Raining cats, dogs and mutants
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "I can't believe I'm committing an armed robbery for two flashlights".
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ACT 7 - The upper class
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While Roberto and Jamie hop onto the back of the moving limo, we can hear Kitty talking from inside, reading from a letter
"Listen to this", says Kitty, "'After a little sightseeing we left Paris by car, for the con..confer..."
Warren, sitting up front, is driving the car
"A butler?", he snorts, "I am not a butler! I HAVE butlers! "
"Shut up and be grateful for your part", says Forge, "Besides, you were the only one of us who had a limo"
"...I hate you all", mutters Warren, "Conference, Kitty"
"Oh yes. Conference", Kitty scoffs, "I have a genius IQ, you know. 'In Rome on Wednesday. Kitty, I'm afraid your father and I won't be able to make it'".
Kitty gives a small sad sigh
"Is there anything wrong, Kitty?", he asks, "Are your parents alright?"
"They're staying longer", she says sadly
"Oh don't worry. I'm sure they'll be home for your birthday", Warren pauses, "...not that MY parents ever were. Man, this is like watching my own childhood".
Before Warren can start the sob story of his neglected childhood, Freddy rams into the outside of the limo, jilting it
"Hey!", he shouts, "Watch the paintwork!"
"What was that?", asks Kitty
WARREN: "A great Dane ramming into the side of my limousine!", snaps Warren, "...I mean, I don't know. Don't be alarmed, I'll be right back"
Warren goes to leave the car
"The hat, Warren", says Forge
"Do I have to?", sighs Warren, "it's demeaning"
"Yes", says Forge
Warren sighs, putting a little chauffeur's hat on his head before getting out of the van, Freddy staggering away in a daze
"Run, Sparky", he says dizzily, "Go find Bumper"
"Bumper?", asks Forge, "WHERE!"
"Keep it together, lad", says Rahne, "we need ye here"
Hank trots out in front of the now stopped limo, before putting on an over dramatised death scene, Warren walking out, Roberto and Jamie sneaking in through the open door.
"Why me?", asks Warren, "Today of all days!"
Roberto grins at the plush interior of the car, playing with the steering wheel
"Hey, check it out! Beep beep. Hey, forget Jason, man. Lets take this baby to Atlantic City!", he giggles, "Vroooom"
"You really are a freak", observes Jamie
Outside, Warren is looking at the 'injured' Hank.
"What have I done?", he says, "Poor thing"
A crowd starts to gather around
"You outta be ashamed of yourself!", chides Callisto, "Hurting a poor, defenceless...err blue bulldog"
"That's right, blame the guy with the wings!", snaps Warren, "I'm sure he's just fine. Probably just a little stunned. Run along now, little fellow. Go on, shoo!"
"Little fellow?", asks Hank.
As Hank hams it up to the crowd, inside the limo, Roberto is under the dashboard, pulling at wires, Jamie, sitting on the seat
"Hey, Roberto, what can I do?", he asks.
"Why don't you be a lookout", says Roberto, "Yeah, that's it, be a lookout"
"Okay", Jamie pauses, "...what's a lookout?"
Roberto bangs his head on the bottom of the dash
"AYE! Look, just look out the window. Make sure it's still daylight, okay?", Roberto growls, "So then I can kick your furry little butt".
Jamie hops onto the top of the dashboard, before turning around, seeing the screen window to the back of the limo opening up
"Hey, hey, Roberto", he whispers, "Roberto, there's something back there"
"Hey, stop hassling me", snaps Roberto, "I only got one more wire,okay?"
"But but..", stammers Jamie.
He jumps onto the steering wheel, falling onto the ignition, turning the car on as Roberto chews through the last wire, successfully frying the Chihuahua...from Brazil. Outside, the car goes nuts, sparking and the alarm going off
"MY LIMO!", screams Warren
"Oh keep your feathers on", says Forge, "I'll fix it!"
"That's what I'm afraid of", says Warren.
Roberto is propelled out of the window, while Warren looks on in shock, Beast coming back to 'life'
"What's going on here?", asks Warren
"Do I have to do this?", asks Hank
"Aye, do it real quick and ye won't even notice it", says Rahne
Beast suddenly licks Warren's face and runs off. The rest of the gang running off too. Roberto, still covered by electric shocks, hits a bunch of trashcans like a pinball before falling to the floor by a lamp post. The electric shoots up the post and sparks the lamp, making it drop on Freddy's head, bringing him out of his daze. Back at the limo, Jamie is tangled up in the wires
"Oh you poor...kitty", says Kitty, "Here, let me help you"
Kitty leans forwards and untangles Jamie, picking him up, as Warren runs back to the door.
"Kitty, are you alright?", asks Warren.
In an alley, the gang are hiding
"Where's the kid?", asks Wanda, looking for Jamie.
A charred, sooty and coughing Roberto emerges from a cardboard box
"He must still be in the car".
They watch as the Limo drives away
"Oh...that poor little kid", says Wanda
"You were supposed to keep an eye on him, Roberto!", snaps Todd.
"Yeah, well it's hard to watch anything when you're getting barbecued!", growls Roberto.
"What are we gonna do, Todd?", asks Wanda softly.
Todd jumps out of his trash can onto the street
"Roberto, come with me", he says, "The rest of you...get back to Jason".
Todd and Roberto run through the street, following the limo
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Oh yes, Warren the butler, what fun! Do review, until next time...
