Raining cats, dogs and mutants
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "The sea monkey has my money"
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Okay, due to increasing hostilities in our cast from being turned into animals, I'm going to do something never before...I'm calling in a Co Director.
"What! None of the other directors had a 'co' director!", snorts Forge.
None of the other directors had to deal with an almost all animal cast, dear.
"Jive Turkey", snaps Forge, "So who am I supposed to be working with?"
"Hello...partner!", grins Rahne.
"...You really hate me don't you, Todd Fan?", asks Forge, "I mean, you make me suffer all the time!"
Forge, I don't hate you...
"Yes you do!", snaps Forge, "You've always liked the frog better, admit it!"
Well, I am TODD Fan.
"I win, you lose, neh neh neh neh neh neh!", chants Todd
"Shut up and get to your place", growls Forge, "at least she likes comic Me better than comic You. Comic Toad scares the crap out of her"
"…..You're going to make me cry", sniffles Todd.
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ACT 2 - Old Bluey
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The next morning, Jamie is still curled up on the tractor tyre when the tractor suddenly starts up, the wheel moving and hurling Jamie off
"Argggg!", screams Jamie, "Kitten abuse again!"
Jamie hides under a Bayville Hawks cap while the tractor drives away, before peeking out and stepping into the busy Bayville morning street. Lucid walks past carrying a stereo, listening to rap music. Jamie starts to dance after him, before tripping up. Various Bayville residents mill around, not noticing the small kitten at their feet.
"Am I invisible or something!", asks Jamie
Jamie follows a crowd towards a street crossing when screeching tyres are heard and he dashes back across to the sidewalk. He falls down again, almost being trampled by feet)
"'S'cuse me, can't you see I'm pushing something here?", snaps Kurt, walking by pushing a hot dog cart, "Oh man, this is the best role, ever! Just breathe in all that junk food!"
"….We're going tae end this parody with a very fat Elf", muses Rahne.
"Maybe we can poke him with sticks?", shrugs Forge.
"Come on folks, step right up! Get your hot dogs", shouts Kurt, "The best hot dogs in Bay-ville!"
Jamie sniffs the air and runs over to the cart. Kurt sees him and shoos him away
"Hey, get out of here. Shoo! Go on, kitty!", he snaps, "MY food!"
Jamie sighs dejectedly and pads away. Meanwhile, on the other side of the street, Todd is walking along the road, now transformed into a dog
"At least it wasn't a toad", sighs Todd.
He carries on walking, Rogue, now a little hairy dog, walking past him on a leash held by Callisto. He pauses and jumps onto the top of a taxi cab. He starts to blow kisses at her
"Hya", he says flirtatiously.
Rogue stares at him before turning her nose up and trotting off with Callisto
"Not a chance, Swamp-Breath!", she says.
"La-de-da", mocks Todd.
He pauses, hearing Kurt shouting, he turns to see Jamie hanging onto Kurt's leg as Kurt desperately tries to shake him off
"Well well. Looks like Bluey's got a visitor", he says, "Could be time for the Toad to turn this into a total cat-astrophe"
"Har de har har", says Jamie dryly, "you are the king of puns"
"Get offa me, you overgrown rat!", snaps Kurt, shaking his leg.
"Look who's talking!", snaps Jamie.
He kicks out his foot, sending Jamie into a trash can in an alley, causing 3 kittens to appear, all with banana skins on their heads
"Awwwwww the kitten that brings you more!", says Rahne
"We should go into marketing, we could make millions", grins Forge.
Jamie clears his throat and reabsorbs the kittenples so there is just him
"Oooooh you sure picked the wrong guy to get hot dogs from, kid", says Todd.
Jamie shakes the banana skin off and looks up to see Todd lying on top of a trashcan. He backs away quickly...trying to look fierce
"Get away from me!", he warns, bearing his tiny little kitten teeth.
"Awww how could anything so cute be fierce?", chuckles Todd, "Whoah. Chill out, man, I don't eat cats, it's too much fur. I've been watching you and I think you're in serious need of some professional guidance"
He jumps off the trashcan and Jamie falls into a trash can lid, Todd simply lies down by it casually
"Now what do ya say we team up and change Old Bluey's mind about sharing some of those hot-dogs?", he grins.
"I'm not going back there again", mutters Jamie sadly.
He turns to walk away, but Todd swings the trash can lid so he's facing him again
"Hey. It'd be a snap, kid. I'm an expert at these things", he says, "All you gotta do is learn some moves"
"...Moves?", asks Jamie
"You know, tempo. Ooo-cha-ba. A rhythm", says Todd, "This city's got a beat. Ya gotta hook into it"
"Have you any idea how much like Forge you're sounding?", asks Jamie, arching a brow.
"What's wrong with the way I speak, Jive Turkey!", snaps Forge
"Case in point", says Jamie.
"And once you got the beat, you can do anything", says Todd.
"I can?", asks Jamie hopefully.
"Absitively posolutely", grins Todd.
"...Freak", mutters Jamie.
Todd heads off down the alley, Jamie following him. Todd points to where Kurt is preparing a hot-dog for someone in the street
"The guy you see before you is affectionately known as 'Old Bluey'", he says, "A well known enemy of the four-legged world"
"Am not!", snaps Kurt, "I donate to WSPA!"
"Our mission, cat, is to liberate those all-beef kosher franks", says Todd, "and hightail it outta here"
He pushes Jamie in front of him with his paw, as if measuring up something
"Starting to feel that rhythm?"
"Well...errrr...", says Jamie.
Forge pokes Lance, who sighs and causes the ground to shake
"Yeah, yeah, I feel it!", he grins, "When are we gonna get those hot-dogs?"
"Right...now"
Todd suddenly starts to bark like a rabid creature, making Jamie scream and run off towards Kurt. Jamie leaps onto Kurt for safety, Todd using the diversion to pull a string of sausages from the cart and wrapping them around his neck. Todd runs off, Jamie following after him.
"And cut", says Forge.
"Why cannae I say cut?", asks Rahne
"You're just hired help", sniffs Forge
"Am not!", snaps Rahne
"Are so!", snaps Forge.
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