A/N this was supposed to be sorta a one shot that grew to a two-shot, that may or may not grow to a chatpered fic-I still don't know, but if y'all can suggest someplace for it to go, I'll be more than willing to write it. Thanks again to garretelliot for beta'ing.
I awoke to a throbbing pain rocketing through my entire body and I groaned, fighting to keep down whatever was in my stomach. I opened my eyes to find the bright flourescent light above me to be just that-too bright. I slowly took stock of everything and fought to remember what happened.
I still had both legs. Still had both arms. And everything in between. All my fingers, all my toes. At the moment the pain seemed to be evenly distributed throughout my entire body but centered most in my head. Once I was sure that all my injures were not due to being beaten to within an inch of my life I tried to remember what had happened.
A bottle of Johnnie Walker. That's what I remembered. Charlie Parker playing in the background. Trying to forget about work and Jordan. Jordan. Had I really seen her next to me? Where was I? I opened my eyes just a slit and saw the familiar dry white ceiling and sterile walls of a hospital. The faint drip in my arm confirmed that I was indeed on a hospital bed with an IV dripping into me. I turned my head and found that she was indeed sitting there.
She noticed that I was awake and I could see her open her mouth to chew me out and then decided against it. "What the hell did you do to yourself?" She asked me and I shrugged. "Were you trying to drink yourself to death?"
I wouldn't admit that I wouldn't have cared if I did. It hadn't been the outcome I was aiming for, but if it happened, it happened. But it obviously hadn't. I was alive, however just barely. "You don't pick up your phone, I go to your place and I walk in to find you passed out on the floor barely breathing cold as ice. I thought you were-" She trailed off and I could see fear in her eyes.
That was something I certainly hadn't wanted. I never wanted to hurt her, or scare her. "You almost died." She said, and I frowned. This was worse than her screaming at me, the look of utter fear on her face. This look that said that I had scared her almost to death. That I had almost left her. "I almost lost you." She said, and I could see the tears in her eyes, and I lifted a shaky hand to wipe one away.
"I'm fine." I croaked and she smiled faintly.
"You started seizing in the ambulance. I thought you were gone."
"I'm fine." I told her again, gripping her hand tightly with my own. I wasn't going to leave her. She was the only one that I would regret leaving. Nigel and Bug and Lily, yes, thinking about leaving them and the way they would react was sad, but seeing her here with fear in her eyes, relief etched on her face when she realized that I was alright, that made me realize just how much she meant to me.
"You're the only thing that's left Gar, Woody doesn't want me anymore, you're the last one left I can turn to." Hearing her say that immediately made me regret everything that I had just done. Hearing her telling me that I was the one person left that matters in her life was something that made me regret even considering leaving her, not caring if I did.
I smiled up at her as the nurse walked in to check on me. "You're a very lucky man." The nurse chided me. "Your BAC is at .3. You as a doctor knows that borders on coma and death." I nodded, properly scolded. "If you didn't have such a wonderful woman right here you'd be dead right now. We're honestly surprised you're up. And coherent." I shrugged. "You are going to be here for the next 24 hours no ifs ands or buts. Just be glad you're here and not the place you should be with your friends having to cut you open to find out you were stupid enough to pickle yourself to death."
The nurse checked the various monitors I was on before walking back out and I stared down at the sheet, knowing full well that the short woman had been right. I turned to Jordan where she had a look of "I told you so" on her face. "I'm sorry." I told her and she grinned, more out of relief than anything. "I didn't mean to scare you."
"It's alright." She said and I smiled back at her. "But whatever possessed you to drink that much?" She asked and I debated on whether or not to tell her. Should I tell her that part of the reason had been her, trying to drink away the thought of her and the knowledge that she loved Woody.
But hadn't she just said that Woody had pushed her away? This was my chance, my little opening to slide into her life as something more than her best friend. "Work." I said, choosing not to tell her. I didn't need her to feel guilty about something she had no control over. She was beautiful, the one I had fallen in love with, it wasn't a fault of hers that I had.
She could tell it was something else, though, something about the way I said it that sparked her natural curiosity, her ability to read me far too well. I could never play poker against her, I would loose every time. She could read me far too well. "Slokum's going to be gone soon enough, you know that and I know that." It was true, Rene had all but told me that they just had to go through the motions and that I would have my job back.
"Still." I argued and the look on her face told me that she wanted to know the real truth. The real truth was I had started thinking about her and didn't have work to throw myself into to distract myself.
"What is it Garret, really?"
"Love, and my failure at it." She quirked an eyebrow.
"I didn't realize you started seeing someone else to have it go bad."
"I'm not. That was the problem." It was a big problem. I wanted to be dating her, and instead here I was in a hospital bed because I tried to erase the thought of her from my memory.
"You'll find someone." She said and I shrugged.
"I already have, she just doesn't love me." Her eyebrows knitted together as she thought about what to do about my situation. It was true. I found the one for me, she was sitting right here, but she would never love me, not the way I wanted her to.
"You know this for a fact." I nodded.
"She's said it more than once, that I'm only a friend."
"Right. So you've actually tried asking her out?" She knew me far too well. I would never ask her out, if only because she had said that I'm her friend so many times.
"No, she's said that I'm her friend before, I didn't want to risk screwing everything up." She nodded.
"Maybe you should." Maybe I should, but I didn't want to, I didn't want to send her running. I had her now, wasn't that enough.
"No." I said simply and she glared at me.
"So you're going to drink yourself to death instead of take a chance? That's double cowardice." She said and I glared at her. I could do it, right then and there. All I would have to do is just ask, and see what she would do.
"It's not being cowardly, she has someone else." It was the truth. Sort of.
"You know this for a fact?" I nodded.
"Well, they kinda hit a rough point in their relationship." I could see the bit of a sympathetic look on her face, not realizing that the person she was feeling sympathetic towards was herself.
"So there's your chance to ask her. What's the worst she can say?"
"That I've screwed over our friendship as well." She thought about it for a long minute.
"Do you think she'll hate you for saying that you want to be more than friends?"
"Would you?" I asked, and she laughed, not realizing that the question was in fact not asking her if she would hate any man that tried it, but that the question was in fact doing what she had told me to do.
"I don't know, I mean, if I knew the guy, if it was Nigel, or Bug that asked, I'd still want to be their friend, but you can't deny the awkwardness that comes from it." I frowned.
"That settles it." I told her and she shook her head.
"No, it's always worth the risk. Is that something you want to regret having never done? Possibly letting the one love of your life slip away?"
She had a point, I wasn't going to let her just walk away and walk back to Woody, I couldn't, I loved her too much for that to happen. "No." I admitted and she grinned.
"See, there you go, as soon as you get out of here go up to her and flat out tell her that you care about her and want her. Who is it, anyone I know?" I shrugged.
This was it, this was my chance, could I do it? Would I do it? I had just nearly died, I could see how she was affected by my almost death, she cared about me, I was her best friend. Did she care enough? Did she care that way? "Yeah, you know them." I told her and she fought a grin.
"So go and ask them when you get out." Why wait? I might as well get it done. "Who is it?" She asked and I shrugged. Now or never. I needed a drink. Why couldn't she have come before I passed out, why couldn't I say all this drunk. Then we could both pretend that it was something I said when drunk and forget about it the next day.
"You." I told her simply, turning my head away, not wanting to see her reaction, not wanting to see what she would say. But after a minute I had to, I couldn't not look at her anymore, and I saw the look as if she had just been picked up and slammed down on the ground.
"Garret-" She started and I turned my head away again.
"Look, there was a reason I never said anything before." I told her and she placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Gar, just let me think about this." It wasn't a flat out no, at least. "I mean, I'm still on the rebound here." I smiled faintly. Did that mean I had a chance?
"Take your time." I told her and she smiled at me.
"It's just I've never expected this." She said. "I mean-"
"It's alright." I said, looking up at her.
"Just don't ever do anything that stupid ever again." She said, leaning in and kissing me softly. It felt like heaven. I had to still be out, I had to still be unconscious, this had to be a dream.
"I won't." I told her. If it meant having her, I'd give up the world. I'd give up every single thing I owned. And the smile on her face made it all worth it.
