Hey guys! I was gonna make this chapter longer, but then i decided what i was actually gonna write, and that would've ended up to be around 6000 words, and i wanted to put this up asap, so i cut it in half...the next chapter should be on its way within a day or so!

Oh, and there are some song lyrics mentioned in this chapter 'who can decide what they dream, and dream I do?' Those lyrics are once again taken from the Evanescence song 'Taking Over Me'. I used that song in the last chapter as well...i was listening to it one day while writing and thought it seemed fitting! So, Please read and review, and please enjoy! Kisses!

I do not own friends/characters/actors but i wish i owned Chandler Bing...that would be awesome.


Rachel opened her eyes and stared blearily at the clock next to the bed. 10:46am. She had slept through her alarm, and missed work. That mean's another apologetic phone call to her boss. At this rate she was going to lose her job. No. She was sure that her boss would understand. Her boyfriend had a brain tumour.

Boyfriend…was Chandler her boyfriend? They had kissed a couple of times, and had practically confessed their feelings to one another, but did that qualify them as being a couple? Rachel wasn't sure, but it didn't matter at the moment. If he wasn't her boyfriend now, she had no doubt that he would be soon and that thought comforted her. Unless something happened last night that had changed Chandler's mind. She frowned, remembering the dishevelled state he had been in last night. He had obviously seen something horrific, and it had left him in shock. And the blood…whose blood had that been? Rachel worried her lip nervously. What the hell could have happened? All he had done was talk to Sarah, right?

What if he goes there and she doesn't listen?

Or if he goes there, and she's already dead

Ross's shouted words came screaming back to her and she shuddered. What if that had happened? Something warm trickled down her chin and Rachel realised her lip was bleeding. She stopped chewing it and wiped away the blood, then rolled over to face Chandler. She wanted to know – needed to know – what had happened last night.

Chandler was staring at the roof, a blank look on his face. One hand still clung to her shirt, making Rachel worry all the more.

"Hi," she whispered. Chandler turned his head to face her and smiled faintly.

"Hi," he whispered back, turning his head towards the ceiling once more.

"What are you doing?" she asked, glancing at the roof; looking for what he was staring at. Chandler shook his head, the ghost of a smile remaining.

"Just thinking," he murmured. Rachel mirrored his smile, cuddling up to her friend –lover? - and rubbing his stomach gently.

"About what?" Another head shake, but this time the smile disappeared.

"Just….stuff." Rachel nodded. "Everything. Anything, you know?"

"Yeah." Chandler turned to face her once more, his eyes filled with sadness.

"Sarah is dead," he whispered. Rachel's eyes widened, her eyebrows rising in shock.

"What?"

"I was too late; she was dead when I got there." A lone tear ran down Chandler's nose and dripped onto the pillow. Rachel shook her head.

"But…you only had the dream the night before!" she exclaimed. Chandler nodded.

"I know…but she died anyway." He closed his eyes tightly as Rachel processed this information.

"How could you have known? How could you have saved her?" she hissed.

"That's what I said." Chandler laughed humourlessly, opening his eyes once more. There was a haunted look on his face and Rachel knew that he was remembering. He had seen her body. He had seen the body of the woman he was meant to save.

"Was….how bad…was it?" she whispered. Chandler sighed shakily, running a hand over his face. Rachel noticed his raw hands, and his blood caked nails, but said nothing.

"It was bad," he answered finally. "Really…she was so….god Rach, she was slaughtered! I…I didn't know what to do, you know? It was too late, and…" he trailed of, a pained look taking over his face.

"And?" Rachel prompted gently. Chandler's breath hitched in his throat, and he swallowed harshly.

"She…she looked like Monica, Rach," he whispered. "I didn't realise it before, but she did…and I-I… I thought, I thought that…" he shook his head, unable to continue.

"You thought that it was Mon?" Rach asked quietly, tears springing to her eyes. God, Chandler must have been terrified.

"Just for a second, but….what if it was her next? Or Joey? Or…you?" he shook his head again. "I-I couldn't….I couldn't cope with that, you know?"

"I know," Rachel whispered, taking his tender hand in her own.

"Her fingernails, I didn't tell you guys this, but…" he paused, swallowing once again. "They…they had been ripped off. She- she was clawing at the ground, trying to stop him from dragging her, but… it didn't work. Her thumb and middle finger, the nails were still there, but just barely." Rachel was horrified by the image that description had made in her mind. But she could only imagine. Chandler didn't have to.

"God," she whispered. "I'm…I don't know what to say sweetie. 'I'm sorry' just doesn't seem to cut it."

"It's okay, I know what you mean," Chandler murmured. He rubbed his face once more. "Jesus…I don't think I will ever be able to get that image out of my head. It was ten times as worse as Nicole's…I can only imagine what the next one will be like."

"Maybe you won't have another dream?" Rachel suggested half-heartedly, knowing that wouldn't be the case. The world was determined to screw over Chandler Bing.

"I would love to believe that Rach; I really would. But it's not true," Chandler muttered.

"I know," Rachel whispered. "Who can decide what they dream?"

"And dream I do," Chandler finished, smiling slightly. "Is that from a song?"

"I have no idea," Rachel answered honestly. Chandler's smile grew wider, and he leaned his head against Rachel's. They lay in silence for a while, before Rachel spoke up.

"What did you do? I mean, after you found her?" she asked softly.

"I screamed, I yelled, I cried and I ran," Chandler whispered. Rachel frowned.

"You ran?"

"Yeah…there were sirens heading that way; I don't think they would have believed my explanation," he muttered.

"Then what did you do?"

"I ran…a lot. Then I stopped to catch my breath, and noticed my gloves were, they were covered in…"

"Blood?" Rachel supplied gently.

"Yeah. I took them off and threw them away, then tried to wipe the blood off my clothes…stupid huh?" Rachel shook her head, and Chandler smiled. "Then I realised that my hands were now covered in b-blood, so I…well, I threw up… a lot. Then I washed my hands…a lot. And then I sat there in the rain, and cried…for a long time; hours maybe, I don't know, I lost track of time. Then I came here."

"It's a surprise you didn't catch pneumonia," Rachel mused. Chandler smirked.

"I knew you would say something like that."

"Am I that predictable?" she whispered. Chandler smiled faintly, squeezing her hand.

"No… I for one never predicted you would be lying in bed next to me," he muttered. Rachel grinned.

"Well, I for one do not mind lying in bed next to you." Chandler's smile grew wider, and then faded suddenly, the haunted look returning. "Are you going to be okay?" It was a stupid question. He had a brain tumour, was dreaming about people's deaths and had sat next to a dead body the night before. Of course he was not going to be okay.

"I-I don't think so Rach, I really don't," Chandler answered softly. "I think I will be able to deal with this though." Rachel nodded, pressing her lips against his covered shoulder. Chandler sighed, leaning closer.

"We should get out of bed," he murmured.

"Hungry?" Rachel asked, planting another kiss; this time against his chest. Chandler smiled slightly.

"Like you wouldn't believe…I feel like I haven't eaten since dinosaurs walked the Earth…or maybe since the last time Ross droned on about them walking the Earth. I wouldn't really want to experience either; they're both pretty terrifying." Rachel smiled into his chest.

"I can relate," she muttered. Chandler laughed lightly, causing Rachel's smile to grow wider. She lifted her head and grinned at him.

"I love hearing you laugh," she said softly. Chandler smiled shyly.

"Make me laugh and I'll do it more often."

"Okay, but how could I make you laugh?" Rachel wondered out loud. Chandler smirked, the sadness in his eyes beginning to lift.

"I don't know, maybe you should figure that out?" he said lightly. Rachel giggled, then leaned forward. "I haven't brushed my teeth," Chandler reminded her.

"I don't care," she whispered, and softly pressed her lips against his. Chandler's hand disappeared into Rachel's hair and he rolled over slightly, deepening the kiss.

"Rach?" There was a knock at the door, and Rachel groaned, pulling away. "You awake? I've got breakfast."

"I'll be out in a minute Mon!" Rachel yelled, slightly irritated.

"Okay." The pair listened to the footsteps move away from the door, and then glanced at each other.

"You feel like some breakfast?" Rachel asked. Chandler smiled.

"It doesn't really interest me anymore," he said, moving in for another kiss. His stomach protested, begging to be fed. Rachel giggled and grabbed Chandler's hand.

"Come on." She pulled him to his feet and started for the door.

"Wait, I can survive without food," Chandler protested. Rachel shook her head, laughing. "I'm horny and desperate for love, remember?"

"I remember," Rachel teased, reaching up and kissing the tip of his nose. "Now come on; Joey's probably wondering where you are." Chandler's face darkened, and he nodded.

"Yeah." Rachel pulled open the door and walked into the living room, Chandler following closely behind. Monica and Ross looked up from their breakfast, identical expressions of surprise covering their faces.

"Oh! Morning Chandler," Monica exclaimed after a moment's silence.

"Morning," Chandler said softly, still following Rachel. She smiled at him and took a seat at the table, motioning for him to do the same. "Uh, has anyone seen Joey?"

"I think he's still in bed, why?" Ross asked, over his initial shock. Now he glanced from Chandler to Rachel, slightly wary of how they were going to react to him. He hadn't talked to either since the day before, when they had both yelled at him. His cheek was slightly red from Rachel's hand, and he felt like an idiot. Why couldn't he keep his mouth shut? He would have to sit down with them both to apologise, he thought as he dug into his bacon and eggs. And find out exactly why Chandler had slept in Rachel's bed. Not that he minded; Rachel wasn't his to keep after all, but a hint of jealousy still lingered.

"I have to talk to him…I'll be right back." Chandler explained, bringing Ross back to the present. Chandler walked over to the door, then stopped and turned around. "Why aren't you guys at work?"

"Um, well, we took a few days off," Rachel lied, glancing down at her plate.

"In other words, you didn't show up?"

"Yeah," Ross answered, smiling slightly. Chandler smirked, shaking his head.

"Hey, I went to work," Monica said defensively.

"I know Mon; I'll be right back." Chandler opened the door, only to be stopped by Ross.

"Hey man, can we talk later?" Ross asked softly. He had to ask now, before he lost his nerve. Having Chandler angry at him was not something he enjoyed, especially at the moment when they both had other problems. Chandler needed all of his friends right now, and him being angry at Ross wasn't something he should have to worry about. Chandler glanced at Ross thoughtfully then smiled and nodded.

"Of course." He grinned, then left the room, the door shutting quietly behind him.

"Talk about what?" Rachel asked, biting into a piece of bacon.

"About yesterday…you know, I sort of want to apologise…to you as well as Chan." Rachel raised her eyebrows in surprise. She had completely forgotten about that.

"Oh, you know what Ross, its fine, really. We were both pretty upset. It's okay," she paused, smiling slightly. "I'm sorry I slapped you."

"I'm sorry I said…what I said. I didn't mean it," Ross muttered. Rachel nodded, her smile widening.

"Okay, so we're good. So tell me Rach… why did Chandler sleep in your bed last night? Or…aren't we allowed to know?" Monica asked, her voice sounding eager. Rachel was surprised; Monica seemed to be very accepting towards her and Chandler being together, given that she was also in love with him. It was possible that she was over Chandler. Or that she was trying to get over him.

"Nothing happened you guys; Chandler was just really upset…make that shattered," she answered softly. Ross frowned.

"What happened?" a thought crossed his mind and he gasped. "Oh my god, did he go see Sarah?"

"Yeah, yeah he did," Rachel said grimly.

"And?" Monica pressed. Rachel sighed.

"Well, I don't know if I should tell you this; Chandler might have wanted to tell you guys. But I'm sure it's better for me to say it. He has enough problems at the moment, without having to worry about reliving this." She frowned. Chandler was reliving this anyway, she was sure. He would be for a long time. But it had been hard enough for him to tell her, she couldn't imagine how difficult it would be for him to tell the rest of the group.

"What happened?" Monica asked, sounding distressed. Rachel's words hadn't left her with warm, fuzzy feelings. In fact, it had sounded like Chandler had visited hell itself. Rachel sighed once more; looking at the siblings troubled faces, then proceeded to tell them what Chandler had told her.

"Oh my god," Monica whispered once she had finished. "Oh my god."

"That…that just isn't fair," Ross muttered, looking angry. Rachel nodded.

"That's what we said."

"He…he thought it was me?" Monica asked, sickened by that thought.

"For a second. I-I think that was the worst thing about it for him; imagining someone he loved like that!" Monica's heart leapt at Rachel's words, and she immediately felt selfish and guilty. Chandler had been through a horrific ordeal and she was jumping for joy at the thought that Chandler loved her. How egotistical could she get? Plus, she knew that Rachel hadn't meant love; not in the way that Monica wanted. That word; that feeling, was now reserved for Rachel and Rachel alone. Chandler loved Rachel, not you, Monica reprimanded herself. And you are okay with that.

She really was okay with that; she had dealt with that fact for quite a while now. It was time to move on.

"How could he be expected to be able to help her? He was given over a week for Nicole, and what? He gets one measly day to save Sarah? How fucked up can you get!" Ross exclaimed. Rachel raised her eyebrows in surprise. Ross had never been one to swear, but emotions brought out the best – or worst- in people. She had already been aware that this situation was a serious one, but Ross cursing had confirmed that fact. She wasn't sure why, or how, but it had.

"I know Ross, I know," she muttered. "I feel… I feel like the world is out to get him, you know? Like, I don't know, the powers that be see him as their own little toy, something that they can toss around at will. Like he is something that they can mess with, and don't care whether or not he is going to break. They can always find a new toy, can't they?" her voice was bitter, and she was angrily attacking her now-cold eggs with her fork. "If I feel that way, how do you think Chandler feels?"

"What do you mean by 'break'?" Ross asked softly. Rachel glanced up at him, frowning.

"What do think I mean, Ross? He can't cope with this; what happens to a person when they can't cope?" she spat out.

"You're afraid that he's going to snap?" Monica whispered. Rachel nodded, suddenly teary eyed.

"I asked him if he was going to be okay, and he said he didn't think so," she murmured. "But he said that he thinks that he will be able to deal with it. But what if he can't? What if, one day, he just loses it completely? Oh god, what if he…" she trailed off, her hand coming up to cover her mouth.

"What if he what?" Ross gently urged.

"What if he can't cope with the dreams anymore? What if he decides that the only way to make them stop is to…"

"You think he might hurt himself?" Monica asked, horrified.

"How else could he make the dreams stop? He can't exactly tell his mind what to do while he's sleeping! No one can decide what they dream," she said softly. "What if he does…try?"

"We can't let that happen," Ross said firmly. "He's already dying; there is no way we are going to lose him before his time is up."

"But what if we do?" Monica questioned quietly after a moment.

"We'll just have to keep an eye on him," Ross answered. Monica shook her head.

"That's not what I meant. What if he doesn't die, but we lose him anyway? Not his body, but his mind. I don't know about you two, but I'm not really sure which would be worse. Knowing that he has gone to a better place? Or knowing that he is trapped inside his own damn mind; stuck with all his demons. I just don't know which would be worse." Ross and Rachel stared at Monica.

They didn't know either.


"Joe?" Chandler called as he walked into their apartment.

"Chan?" Joey's voice called from his room. He entered the living room quickly, relief covering his face. "Oh thank god! I was up half the night worrying about you!"

"Sorry," Chandler said softly as his friend walked over to him.

"It's okay. Where the hell were you?"

"I went to talk to Sarah…and then I, uh, stayed with Rachel," Chandler explained, telling his best friend the bare essentials. A grin spread across Joeys face, and he clapped Chandler on the shoulder.

"You dog! I was wondering when you two would get your act together!" he said happily. Chandler let out a short laugh.

"It wasn't like that man." Joey's face fell, his hand dropping from Chandler's shoulder.

"Oh."

"Well…it was a bit," Chandler countered. The grin returned on Joeys face.

"Oh really? What, she kissed you?"

"Yeah…and I kissed her," Chandler said, smiling slightly.

"Cool," Joey commented, still grinning. "But let me get this straight. You stayed with Rachel last night, slept in the same bed as a beautiful woman, and nothing happened?"

"I'm not you Joe," Chandler teased, smirking.

"Point taken. So, you spent the night talking?" Chandler's smile faded.

"No…we didn't talk last night," he murmured, his face clouding. Joey frowned.

"You okay man?" he asked.

D-Don't hurt me

Chandler swallowed, the sudden vision sickening him.

"Chan? What's wrong?"

"I-I need to sit down," Chandler whispered, starting to shake. How could he have been acting so upbeat? Sarah was dead. Lying in a pool of her own blood, nails ripped from her fingers. Chandler's knees buckled.

"Whoa!" Joey exclaimed, grabbing his arm before he hit the ground. "You alright?"

"Yeah, I just need to…" Chandler trailed off, his legs buckling once more. Joey wrapped his arm around Chandler's waist and half led, half carried him over to the couch. He sat him down, then took a seat next to him.

"Better?" he asked gently. Chandler pressed the palm of his hand against his eye, groaning slightly.

"Yeah," he said after a moment. "Just felt a bit dizzy, is all."

"Dizzy? You got a headache?" Chandler nodded. "Is it like the other day? Before you had the-"

"I'm not going to have another seizure," Chandler said, cutting him off. Joey nodded, but still looked unsure.

"Maybe I should call Dr. Phillips."

"No!" Chandler yelled. Joey looked taken aback, so he lowered his voice. "I-I was just thinking…remembering, you know."

"The dream?" Joey asked gently.

"Yes…and no."

"I don't understand."

"I went to see Sarah last night," Chandler explained, his voice trembling.

"You said that," Joey reminded him. There was a short silence. "And?" Joey asked finally.

"And…I was too late." Joey's mouth fell open in shock.

"You mean-"

"She's dead Joey," Chandler said bitterly.

D-Don't hurt me

Chandler moaned, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. He didn't want to remember.

"Y-You want to tell me about it?" Joey asked tentatively. Chandler shook his head, and opened his eyes.

"I already explained it once," he murmured. "You can ask Rachel later." Joey nodded.

"Do you want me to lie to you again Chan?" he asked after a moment's silence. Chandler shook his head once more.

"No," he whispered. "But…"

"But what?" Joey asked softly. Chandler sighed, glancing down at his body. He was still clad in his boxers and the oversized jersey.

"Never mind," he muttered.

"But what?" Chandler glanced at his best friend, and sighed once more. He leaned against Joey, resting his head on his friend's shoulder.

"Could you just, you know…" he trailed off, too embarrassed to continue.

"Hold you?" Joey finished gently. Chandler nodded.

"Yeah," he murmured. Joey smiled sadly and wrapped his arm around his friend's shoulder, pulling him closer. Chandler clutched at Joey's shirt and closed his eyes, a shudder coursing through his body.

"Whatever you need Chan, I'm here for you," Joey said quietly. Chandler nodded.

"I know," he whispered. "Thankyou."