Disclaimer: "Hurt" is song by Johnny Cash but written by Nine Inch Nails.

FAITH P.O.V.:

She just sung to me and said that she loves me. If that isn't loving someone I don't know what is. She makes me into this weak weepy person. Or maybe it's just a weepy person, 'cuz I know I ain't weak.
"God, Buffy... I love you too." Damn I sound so pathetic, but I know that to her I don't sound that way. I love her so much. I can feel safe in her arms. I just know that this is the way I am supposed to be living. This is the way it was suppose to be from the beginning. I feel as if I have a purpose now. I'm her purpose.
"B... I need you to listen to me now..." I try to say calmly but the tears have made my voice thick with emotion.
"I always will." Damn she knows how to make me feel. I must stay focused... she needs to know. She deserves to know why her love is falling faster and faster everyday.
"First I'll try to explain it in words... then I'll sing you something... 'Cuz part of this I can't really explain in words to you." She is going to hear me sing... I must be going insane if I am letting her hear me sing.
"Go ahead Faith, I'll listen." Here's my shot at telling her.
"I'm falling B. And fast. You won't be able to catch me all of the time. This is something that I can't handle. I am seeking redemption from all these people and only a few will actually give me the time of day. I know I was bad back then, but I'm different now and no one gets that. I am not the same teenager I was back then. I'm older now and I know what I want to do and who I wanna be. That person of the past is in the past and I want to move on from it. I apologized to everyone, and they still don't get it. I am not here just to save the world. I am here to make it up to them. Only Dawn has seen how I changed. Don't go asking about that though, 'cuz I ain't telling you how she saw it. You can talk to her about it if you want. I know in your heart you want to believe I have changed, but you don't see it. You have your eyes closed to me. You don't look deep, you only see my cover. I know you love me and I know you know I love you. I will never stop loving you, but... Sometimes I wonder why you love someone that you think is a monster. I am doing the best I can." I really need to breathe more. I can't look back at her. I don't want to see how much I hurt her.
"I know you were with Spike before. He is more than a monster than I am. Even if he just got his soul back. I am better than he is because I live with the torment of what I did. I see it every time I close my eyes. I see everyone's eyes when I fall asleep; I see the look in their eyes... I see how they act towards me. I see what I hate about myself in their eyes. I am not that person anymore because I can see what I did wrong and I can fix my attitude." I can feel her shaking behind me, but I can't face her. Not now.
"I loved you since I first saw you, but you didn't give me the time of day. I was so willing to go with you on anything until you hurt me with Angel and then pinned me with Finch. I wasn't the only one there. You were there too. Everyone let you off the hook though, only bad Faith got in trouble. I did my time in jail after the coma and all that junk. I was there. I relived my past in my sleep. Angel wouldn't even kill me. I come back here and everything is worse. I am in the place where I did the most damage. I came here for redemption and apologize to the people I hurt."
This is getting tiring for me. There is just so much I need to say. All of it hurts to reveal because I can see flashes of what happened.
"I'm slowly getting over the flash backs of what happened because I am beginning to accept what I did and who I hurt. I don't want instant forgiveness, I just want some understanding. I did what I did last night because I wanted to end the pain. I wanted to be free of it all. I know it's not the best way to end it and all, but it was the only way I could think of."
My tears fall quietly down my cheeks. She is crying too, I know she is. I can feel her shaking and at this moment I turn around to see her. Her tears are running down her face so fast I wonder if there is a hose in her eyes. I wrap her in my arms and I rub her back gently letting her know that everything is going to be okay.
"Shh... B... its okay. Please baby, don't cry. I just wanted to tell you how I felt. I am not pinning it on you. I just wanted to let it all out. Shh... it's okay. I'm okay thanks to you. Don't worry about it... Come on now... where's that B smile?"
I am trying to get her to smile at me... I know that it's going to be difficult, but her smiles always brighten the room. She looks me in the eyes and I smile softly at her. She smiles her sad smile and I can't help but smile more at her.
"Don't hate me... but I have to sing the song now... this might explain some more of why I did it." Okay... here it goes... please don't let her hate me.

"I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything"

This song is so true. I know I'll always remember what I did. No one can ever make it go away naturally. Unless they use magic.

"what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt"

I own nothing that would be good enough for my B. I will always make her hurt. No matter what I do. She'll always be in pain because of me. I wish I didn't, but it's the way I am.

"I wear this crown of shit
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feeling disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here"

I am the queen of shit and I would never give it to her. I know that I can't repair what I have done because I can't save all those people's lives. She has changed, and I have too.

"what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end"

I have become a monster and I know I lose everyone I come in touch with. My watcher, the mayor and B are the only ones that loved me. I lost my watcher and the mayor. I don't wanna lose B. Even if that means I have to give her up for her safety.

"you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way"

I wish I didn't bring my reign of bad luck to this town... To B. I wish I could have been further away from this place. The place where I fucked up majorly.
"I'm sorry B."
I can feel her pulling me into a fierce hug that I can only explain as one of tender love. I feel all my walls fall down when I'm in her arms. I don't know how this could happen because I rarely show this kind of affection for anyone. I normally run from it. But this... this I will always run to.