Mrs Patmore taught him and he was no longer avoiding helping her, understanding, that they both should be involved.
Of course he was still very bad at making meals, but things like washing the dishes, drying them or putting them to the cupboards, or even ocassionaly helping Elsie with cleaning, was something that he got used to and Elsie praised his help everytime, as she discovered, that this is the most effective way for Charles to do it again.
Besides the duties that they were sharing in the cottage, Elsie couldn't been more happy about other things that they shared as married couple too. Their closeness was unbeliavable and she often asked herself, if it was all real, or was she living in some kind of magical dream, which will soon end.
Charles turned out to be such loving, caring and tender husband. At the Abbey, they kept their professional distance, but in their own, private space, they didn't spare each other soft kisses, gentle touches and all kinds of tendernes..
Their intimate life- the part of the marriage that she was so dreading before they got married, was actually the thing that she couldn't imagine to live without right now. Charles was so incredibly sweet, loving and gentle and he made her wait for those moments with impatience. He made her feel things, that she had no idea about before she married him, things that she always thought will never be a part of her life.
They showed their love not only in their marital bed, but also outside of it. When they were alone in the cottage, they were recompensing themselves the lack of closeness from the Abbey and they both loved it.
Unfortunately now, Elsie found a change in Charles, which made her very restless. He seemed more tired, impatient and sour in the recent days. Elsie already knew the full range of his moods. She was aware, that he could be really grumpy at times, but somehow it was all different now.
She noticed, that he became much sharper to the staff and less tolerant for their mistakes.
After they got married and their sweet life of newlyweds began to blossom, Elsie thought, that Charles was getting more soft and understanding, at least that's how she was trying to make him, explaining him many times, that he should be more tolerant to human's weaknesses.
He seemed to understand that, but now it felt like he got back to the same point. Elsie also noticed, that he delegated more task to the footmen, instead of doing everything he could on his own, like before, as he always repeated her, that he prefers to make sure that everything was done properly, rather than leave important things in the hands of the footmen, who were not as involved as he was, in the everyday life at the Abbey.
What was even worse, was that Elsie noticed, that the change didn't only concerned his professional life, but also their private life. She felt like he was moving away from her. He distinctly avoided closeness with her and that hurt her heart deeply.
Their sitting together under one, warm blanket, reading books, has almost not occurred now and last night, in their bed, he was avoiding their night cuddles, which never happened in the past.
Elsie was suffering in silence, being afraid to ask him about the reason, as she was terrified, thinking that the black scenario could be true. He felt disappointed with her in some way and maybe he even regretted marrying her. Elsie could almost swallow her tears, trying to cope with her inner pain. She had no idea how to resolve this situation.
At the Abbey
Elsie was just in the kitchen, with Mrs Patmore, where she was writing down the recipe for one of favorite's dishes of Charles-she was planning to make it for dinner soon, to make his mood a little better. Today, he was in a really bad one. They hardly spoke in the morning and as soon as they arrived to the Abbey, all day Elsie could hear him barking commands to the staff and hiding in his pantry, she didn't want to ask him here, what is happening, she promised herself to do it later, when they will go back home.
As they were chatting joyfully with Mrs Patmore, suddenly she heard Charles's loud steps in the hall and heard him walking towards the kitchen. Elsie turned around, wanting to tell him, that in few more minutes they can go back home, but she swiftly had to change her decision, after what he said to her.
"Mrs Hughes, can you please for once make sure, that your maids know their duties in this house? They left a library in the complete chaos and the family had to put up with it."
"What happened Mr Carson? I don't understand?"- Elsie was amazed after his attack, he has never discredited her in front of other staff, since they got married. She felt hurt and humiliated.
"They didn't close the curtains for the evening and didn't put the books which were lying on the table. The family couldn't have their afternoon tea in peace. They had to make amends and it interrupted the family."
"Mr Carson, is there really a reason to make such a fuss? I'm sure nobody died because of it."
"Mrs Hughes, I will not tolerate such incompetence. Just make sure, that this won't happen again and please talk to them, before we will go back to the cottage, that is if you are ever going to end this happy chat with Mrs Patmore. I'm waiting in my pantry."
He left the kitchen, leaving two women bewildered at this. Elsie felt like her cheeks were red, she was furious with him and she didn't intend to leave it like that.
"What's the matter with him? I thought that slowly, you will make a nice, gentle man out of him and there he goes again, being his old self."
"I have no idea Mrs Patmore. He is that way for a while and I think it's time end that."
"I'm sure that you will find a solution for that soon. You probably know some tricks by now, which can make him happy again."
"Mrs Patmore, really...Your one track mind..."
"That's what you love me for...Come on, take the recipe and go back to the cottage and please do something, that will let him have a better mood by tomorrow."
"I will do my best. Goodnight Mrs Patmore."
Elsie went back to Charles's pantry and she let him know, that they can go back home. They hardly spoke during their walk and when they got home, Elsie decided to make them a nice pot of tea.
She used her favorite china- a white one with roses, this was the cup, that she liked to drink from the most.
She went to the living room, when Charles just made a fire in the fireplace and she poured them both tea. Charles was not looking at her and she knew, that something was wrong.
"Charles what is the matter? Why are you behaving that way?"
"What are you talking about Elsie? I'm behaving normally. Everything is fine."
"No Charles, nothing is fine. You yelled at me in front of Mrs Patmore, that was not nice."
"Do not exaggerate Elsie. I didn't yell at you, I simply asked you, to do something about the maids incompetence."
"You could have told me that in the cottage, there was no need to mention that at the Abbey."
"You said yourself Elsie, that we should not bring our problems from the Abbey to our cottage, so there it is, I simply respected your wishes."
"Charles, why are you like that? Malicious and angry? What have I done to deserve this?"
"Please Elsie, I'm not in the mood to fight, I'm very tired. I just want to have few moments of peace in my own house, will you let me have it?"
"Of course Charles. I will leave you in peace, if that is your wish. I'm going to take a long, hot bath and you can stay here alone, if that is what you prefer. If it's not too much trouble for you, please wash the tea cups and I will get out of your sight."
Elsie stormed off the room, pacing upstairs, as quickly as she could, just so he could not notice, that tears were falling on her cheeks.
Charles stayed alone downstairs and he felt really embarrassed. He knew, that he hurt Elsie deeply and yet he couldn't stop that. The symptoms of his disease were starting to develop each day and he was so terrified, so caught in his own misery, so afraid to share his fear with anyone else, even Elsie, especially with Elsie.
He thought, that building a wall between them would help, that she will not notice, but it was even worse.
He heard her locking the bathroom door upstairs and he took the cups to the kitchen, wanting to wash them, as Elsie asked him. He was so nervous, he felt like every fiber of his body was full of anxiety and before he could even realize, his hand began to shake and he dropped both cups to the kitchen floor.
They broke with a loud noise and that was too much for him. He felt like he was going to fall apart emotionally. Elsie's favorite cups, in which she always drank her tea.
Feeling like he has no control over his own emotions, which has never happened to him before, he simply started to cry, overwhelmed with all the bad things that happened today.
He didn't notice, that Elsie was standing in the door, watching the pieces of her favorite china set broken. She noticed Charles's reaction and she was close to him immediately.
"Charlie what happened? Are you all right? Did you cut yourself?"
"No, I didn't. I have no idea how that happened...I never...Your favorite cups Elsie...I'm so sorry...I didn't mean to..."
"It's all right sweetheart...It's all right...It can happen to anyone..."
Elsie was a little surprised with Charles's reaction, normally, he was not that emotional about many things. That was quite unusual...She just wanted him to calm down. She led him to the living room and sat him on the sofa...
"Elsie I really didn't mean to...You may think that I did it on purpose, to hurt you, but I swear that I didn't..."
"Charlie, calm down, I know you didn't do that on purpose...You would never do a thing like that...Oh honey, my love...Shh..."
She took him in his arms and cuddled him tightly...There was something very disturbing about this situation, but it was not the time to ask questions. Elsie was holding Charles and kissing his hair...Suddenly she noticed something else, that caught her attention...
"Charlie, you are shaking...Really my love it's ok...It's ok..."She put her hand on his, trying to calm him down...She has never faced that kind of situation before with Charles and right now, she only wanted him to go back to balance...After a while, he seemed to be fine, but his face was still full of sadness...
Elsie kissed him few times and spoke with soft voice:
"Charlie, why don't you go and take a bath and I will clean the mess in the kitchen..."
"But, but you were suppose to take a bath first Elsie...I should clean it...It's my fault..."
"No Charlie, I will do it...Please go ahead and I will soon join you..."
Charles no longer protested and he went upstairs...Elsie cleaned the mess in the kitchen and after they both took a bath, she joined him in bed...
"Are you feeling better Charlie? Can you tell me why that has upset you so much?"
"Because I know how much you love those cups and I was so clumsy..."
"It's ok Charlie...Come here to me...I want to be close to you..."
Charles listened immediately and they were nestling into each other's arms...He felt safe and loved and he never wanted to let her go...He sighed deeply and inhaled the scent of her hair...They were holding tightly and touching each other with love...
"Elsie, have I ever told you, that you are the most wonderful wife in the world?"
"Not as often as I would like to hear it from you Charles.."
"That's probably because I'm just an old idiot..."
"If you don't mind Charlie, today I will not argue with that..."
They looked at each other and laughed...That was a long and unplesant day, but it ended much more pelasurable than it started...Falling asleep in Elsie's arms, Charles managed to forget for a moment about all his anxieties...Elsie's arms were the only place in the world, where he felt truly safe...At least for now...
That's it for today...As you can see, Charles starts to feel really anxious about his condition and Elsie is not quite sure what is going on, but you know Elsie, she is rather an inquisitive person, so it won't be long before she will find out...I told you, that there will be some anxiety in the story, but I hope that you can take it. Let me know what you think, if you have a moment. Thank you for reading and have a nice weekend.
