Part 7
He was trying to believe it, but was having trouble. Harper's good hand absently played with the edge of his cot, knowing that he hadn't seen it, and he couldn't believe it. The Andromeda was still in one piece, he never saw it explode; he never saw anything, he welcomed denial to his mind.
Harper suddenly had the sensation of Magog being close by, he remembered that he had heard them and he recalled with fear the tension and the extreme feeling of helplessness he had felt, as he had staggered around in the hope of something other than death. He had realised in those moments that he didn't want to die, especially not like that. He never remembered Beka rescuing him, but he was on the Maru now, at least that's what he had been told but now doubt crept in.
With uncertainty now, Harper swung his legs over the edge of the cot and got to his feet finding his balance before moving forward. He felt for the bulkhead, touched the cold metallic surface and he frantically tried to piece the ships interior in his head, to what he was feeling. It became compulsive as his thoughts conflicted and attempted to confuse him, he needed to see it to believe it, but that was impossible, he didn't have a wire on him to jack in and all he had was his touch.
Frantically he stumbled around, desperately wanting to convince himself that this was the Maru, but with each touch he just found confusion and uncertainty, and he was unable to convince himself. This had to be the Maru, it sounded like the Maru, and Beka has said it was, so why would she lie? But still he found no comfort, no assurances, and he quickened his pace, touching the bulkheads, decks and surfaces to find something, anything to convince him totally of his location.
"Harper," Beka spoke up and Harper felt two firm hands on his shoulder's spinning him around. "What's wrong, what are you doing?" she asked with panicked tones, and Harper realised how frantic he had become, noticing his uneven breathing and perspiring skin.
"This is the Maru right?" Harper checked hurriedly, his breathing still rapid.
"It's the Maru, trust me," Beka assured him with authority, knowing the past couple of days had been one long paranoia trip for Harper, he was in denial, shock and seemingly struggling more with his disabilities.
This hadn't been the first time he had woken up in this state since the Arkology, but it had been the first time he had questioned where he was. It was concerning her that he was not jacking in to see, that he was remaining within his own mind, hardly speaking, and working himself up into the state she now saw him in.
"I wouldn't lie to you, Seamus, my God, please stop scaring me like this, I need you, Harper," Beka added softly and brought him into a fond embrace and they were silent in each others hold, as she felt the human calming down.
"We have to go back to the medical centre, your test results should be back and we'll see if they can do anything for you," Beka suggested, knowing Harper needed distractions, just as she did at this time. "If they see you like this, Seamus, it might have an effect on whether they treat you or not, so please, try and keep it together, for me?" Beka requested with concern, as she encouraged Harper out of the embrace.
"I want to see again," Harper simply said to acknowledge her fears. "I also want things to go back to how they were, the Andromeda, everyone," he then admitted sadly, barely holding onto his emotions now.
"Let's see if we can sort your eyes out first," Beka comforted him with her touch. "Then we'll see what we can do about the rest," she sighed, knowing it wouldn't even be a possibility to see Andromeda again, as she remembered the explosions, the destruction and she shook her head to remain focused.
After a moment she encouraged Harper to follow her, and they both walked through the Maru and out onto the space port of the planet. The noise, smells and unknown hit Harper, and caused him to initially freeze, until Beka took his hand and squeezed it.
"It's ok, Harper, just follow me," Beka stated, and led him forward. "Do you think you'll be able to make another transmitter for your port, and fix those glasses, say if the test results aren't good?" Beka asked cautiously.
"I don't have the tools or the stuff I need on the Maru," Harper responded without emotion. "It was all on the Andromeda," he then added with past tense.
"We can get you what you need," Beka offered, but she could feel the lack of enthusiasm from Harper.
"The Maru isn't the Andromeda," Harper simply said in return.
"I just don't want you to see this as the last chance, Seamus," Beka returned with passion.
"That's just it, I can't see, Beka, and just as I have to learn to accept that we'll never see the Andromeda, Trance, Dylan, Rommie, hell even Rhade, I have to accept that I might be like this for ever!" Harper stressed, and it was only because Beka took a firm hold of his arms that he didn't rush off, something he was grateful for her doing in hindsight knowing he had no idea about the layout of the town they were in.
"Harper, it's good to accept things but don't give up," Beka responded calmly. "It's true that you've lost so much lately, but you're all I have now and I just want to help you," she added.
Harper noticeably calmed down. "I haven't lost you, or the Maru, so that's something right?" Harper considered with a frown, and then a brief smile.
"We have each other, and for the next couple of months at least I'm betting that's going to be all we do have whilst we find our feet," Beka sighed, and put her arm around Harper's shoulders as they resumed walking.
"You don't think they can help me, with my sight, do you?" Harper then spoke, knowing Beka had brought up his transmitter device for a reason.
"It's not that I don't want them to, Harper, far from it," Beka sighed, as they walked. "It's just I've seen your injuries so many times, it's hard for me to believe they can help," Beka admitted with a heavy heart.
Harper simply smirked in response. "I know what you mean," he offered. "When they kept telling me that I would survive the Magog infestation, I just couldn't see how. All my life I'd watched people die and in the most horrible, gruesome, bloody."
"Harper," Beka interrupted him.
"Way," Harper concluded quickly, with a lopsided grin.
"I saw the playback of the Ambassadors death," Beka then recounted, and her voice gave away the disturbance it caused her.
Harper picked up on her tone. "You've never seen anyone die like that, have you?" he asked sincerely.
"Not really, seen the aftermath many times but to see it actually happen," Beka remembered with a shudder, and her arm around Harper seemed to bring him closer. "I just can't believe now that you were so close to that," she admitted.
"It's what I had to live with each day for nearly six months," Harper remembered. "Each time I felt them move, or felt as though I was going to be sick, every pain in my gut, I wondered if it was my time," he shrugged now, trying to dismiss the negative thoughts but still remembering just the same.
"How can I ask you to be strong, when you're already probably the strongest person I know?" Beka then asked, with an ironic laugh.
"Get out of here," Harper mocked her. "I'm a piece of chicken shit, we all know it," he further mocked himself.
"No way!" Beka stressed, as they approached the medical centre. "Now, quit with the put downs and lets see what they have to say."
"Move!" Harper suddenly said, and without explanation he pushed Beka to one side and they fell to the ground, as a fraction of a second later a weapon discharge hit the wall close to where they had been standing.
"What the," Beka began but then with more weapon fire, she gathered Harper's shirt and pulled him towards the safety of a nearby building, and they huddled in the doorway, keeping out of sight.
"Either we have bad timing," Harper offered. "Or there's still a bounty on my head," he shrugged catching his breath.
"Crap, I'd forgotten about that," Beka armed her weapon and cautiously looked around. "I'm not seeing any rat face," she offered. "How did you know to move?"
"Just heard something," Harper offered distantly, before continuing. "Can we still make it to the centre?" Harper asked, unable to see for himself.
"Let's find the back way in," Beka suggested and gestured for Harper to move, never letting go of his shirt just in case they needed to hide again.
TBC
