Raining cats, dogs and mutants
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "You must never run from anything immortal, it attracts their attention"
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ACT 5 - The big, bad boss
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Back at the house boat, a big Mercedes has pulled up on the dock. Remy and Lance, now two Dobermans, start to head inside, where Jason is crawling towards the loot box as the car honks again
"Impatient, aren't we?", Jason's eyes glow, "...why I could..."
"In this, you can't, so just be a whimpering, cowardly mess", Forge pauses, "..you've had lots of practice".
"Was that a shot?", asks Jason
"Just ACT!", screams Forge
JASON: "All right, all right, I'm coming. I'll be right there", Jason pauses, "...You guys, listen. Don't let me down"
Freddy pushes the loot box towards Jason with his nose, Jason opens it and rummages around inside
"What do you got?", he pauses again, "bad grammar to, this role sucks. Let's see what you got".
He picks up Roberto's 'wallet' which disintegrates in his hands
"It's worthless, what have you done?", he squeaks
"Hey, we lack opposable thumbs", snaps Todd, "give us a break!"
"Oh, how are we ever going to pay Summers off with a...", Jason blinks as he pulls Jamie out of the box, "A pussycat?"
"Because I'm really, really cute?", tries Jamie
The door slams open and Remy and Lance stalk in, growling
"Oh..look who's here, kids", says Jason, "Company, nice doggies"
He goes to pat Remy on the head, who tries to take his hand off
"Gambit like being evil!", says Remy
"Maybe ye should foam a bit.", Rahne smiles, "they hate it when ye foam"
"I was just on my way out", says Jason.
With that, Jason runs up the stairs. Remy and Lance turn on the group, laughing and growling. Jamie takes cover out of sight.
"You guys..miss us?", asks Remy
"Like a hole in the head", says Hank
Outside, Jason walks to the Mercedes, despite having the headlights almost blinding him
"Mr Summers. I..uh..."
The headlights go off and we see the car has two Dobermans on the front instead of the Mercedes logo
"He's gonna kill me...", whimpers Jason
Jason edges to the door of the car, despite teetering over the edge of the dock. The window to the car opens, a haze of cigar smoke coming out.
"Hello", he says pleasantly, a hard thing for Jason to accomplish, "Oh, lovely evening. I was just saying this to your two lovely, PUREBRED Dobermans.."
The window opens all the way to reveal...ALEX!
"And I bet you thought it was gonna be Scott!", Forge pauses, "unless you've read this before…then you'd already know"
"Tubular, I am evil", grins Alex, "The money, Jason"
He puts his hand through the window. Jason nervously places the loot box in his hands
"Actually, I've got something much better than money", says Jason, "Some luxury items that.."
The window closes up, but Jason keeps talking as Alex inspects the contents of the box
"...should make a considerable dent in my debt to you", Jason pauses, "Oh my! You waxed you car, didn't you? Did they use the buffer on it, because I can see myself".
"Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy", mutters Alex to himself.
The window reopens and Alex tosses the box out of it and into the sea
"I don't want your garbage, Jason", he says.
Jason tries to catch it, almost overtopping into the water himself
"Oh please, Summers. Oh please. Oh please", Jason sighs, "my character is a wimp".
"Man, I am sooooo loving this power, what a rush, dude!", says Alex, "I don't think you grasp..."
He opens his car door a little, causing Jason to try even harder to stay on the dock while Alex empties his cigar ash onto his feet)
"..the severity of the situation", finishes Alex.
Alex slams the car door shut and Jason almost falls into the water, grabbing hold of the side mirror
"Oh, no! Oh, no. I did grasp it.", says Jason, "This is how I grasp, look"
With that, the side mirror falls off into the sea, making Jason almost over topple again
"Awww..damn", he says, "Accident, Accident!"
Just before he falls down, Alex's arm shoots through the now open window and yanks Jason's head inside the car
"Mr Jason!"
"That's Mr Wyngarde to you!", sniffs Jason.
"Wasting time", says Forge
"Now, I lent you money, and I don't see it", says Alex, "Do you know what happens when I don't see my money, Jason?"
With that, he flicks a switch, causing the automatic window to come up, starting to strangle Jason in the process
"People get hurt", says Alex, "People like you get hurt. Do I make myself clear?"
He puffs a jet of cigar smoke in Jason's face
"Aren't you underage to be smoking them?", coughs Jason in a wheezy voice.
"They aren't real, they're fruit flavoured", smiles Alex, "Smell that Strawberry scent?"
"Can we get back to business, please?", asks Forge, "God, I need a drink"
"Clear!", squeaks Jason, "Perfectly cleaaaarr"
Back inside the house boat, Remy and Lance are walking around like they own the place. Lance sniffing around, catching Jamie's scent
"I feel like Logan", mutters Lance
"You know, Wanda", says Remy, sidling up to her, "Gambit can't figure out why you'd rather hang around a dump like this when you could be living uptown with a class act like himself"
Remy snuggles up to Wanda, who pushes him out of the way
"I'd rather date Toad", she says.
"Yeees!", says Todd, pumping the air, then pauses, "no…wait"
"Isn't it rather dangerous to use ones entire vocabulary in a single sentence?", smirks Hank
Roberto laughs, giving Beast a low five
"Hey Hankie, get down, brother, you bad, man!", he says.
Remy growls, turning on Beast
"Hey, you got something to say to Gambit, fat boy?", he snarls.
"I'm not fat!", sniffs Hank, "I'm just big boned!"
Roberto bounces along on the floor, being held down by his tail by Freddy's paw
"Come on, you guys don't scare me. I'll kill you both!", screams Roberto, "Come on, let me at 'em!"
"Go ahead, let him go", smirks Remy.
"Why don't you pick on someone your own size?", asks Freddy
"Like you, old man?", smirks Remy
"Old?", blinks Freddy
"Hey, Remy, Remy", smirks Todd, "is this us losing our sense of humour?"
"Nah, Gambit hasn't lost his sense of humour!", with that, he kicks the TV, destroying it, "See? Gambit find that funny. Heh heh heh"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!", cries Roberto.
Meanwhile, still outside, Jason is kneeling by the car
"Pleeease", he begs.
"Three sunrises. Three sunsets", Alex frowns, "Three days, Jason"
Jason starts to do the math
"Why is my character so stupid?", he asks, "Three sunrises. Three Sunsets. Three days. Three, three, three. That's nine! Nine?"
"No, Jason", says Alex, "Three"
He closes the window on him
"Three?. Oh, you mean, just three days?", Jason whimpers, "Oh, my goodness! Oh, I'm having a bad day"
Alex honks the horn again and Jason over topples, falling into the water. Inside, Lance has finally found Jamie, pulling him out of his hiding place
"Hey, Remy, look what I found!", grins Lance
"Forget it, Lance", says Remy, "We gotta go"
"I like cats", smirks Lance, "I like to eat 'em!"
"I'll say!", says Kurt from backstage, "Kitty has told me some stories..."
"KURT!", screams Kitty from backstage.
"Crouching kitten, hidden tiger", screams Jamie, "hey ya!"
He swipes Lance across his nose with his claws. Lance jumps back, then both he and Remy corner Jamie, growling. Todd jumps in-between them
"Get out of Remy's way, Todd", growls Remy.
"That's enough, Remy!", warns Todd.
The rest of the group go to stand with Todd and Alex beeps his horn again
"Run along, Remy", smirks Wanda, "Your master's calling"
"...Come on, Lance!", mutters Remy, heading out, "We 'aint finished, Todd. You guys are gonna pay for dis, starting with dat cat!"
As they leave, Roberto runs to the bottom of the stairs
"Oh, yeah? You guys don't scare me!", he shouts, "Come on back and say it to my face! Come on, come on, come on, come on!"
He grins smugly and pads back in
"Yeah, those creeps'll think twice about hassling us, man"
"All right, kid", says Todd, looking at Jamie, "What'd I tell you guys? 'Ol Todd can really pick 'em huh?"
He goes to give Jamie a low four, but swipes his paw away before Jamie can make contact. Jason walks through, dripping
"Ohhhh, three days", moans Jason.
He sighs and falls into a reclining chair as the dogs go around making him comfortable, pushing a footrest under his feet and putting the chair down a little
"Yes, work my little slaves!", Jason gives a little giggle, "How am I ever gonna come up with all that money? What's the use? I'll never get out from under that maniac"
Roberto puts little blue fuzzy bunny slippers on Jason's..
"BUNNIES!", screams Forge. (1)
Rahne watches as Forge screams like a girl and runs off the set
"...Guess I'm the only director for the rest of the scene", Rahne grins, "...cool".
"..That was weird.", says Jason, then sighs, "My days are numbered, and the number is three. It's hopeless".
Freddy puts a doggie biscuit in Jason's mouth
"Do I have to eat this?", he grimaces.
"Aye, they are mighty tasty and good for you!", grins Rahne
"Easy for you to say", mutters Jason, "...you're a Lycanthrope!"
He begrudgingly eats the biscuit and smiles at the dogs
"Thanks guys", he says, "That reminds me. I saw Lance's nose. Who did that?"
Todd picks up Jamie and puts him in Jason's hands
"You? That took alot of guts", he says, "We've never had a cat in the gang before...we can use all the help we can get"
He yawns and stretches
"Alright, time for bed", he says, "We've got a big day tomorrow"
Freddy whimpers and pushes a book into Jason's hands
"Awww no", he says, then sighs, "Oh...all right. But just one chapter tonight. Mmm letsee...here we are, chapter seven"
The dogs put a light on and all settle around to hear the story, which has a cartoon dog in it
"..I can't believe I'm reading this", sighs Jason, "...'Sparky stopped and rolled in a field of wildflowers. The dandelions tickled his nose, t'il he laughed out loud. And then, something caught his eyes. It was Bumper, the rabbit"
Just then Forge walks in, stops, and runs away screaming again
"RABBIT!"
"Och, I do hope Bumper's not a reoccurring character...", says Rahne
"'Sparky jumped to his feet and ran toward Bumper, barking loudly", says Jason, "Woof Woof. Well, you try it sometime"
"WOOF WOOF!", says Hank
"Well...that's because you're a dog", says Jason, "'Sparky knew that Bumper would run and that he could chase him over the field. But Sparky would never catch him or hurt him because Sparky was not that kind of dog..."
Time passes and soon everyone is asleep. Roberto pulls Beast's jowls around him like a blanket while Todd gets up and settles down in an old water hoop with pillows in it. Jamie gets up from Jason's knee and cuddles up to Todd, falling asleep. Wanda watches with a smile before going to sleep
"AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW", says the cast
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(1) – If you don't get this, you must be very new to my fics. 0o
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