The Duel of Duels

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Especially nothing featured in this fic.

Three days ago, Seto and Mike went for a walk.

"Stop following me Mike," said Seto.

"Alright," said Mike.

Seto's head was hurting because Mokuba was sitting on it. The only solution was to eat lots of cookies. There was a problem though, Namu had taken all the cookies hostage, and refused to trade them for anything but the Egyptian God Cards, or an omlette.

Meanwhile, Yugi was walking around in a forest. "Where are we Yami?" he asked.

Yami didn't answer.

"Are you still mad because I didn't sign us up for the talent show?" Yugi asked.

Yami didn't answer.

In truth, Yami wasn't really upset about not being able to sing 'Walk like an Egyptian' at the talent show, because he didn't exist. Yugi just had issues.

"Yugi! Yugi!" yelled Anzu.

"What is it Suzie?" Yugi asked.

"I'm Anzu, remember?" she said.

"And I'm Mai!" said Mai, who used to be Yugi.

Don't worry – my English teacher doesn't get it either.

Then, a brilliant flash of light flashed and lit up the sky brilliantly. A whole bunch of funny looking people were suddenly lying around the forest, unconscious or just dead.

"Wow!" said Mike and Seto, who had stumbled upon the forest in their wanderings.

One of the funny people got up. Or did he? He was so short that it's hard to tell if he was a normal person sitting down or a super short person standing up. It was Edward Elric, so the latter was the truth.

"Do you speak English?" asked Mokuba.

"No," said Edward.

"Good – neither do we."

"Then why are you speaking it now?" asked Edward.

"I'm not," said Mokuba.

"What did you say?" asked Envy, who had just gotten up from his former position of lying down.

"I don't know," replied Mokuba. "I don't speak English."

Once that was sorted out, they all decided to go compete in a Duel Monsters tournament. Namu even started saying his name was Marik, so he could confuse everyone because everyone already thought he was only pretending to be Namu and that he was really Marik in which case claiming to be Marik might make them think that he really was Namu after all.

"It's time to d-d-d-dddddduel!" said Envy.

-And here comes a new challenger!- said the happy voice with the microphone.

Everyone gasped. It was Hohenheim.

"FATHER?" yelled Edward, Envy and Yugi.

Then Edward and Envy turned to Yugi. "He's your father too?"

"It's all starting to make sense!" said Anzu. "I was wondering who Yugi's real father was, and his brothers are really short too so his growth really wasn't just stunted by smoking!"

"Um, yes – that's it…" said Yugi, trying to hide his cigarettes in his Millenium Puzzle.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SHORT BEAN WHO'S…….REALLY SHORT?" yelled Edward.

"And I'm only fashionably short!" Envy insisted. "But lets get back to this duel!"

No one had bothered to listen to hoho papa who had been insisting that he wasn't really Yugi's father, but that's okay because maybe he was lying anyway.

"I play Kuriboh in attack mode!" screamed Hohenheim.

"Well I play Meteor Black Dragon in attack mode – and because it has like 3500 attack points and your monster only has, like, less than that, I win!" said Envy. His Meteor Black Dragon ran up to the Kuriboh but the Kuriboh ate it. "WTF was that?"

"Didn't you look closely? I gave my Kuriboh extra points with my magic card – but it still wasn't enough so I used alchemy." Hohenheim explained.

Hohenheim was thrown into a fit of laughter but then he had a minor heart attack because he was so old. It looked like he was going to be OK, but then Wrath tackled him. "Your name is too long for the author to keep writing! So DIE!" said Wrath.

"SETO! Stop putting the Fruit Loops on the top shelf – you know I can't reach that high!" whined Noa.

"NEVER!" yelled Seto, tackling Noa.

But then Edward tackled Seto. "That guy's voice is worse than Envy's but it's not his fault he's short! Short people have feelings too… or so I've heard… obviously I'm not short so I wouldn't know but-" Then Roy tackled Edward.

"Hey! Envy's voice isn't so bad! And don't hurt Seto! Without him we'll never find Namu's hidden stash of cookies!"

"I wouldn't be so sure…" said Dante.

"Gasp – DANTE?" said everyone – even though it was obviously her because her name had to be written after she said something. But anyway, what sneaky schemes does Dante have in store for our heroes, review to find out – or tune in to channel 633, we'll be here all week!