A/N a plot bunny that took hold and wouldn't let go. I love a drunk Garret, he's just so much fun to write. Thanks to garretelliot for being a beta! Don't own em, but if I did there would be a lot more alcohol on that show, and it would have to be moved to HBO.
I downed another tumbler of scotch. When I started, I hadn't had this idea in mind. It was supposed to be just a glass to take the edge off the pain. A glass became "who cares, I don't have to get up in the morning." and now it's this, whatever this is. Me pushing the limits of how much I can take, trying to completely drown out everything. Work. Jordan. Work. Everything.
This was what, my seventh? Eighth? No, it had to be higher, the bottle was full when I started. That was the only thing I had ventured out for today. I didn't want to face the world. So I had slipped out only to go down the street to the liquor store for a bottle of Johnnie Walker. As such I had only thrown on a pair of jeans, not caring about the way I looked, jeans and a wrinkled undershirt with my jacket thrown carelessly on top.
Things had come to a new low. I had hit rock bottom and started digging. No job. She was obviously in love with Woody. I had nothing left. The faint glimmer of hope that maybe things would turn out alright was gone. Before, when one thing went wrong I at least had the other to turn to. If things were going bad at work, I had the faint hope of having her to entertain me, pull me through. If she was seeing someone, in love, I had work to throw myself into.
And the last I heard she had Woody. And I had no one. I had my own lonely heart. I had screwed over every relationship I'd had. I had lost Maggie twice, Rene and I had gone sour, we had fought for that relationship with everything, and it wasn't enough, she hadn't wanted it, she had wanted a relationship, but she didn't want the work involved. And everyone in between and since as just someone, another woman, just someone to prove that I was still a man.
Lilly hadn't counted. It had taken Jordan pointing out that Lilly was drooling over me for me to notice her. I liked her, Lilly was a close friend, but the only reason that I had even asked her out was because Jordan all but shoved me into it. If it wasn't for that, I would have never cared. And I got saved from it by Maggie.
And then Maggie and I had gone sour. We were a match made in hell, the two of us. I loved her, and she loved me, but we just didn't get along. We'd snipe at each other, and I knew that she was screwing around with half the men in the world, but I kept wanting to make it work. I kept trying to work through it. Twice. I'm one of those men that has a sign on me that says "walk all over me."
I tried the same thing with Rene, trying to make it work, trying to get us to be together. She kept wanting to fight it, saying that we wouldn't work, and I kept wanting us to work. I kept trying to work through everything, and we didn't. She left and went back to Eddy, and I was left sitting in my office watching as she walked away carrying another man's child.
And now I didn't even have the faint glimmer of hope of Jordan. The minute I saw her I had only thought of doing the same thing to Maggie that she did to me-find some pretty little thing and prove to her that she wasn't the only one that could screw around. But after I got to know her, she became much more in my mind than someone that I could use for only revenge. She was special.
I had never believed in love at first sight. I had always written it off as a foolish notion created by those foolish enough to be fooled by love. I downed another tumbler of scotch at that though. Nine, I thought. I couldn't move, I knew that much, I tried to move and the world started spinning. It was alright though, I didn't need to move, I would just sit here, firmly planted on my couch, music playing in the background.
I heard the phone ring and I ignored it. There was no way I was going to get up and get it. I moved too much and I felt a roll of nausea hit me. The answering machine clicked on. "Garret? Garret I know you're there, pick up the phone." It was her, it was Jordan, calling me for some reason that I didn't know. "Garret, c'mon, pick up the phone. Talk to me." She sounded desperate for company, and I tried to stagger upwards finishing off tumbler number ten.
I reached the phone and picked it up, but she had already hung up. I cursed myself and headed back to the couch, falling into it as I tripped over the table that held the bottle and glass, trying to remember what I was thinking about before. Something about love. Love at first sight. That's what I was thinking about.
I hadn't believed in it before, not until I had met her, gotten to know her. I had known her barely a week when I knew that I was a hopeless cause. And I kept my mouth shut about it, I hadn't wanted a divorce, and I loved her too much to have her just for a fling, if I had her for a fling I would have wanted her for life.
I downed another gulp, completely ignoring the glass this time. One glass had progressed to the better part of a bottle. It was a good thing I had bought the red label and not the blue. Charlie Parker was keeping me good company with Johnnie Walker. We were a trio made in heaven the three of us.
She had probably given up. She was probably just calling to check up on me. Maybe see if I wanted to go out and get drunk. Well, I had accomplished the second part pretty well. Very well. Another swig disappeared and I frowned in the realization that the bottle was almost gone. Shame too.
It was much more than drunk. I knew I was pushing the limits of what my body could take. But it felt so good, being so numb about everything. It's funny, of all people a doctor should have the sense to know too much of a good thing. But too much of a good thing felt so good. It took my mind away from her and how I would never have her. It took my mind away from my nonexistent job.
And if there was a way to go, it was definitely too much of a good thing. I never was afraid of death, and the only thing I think I'd regret is all the stuff I've never done, like seeing every island in the Caribbean. Or skydiving. Or having her. But I've never been afraid of death, only of what I'd leave behind. There is a certain amount of danger in my job, especially when I'd go out on my own little hunch with no one else around, risking my own life. It never scared me.
I heard her pound on the door and I fought for something to say, but couldn't think of anything. "Garret, I know you're here, now open up." I staggered back to my feet and took about three steps towards the door before falling over. I felt blackness creeping in as she threatened to let herself in if I didn't open the door. Let her, she had the key. I heard her murmur a faint "Oh my god.", as she walked in before the blackness fully enveloped around me.
