Thank you so much for all the reviews, and for the person who wished me happy birthday! That made my day! This chapter, well, i have no idea where it came from really. I've always liked in stories where they have long passages of peoples thoughts, and i have been itching to do it for a while. I finally got to do it with this story! I really like this chapter for some reason, probably cause you get to spend some quality time with Chandler and his mind hehe. Oh, and to all the people who were annoyed about my short chapters...im sorry about that, but i hope this redeems it! I hope you enjoy!
Oh, and i dont own friends yada yada yada...but i WILL one day be known as Mrs Perry
Thank God for weekends, Chandler thought as he rolled over the next morning. He had slept that night, but no where near enough to get him through the day coherently. Not that he really needed to be coherent at work, but still. Leaving this apartment was the last thing he wanted to do that day. Hell, he didn't even want to leave this room. But he knew he would have to soon. Joey always slept later then him and if he wasn't up when Joey got up, he would be expecting a worried knock on the door.
He could always pretend he was sick, Chandler mused to himself. But then Joey wouldn't be the only one worried. Phoebe would bring him water soup, and insist on playing him a song. Monica would follow, taking away Phoebe's heartfelt attempt at soup and replacing it with some of her own, then proceed to organise the entire room for his comfort. Ross would come in an attempt to cheer him up, and bore him to death with stories of pterodactyls and cavemen. Rachel would no doubt bring him magazines to read and tell him all the gossip, while making sure that he was comfortable and looked at least half decent. And Joey would worry and fuss over him, while pretending that he wasn't worried or fussing. He knew his friends too well. It was a sad fact, but it was true. Maybe he should tell everyone he was sick; he wanted to see if he was right about his friends' reactions and behaviour.
He didn't want them fawning over him though. Looks like he would eventually have to get up. Chandler sighed and rolled back over.
That might still happen though, he thought. If Joey told them about his behaviour, they would probably all fawn over him anyway. Chandler groaned into his pillow. He didn't want that; didn't want anybody to know about what had happened. It was bad enough that Joey knew, but if the girls and Ross found out, it would be mortifying.
Joey was most likely really worried about him. He sometimes would worry about things so much that he wouldn't sleep; it was Joey's way. He was too compassionate sometimes. Chandler hoped that Joey wasn't that worried about him, but he had a gut feeling that he was. Joey worried about the silliest things sometimes, why wouldn't he worry about this?
Chandler sighed again. This wasn't a silly thing though, and he knew it. The dreams had been coming more and more frequently in recent times. He had feared on a couple of occasions that he was losing his mind, but had decided that was not the case. It wasn't like he was hearing voices, or seeing things that weren't there. He was simply having weird dreams. No, scratch that. They were more than weird dreams. They were reality. Well, to Chandler they were. Every stab that happened, every jab of pain that coursed through the victims' body, Chandler felt it.
'Looks like you are going to be a bit later than you thought' Chandler shuddered, the man's chilling voice breaking through his barriers. He didn't want to remember; the blinding pain and hysterical fear that he…no, Nicole had felt; it had been one of the most terrifying and nauseating experiences of his life.
'Don't walk away from me' Chandler swallowed harshly, his stomach rolling at the words. Why the hell was he having these dreams? What was wrong with him?
"Don't go there," he muttered under his breath, and smiled, despite himself. He was joking, at a time like this? Not that it was a surprise, that's who he was.
Chandler Bing, the guy who, no matter what the situation was, would be there to cheer everybody up. Humour was his defence, it had been for years, and he was sure that it would be for however longer he was on this Earth. But at the moment, he wasn't sure if he could even make a joke. A good one, he meant. That worried him, and he was sure that it would worry the others. They grew concerned when he didn't moke them at regular intervals, he had seen it happen so many times before.
Once again, Chandler didn't want anyone worrying about him. He didn't want their pity, nor did he want them fretting. They were only stupid dreams, it's not like it was real life. Everyone has dreams, and Chandler was sure that he wasn't the only one who had had these sorts of dreams, or worse. As unnerving as the dreams were, Chandler found some comfort in that thought. Not that he wanted people to suffer, but the selfish part of him was glad that some people were worse off. Better them then me, he thought.
He knew he was being awful, but Chandler didn't really care. He was, after all, losing his mind. Well, he wasn't, but he was freaking out. He knew that if anybody else found out about this, they would want him to see a psychiatrist. A head doctor. A fucking shrink.
As freaked out as he was, Chandler knew that seeing someone would only make it worse. Seeing a shrink would only confirm his suspicions that he was going crazy. If he saw a shrink, Chandler just knew that he would lose it, and he didn't want that to happen. Him losing it would be another way that the murderer would win. First he took Nicole's life, and now he was taking my sanity, Chandler thought dejectedly. He knew that the man wasn't real. There was no murderer, no Nicole, no Michelle or party. Chandler also knew that his brain had likely created these people for some other reason, possibly as a substitute for something. He had no idea, a shrink could probably tell him why, but there was no way he was going near one.
Chandler rubbed his hands together nervously, his palms sweating. He knew the man wasn't real. But, on some level, he was to Chandler. That thought scared him more then anything else. His slight acceptance of fiction being fact was uncommon for him, and the way his brain was trying to convince him that fiction was indeed fact, it was unsettling.
"I'm losing my mind," Chandler vocalised his fear this time, his voice trembling. A thought occurred to him; a memory from a movie or a TV show. 'Crazy people don't know they're going crazy. They think they're getting saner.' He guessed that it worked the other way round. Sane people don't know they're sane. They think they're going crazy.' Chandler smirked at the thought. It was true. He couldn't be losing his mind because he wouldn't be aware of it. It was confusing, but true. He wasn't crazy, he was just fucked up.
A knock at the door startled Chandler away from his thoughts.
"Chandler?" Joey's voice called hesitantly. "Are you okay?" Chandler frowned. Joey was worried. He didn't want that. "Chan?"
"I'm fine Joey," Chandler called after a moment. "I just slept in. I'm fine."
"You sure?" Joey still sounded uncertain, his voice sounding like that of a child.
"Yeah, I'm sure! I'll be up in a minute," Chandler said, almost soothingly.
"Okay then. You want some eggs?"
"Sounds good buddy!" Chandler listened as the footsteps moved away from the door and sighed for the last time that morning. Least he had been able to spend some time with his thoughts, as disturbing as they were, he thought as he rolled out of bed.
Thank God for weekends.
A/N - The quote about 'crazy people dont know they're going crazy' was actually a quote from 'Lost' made by John Locke. It just seemed fitting at the time, although it creates a small problem. You see, this story is meant to be set in season 4 (i havent told you guys that, but i wanted him to be without mon, but look like he did in season4/5) but lost didnt start until after season 10 finished...so if ya'all can ignore that little problem, it would be great! Please read and review! i promise more soon (if i can figure out where im going with this hehe. You guys are about as clued in as i am!)
