Author: MegTDJ
Category: Missing scene; drama
Rating: K+
Pairing: Daniel/Sha're; Daniel/Janet friendship
Spoilers: Secrets
Summary: Missing scene for Secrets; All he had to show for his trip to Abydos was a picture. #9 in the Love Comes Softly series.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1, its universe and its characters are not mine. The story itself is, however, so please don't archive without my permission.
Author's notes: Thanks to Kerri for pointing out some of my goofs. ;)
Picture Perfect
Daniel carefully removed the newly purchased frame from his pack and set it on his desk. Then he picked up the freshly developed photograph by its corners and, desperately trying not to soil the picture even the slightest bit, placed it inside the frame with almost obsessive precision.
This was all he had left of Sha're, and he'd be damned if he allowed anything to happen to it.
It took him a few minutes to set it just right and seal the frame, but when he sat back to survey his work, he had to admit he was happy with the result. Well, maybe happy was a strong word. He was actually feeling rather depressed, but not over the picture. The picture was perfect. He couldn't wait to show it to Catherine, so she would finally understand why he had originally stayed behind on Abydos.
He smiled at the memory of when the picture was taken. God, had it really been yesterday? He'd just told Sha're about what was going to happen to her when they brought her to Earth, and as a way of lightening the mood and making their situation seem less dire, Daniel had taken out his camera. He'd brought it along so he could spend the day walking around the village taking pictures of all the places and people he'd come to know and love during his stay there, so that even if he never returned, they would never grow faint in his memory. It only seemed fitting that he take a picture of Sha're while she was looking so vibrant, healthy, and alive.
While she was still his Sha're.
He was so lost in thought as he gazed down at his wife's photograph that when there was a knock on the door behind him, it didn't register to his brain until a few moments later. By the time he looked up to see who was there, she was already standing beside his desk looking rather concerned. "Dr. Fraiser," he said. "I'm sorry, I uh..."
"It's okay, Daniel," she said with a sympathetic smile. "And I've told you a hundred times to call me Janet."
"Right," Daniel said sheepishly. "Sorry. Is there something I can do for you?"
"No, I just came to see if you were alright," she said. "You never showed up for your post mission exam."
Daniel sighed and slipped his fingers under his glasses to rub his eyes. "Do I really have to?" he asked. "I mean, this wasn't exactly a 'mission' mission..."
"Call it a 'post off-world excursion' exam, then," Janet teased.
Daniel felt as though he should smile or even chuckle in return, but he couldn't do it. He dropped his gaze back to the picture on his desk.
Janet seemed to follow his gaze, as a moment later she said, "Oh... is that your wife?"
It hadn't even occurred to Daniel until then that Janet had never seen her. "Yes," he said, tilting the frame so she could get a better look. "I took this picture of her yesterday." He smiled sadly. "She didn't quite understand how such a tiny box could record her image, but she was excited about it anyway. It amazed me that she could still seem so innocent and carefree after..." He found he couldn't finish that sentence, so he just let it hang in the air as his eyes filled with tears.
Janet laid her hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I'm so sorry, Daniel."
Daniel shook his head and huffed a laugh. "Yeah," he said. "Everybody's sorry." When he realized what he'd said, he quickly looked up at Janet and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that to sound so..."
"It's fine," she assured him. "If anybody has a right to be a bit snippy right now, it's you." She turned to lean back against his desk so they could see each other's faces more easily. "I heard about... well, about what happened. Do you want to talk about it?"
Daniel inwardly cringed, though he tried not to show it on the outside. The truth was, talking about it was the last thing he wanted to do. He'd tried to bring that across without actually saying it, and so far his teammates had respected his wish to feel sorry for himself in private for a day or two. Janet, on the other hand... He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "What's to talk about?" he said. "I came within an inch of rescuing my wife, and I failed. What's done is done. There's nothing I can do to change it."
Janet blinked and folded her arms across her chest. "You failed?" she said. "From what I heard, you did exactly the right thing, Daniel. How can you possibly view it as a failure?"
"Because Sha're isn't here," Daniel snapped. He immediately regretted his tone, but her question had really worn his patience thin. How could he possibly not view it as a failure?
"But you saved her baby."
Daniel really did cringe then. Yes, he'd saved her baby. Sha're's baby. Not his. Their baby hadn't had a chance to live, yet there was Apophis' child, alive and well. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't hoped for a fleeting moment after Sha're told him about the situation that Ammonet would awaken early and cause it to be stillborn.
Even so, when he'd delivered the boy and held him in his arms, he couldn't see him as anything but Sha're's little boy. He'd known in that instant that he would do anything to keep the child safe.
He just hadn't realized it would mean leaving him behind.
"Yes," he said. "I saved the baby. But I came so close to saving Sha're. We were right there at the gate." He shook his head. "If I hadn't stopped when she went into labour..."
"You couldn't have known the ship would arrive right then," Janet said. "It wasn't your fault."
Daniel wasn't sure how to respond to that. He knew that nothing anyone could say would convince him that he wasn't at fault, and he knew that nothing he could say would convince anyone else that he was. "You know the most ironic thing?" he blurted out in an attempt to steer the conversation away from the blame game. "The lease on my apartment expires next week. I was so sure I was going to find her and take her back to Abydos that I told the landlord that I'd be out in eighteen months."
Janet looked confused. "Well... you can always renew it... can't you?"
Daniel shook his head absently. "I'm not sure I want to," he said. "Then I'd just have to answer questions about why I'm not moving on when I said I would."
"So... we'll help you find a new apartment," Janet said brightly. "It'll be fun."
Daniel sighed. "You know, when I saw that Sha're was back on Abydos, I was all set to stay with her. I would have fought tooth and nail when Apophis came back for her, and either saved her or died trying. Then when I realized Teal'c wasn't exactly keen on that idea, I figured I'd just..." He stopped and glanced up at Janet when he realized what he'd been about to say. He'd intended to keep that part of his plan a secret.
"What?" Janet said, encouraging him to continue.
Daniel studied her for a moment, trying to discern whether or not he could trust her. After a few seconds, he gave himself a mental shake. Of course he could trust Janet. She'd proven that time and time again. He decided to risk it. "I, uh... I figured I'd just... bring her back here, wait until the baby was born, and... take her through to Cimmeria."
The look of confusion returned to Janet's face. "Thor's Hammer?" she said.
Daniel nodded.
"But... surely the NID..."
Daniel gave her a pointed look.
"You... didn't plan on waiting around for their opinion," she said as understanding dawned.
"No," Daniel said. He looked back down at the picture and continued, "I've been here long enough to have figured out how to hijack the gate if I wanted to. I wouldn't under any but extreme circumstances, but... if it meant saving my wife and her child..." He shrugged. "I'd do anything."
Janet leaned forward to touch his arm, and waited until he looked up at her again before she spoke. "If it meant saving your wife and her child, there are a lot of people here who would have helped you," she said.
This statement took Daniel by surprise. He hadn't really thought about the possibility of anyone helping him. He wouldn't have wanted them to risk their jobs just for him, but maybe they would have been willing to anyway. It made him think.
After a moment or two of silence, Janet leaned back again and said, "It really is a beautiful picture, Daniel. Will you be keeping it here or taking it home?"
Daniel looked down at it for a second before his mind completely grasped her question. "Oh, um... I have two," he said. "It doesn't pay to keep all your eggs in one basket, so... I'll keep one at home and one here."
"That sounds like a good idea." Janet smiled and patted his shoulder one more time before she started moving towards the door. "Well, I guess I should leave you alone to your thoughts," she said. "Whenever you're ready for that post-mission exam, just come to the infirmary."
"Okay. Thanks... Janet," Daniel said.
Janet stopped at the door to smile at him, and then silently left the room.
Daniel gazed down at his wife's face for a few more minutes until he finally felt ready to get himself together and move on. He wasn't accomplishing anything by being all melancholy about it, after all.
He cleared a place on his cluttered desk and gently set the picture up so he could look at Sha're's face while he worked. "Perfect," he whispered. He almost felt for a moment that she could somehow see him through the picture frame, so he blew her a kiss. "I'll see you soon, sweetheart," he said.
With one last glance at those beautiful brown eyes, he left the office and started on his way to the infirmary.
