Part 10

On arriving in the engine room Beka saw Harper hunched over a conduit opening, his hands deep inside fixing something that he had found faulty on the Maru. He stopped on hearing the footsteps and waited for her to speak.

"It's me, Harper," Beka announced and saw him relax, as she moved closer. "First thing, how can you be working?" she asked with amazement, seeing Harper blindly fixing something, before remembering her reason for being there. "And second, whatever you do, please don't mention your little heroics about saving Yussuf's life to the doctor, ok?"

"What, why?" Harper asked with surprise, confused.

"He's part of the group that organised the attempt on Yussuf's life, he might not take too kindly to us if he finds out, that's all," Beka said softly.

"What if he asks how I was blinded?" Harper asked. "It was in part revenge for my actions."

"Harper, you may be blind, but that's all you've lost, I know you can still lie, bluff, use your imagination," Beka mocked him, and then she noticed something. "Hey, your hands," she motioned and grabbed Harper's left hand, pulling it from the conduit. "You're using it!" she exclaimed with some joy.

"It still feels weak," Harper offered unsure. "I'm going to keep the support cast on it for the time being, but I started to feel sharp tingly sensations after waking up this morning, and it's just started to respond, it's not perfect but I can grab with it now," he partially smiled.

Beka couldn't help herself as she embraced Harper quickly. "This is just the beginning," she enthused. "This is a sign, Seamus, things will get back to normal."

"No they won't," Harper sighed, downhearted. "I might regain the use of my hand, even regain my sight but that's all," he shrugged, clearly thinking of the things they had lost, and Beka guessed that he was referring to the Andromeda again, something that still played on her mind and consumed her thoughts no matter how hard she tried to push them back.

"Harper, stay positive, that's an order," Beka scolded him lightly, thinking likewise.

"Right, boss," Harper smirked, as he flexed his left hand to test the mobility, he couldn't quite close the fist yet, but he was able to grip larger objects now with limited success. "They won't give up, will they?"

"Who?" Beka asked, before thinking.

"Those guys, Gerentex, the next bounty hunter with the need of some easy money," Harper sighed, as he brushed his hand through his hair. "If Yussuf wants me dead, I'm as good as," he finished with a heavy sigh.

"No, Harper, stop thinking like that, remember my order?" Beka stated firmly, but Harper showed no sign of lightening his mood. "Things will get better, you'll get your sight back, your hand will recover, we still can do what we can for the Commonwealth, keep Dylan and all the Andromeda crews work alive," she enthused brightly.

To Beka's surprise Harper suddenly hid his face from her, bringing his hands up to hide what she quickly realised were tears. On instinct Beka reached out and embraced her friend and without restraint he almost fell into her hold, as his emotions were released and the sobs followed. For a couple of minutes, Beka held Harper as he simply cried without a care in her arms, and she was at a loss as to why he had had such an extreme reaction, and so suddenly. Wanting to ease her friend's pain, Beka began to talk, hoping to offer some comfort.

"I miss them too, and I find it hard to believe they are gone but they are, and we have to keep going, for their sake, Seamus," Beka spoke with care, feeling her own emotions rising in reaction to his.

Harper didn't respond for a long while, but when he had finally calmed down enough to speak his words were brief. "I miss her, like nothing else," he quietly spoke, still holding Beka as she protectively held her arms around him.

"Trance?" Beka guessed.

"No," Harper answered. "I mean I do, but," Harper stumbled in his speech as Beka continued.

"Rommie then?" Beka figured but again Harper shook his head, this time pulling back as he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, and then used the hem of his shirt to finish the job. "Then who?"

"Dani," Harper revealed, with his face close to creasing up again, as his eyes threatened to water.

Beka was glad for a moment that Harper couldn't see her reaction, her shocked expression, considering that she had nearly forgotten the woman that had come so close to taking Harper from her. Knowing she had to speak, Beka managed to compose her thoughts.

"Even after what she did?" Beka ventured.

"Saved my life?" Harper returned quickly.

"Turned you into a slave, her slave," Beka reminded him.

"To save my life," Harper persisted. "And yes, it was only because of her that I returned, Beka, I didn't want to, I wanted to stay with her but she said I had to go, that I had to return to my girls," he spoke barely gesturing to Beka to show that she was one of the girls he spoke of, as a stray tear fell down the side of his face.

Beka stared at Harper, seeing his distress the overwhelming sadness he was displaying now, as his unseeing eyes darting around the engine room unfocused and manic. "You really wanted to stay, and be a slave?" Beka checked, her voice reflecting her disbelief.

"I didn't want to return and be a burden, I didn't want to leave Dani behind," Harper shot back, his eyes finally still and a cold expression upon his face.

Beka reached out and brushed the side of Harper's face, an action she had used a lot recently, an action that seemed to calm him down since losing his sight. "We're going to get your sight back, and full mobility, and then we'll try and pick up the pieces of the past few weeks, ok?" Beka said calmly.

Harper took a couple of calming breaths, before slowly nodding his head. "Ok," he simply said.

"All this time," Beka then spoke with continued disbelief. "Ever since you returned, you've missed her haven't you, you just haven't been able to say it?" Beka then figured after a moment of silence.

"It's been too painful," Harper admitted sadly, close to losing it again. "I tried to forget, tried to even hate her but each time I end up remembering the fun we had, how comfortable I felt with her, she was the one, Beka, I'm in no doubt," Harper insisted with obvious fondness, that Beka couldn't ignore. "I see her all the time, in here," Harper gestured to his temple. "I can't escape from her, and I don't want to, she's with me all the time but then if I get my sight back," Harper began to stress, and Beka held his hand for comfort.

"She'll still be there, Seamus," Beka assured him.

"I'm being silly, I know, I know," Harper said with some force, almost anger, finding strength and finally controlling his emotions. "But I'm getting so use to living in my mind, having Dani in my thoughts like this, it's like I forget what it was like before, it's like I'm not really here anymore," he offered with a distant and confused voice.

"You're still very much here, Harper," Beka smiled now.

"Inside my mind everything has remained the same, I still see Rommie, Trance, I see everything we've lost," he gestured. "It's still very much alive to me, I still see it, I still see, almost feel Dani," Harper offered quietly.

Beka sighed; she didn't want Harper to know that his words were slowly killing her inside. "But it's not real, it's just memories, and you'll have to start facing reality soon," she offered softly. "I've wondered at times in your silence what you're thinking, you always have this peaceful look on your face when your keeping yourself to yourself, now it makes sense, but Seamus you have to let go at some point and return to us completely, and I know it will hurt but," Beka was cut off as Harper finished her words for her, guessing correctly.

"You need me now, in reality, we need each other, it's all we really have," Harper frowned, then offered a crooked smile, as Beka returned it with a smile of her own wishing he could see it, hoping he would soon.

They both reacted on hearing footsteps, and Beka smiled as the doctor appeared, checking that he wasn't interrupting.

"I'm ready to begin, I have set up the area for Mr Harper," Richter spoke softly. "For the first session it might be prudent for you to sit with him, it can be a little uncomfortable for the patient," he then added.

"How uncomfortable?" Harper asked immediately.

"The actual process only takes a couple of minutes, and you'll be unconscious for those minutes, but you need to awake again within twenty minutes of the procedure so I can determine it's initial success, and this has proved a little uncomfortable for some patients," the doctor advised.

"I'll be right by his side throughout," Beka confirmed, reassuring Harper with a comforting touch on his arm.

"Don't leave me," Harper quickly whispered, suddenly fearing what lay ahead.

"Haven't we discussed this already?" Beka questioned.

"I'm not sure I'm ready to see again," Harper then panicked.

"Yes, you are," Beka stated firmly. "You're just nervous about the treatment and that's ok," she assured him, as she led him through the Maru to where the doctor had set up his treatment room.

TBC