Chapter Two: Masochistic Sugar

A/N: Sorry, this chapter is really wimpy; I could chalk it up to writer's block, which I do have, but it's also because I'm leaving for NYC (Broadway won't know what hit 'em!) and have been busy as a result. But I promise it'll get better when I get back: Also, this isn't going to be as boring as it seems. A new character is about to come in--just hold on!

Disclaimer::is lazy and copies it from the first chapter: I don't own any of these characters. One of them, known as The Cheese Spirit, belongs to Léa, a.k.a. crazygirl47, a.k.a. The Most Awesome Fanfic Writer in the Universe (or one of them, as I'm not sure I'm authorized to make that kind of judgment) who wrote the fanfic "The Prank War." If you don't read it, I will bite you. And not in a good kinky way. Because I don't like that kinda stuff.

Everyone else belongs to J.K. Rowling, yada yada, boo-hoo. Notmine. Don'tsue.

"Padfoot, you promised!" Lupin shouted, almost whining. "Come on, what is wrong with you? Why are you always attacking Snape?"

Sirius broke into a relaxed grin. Remus humfed at his friend; how could Sirius always stay calm? Maybe it was the werewolf in him, but Remus was always quick to act where Black barely flinched at anything. "I don't think that's the question here. What I wonder is, why are you" --he waggled a finger at Remus-- "so quick to defend Snape?" Sirius cast his classmate a knowing look. "Is there something you need to tell me?"

In Sirius's defense, he had no clue what he had invoked. Something in Remus stirred, his eyes flashed fire, and before you could say, "defensive about his possible sexuality!" (which, arguably, takes a while to say) the werewolf lunged at Sirius, knocking the root beer out of his hands. While the can soared through the air and landed in James's cauldron, muffled cries of "never---dare--(oomf)--imply---going--KILL" shot out while an irate Remus savagely tore at Sirius. Robes, wand, eyeballs--anything was fair game for the werewolf's surprisingly sharp nails.

Just when Sirius thought he'd never make it out of the dormitories alive, a loud POP and FIZZZZZZZZ sound brought both of the boys to a stop. They looked at each other, Remus still pinning Sirius onto the floor, looked at the source of the noise, and clambered to the cauldron on James's bed. "Shit, man," Sirius breathed, staring in awe at the writhing substance. "Accio Barq's!" And a beaten soda can flew through the air again, but this time out of the cauldron and into its owner's hand.

"It can't make that much of a difference, can it?" he looked at Remus, who seemed to have got over the shock and was now thinking away. "There wasn't that much left…" Now, Sirius grabbed his friend's robes in desperation. "Come on, Moony, when Potter finds out he'll skin me alive! Think of anything, something!"

Remus didn't say a word as he turned this situation over in his mind. It wasn't that he was too mad at Sirius to help him out; Marauders always stuck together, no matter what. The truth was, Granger-like as he may be (though he didn't know that at the time, as her parents hadn't even met yet), he had absolutely no clue what effect root beer could have on a love potion. I mean, how was I supposed to know that stupid Muggle drink even existed? He thought to himself. Not to mention all the different kinds there must be, stupid muggles with their masochistic sugar…Soon he woke up to Sirius staring at him intently, interesting, how much he looks like a little boy when he's in trouble, and decided he had to give some sort of an answer.

"Padfoot, I….uh….er….I don't know." Remus almost slapped himself. What was that? Jeez, Lupin, what's going on with you lately?

Sirius seemed to have the same thoughts. "What do you mean you don't know?" He was seriously (ha! Ha! Funny! Sirius…serious…Siriusly…snort I mean….erm…yes. Goes back to boring inside-Remus's-head narrator duties) starting to look frantic now. "You're knowledge-boy! You…you…" He made frenzied motions with his arms, and it looked to Remus as if he was having a seizure or trying to disco. Seizure-disco. With strobe lights. Giving up that, he merely panted, "you know stuff!"

Remus deadpanned this black-haired boy and tried his best not to laugh. "Sorry, Sirius! Look, it doesn't seem like it's ready to decapitate anyone yet. It might just make him act a little funny, or it might not do anything at all. If he gets closer to drinking it and it looks too deadly, then we'll tell him. But I don't think we should now--it looks like he's been working on this for days. Oi--" he nervously laughed, trying to bring things back to normal (hey, seeing Sirius pale and terrified is…well, terrifying), "I feel sorry for Lily. The way this is going, either he's going to end up with a restraining order, or they're going to be married."

"Hey, they'd probably get a nice little house in the 'burbs--"

"White picket fence--"

"With lawn gnomes--"

"No, flamingos!"

"Flamingo?"

"--Yeah, it's this thing muggles do with plastic and those pink birds that stand on one leg."

"…….Oh…."

"….."

"And 2.5 kids!"

"They'll probably all have nauseating names--"

"Sinead--"

"Gus--"

"Harry!"

"HARRY!" The boys cackled until they couldn't breathe.