Hey! I wasnt going to post another chapter tonight..he'll i wasnt going to FINISH another chapter tonight, but my finger's would not stop! This chapter was not planned at all, but it just came to me while i was writing, so all the other chapters that i have planned got nudged back one chapter hehe. Oh, andi feel i must apoligize to any Phoebe fans out there! I know she hasnt been featured much in my story, and there is a good reason for that; two actually! Number 1 - Phoebe is hard to write for...some of the things that come out her mouth are jsut like 'Whoa!" and 2 - She doesnt really fit anywhere into the story; she's a supporting character. I mean, we have Chandler - the main character, Rachel - the love interest, Joey - the main character best friend. Monica - love interests best friend, who is aslo in love with main character and Ross - main character's other best friend, who is also still in love with love interest...Phoebe just doesnt fit anywhere! I'm glad i explained that! This is just a short chapter, i wrote it in just over an hour, and i will have another chapter up by tomorrow night! So please read and review!
I don't own friends/characters/actors, but i wouldnt mind Matt perry's hand wrapped in my shirt!
Rachel glanced at the clock, chewing at her lip. It had become a bad habit, and she knew she had to stop, but couldn't. It gave her something to do when she was worrying. Which she was now.
Chandler had said he would be right back. That had been over an hour ago. He must have been starving by now. Unless Joey had fed him, she thought. That seemed unlikely though; the two usually came here for breakfast. Why have a bowl of cereal when you could have a trained chef cook for you?
Maybe he was having a shower? That also seemed unlikely, judging from how hungry he had seemed. That meant that him and Joey must have been talking about something; something that took over an hour to discuss. God, what if something had happened? Joey would have come to get them, or yelled loud enough for them to hear something. Unless he had been unable to.
Rachel rose from her seat, smoothing back her still damp hair. She had showered and dressed while she waited; hoping Chandler would be back when she got out.
"Where are you going?" Ross asked, glancing up from the magazine he was reading.
"I'm going to check on Chandler," she murmured.
"Rach-"
"He said he would be right back Ross! That was over an hour ago."
"Rach, you're being slightly overprotective." Rachel turned to face her ex-lover.
"I don't care Ross! After what he went through- what he is going through- I think me being overprotective is acceptable, don't you think?" Ross sighed.
"I-I guess so," he murmured.
"It's been over an hour," Rachel said once again.
"I know."
"Something might be wrong."
"Joey would look after him," Ross countered.
"He said he'd be right back Ross….he's not," Rachel muttered. Ross sighed once more, and glanced back down at his magazine. "Remind him that I need to talk to him."
"Okay." Rachel headed over to the door and opened it, then turned back to face her friend. "Tell Monica that I'll be back to help in a minute." Monica was in the shower at that moment, but she had asked Rachel for some help in a cake. Rachel never helped Monica cook – she never really needed any help- but she had agreed. She was pretty sure that Monica wanted her company more then anything else.
"Okay," Ross called as she walked out into the hallway. She shut the door behind her then walked six paces across the hallway and opened the door to Apartment 19.
"Chandler?" she called, closing the door quietly behind her.
"Hey Rach." Rachel jumped at the sound of Joey's voice. He was walking out of his room, a blanket in his hand.
"Hey Joe, where's Chandler?" she asked. He jerked his head towards the couch. Rachel walked forward slightly and glanced over to where he had indicated. "Oh."
Chandler was spread out on the couch, stirring restlessly in his sleep. Joey smiled grimly at Rachel, then walked over and carefully covered Chandler with the blanket. Once Chandler was covered, Joey walked back over to the kitchen.
"He fell asleep?" Rachel asked quietly.
"Just a few minutes ago; we were talking and then suddenly he went weird and nearly passed out on me," Joey explained, looking haunted. "I thought he was about to have another damn seizure Rach, I really did!"
"But he didn't?"
"No, thank god. I practically had to carry him over to the couch though. He said he was dizzy, so I was gonna call Dr. Phillips, but Chandler being Chandler was stubborn about it. He told me about Sarah." Joey's voice was low, and Rachel could hear the pain emitted from it. "Told me that he had been too late. That was all; told me to ask you about the rest. Then he asked me to…"
"To what?" Rachel pressed gently.
"To hold him; God Rach, he is so vulnerable at the moment!" Joey exclaimed. Rachel was unsure if she had ever heard Joey use the word 'vulnerable' before, but he was right.
"I know sweetie," she murmured, glancing over as Chandler once more stirred in his sleep.
"So…what happened? With Sarah I mean. Did he…did he see her, uh, her body?" Joey stammered. Rachel let out a long breath then nodded.
"Yeah," she muttered. "Yeah, he did."
Her attacker started to drag her away; towards the alleyway next to her house, Sarah thought through the haze of pain. She attempted to dig her fingers into the ground, trying to stop the attacker from pulling her further. She ended up with her fingers being ripped open by the rough pavement, and still being dragged along.
"No, no, no, no, no," Sarah moaned as they entered the alleyway. Her arms were scratched, and had started to bleed. Sarah didn't care about that. Her back was aching, and she was having trouble breathing. "D-Don't hurt me."
The laughter returned and Sarah suddenly found herself on her back. She squinted into the darkness, trying to identify her attacker.
"P-Please," she begged, her voice a throaty whisper. Her attacker's head shook and Sarah saw a knife being raised. She whimpered, and closed her eyes tightly.
She didn't want to watch.
"No," she whispered again. "Please!"
Pain exploded in her stomach; pain like she had never felt before. Sarah let out a choked scream, her eyes flying open. "No…please don't…no." She could feel herself weakening; feel her body shutting down. At that moment she realised that she was going to die. She didn't feel fear, just acceptance of what was about to happen. Her only wish was that it would be quick, but something told her that that would not be the case.
Laughter echoed through the alley once more and Sarah saw the moonlight shinning off the blade of the knife as it was raised once more. Sarah gasped; deciding to try one more time to summon her saviour. She opened her mouth and screamed with all her strength.
"Please! Help me! God, somebody help!" The knife came down. "No!"
"Chandler!"
Chandler bolted upright, gasping for breath as sweat poured into his eyes. He looked around frantically, taking in his surroundings. Both Rachel and Joey were leaning over him, identical expressions of concern masking their faces. Chandler reached up with trembling fingers and touched his nose. It was bleeding.
"C-Can I have a t-tissue please?" he whispered, his voice shaking noticeably. Rachel reached into her pocket and held it out, a small smile covering her face. Chandler stared at the tissue, then glanced up at Rachel. "Please?" his words echoed that of both his last night and Sarah's…also last night. He shuddered at the thought.
"I should know by now," Rachel murmured, pressing the tissue up against his nose. Chandler sighed, squeezing his eyes shut tightly.
D-Don't hurt me
Please!
He moaned and leaned into Joey, who had taken a seat next to him. His best friend wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer. Chandler, like always, grabbed a fistful of Joey's shirt and shivered. The scene probably would have looked odd to anyone who came in at that moment. Two guys clad in nothing but boxers and shirts; one holding the other, while a pretty lady pressed a tissue against the embraced one's nose. He suppressed a laugh at the thought, knowing it would come out manic and hysterical, and most likely be followed by tears. He didn't want that. He was tired of crying. No, he wasn't tired of crying, he was just plain tired. Chandler shivered once more.
"You gonna be okay man?" Joey whispered in his ear. He shrugged indifferently, feeling hot tears fill his eyes.
"Damnit," he muttered, raising a hand to angrily swipe at the tears. He had told himself that he didn't want to cry, but here he was, on the verge of breaking down once more.
"It's okay to cry, sweetie," Rachel said softly. Chandler shook his head.
"I-I'm tired of crying." The words came out as a whimper, and Chandler swallowed the lump in his throat. He wasn't going to cry; he couldn't, wouldn't, mustn't cry. He was sick to death of crying. He wasn't going to cry; he couldn't, wouldn-
"Chandler." Joey's voice interrupted Chandler's new found mantra. He glared up at his friend.
"You interrupted me," he muttered. Joey and Rachel exchanged a worried glance. Chandler looked away from Joey, staring down at his hands. Sarah's blood was still caked under his nails. He swallowed once more. That damn lump just would not go away. But he wasn't going to cry. He couldn't, wouldn't, mustn-
"Chandler?" Joey interrupted once more. Chandler glanced up at him once more, then looked back down.
"I am not going to cry," he said firmly, then swallowed once more; trying to get rid of that damn lump. "I'm not going to cry. I can't, I won't, I mustn't cry. I am not going to cry."
"Chandler? Sweetie?" Rachel whimpered, lifting his head so that he was looking at her.
"I am not going to cry," Chandler repeated, trying once again to bury the lump. It stubbornly stayed there, and Chandler felt his eyes fill with tears once more. "Son of a bitch!" he yelled, swiping at the tears.
"I'm gonna call Dr. Mackenzie," Joey informed Rachel, and started to get up. Chandler grabbed at his shirt and pulled him back down.
"No!" he shouted, his lower lip trembling. "I am not going to cry! I can't, I won-" Chandler's voice cracked and a sob escaped his lips. "I can't," he whimpered, before breaking down completely. Joey pulled him into his arms, whispering comforting words in his ear as he glanced helplessly at Rachel. She was crying silently, her hand covering her mouth to stop any sound that may come out. Joey's lip quivered and he swallowed the lump that appeared in his throat; unaware that Chandler had tried to do the same thing just moments ago. He looked back down at his best friend; hysterically crying in his arms. Joey feared that he was getting close to cracking; close to climbing those damn walls he had mentioned previously.
"I am not going to cry," Chandler sobbed. "I-I can't."
"It's okay to cry Chandler," Joey whispered, stroking his best friend's hair. Chandler shook his head.
"I can't…I won't."
"Hey," Phoebe said softly as Rachel shut Chandler's door behind her. "How is he?" Chandler had stopped crying after a while, but had continued to mutter his new mantra over and over. Joey had ended up carrying Chandler to his bedroom, while Rachel went and summoned their friends; explaining the situation. Phoebe had joined the siblings while Rachel had been gone, so she had trailed into the boy's apartment, just as worried as the others. Rachel had then returned to Chandler's side, but he had seemed to react negatively to her touch; preferring to keep close to Joey. This had hurt Rachel; she couldn't figure out why he was suddenly doing that. Perhaps he felt embarrassed that she had seen him break down like that. Rachel sighed. She didn't know.
"He….I-I don't really know Pheebs," she answered her blond friend's question. "I think he…I think he just snapped. He just wouldn't stop repeating those damn words…it has never been this bad before."
"I called Dr. Mackenzie," Ross said softly after a moment of silence. "Told him the situation. He said that…he said that it was our choice if we wanted Chandler to be-"
"To be what, Ross?" Rachel asked tiredly.
"To be committed," Ross whispered. Rachel stared at him in horror.
"You mean…like, men all dressed in white committed?" she hissed. Ross nodded miserably. "Oh god."
"Do you think that's necessary?" Monica asked softly.
"I-I don't know Mon, I don't want him to be," Rachel answered. She suddenly felt like she had aged 40 years in the past hour.
"Dr. Mackenzie said that at the very least, he want's Chandler to come and see him as soon as possible," Ross informed them. Rachel nodded.
"Maybe…maybe we should do that first," she suggested.
"Yeah; it seems a bit to early to think about…you know, someone taking him away," Phoebe agreed.
"Yeah, okay, we'll wait and see what happens," Rachel murmured. "God…you should have seen him! I thought after the seizure, I could never be more scared…I was wrong. He was just muttering that he couldn't cry; couldn't, wouldn't." Rachel covered her mouth with her hand, a small sob escaping her lips.
"Rach," Monica began, her eyes shining with tears. Rachel shook her head.
"I-I have to go check on him. You better get back to your cake," she whispered, turning to face the boy's bedrooms.
"Okay," Monica agreed softly. "We'll be in the other apartment."
"Okay." Rachel waited until she heard she door close, then made her way over to Chandler's bedroom.
"Hey," Joey greeted softly as she entered the room. He was sitting on the bed next to Chandler, who was staring at the roof, unblinking. Thankfully he had stopped muttering. Rachel sighed and sat down on the other side of the bed.
"Hey," she greeted back, taking Chandler's tender hand in her own. He didn't pull away this time, which Rachel was thankful for. She stared down at their hands, then glanced up when Chandler's other hand moved. He reached into his shirt and took hold of her family ring, gripping it tightly. Joey looked at Rachel, wondering where the ring had come from. "I gave it to him last night; for good luck," she explained.
Joey nodded, gnawing at his lip.
"So…no one is gonna take him away from us?" he asked after a moment's silence. Rachel shook her head.
"Not right now," she murmured, rubbing Chandler's fingers gently. Joey nodded once more.
"Good…I don't want him somewhere where we can't look after him," he muttered. It was Rachel's turn to nod. She stared at Chandler's blank face, still staring up at the roof. Every now and then tears would spring to his eyes, but he would quickly blink them away. Rachel could imagine what he was thinking.
He wasn't going to cry; he couldn't, wouldn't, mustn't cry
She took in a shuddering breath, and then leaned forward.
"Chandler, sweetie? Are you hungry?" she asked gently. Chandler shook his head, still staring at the roof, fingers holding the ring tightly.
"You sure? You were hungry before," she reminded him. Chandler frowned, and then shook his head once more. "Okay, just tell me when you want something to eat." She pressed his hand against her lips, then released it. "I'm gonna go check on the other guys," she said, reluctantly standing. Chandler grabbed her shirt with his free hand, and turned his head to face her.
"Don't let them take me away," he pleaded, his voice little more than a whisper. Rachel shook her head.
"I won't sweetie, I promise you," she whispered. Chandler nodded, and released her shirt. He turned his head to face Joey, who smiled comfortingly at him. Rachel watched him for a moment, then sighed and turned to leave.
"Rach?"
"Yeah Chandler?" she turned back around, hoping that Chandler's blue eyes were on her once more. She was disappointed, but not surprised to find that they were still directed Joey's way.
"I-I might have something to eat later," Chandler said softly. "W-When I don't feel so…sick."
"Okay honey, I'll get Monica to make you some soup." Chandler nodded.
"Thankyou." Rachel glanced up at Joey, then smiled grimly and left the room. Chandler felt his lip tremble, but he ignored it. He wasn't going to cry.
He couldn't.
Wouldn't.
Mustn't.
He wasn't going to cry.
