Raining cats, dogs and mutants

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Is a hug between two grown men supposed to last that long?"

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ACT 12 - Get rich quick

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We got to the house-boat, where the dog team are congratulating each other on a job well done, depositing Jamie out of the bag onto the floor

"Huh?", blinks Jamie in confusion, "...What's going on you guys?"

"It was just the rescue of the century", grins Roberto, "...should've seen Hankie handle that butler"

"Rescue?", asks Jamie

"I was rather good, wasn't I?", chuckles Hank.

"Modesty will get you far", mutters Todd, "...And how about Roberto and Miss Six-Time National Champion?"

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr", growls Rahne

"You're not going to go all 'Alpha Female' on me again..are you?", asks Forge, "I don't want to have to get a tranq gun out"

"Hey..hey but wait", Jamie blinks, "..I..I don't understand you guys"

"Hey...you okay, kid?", asks Wanda

"Yeah..I'm fine", says Jamie, "..but.."

Roberto laughs and wraps a foreleg around Jamie's neck

"Hey, sure he is", he grins, "He's back with his Uncle Roberto"

"...We. Are. Not. Related", growls Jamie, "I was happy there. Why did you guys take me away?"

He backs off, looking down and depressed

"We rescued you, kitty", says Freddy, "We..we brought you home"

"But...well. I...I have another home now", says Jamie, "And someone who loves me"

"I so do not!", shouts Kitty from backstage

"What do you mean, kid?", asks Todd, "You're in the gang".

"But but...", stammers Jamie

Jamie cowers as Todd stalks around him

"The gang means family", growls Todd, "We risked a lot to get you outta there".

"Look, I'm sorry", says Jamie, "but all I ever wanted was..."

"What? This place not good enough for you anymore?", snaps Todd, "Don't want to mix with the riffraff?"

"No..no I like you. I mean, I like. I like every one of you", says Jamie, upset, "but..But there was a little girl.."

"You're younger than me!", shouts Kitty.

"Kitty! You're ruining the mood of sadness and angst", snaps Forge, "stop it!"

"...I just wanna go back", says Jamie sadly.

"We never should've took him, Todd", says Wanda quietly.

"But, Todd, please...", begs Jamie

"You wanna leave?", asks Todd, "Fine! There's the door"

"But he just got here", says Freddy

"Go on", says Todd coldly, "No one's stoppin' ya!"

"Hey..Todd", says Roberto, "man, uh..lighten up"

"YOU lighten up!", snaps Todd, "If he doesn't like it, let him go"

Todd stalks past the rest of the gang and sits on his chair, his back turned to the lot of them. Jamie looks sadly at the others, who look equally as sad. In his soon-to-be Oscar winning performance, Jamie makes himself look really small and mopes off towards the door. He looks back once at Todd's back.. then closes his eyes, climbing the stairs.

"Awww heck, it's even making me cry", says Wanda with a sniffle.

As Jamie climbs up a few stairs, Jason is walking down them, picking Jamie up absent-mindedly.

"Oh, it's hopeless", he says sadly.

"…So much for leaving", mutters Jamie.

Todd jumps out of the chair in time for Jason to sit down. He pats Jamie on the head, then notices his expensive new collar

"What's this?", Jason pauses, "...You know, if my character had any brains, he would just pawn off the gold collar...but noooooooo"

"Jason...that would mess up the rest of the plot", says Forge.

"Okay, okay", sighs Jason, "So that's where you've been! Looks like you're doing alright for yourself, Jamie. Your owner probably spends more money on catnip than we do on food in a month. He's probably worried sick about you. All alone in that big house with only his money to comfort him"

Backstage, Warren bursts into tears

"He's right", he sobs, "...I'm so very, very lonely"

"...I think ye hit a sore point", blinks Rahne

"Only his millions and millions of dollars to..", carries on Jason

"STOP RUBBING IT IN!", screams Warren.

"I'm reading from the script!", says Jason

"...Oh", says Warren sheepishly.

"That's it! Were saved!", Jason laughs happily (an odd sigh from him) and jumps up wincing, "Bad back, bad back! What a plan!"

He grabs some paper and a pen and struggles to put up an ironing board, writing on the paper, the board sinking every time he leans on it

"Dear Mister Rich...", he scribbles it out, "Mister VERY Rich...I can feel my brain cells dying with this role as we speak..."

We go to the Xavier mansion, where Kitty gets off the school bus and heads inside

"Jamie? Jamie!", she calls.

Amara is lounging on the couch, lifting her hind legs to an exercise programme, not looking in the least bit worried as Kitty runs around the house, trying to find Jamie

"Amara, help me find Jamie", she says.

As Kitty runs off again, Amara turns off the TV with her paw, then sits up, giving a false sad expression

"Oh, where could he be?", she smirks to herself, then looks in the fish bowl, "He's not here"

Kitty is crawling around on the floor by the door

"Where is he? Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty", she pauses, "...I feel like I'm calling myself"

She stops when she finds a note pushed half way through the letter box, picking it out to read it

"Dear Mister Very Rich Cat-Owner Person..."

As Kitty reads, Amara walks into the kitchen, humming to herself as she picks up Jamie's bowl and 'accidentally' drops it in the bin

"Ooops". she smirks.

She pads back to the hall, where Kitty is still reading the letter

"And if you don't bring the money, you'll never see your cat again. Oh no", she sighs, "...Amara, something terrible has happened!"

She snuffles and gives Amara a hug, Amara's chin resting on her shoulder, her face out of Kitty's view

"They've kidnapped Jamie!"

Amara makes a sound that could be confused as sniffling, when it is really snickering

"Oh, Amara, you loved him too", she says

"Loved me too? So you love me?", Jamie grins, "..Wanna date me?"

"No!", snaps Kitty, "Don't worry we're going to get him back"

Amara gasps in shock

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Onwards!