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TOW the Auction

Chapter 3

"Damn you stupid son of a…"

The shouts and curses coming from the living room reached Joey's bedroom and he groaned inwardly. He looked at the clock. 5.45a.m.

What the hell was going on?

"I swear to god I'm going to kill her!" The shouts continued.

Joey stepped out of bed, put on a dressing gown and threw his door open. In spite of the rude awakening, even he had to laugh at the scene before him.

In the kitchen, a dishevelled looking Chandler threw a plate of what looked like burnt toast into the bin.

"Stupid, damn toaster!" Chandler grumbled.

"Good morning chef," Joey greeted, grinning.

"It is not good morning," Chandler snapped. He turned around and gave out another cry of dismay.

"Pancakes burnt huh?" Joey asked, waving the smoke away from his face.

"Monica knows I can't cook!" Chandler freaked, "why is she doing this to me?"

"I'm sure it's nothing personal," Joey said, suppressing a grin.

"Oh and that makes everything so much better." Chandler retorted sarcastically. He grabbed a bowl and some eggs and proceeded to make another pancake mixture.

"Um…so I'll leave you to it, shall I?" Joey prompted grinning.

"Don't make me come over there with this spoon," Chandler threatened, "just get the hell out of here."

The phone began to ring and the two exchanged glances.

"Don't look at me, my master is still in bed," Chandler mumbled, whipping the eggs fast and furiously.

Joey rolled his eyes and answered the phone.

"Hello."

"Good morning Joey!"

Joey winced and pulled the phone slightly away from his ear. He had forgotten what Janice sounded like in the mornings.

"Hey… Janice."

"How are you this morning?"

"I'm…fine." Joey said cautiously.

"Well, you know what today is, don't you?" Janice asked teasingly.

"The Apocalypse?" Joey asked feebly. He pulled the phone away from his ear again as Janice laughed.

"You're so funny!" she shrieked. "No, it's your first day of being my slave! Meet me outside Central Perk in 15 minutes!"

"What?" Joey freaked, "Janice, its 6a.m!"

He tried to ignore the muffled laughter coming from Chandler's direction.

"That's right! It's 6a.m, the beginning of a new day! See you in a few minutes!" Janice hung up.

Joey stared numbly at the phone.

"So I guess you get an early start too," Chandler commented, a flicker of a smile appearing on his tired face.

"Oh shut up," Joey grumbled, walking back into his room to get dressed.


"Wow…this…this is nice." Monica smiled wanly at the breakfast laid out on her tray. On one plate was slightly over-done toast with poached eggs. Another plate had a pile of pancakes that looked suspiciously under-done.

"No it isn't," Chandler grumbled, "it looks disgusting and you know it."

Monica giggled. "Well, I've had better." She confessed.

"My idea of breakfast is a bowl of cereal. I don't do this."

Monica touched his arm. "Hey, you never know, it may taste better than we think!" she withdrew her hand from his arm and bravely picked up a fork. She picked up a pancake and tasted it.

She looked at Chandler's hopeful face and felt bad for him. The pancake was under-done; she could even still taste the raw eggs.

"You know what? It's really great." She lied. She blushed as Chandler looked suspiciously at her.

"Mon, I've known you for almost ten years. So unless you've become a brilliant liar overnight, I'm prepared to believe I may poison you if you eat the rest of that pancake."

Monica flushed deeper and put her fork down. "I'm sorry," she said quietly.

Chandler gave her a grin. "Don't worry about it. At least I've got something to feed the chick and the duck now!"

"You're not serious!" Monica cried. She sat up straighter in her bed and stared at Chandler in horror.

"Well, why not?" Chandler asked, shrugging, "they'll love it."

"I don't know…"

"Of course they will! Poultry eat eggs, right?"


Joey's usual wake-up call was noon. So to walk out of his apartment building just after 6a.m was a little bit of a culture shock for him. It was just before rush hour and many people were leaving the building at the same time. Some were in a rush; some were idly messing around with their cell phones and blocking the sidewalk. Joey awkwardly walked around these people and made his way to Central Perk.

He wasn't a morning person.

When he reached Central Perk, he saw that Janice was already standing outside waiting for him. She waved at him enthusiastically.

"You're here!" she cried, "now it's time for us to have some fun!"

"Uh-huh," Joey said dryly, remembering the last time he had 'fun' with Janice.

"I thought we could get some breakfast at Café Nero first before we do anything though," Janice continued, much to his surprise.

"Uh…sure that would be great!"

"What?" Janice frowned at the surprised look on his face.

"Well, it's just…of all the things I might have been doing today; having breakfast with you at a diner wasn't what I had in mind." Joey explained uncomfortably.

Janice broke into a grin. "You thought I would be ordering you around," she said, a tone of realisation in her voice.

"Well…yeah," Joey chuckled, "its kinda the whole point, you know?"

"There's a way of doing it and I want to make sure you enjoy yourself." Janice shook her head. "This isn't about who tortures the other the most."

"To Monica it is," Joey pointed out, thinking of Chandler and the breakfast making fiasco.

"Well it isn't to me. Now come on, let's get down to that diner! I could eat a thousand muffins right now." Janice paused and smiled. "That's an order Tribbiani."

Joey smiled slightly and followed Janice down the block.


Monica walked into Chandler's living room and held out a long piece of paper. "Your tasks for the day are…"

"Tasks? Plural?" Chandler asked, swallowing hard.

"You didn't think that making breakfast for me was going to be it, did you?" Monica asked, smirking.

"Well, I did think you'd give me a couple of hours off," Chandler grumbled, looking at his watch, "it's still too early!"

"You'll survive," Monica said, rolling her eyes, "your next task is for you to go to Allesandros and pick up some equipment for me that belong in my apartment."

"Now?" Chandler whined, thinking longingly of his bed.

"Yes…now." Monica looked at him in amusement. "Are you really that tired?"

"I don't usually get up for work until, like, 8a.m."

"The exercise will do you good." Monica handed him a piece of paper, "here's the list. It isn't too much."

"Six saucepans?!" Chandler cried, looking at Monica in disbelief. "I can't carry all those…and four stir-fry pans?"

"So get a cab," Monica pushed him towards the doors and handed him the keys, "get going now and you'll be back in time for the next task."

"The next one? Are you kidding me with this? I've gotta get to work!"

"You'll have time…now go!"


An hour later and Chandler walked the route back to his apartment building, his arms bursting under a box of cooking equipment. As it was rush hour, it was impossible for him to get a cab.

It was becoming increasingly difficult to carry the box and at one point Chandler stopped for a breather, right outside Central Perk.

"You ok Chandler?" Gunther asked, who was writing the specials on the blackboard.

"Yeah, great, fine." Chandler wheezed, bending over to stretch his aching muscles.

"You don't look fine." Gunther smirked at him.

Chandler stood up straighter and glared at him. He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around.

"Richard!" Chandler gasped.

The tall, moustached, ex-boyfriend of Monica's smiled at Chandler genially.

"Hey Chandler, how's it going?" he greeted.

"Not too bad. It's been a while." Chandler replied, shaking his hand.

"How's…um…Monica?" Richard asked uncertainly.

"Oh she's doing fine," Chandler looked down at the box of equipment and scowled, "still as kooky as ever."

Richard laughed. "Well that's great. Tell her I said 'hi', won't you."

"Yeah sure I will." Chandler assured him.

Richard began to walk away and then paused, looking at Chandler hesitantly.

"Um…my daughter Michelle is 28 today and there's going to be a party. You, Monica and the rest of your friends are welcome to come."

"Wow…um…sure!" Chandler agreed hesitantly, wondering what Monica was going to think.


"You said yes?!" Monica shrieked.

Chandler ran a hand through his hair and swallowed hard. "Um…what's the opposite of 'no'?" he asked quietly.

"Well, that's just wonderful," Monica moaned, sinking down on her couch.

"I thought you would be happy to see Richard again!"

Monica glared at him. "He was the love of my life Chandler! How can I go to his daughter's birthday party without a boyfriend?! He's gonna think I haven't moved on from him!"

"He isn't going to think that," Chandler sat down next to her and winced as Monica's shouts became louder.

"Even if he didn't think that, the whole situation is going to be just plain awkward! It wasn't all that long ago that we were 'raquet-ball buddies'!!"

"So bringing a guy is going to solve all that?" Chandler asked, confused.

"At least I'll have my pride! It's just obvious why he's doing this." Monica scowled.

"Um…to be nice?"

"So he could flaunt this 'getting over each other' thing in my face! Inviting me to his party just proves he can 'cope' with seeing me again." Monica groaned and buried her face into a cushion. "And I can't turn the invitation down. That will just prove his point. And I don't like people proving a point to me."

"If you're right about these crazy thoughts you're having, then I guess it's too bad you don't have a boyfriend to bring." Chandler mused.

"Yes…" Monica looked at him unhappily. Then suddenly, her eyes widened. "Wait a minute…"

Chandler tilted his head at her. "What?"

"You can be my boyfriend!" Monica exclaimed, grabbing his arms.

"Um…what?"

"It's perfect," Monica whispered, "all you gotta do is hold my hand for a few hours tonight and…"

"Whoa, whoa…I don't think so!" Chandler laughed uneasily and pulled himself away from Monica's grasp.

"Why not?" she demanded, "You need to do a decent task for me and it's not going to be difficult…"

"Yes it damn well will be!" Chandler freaked, "you're forgetting I'm not your boyfriend Mon! I couldn't pull that off, especially in front of your ex! He'd see through us like a shot."

"No he won't. Not if we're convincing." Monica tapped her chin thoughtfully.

"'Convincing'?" Chandler asked suspiciously, "I don't think we're going to look convincing just holding hands."

"Well we…we could do more than that." Monica suggested, her cheeks flushing a little.

"Oh god no," Chandler said, backing away, "I'm not kissing you!"

"Oh come on!" Monica pleaded, standing up and walking closer to him. "It's just for tonight!"

"It's inappropriate and wrong," Chandler pointed out, "our other friends are going to be there. Your parents will most likely be there and your…hmm…whom could I be thinking of here? Your brother!"

"We'll tell him what's going on." Monica said, walking even more closely to him.

Chandler stepped back a few more paces. "He's going to think it's my idea."

"Not when I tell him," Monica said, exasperation creeping into her voice.

"Look I don't kno—"

Chandler was cut off as Monica grabbed his head and kissed him fully on the mouth. She pulled back and breathed deeply.

"Holy mother of…" Chandler spluttered.

"Will you please do this for me?" Monica pleaded.

"You…you just kissed me!"

"That was to a) shut you up and b) for me to see if you're a good kisser or not."

"And…and am I?"

"You're not bad," Monica said, grinning slightly, "even if I was doing all the work."

"Oh believe me, if we were kissing for real, you would not be calling the shots." Chandler said smugly.

"Oh really?" Monica asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Oh yes." Chandler folded his arms. "I am the king of the kissers."

"Prove it then." Monica folded her arms.

"Fine. I will! The party starts at 8pm. I'll pick you up at 7.30, ok?"

"Yes, ok, but I think we need to practice first. Prove you're a good kisser." Monica grinned at him.

"Right now?" Chandler asked, wide-eyed.

"Right now."

"Ok." Chandler shrugged and stepped closer to Monica. He lifted a hand and brushed the hair away from her face. After a slight grin and brief look into her eyes, he placed a soft kiss on her mouth, applying pressure slowly. He placed the other hand on her hip as the kiss got deeper.

Just as he felt Monica beginning to respond, Chandler pulled back.

"That good enough for you?" he asked, smiling at her flushed face.

"Um…er…" Monica stuttered, her eyes flashing at him in a daze.

"I'll see you tonight." Chandler gave her another grin and walked out of the apartment.


"Oh Ross," Rachel called teasingly through the door of his apartment.

"What?" Ross grumbled, opening the door.

"Time to get to work!" she said, tapping her watch.

"I have the day off," Ross told her, beginning to shut the door.

Rachel jammed her foot in so the door couldn't be shut. "You're forgetting something." She said, grinning.

Ross sighed. "Ok fine. What do you want? A late breakfast? Didn't Monica make you it this morning?"

Rachel shook her head. "I said it's time to get to work." She hinted.

Ross closed his eyes. "Please tell me you're kidding."

"No I'm not. One of the reasons our relationship didn't work out, besides the obvious of course, is because you thought I was putting my career ahead of you. Well, now you're going to see what exactly kept me at the office all those nights"

"You're taking me to Bloomingdales?" Ross snickered, "what have I got to do? Be a salesman?"

Rachel smiled sweetly at him. "There's a little more to it than that. Get dressed and you'll see."

"Ok, give me a sec." Ross yawned, then frowned as he thought of something. "what did you mean, 'besides the obvious'?" he demanded.

"Don't be an arse," Rachel snapped, "you know very well what broke us up and it's in your pants."


"Wow, those croissants were amazing!" Joey marvelled, walking out of the diner.

Janice laughed. "I know. They are New York's finest."

They walked through Central Park together and Joey wondered when the real stuff was going to start.

"So…um…I guess these next couple of days are not just going to be about eating croissants." He said regretfully.

"Well…no," Janice said thoughtfully, "do you like the Knicks?"

Joey widened his eyes. "I love the Knicks!"

Janice smiled excitedly. "Awesome! They're playing tonight, did you know that?"

"Yeah!" Joey grinned, "I was planning on watching the highlights later."

"You can do better than that," Janice said airily, poking around inside her bag. "Ah-hah! Got them." She pulled out two small slips of paper.

"Those are basketball tickets!" Joey cried, pulling them out of her hand, "to the Knicks!"

"Yep, you wanna come?"

"They're courtside!" he shrieked.

"I take that as a 'yes' then," Janice snickered.

End of Chapter 3

:remember that chandler still liked richard back then, hence the friendly greetings to each other. next up, Mike and Pheebs! And a few other hints at the other couples. Hehe.: