The Tortured Soul of Hannah Abbott, part 2
It's funny how these things happen.
So Professor Sprout announced that Albus Dumbledore was dead, and Ernie fainted, and Susan ran off God knows where, and you really didn't want to do without her, but you thought, all of a sudden, I'm a prefect. And I'm supposed to keep everyone safe.
So you did a Silencio charm on the common room, and you sent all the first-years to bed with chocolate and handkerchiefs. And you did an Aguamenti charm in Ernie's face, which was a therapeutic shock, and he woke up. And you sent Justin Finch-Fletchley to the sixth-year boys' dormitory to get the bottle of fire-whiskey that he didn't think you knew was there, and you poured a good stiff peg for Professor Sprout, because she looked like she was going to faint too, and you didn't want her to faint. And you tried to tuck Professor Sprout up on the sofa under an afghan, but she wouldn't stay, because she said she had to go and see the headmistress. And you thought, headmistress? And you had to sit down for a minute, because you realized then—you really realized—that Albus Dumbledore was dead.
Just like your mother.
Then Susan came back, and she told you who else was dead, and it was only one Death Eater and Albus Dumbledore. And you thought, this could be worse. It's very, very bad, and too many people are dead already, and they aren't coming back, but we haven't lost the war yet. And you tried to explain this to Ernie. You poked him and prodded him and reminded him he was a prefect and it was his job to keep everyone safe.
Ernie never said a word about getting back together. You just sort of—were. And it was a good thing you didn't have to talk about it, because talking about it would have taken time, and there was really just an awful lot to do. Because Hogwarts didn't close, even though Albus Dumbledore was dead. And when September came, there was a whole squadron of cheeky little first-years who didn't understand that the classrooms moved around and kept putting their feet through all the rotten stairs and didn't know how to defend themselves from boggarts and pixies, much less Death Eaters. It seemed very strange, that there could be first-years at a time like this, when there was a war on and people were dying and your mother was dead, but there they were, and you were a prefect, and you had to keep them safe.
So you taught them where to look for the classrooms, and you taught them which stairs to avoid. You taught them Expelliarmus, and you taught them Impedimenta. You taught them the Shield Charm, and you taught them Stunning. You tried to explain about dementors, and Inferii, and Fenrir Greyback, even though you weren't sure you should be scaring eleven-year-olds with tales of Fenrir Greyback. But you had to do it, because you had to keep them safe, and you never knew what scrap of information might help keep them safe. You taught them the Bat-Bogey Hex that Ginny Weasley taught you, and one of them used it on Pansy Parkinson, and you were very, very proud.
And you thought, if Hogwarts runs out of teachers—which could happen, if people keep dying, because people keep dying—then I'll stand up and take my turn. Even though I'm not as smart as Susan.
Because I'm pretty sure Susan's not going to be here.
Because Susan spends all her time skulking around the library with Ginny and Neville, trying to get them to tell her what Harry and Ron and Hermione are up to. Because Harry and Ron and Hermione aren't here anymore. Just like Susan isn't—well, you really don't know, because she isn't telling you, but you just have this feeling that at some point Susan isn't going to be here. Susan is still carrying that enchanted Galleon in her pocket, and she keeps disappearing. She keeps coming back to the dormitory after curfew, and you have to pretend you don't notice, because she isn't allowed to do that, and you're a prefect, but you're not going to try to stop her from fighting anymore. Even though there's a war on and your mother is dead. Even though people keep dying. Even though you really, really, really don't want Susan to die.
Because Susan—well, Susan has to do what Susan has to do. And you miss her, but you've got an awful lot of other things on your mind these days. And you've just got an awful lot to do. Especially if Hogwarts starts running out of teachers.
You don't really remember now, why you broke up with Ernie. Except that it was a very good thing that you did, because if you hadn't broken up with him, you couldn't have gotten back together.
And that would have been a tragedy.
Because when you were fifteen, you were doing and not thinking. And then when you were sixteen, you were thinking and not doing. But now you are seventeen, and you're thinking and doing, and it's incredible. You didn't know you were allowed to be this happy. Especially not when there's a war on and your mother is dead.
You think there must be a by-law.
You aren't going to sleep with him, though.
Not when you're seventeen. Not when you're still at school. Not when there's a war on, and your mother is dead. Not before he asks you to marry him.
Besides, if you have sex, you might have a baby.
Though on second thought—
Well, the thing is, you actually kind of want to have a baby.
And Ernie would be good with a baby. Protective.
And it sure isn't much fun going home now your mother is dead.
It's a lot more fun to be with Ernie.
Well, not fun exactly, because there's still a war on, and you're worried about Susan, and she's still carrying that enchanted Galleon in her pocket, and she keeps disappearing. And you've started a supplementary Defense against the Dark Arts class for all those cheeky little Hufflepuffs, because Ernie says you have to keep them safe, and you know he's right, and you're pretty sure now that more people are going to die. So not fun. Just—good. It works. It really works.
So maybe you might as well get married. Even though you're seventeen, and there's a war on, and your mother is dead, and you're pretty sure that more people are going to die, and sex can sometimes lead to babies.
Now all you have to do is figure how to make him propose.
Because life goes on.
