TOW the Auction

Chapter 2

Monica stifled a laugh as she watched Janice drag Joey down off the stage and towards her table. Her bids for Joey had turned into a two-way battle with another woman. In the end, she had got him for an amazing 550 dollars.

"Poor guy," Phoebe commented, "do you think he'll be able to take it?"

"He's going to have to," Monica said, grinning. She looked down at her program and smiled as she saw that Chandler was due to be auctioned off next.

"Chandler looks nervous," Phoebe whispered, "I guess seeing his best friend being bought by his ex threw him a little."

"If he feels nervous now, just you wait and see what happens next!" Monica told her.

"Just what are you up to?" Phoebe asked suspiciously.


Chandler felt his forehead perspire as Rachel announced his name to the crowds of women gathered around the stage.

"He's 28 years old and a real hottie!" Rachel said, winking, "and guess what, he's funny!"

"I bid 60 dollars!" a woman called from the front.

Chandler grinned down at the pretty blonde in the front row.

"70!"

"80!"

"Wow, ladies, keep it up!" Rachel shouted approvingly.

"150 dollars!" someone shouted from the back.

Chandler widened his eyes. The bidding was getting higher than he had expected.


Monica frowned at the woman who had bid the 150 dollars. At this rate, by the time she decided to start bidding, it was going to cost her entire bank balance.

She knew she must get Chandler though.

"160 dollars!" she called. She heard Phoebe gasp.

"You're bidding for Chandler?" she whispered in amazement.

"200 dollars!" the other woman shrieked back, smiling triumphantly.

A few gasps spread around the room. Monica noticed Chandler was beginning to turn a funny colour. Even Rachel's brow was beginning to furrow.

"Um…220 dollars!" Monica called recklessly, biting her lip.

"Mon, what are you doing?" Phoebe asked urgently, wide-eyed.

Monica looked over at the woman, waiting for her reply. She was beginning to look worried.

"300 dollars!" the woman suddenly yelled.

Phoebe groaned and covered her face with her hands.

"400 dollars!" Monica yelled.

"Ok, um, you realise you don't have to bid by hundreds at a time, right?" Rachel called, grinning. She looked over at Chandler who was opening and shutting his mouth like a fish.

"500 dollars!" the woman yelled, ignoring Rachel's advice. She folded her arms with an air of victory.

On the stage, Chandler pulled at his collar nervously.

"Monica, you have to stop," Phoebe said urgently, "this woman isn't going to give up."

"Phoebe, don't you know me at all?" Monica said back. "650 dollars!" she called.

This time, the woman's smile froze.


"Here, get that down you." Rachel handed Joey a shot and he downed it in one go. He leaned his forehead against the bar.

"Janice," he mumbled, "I hate her."

"It won't be so bad," Rachel consoled, "it's only going to be a few days…"

"A few days?!" Joey yelped, lifting his head up quickly, "I thought you said 24 hours each?!"

Rachel blushed awkwardly. "Ah…well…see the thing is…well…"

"Spit it out Rach," Joey growled.

"After seeing how much you and Chandler sold for, Joanna thought it was only fair the buyers got their money's worth," Rachel rushed, avoiding his eyes.

"And…?"

"So…um…she thought the slavery thing should be extended to…to three days each." Rachel mumbled.

"What?" Joey whispered, going pale, "that's…that's nearly a week."

"Um…yeah!" Rachel said, mocking enthusiasm "isn't that just so great?"

"Yeah, really great," Joey said, glaring at her dangerously.

"Wow, would you just look at the time!" Rachel yelped, staring at her watch. She stood up quickly. "I've got to start the bidding for Ross next!"

She rushed off to the doors.

"Rachel!" Joey yelled across the bar. "Get your arse back here!"

"Sorry Joey!" she called, "it really will be ok you know!"

"Thanks a lot!" Joey groaned and buried his head in his hands. A few seconds later, he felt a warm hand on his shoulder.

"Hello Joey!" a high, merry voice cooed in his ears.

Joey swallowed hard and pasted a smile on his face. "Hey Janice!" he greeted, laughing uncomfortably.

Janice seated herself on a bar stool right next to him and grinned. "I bet you never expected that to happen!" she laughed.

Joey winced. "Yeah, well, you always were full of surprises." He replied, smiling feebly.

Janice laughed loudly again. "Oh you!" she cried, poking him hard in the ribs.

Joey rubbed his chest and forced a laugh with her. "So…um…what do you want me to do?" he asked, trying not to sound too fearful.

"Nothing right now," Janice said airily, much to his surprise. "The deal doesn't start until tomorrow. I'll think of something."

Joey nodded slowly, wondering what 'something' was going to be.

Janice laughed at his nervous face. "Relax honey!" she pinched his cheek playfully, "we're going to have lots of fun, don't worry!"

"Yeah…yeah of course we will." Joey replied faintly.


"I can't believe you bid for me," Chandler whispered hoarsely as he took a seat between Monica and Phoebe.

"Neither can I;" Monica said, smiling ruefully, "I'm 700 dollars out of pocket."

"I just don't understand why you did it," Chandler continued, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Because I want to make the next three days hell for you Bing," Monica explained, smiling sweetly.

"Oh god…" Chandler groaned.

"Hey guys, something is happening on stage!" Phoebe interrupted.


Ross had never felt more humiliated in his entire life. He had been standing on the stage for a full 15 minutes and he had failed to get a single bid.

"Come on ladies!" Rachel said desperately, "don't let first impressions get the better of you! Ross is a good guy…really!"

Ross winced as he listened to his ex-girlfriend really lay it on the line. It almost made him want to puke.

"Come on, he's sweet…smart…sexyI wouldn't kick him out of bed!" Rachel forced a laugh.

"Oh yes you damn well would," Ross muttered at her.

"Shut up!" she hissed, "do you want bids or not?"

Ross glared at her.


"Poor Ross," Monica murmured. She turned to Phoebe. "Come on, can't you bid for him?"

Phoebe shook her head adamantly. "Nope, I'm having Mike." She glanced crossly at her watch. "When are they going to get to him?"


In spite of everything that had happened between them, even Rachel didn't want this to happen to Ross. This was a cruel, humiliating blow to his self-esteem. She had to convince these women that Ross was ok to bid for, despite appearances.

"You know what girls? I'm going to let you in on a little secret," Rachel continued, "I've slept with Ross. And he's good." She ignored the little groans coming from Ross next to her. "But I know it isn't about that really. He may look like a dork tonight, but that's only because he cares so much about wanting to impress you all. He's kind-hearted and he would do anything for you."

Rachel was encouraged to hear a few murmurings from the audience.

"About six or seven months ago, I cracked a rib. I was in a lot of pain and Ross stayed with me all evening at the hospital. And you know what he could have been doing instead? He could have been on TV ! On the Discovery Channel! It was something he had been dreaming of doing for years and instead he gave all that up to take his friend to hospital." Rachel smiled over at Ross and he looked at her in amazement.

"Ross is a good friend," she finished softly, "so come on girls, do the right thing, and bid for him!"

Someone tentatively raised her hand. "I'll bid 50," she said, hesitantly.

"Good!" Rachel encouraged, "anybody else?"

After a few minutes, the bids had been raised to 70 dollars.

"Come on girls, he deserves 100 at least!" Rachel cried. She looked around and rolled her eyes despairingly. "Ok, fine! I'll bid 100 dollars!"

"What?!" Ross hissed. "You don't want me as your slave! And I don't want to be!"

"And you won't be, trust me!" Rachel snapped.


"I think Rachel's little plan has just backfired there," Chandler commented, noticing that nobody else wanted to go higher than 100 dollars.

"They've only got a few seconds left," Monica said worriedly, "surely Rachel isn't about to buy Ross?"


"Sold…for…for 100 dollars." Rachel said faintly, going white.

"Well done Rachel," Ross said sarcastically.

Rachel pulled Ross down the stage. "Joanna, you carry on with the bidding for Mike!" she called, "I just need to have a word with my…my slave."

They walked back stage and faced each other, both folding arms.

"Well, despite the little performance you put on there, it looks like you're stuck with me." Ross smiled smugly.

"Unluckily for you," Rachel said, smiling suddenly, "it's payback time!"

"What do you mean by that?" Ross asked slowly.

"Oh, Geller, I still haven't forgiven you for what you did to me." Rachel grinned, "…but this may be the perfect opportunity to lie to rest some of our issues."

"You mean…"

"I mean that if you want to be my friend again, you'll have to work for it." Rachel arched her eyebrow.

"What are you going to get me to do?" Ross demanded as she walked away.

"You'll see Monkey boy."


"So…um…your name is Phoebe, right?" Mike Hannigan asked uncertainly.

Phoebe flushed. "Yeah, um…you didn't mind me bidding for you, did you?"

They walked to the bar and sat on a pair of stools.

"No, actually, I kind of saw you at the beginning of the evening," Mike said, smiling shyly, "you're a beautiful woman."

"Oh I know!" Phoebe said airily.

Mike laughed. "I hope I'm worth the 300 dollars you paid for me."

"Oh I think you will be Mike." Phoebe said, smiling flirtatiously.

"You seem very confident Phoebe…?"

"Buffay. Phoebe Buffay." Phoebe rested her chin on her palm and gazed at Mike intently.

"Buffay, huh?" Mike smiled, "That's quite…intriguing."

"Oh I know…I'm an intriguing woman." Phoebe whispered.

"I can see that." Mike said hoarsely. "So…um…what must I do as your slave?"

"Well, that is a very good question Mike." Phoebe arched an eyebrow, "what can you do for me?"

"Well…" Mike wriggled an eyebrow. "We lawyers can do anything when we put our minds to it. We have many tricks under our sleeves."

"Maybe we should discuss this further at my apartment?"

"Oh yes."

Phoebe grabbed Mike's hand and dragged him out of the bar.


Later that night, Monica and Chandler shared a cab home. They sat in silence, and Chandler began to feel a slight flicker of apprehension.

He knew of course that Monica was going to give him hell. His constant remarks earlier in the year about being 'boyfriend material' must have grated on her nerves.

Then of course there was the apartment switching fiasco. He knew Monica had not forgiven him for that one yet, even if she did win that battle in the end.

He wondered what she was going to do with him and how it was all going to turn out.

They arrived outside their apartments and he grinned at Monica. "So, ma'am, what is my first task?" he asked, bowing.

"Hmm…breakfast in bed will be a good start." Monica said thoughtfully, smiling.

"That isn't too bad," Chandler said, shrugging.

"At 6am, before I go to work." Monica finished.

"What?" Chandler freaked, "that's insanely early!"

"That's your task and I expect you to do it!" Monica said firmly, grinning mischievously. She walked into her apartment. "Night slave!" she called brightly, shutting the door behind her.

"Maybe I should switch with Joey," Chandler muttered, walking into his own apartment.

He widened his eyes, realising what he had just said. "No…no! You don't want Janice!" he yelped, smacking his forehead, "Monica is much better."

He smiled as he walked into his bedroom.

"I'm Monica Geller's slave!" he said to himself, grinning. "And she's going to be my slave soon! This is going to be awesome."

End of Chapter 2

:oh wow thank you very much for the reviews! Keep them coming because things are going to get very interesting soon! I'm concentrating on two couples per chapter so it doesn't get too cluttered.: