..: Countin' Cajuns :..

DISCLAIMER: "This is an ad for chimney sweeps!" "Is it, Marge? Is it? …Oh, it is."


Remy made a weird squeaky noise trying to pick up his acoustic guitar.

"Oh, right," Forge said, and zapped him back to normal.

Remy picked up his guitar with all the dignity he could muster.

"RAHM!" Forge yelled FF-ly. "Get to your places!"

Remy started playing his guitar.

Sam fixed a camera on its tripod, then ran back over to Rahne, picked her up, and went into the gingerbread house.

Well, he tried to. He bumped his head on the doorframe (which stopped just under his chin) twice before he gave up and Cannonballed through.

Remy started singing.

So she said, what's de problem, baby?

What's de problem, I dunno

Well, maybe 'm in love (love)

T'ink 'bout it

Ever'time I t'ink 'bout it

Can' stop t'inkin' 'bout it

The door shut, showing the number 2 in a little heart. Fireflies swarmed and formed the words "Redneck Shrek" above it.

How much longer will it take to cure dis?

Just t' cure it

'Cuz I can' ignore it if it's love (love)

Sam bit back a scream as Rahne ripped a strip of wax off his leg.

"What the…?" Forge said.

"Ah – ow! – lost a bet," Sam said. "That Ah-"

"Could beat Jamie at DDR," everyone droned dully.

"Ow! No," Sam said. "That Ah couldn' beat Remy at it. Ow!"

"Remy got a C," Rahne said. "Sam got a B."

"Lemme guess, Swamp Rat," Rogue said. "Tha pad was reallah slippery."

"Non, it was really sticky," Remy said, and starting playing again.

Makes me wanna turn around et face me

But I don' know not'in' 'bout love

Big Red Riding Hood skipped on up to Rahm's gingerbread house and knocked on the door.

Sam opened the door. Big Red took one look at him and Rahne behind him, then shrieked and ran for her life, dropping the basket behind her.

Rahne and Sam looked down at the basket, then up at each other and grinned.

Oh

Come on, come on

Turn a li'l faster

Come on, come on

De world will follow after

Come on, come on

Ever'body's after love

Now on a beach and in a swimsuit, Rahne picked up a drumstick. She tossed it aside and jumped on Sam.

"…Ah'm scared," Sam squeaked.

"Just go with it," Bobby advised. "Forget about all the people watching you make out with her."

"You're not helping," Jubes told him.

"I know," Bobby said cheerfully.

So I said 'm a snowball runnin'

Rahm rolled down the beach, still in a liplock (more like Rahne licking the side of Sam's face, actually), until a wake broke over them. Sam glanced over and saw that it was no longer Rahne licking his face, but Jeaniel the Mermaid.

"GAH!" Sam pushed Jeaniel off him and scrambled away as fast as he could while Rahne grabbed her by the tail and tossed her off into the ocean, where Shark!Lance and Shark!Pietro set about tying her to an anchor.

"In the movie, the sharks eat her," Forge said. "But it was cruel enough to make Sam kiss her."

"But Jean has TK," Kitty pointed out.

"…Damn, I forgot about that."

Runnin' down into dis spring

Dat's comin' all dis love

Meltin' under bleu skies

Beltin' out sunlight shimmerin' love

Rahne dusted off her hands and glanced back at Sam, who was rocking back and forth with a horrified expression on his face. "She was lickin' meh…" he whimpered.

Robbie the Dwarf plucked out a gold ring from glowing coals with a pair of tongs and dropped it in Sam's hand. "Hot potato! Hot potato!" Sam yelled, tossing it from hand to hand before it flew up in the air.

Well, baby, I surrender

To de strawberry ice cream

Never ever end o' all dis love

Well, I didn' mean t' do it

But dere's no escapin' y' love

Rahne reached out her hand, and it slipped down her ring finger. The words "I Love You" glowed on the ring.

"Everybody with me now," John said. "AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

Oh

Dese lines o' lightnin' mean we're never alone

Sam ran in slow-mo through a field of daisies toward Rahne, who was running toward him (also in slow-mo). They grabbed each other's hands and ran off as Scott, Evan, and Duncan the Stupid Angry Villager People ran after them with their torches and pitchforks…in slow-mo.

Never alone, non, non

Come on, come on

Jump a li'l higher

Come on, come on

If y' feel a li'l lighter

Sam and Rahne ran through a path in a forest when a noose caught Sam by the ankle and yanked him up, dipping his head in the mud and hanging him upside down.

Rahne jumped in the middle of the Stupid Angry Villager People and took out Scott and Evan with a whirlwind kick, then hit Duncan with a dragon punch. (1) She walked over to Sam, wiped the mud off his mouth, then did the Infamous Upside Down Kiss Made Famous By The Amazing Spider Dude.

IN NYC…

Peter blinked. He turned to MJ. "Ever get the feeling that somewhere, someone's ripping off our totally original romantic upside down kiss?"

MJ just stared at him, and then slowly gave him the WTF eyebrow.

"…Forget I asked." (2)

A yellow-skinned boy with an overbite walking by stopped in front of them. "Ha ha, you're a geek!" he yelled, pointing at Peter.

"Well, I happen to look VERY sexy in spandex!" Peter retorted with a sniff.

"Ha ha, you admit you're a geek!"

Harry walked up to them. "Ignore him," he advised.

The yellow-skinned boy with the overbite stared at Harry. "…Papa?"

"No," Harry said flatly. "But here, have a Pop Tart." He pulled a Pop Tart out of his pocket and handed it to him.

The yellow-skinned boy with the overbite took it and stared a Harry with tears welling up in his eyes. "You are my papa! Papa!" He hugged him.

Harry managed to pry the yellow-skinned boy with the overbite's arms off him. "I'm NOT your papa!"

"You're not?" the yellow-skinned boy with the overbite asked.

"NO!"

"Oh." Then, "Ha ha, your best friend killed your father!" (3)

BACK TO THE PARODY…

Sam caught Southernbelle in a jar and shook it so it lit up. "Sorry," he squeaked when he saw the look on Rogue's face.

"Someone's gonna pay," Rogue muttered.

We're accidentally in love

Accidentally in love

Accidentally in love

Accidentally in love

Accidentally in love

Accidentally in love

Accidentally in love

The bubbles in the mud spa abruptly stopped. "Can I stop now?" Pietro demanded, from where he was leaning over the edge of the mud pool with a straw. "I'm getting lightheaded from blowing all this smoke up his ass."

"…That sounds kinda kinky," JP said.

Accidentally

I'm in love, I'm in love

I'm in love, I'm in love

I'm in love, I'm in love

Sam and Rahne kissed in front of a full moon while the camera did the oh-so-necessary-in-every-epic-kiss-pan around in circles.

And another circle.

And another one.

And yet another one.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Todd screamed. "Why do these things always happen to me?"

His chair spun around the little track around Rahm faster. "I need an old priest and a young priest!" Todd yelled. "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPLETS YOU! THE – AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Todd shrieked as the chair abruptly stopped and hurled him, camera and all, five feet away.

Tabby grinned and hid the controls behind her back. "You get good distance with the skinny ones." (4)

Todd got up dizzily. "Okay, sick as a dog," he mumbled, stumbling off to go throw up.

Fred sighed and picked up the camera. It refocused to show Rahm standing in front of the Swamp.

Accidentally in love

'm in love

'm in love

Forge immediately zapped Remy back to being the Cajunbread Man. Remy was immediately squished under his guitar.

Tabby picked up the guitar gingerly. "You okay, Remy?" she asked.

Remy got up and glared at Forge. "Y' can' tell 'cos o' de frostin', but Remy be givin' y' his deat' glare right now."

"Ah, but I know who the Gumbo Man is," Forge said.

"The Gumbo Man?" Tabby gasped.

"The Gumbo Man," Forge repeated.

"Yes, I know the Gumbo Man," Tabby said. "Who lives on Creole Lane?"

"She's married to the Gumbo Man," Forge added to Remy.

"De Gumbo Man?" Remy asked.

"THE GUMBO MAN!" Tabby yelled.

Evan burst through the door, dragging a heavy mirror after him. "Stupid…Pietro…and his…stupid…mirror," he panted. (5)

"Oh, you didn't need to bring that mirror in," Pietro said. "I found one that's more portable."

"And you didn't mention that 'till NOW?" Evan demanded.

"Yep," Pietro said cheerfully.

"Oh, and Tabby's not REALLY married to the Gumbo Man," Forge said.

"Because the Authoress has YET to write a Tabietro," Pietro muttered sullenly.

"The day the Authoress writes a Tabietro is the day…actually, I don't know what kind of day that is," Forge said thoughtfully, tilting his head to the side.

"That's pathetic," Pietro said.

"Wait, yes, there's a Xietro sometime," Kurt said, flipping through a clipboard. "…Oh dear."

"What?" Pietro asked.

"Well, it's good or bad, depending on how you look at it," Kurt said. "Let's see…Jean's a bitch – nothing new there, Tabby walks around naked 24/7, Bobby's a desperate virgin – also nothing new there-"

"HEY!"

"You and Jubes did it?" Robbie gasped.

"She's not my girlfriend!" Bobby yelled. "Yes she is…THIS ISN'T THE X-BAND, DAMNIT!" (6)

Kurt continued. "Ray's pretending to be Chinese – wow, that should be interesting, John's Señor Sensitivity – also should be interesting, Wanda's…in…love…with her…brother…" Kurt faltered.

"WHAT!" Wanda yelled.

"It's Jonda?" Kurt tried.

Wanda glared at him.

Kurt shoved the clipboard into Forge's hands. "He's directing it!"

"I am?" Forge asked.

"You're the Unofficially Official Director," Wanda said.

"Plus, you're not on the cast list," Kurt added.

"What kind of crazy-ass movie is that, anyway?" Pietro asked.

Forge looked at the clipboard. "Not Another Teen Movie."

"…Oh, crap."


(1) – Yeah, those are 2 fighting moves from the VG Street Fighter II: The World Warrior. Never played the game, picked the info up from trivia on IMDb.

(2) – Skysong's ficcie Medieval Mutants. Hank the White Pony-Riding Butterfly (that would make more sense if Ororo was a white unicorn…and if you've seen The New Guy, in which Bear asks Dizzy if he's riding the White Pony…aka the crank) mentioned MJ in one of his songs.

(3) – In case you haven't figured out who the yellow-skinned boy with the overbite is, it's Nelson from The Simpsons. I love that kid. And for those who are WTF-ing over the "Papa" bit, Nelson's dad supposedly went out to the store to get Pop Tarts a while back. Every now and then, they make a crack about Nelson finding his father. Once it was a tree, I think.

(4) – The New Guy. Except Rogue'll be Estelle, and it's a Jubby. Tonda was a possibility, but Danielle just doesn't fit Wanda's personality. Plus, I got JP in the mix, so it's GOTTA be Bobby…just to torture him.

(5) – Shrek. The whole Gingerbread Man/Farquaad exchange. And Evan played the knight dude who burst in with the Magic Mirror in my parody.

(6) – The X-Band, obviously.

And there's two chappies for ya! I seriously don't have Tabietros planned. (shrugs) And yeah, some time I'll be doing Not Another Teen Movie. I love that movie. Oh, and it's Xietro, Jonda, Jubby, Tabay, onesided Ev23 (whatever the hell you call Evan/X23…does that ship even EXIST?), Jott, Jietro, Jalex (Jean/Alex…once again, does that exist?), onesided Wandietro (whatever you call Wanda/Pietro…I don't know what it's called, and it was either that or Panda)…and I think that's it. Well, please review!