Raining cats, dogs and mutants
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "I'm only an elected official here, I can't make decisions on my own!"
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ACT 6 - Got to pick a pocket or two
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The next morning, Bayville is once again bustling with people, Jason drives around town on a scooter that keeps backfiring, the dogs and cat in a small basket in the back.
"...Is this thing safe to drive?", asks Jason dubiously.
"Of course it is", says Forge, "I made it"
"...They're going to have to identify me by my dental records", Jason sobs, "..I can see it now.."
"...Just act!", snaps Forge.
"This is the big one. We've got two days to do or die", says Jason, "Todd, you keep an eye on the new kid. Show him the ropes"
Todd nods and gives Jamie a noogie
"Messing. Up. Fur!", growls Jamie.
"I don't wanna put any undue pressure on you", says Jason, "but..as you march on to do your duty, I want you to keep one thing in mind"
He drives the scooter into a deserted alley and promptly crashes it
"Hey, watch the merchandise!", shouts Forge
"Oww...Dead men do not buy dog food", he says, "There's an analogy for you!. So, big smiles, and get out there, and FETCH!"
With that, the dogs and Jamie jump out of the basket, as Jason speeds off, nearly chocking them all with the fumes from the scooter
"This isn't good for my allergies", says Freddy
"All right, if Mr Summers don't see some cold, hard cash soon, we are Doberman chow", says Todd, "Come on, we'll start on Maggie Blue Road"
"Hint hint hint", says Rahne with a giggle.
"Stop giving away the plot!", snaps Forge
As the gang walk down the street, Jamie follows with them
"What kind of work do we do anyway?", asks Jamie
"Investment banking, man", grins Roberto
He picks up an apple from a stall and tosses it to Hank, who eats it
"Didn't you hear about us in the Daily Bugle?", adds Roberto.
"Really?", Jamie rolls his eyes, "...man I'm so gullible"
"Indeed", says Hank, "Captains of industry"
"Gosh...", Jamie pauses, "who says 'gosh' anymore? Can I be one too?"
"Hey, when you got your pals, you got all you need", says Todd.
"Okay Todd", grins Jamie
"We gotta clean you up, child", says Wanda, "and give you some on-the-job training"
Oooooh yeah
Now listen up
You got a lot to learn
And if you don't learn you don't eat
"You sing like an angel, babycakes", smiles Todd.
"Shut up, Toad", says Wanda
Wanda stops Jamie from crossing the street as a bakery van drives by, a bread loaf falling off, hitting Freddy on the head before Todd catches it and throws it at Roberto, knocking him over
"...My spleen", whimpers Roberto as Wanda continues to sing.
But if you're tough
And always use your head
You'll be right at home on the street
They cross the road and Jamie runs headlong into a lamppost, kittenplying
When you've got talent
Everything is free
Watch how we do things
Oooh I guarantee
The group start to cross another road, dancing and singing, Jamie following them at the same time
You're gonna see how
The best survive
We make an art out
Of staying alive
If you do just as you're told
These are streets of gold
Jamie tries to mimic their dancing walk, only almost getting mowed down by the cars, Todd grabbing him and carrying him to the other side
Every boulevard is
A miracle mile
You'll take the town
And you'll take it with style
If you play it brave and bold
These are streets of gold
Jamie lags behind the group again, running once more into Logan the dog, who growls and chases him, running into the entire group, who snarl at him and make him run off
"They're gonna mob me!", screams Logan
Jamie bounces up and down, barking like a dog, before the gang laugh and run off, before Todd stops dead, causing the other dogs to run into him
"Hello?", grins Todd, "What have we here?"
They notice a big limousine start to drive towards them
"All right, a chauffeur shuffle!", grins Roberto.
"Listen up. Freddy, gimmie a fender bender at two rights", says Todd.
"Yeah", says Freddy dryly, "Blob smash good"
"Roberto, you're in charge of electronics", says Todd, "Wanda and I'll work the crowd. Hen-ry"
"I know", says Hank with a defeated sigh, "My public awaits...there has to be better acting jobs out there than this"
"Hey, what about me?", asks Jamie, "What do I do?"
"You help Roberto", says Todd
(Roberto grins and flings a fore-leg around Jamie's shoulders
"All right! Come on, gato", he says, "Uncle Roberto will show you how it's done"
"If you were my uncle, I would hurt myself", says Jamie, "badly"
"Ready?", asks Todd, "Go!"
With that, the gang run off to do their duty
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Onwards HOOOOOOOOOO!
