I have a confession to make...I may shove in a bit of Chandler/Rachel. Nothing that will overtake the story, but it just seems that that is where it is heading...please dont stop reading! hehehe, i rewrote this twice, the first time because it was all over the place, and the second time because i wanted to incorperate the title into the story... what i came up with, well, i am quite proud of, and i hope you all enjoy! Please read, and PLEASE review! I love to hear people's opinions!
Oh and i dont own friends/the characters/the actors etc etc, but if i could, i would most happily adopt matt perry...ciao!
Rachel sat on the couch next to Chandler, waiting patiently for him to begin. They had been sitting there, hand in hand, for the last five minutes - Rachel studying Chandler carefully, Chandler studying their intertwined hands, deep in thought.
Rachel was surprised with herself. Usually she was an impatient person, but in this case, she was sure she could wait all day, if that was how long it took for Chandler to begin. She had no idea what he was going through, but she was sure that telling her would be almost impossible for him to do.
Before they had sat down, Rachel had checked Chandler all over, making sure he hadn't hurt himself when he had passed out. She had voiced the option of taking him to the hospital, but Chandler had been insistent that he was fine. Rachel was still unsure about that, but let the issue drop, intending to bring it up later.
Chandler took a shaky deep breath, and looked up at Rachel with an almost shy look on his face. Rachel squeezed his hand reassuringly.
"Have you ever felt like you were climbing the walls?" he asked suddenly. Rachel frowned.
"I-I don't understand," she stammered.
"You know, like you were going crazy, insane, psycho, losing your mind-"
"I get it," Rachel interrupted softly, once again squeezing his hand.
"Climbing the walls. I heard that phrase somewhere; I don't remember where," Chandler continued in a faraway voice. "Climbing the walls from insanity. It seems fitting." He stared at Rachel for a long moment. "So have you ever felt that way?"
"I don't know honey, I suppose once or twice. After me and Ross broke up I felt a bit like that," Rachel admitted. Chandler nodded, looking back down at their hands.
"I've felt like that a lot recently," he murmured. "Like I want to start crying, but I just know that if I do, I will never stop. That you guys would look at me with pity, and things would never be the same again." Rachel frowned once again, worry sweeping over her. Chandler wasn't making much sense. She opened her mouth to voice her opinion, then closed it abruptly and waited for him to continue.
"I've been having this dream recently; for over a week now. It's of this girl, Nicole Atkins." He looked up at Rachel. "It's of her dying." Rachel nodded, scanning her mind quickly. The name, Nicole Atkins sounded familiar, but Rachel couldn't place it. It was possible that it was a character from a book or movie, and that Chandler's mind had unconsciously stolen it. "She's running late and she can't find her keys. She trips, falls to the ground. The contents of her purse spill out onto the sidewalk, and as she picks them up a man approaches her, holding up her keys.
"They talk and the man wants Nicole to blow off the party, and hang out with him. Nicole declines; she's already forty-five minute's late for Michelle's party. She goes to leave and the guy throws her up against the car. She drops the pepper spray she had reached for and he hits her and then he… stabs her." Chandler took a deep breath, his hands shaking beneath Rachel's. "She…she falls down and-and he starts taunting her and…" Chandler stopped abruptly, the words catching in his throat. Rachel squeezed his hand gently, once again urging him to go on. He gave her a shaky smile then continued.
"It felt so real Rach. I felt each stab as though it was happening to me. It felt like I was the one screaming for help, and crying helplessly. I could feel the warmth of the blood, dripping down on me from above. It was like I was the one being murdered, not Nicole." By the time Chandler finished, his voice was no more then a whisper. He paused to take a deep breath, watching Rachel's troubled face carefully. Her face was pretty calm, but he could see the pain in her eyes.
She was terrified for him.
"The dreams got worse each time. She was choking on her own blood…I thought it was happening to me as well. That's why I panicked the other day. I was sure I was dying along with her." Chandler smiled grimly at Rachel before continuing.
"Nicole never died in my dreams, not until last night. I woke up screaming, with Joey leaning over me. I was sure he was going to have a heart attack when I started hyperventilating.
"I felt her life slip away, and I was sure I was dead as well. It had felt like a deadline had been breached, but I wasn't sure that was possible. It was just a dream." Chandler laughed humourlessly. "I was sure that I was losing my mind Rach. I didn't want to worry you guys, but I felt like I was going insane. Climbing the walls. I didn't know what to do. I still don't." Chandler looked at Rachel once again, unsure of how to say what needed to be said. Rachel smiled reassuringly at him, her lips trembling slightly.
"Nicole Atkins died in my dream," Chandler said softly. "But that wasn't the only place she died."
"I-I don't understand," Rachel whispered, speaking for the first time in what felt like an eternity. She wasn't sure if Chandler had ever talked this much without making a joke. It was unsettling. The entire subject was unsettling. Chandler was worried that he was losing his mind, and Rachel was terrified that his worries were true. She couldn't lose him to insanity. Hell, she couldn't lose him under any circumstances.
"They found her body yesterday," Chandler explained quietly. A gasp escaped Rachel's lips at his words. "She had been stabbed twice, on her way to a party. It was in the newspaper today."
There was a long silence; Rachel taking in this new information, Chandler watching her.
"But…but how could you have-"
"Known?" Chandler interrupted. Rachel nodded. He shook his head, tears welling up in his eyes.
"I don't know. Everything is telling me it can't be possible. But it is. Nicole Atkins died. I knew she was going to die. I felt it. But I did nothing to stop it." Chandler stared at Rachel for a long time, not wanting to say the next part. He was ashamed of himself, and was sure that Rachel would be too.
"She died because of me," he whispered finally, the tears spilling over onto his cheeks. To his surprise, Rachel wrapped her arms around him, and once again he found himself sobbing in her arms. But this time, he wasn't the only one crying. Rachel wept along with him; her tears caused by concern, confusion and despair. She wasn't sure how all of this was possible, but she never once doubted Chandler.
"I'm a horrible person Rach," he cried, his voice wracked with harsh sobs. "I let her die!" Rachel shook her head, pulling him closer.
"You didn't know," she whispered. "It's not your fault Chandler. You didn't know."
"His sobs intensified, and Rachel felt a sudden wave of anger wash over her. She cared about Chandler, more then she thought possible, and he was hurting. That infuriated her more then anything; more then Ross cheating on her, or her parents bickering.
"Oh god Rachel, I need help," Chandler whimpered, burying his face into her neck. Rachel scowled, her anger intensifying.
She wanted answers.
