:A new year and a new job for me, and here is something for you guys…a long time waiting! Not a lot going on here, but it sets up the next lot of events. Please review!:
TOW the Auction
Chapter 7
Chandler knocked Monica's door with his left hand, balancing the breakfast tray on his right. "Good morning, sponsor of slavery," he called, "I have a feast fit for even the Queen of England!"
He waited for Monica to say she was decent, but no reply came. He raised his eyebrows in concern. "Hey Mon!" he called, "you gotta taste this, I promise the eggs are cooked this time! Mon?"
Chandler pushed the door open with his foot and poked his head around. His gaze fell on Monica's bed, seeing the top of her head just sticking out of the sheets. Her face was hidden under the covers, her body curled up in a ball.
Chandler grinned and quietly set the tray down on the carpet. He tiptoed over to Monica's still form, climbed up onto the empty side of the bed and nudged her back.
Monica turned around and stared at him with tired eyes. "Wha-at?" she whined.
Chandler laughed at her, resting his elbow on the pillow to prop his arm up and lean his hand against the side of his head. "Had a little too much to drink last night huh?"
"What could you possibly want at this time in the morning?" Monica asked hoarsely, pulling the blankets up over her face again.
"You asked me to cook breakfast for you?" Chandler gently reminded her, not moving from his position.
He heard a groan come from beneath the sheets.
"I'm sorry… I did not quite catch that." Chandler teased, pulling the sheet off her.
"Me not want breakfast," Monica muttered, closing her eyes.
Chandler smirked. "I didn't know hangovers made people talk like that."
"Go'way."
"I guess they do." Chandler sighed and crawled off the bed. "Well it's too bad you're not hungry…you don't know what you're missing."
"I miss feeling alive." Monica whispered, curling up under the covers again.
Chandler picked up the tray and rested it on the bed. "Hmm…scrambled eggs on lightly toasted bread, hot bacon sandwiches and freshly squeezed orange juice." He glanced over at Monica, who had shifted slightly.
He picked up a sandwich and bit into it enthusiastically. "Oh wow…" he mumbled, his mouth full, "this is awesome…it tastes and smells so good."
"Ok, ok! I'm awake!" Monica yelped, sitting up furiously.
Chandler smiled and handed over the tray. Monica took it and rested it on her knees.
She looked down at the food and then back up at Chandler. "Is this…ok?" she asked cautiously.
Chandler rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Oh just eat it!" he grumbled good-naturedly, jumping back on the bed.
Monica tasted a bit of the bacon sandwich. She widened her eyes. "Wow…this is great." She murmured, biting into the rest of it eagerly.
Chandler's eyes danced with delight, "seriously?" he exclaimed.
Monica nodded and gave him the thumbs-up, still chewing on her food.
"Yes, yes!" Chandler lay back on the bed, putting his arms up above him. His shook his fists exultantly. "I'm the best!"
"If Rachel walked in on us right now, she's gonna think something is going on," Monica laughed, slapping Chandler round the head, "quit it."
"Speaking of 'something going on'…" Chandler dropped his arms down and rolled over on his side, facing Monica properly. "Are we still…you know…cool?"
Monica quickly swallowed down the rest of her food. "What do you mean?" she asked carefully.
Chandler looked meaningfully at her. "I mean are we cool about what happened last night?"
"I thought we discussed this when we got back," Monica said, quickly giving the tray back to Chandler and getting out of bed.
"Yeah…but…um…" Chandler stuttered, suddenly losing his speech as he watched his friend pace the room in just her silk nightgown. He watched as the material brushed against her bare legs.
"Chandler?" Chandler's mind snapped back into reality. He looked up at Monica, whose facial expression had taken on a mixture of surprise and pleasure.
"Yeah?" Chandler asked softly, searching her face, knowing she had caught him staring at her.
"It's just…um…" Monica stammered, flushing.
"What?" Chandler asked nervously.
"You're…sitting on my dress."
Chandler shot up like he had been stung. He looked at the pretty gown that he had successfully wrinkled up when climbing up on to the bed.
"There is such a thing as putting away your clothes the night before," he now pointed out sweetly.
"Not when you're drunk and can no longer see your closet." Monica replied.
They met eyes and grinned at each other. The awkwardness now disappearing, they laughed.
"I guess I'd better let you get dressed." Chandler decided, walking to the bedroom door. He opened it.
"Chandler…" Monica stopped him. He turned around.
"What?" he asked gently.
"We're cool."
Chandler smiled at her understandingly, nodded and walked out of the room.
Joey walked quickly through the doors of Central Perk, determined to find someone to talk to that was neither Ross nor Rachel. When it came to conversations with those two, last night's was enough for a lifetime.
He found Chandler sitting on the couch, reading a newspaper. He started to walk over before stopping again. Was Chandler really the right person to be talking to about this particular problem?
Then he realised he didn't really have a choice. It was odds-on that Chandler was going to find out eventually anyway.
"Hey man," he greeted casually, setting himself into the soft chair on Chandler's left.
"Hey," Chandler looked up from behind the paper. "What are you doing here? Janice stopped stalking you for a while?" he added, snickering.
Joey laughed uncomfortably. "Yeah…oh boy is she a difficult woman to handle." He knew he had to play along for a while before building up to what he had to confess to his friend.
Chandler put down the newspaper to one side and rolled his eyes. "Just when I thought she was out of our lives forever…back she comes."
"Yeah…um…about that…"
"I mean, what were the odds that that woman was going to be at a Bloomingdales Auction?" Chandler rambled on, "it had to be, like, a million to one or something."
"Yeah but…" Joey tried to interrupt Chandler's flow desperately.
"No matter where I go, and what I do, Janice follows me." Chandler continued; "she must have 'Chandler radar' on me."
"Yeah maybe," Joey murmured, rolling his eyes.
"She's obsessed with me Joe. She's acting like those birds that targeted Tippi Hedren!" Chandler caught Joey's bemused look. "I do not look like Tippi Hedren!"
"I never said you did, but anyway, as I'm trying to say…"
"She should go see someone about this," Chandler decided, "its not healthy for a woman to be so fixated on a guy."
"Chandler, will you just shut up for one second!" Joey exploded.
Chandler looked at him in shock. "What?" he demanded.
"I am trying to tell you something." Joey snapped.
Chandler sighed. "Ok. I'm sorry." He said sincerely. "This whole auction has been sending me crazy. What's wrong?"
"It isn't so much a problem as more of an awkward distraction really…" Joey mumbled, suddenly feeling too aware of the affects that his 'problem' might do to Chandler's sanity.
" 'distraction'?" Chandler questioned, confused, "what do you mean Joe?"
"I…like someone." Joey admitted, flushing deeply.
Chandler broke into a grin. "Really? Who is it?" he asked eagerly.
"Before I tell you I just want to say that you're my best friend and if you're not happy about this, then I'll back off…"
Chandler widened his eyes. "God Joe, who is it?"
"Well…"
"Oh god, it's not my mom is it?" Chandler groaned. "She needs therapy."
Joey looked at Chandler in disgust. "No!"
"Thank god," Chandler smiled in relief. "Nothing can get worse than that."
"Oh I don't know…" Joey laughed uncomfortably. "You don't know who it is yet."
The smile faded from Chandler's face. "Monica?" he whispered.
Joey sat silently for a moment, watching the devastation cross Chandler's face. Right from the beginning Joey had never quite understood Chandler and Monica's relationship. It seemed like despite the fact that Chandler had a phobia of commitment and Monica being the exact opposite of that, they'd be absolutely perfect for one another. She would help him 'grow', and he would help her neuroticism to calm down. It was obvious they were crazy about each other, but relationships with other people had got in the way – Richard then Kathy – and helped them deny it.
"Dude, it isn't Monica, no way man." Joey now assured him.
"It isn't Monica?" Chandler's eyes lit back up.
"No. And even if it was Monica, there would be no way she'd date me."
"Yeah, right," Chandler replied sadly.
Joey rolled his eyes slightly. This guy really needed to get some self-esteem. Monica was head over heels in love with him, but he just couldn't see it.
Seeing the hopelessly confused look on Chandler's face, Joey wanted to shake him.
The positive side to all this was that now he could tell a daydreaming Chandler about Janice.
"Um…so the real woman I like," he said, clearing his throat.
Chandler looked at him with interest again. "Yeah?"
"It's um…now please don't freak out, we're in a public place."
"Oh just tell me," Chandler cried out in frustration. "I promise I won't freak. Geez."
"It's…um…Janice." Joey replied very quietly. He watched as Chandler stiffened. "Um…are you…ok with that?"
Chandler leaned forward in his seat and began to laugh. "Oh my god!" he gasped out.
"What?" Joey asked, his eyes widening at Chandler's reaction.
Chandler slapped Joey on the shoulder and wiped his eyes free of laughter tears. "You-you really had me going there for a minute," he told him, giggling, "come on, who is it?"
Joey swallowed hard. This wasn't going to be pretty. If Chandler thought it was a joke… "I told you, it's Janice." He muttered, wincing as he waited for the outburst.
Chandler smirked. "Yeah and Yasmine Bleeth wants to marry me. I mean, come…on…" Chandler trailed off as Joey looked tellingly at him, "Oh…my…god! No way, just no way."
"Way." Joey replied simply, a small smile on his face.
"You and Janice?!" Chandler freaked, standing up. He lifted his hands to the top of his head, wiping them through his hair. "You and-and Janice?!"
"Oh come on man, you said you would not freak out." Joey complained as everyone looked up from various tables around the coffee house.
"Not freak out? Not freak out?" Chandler asked, his voice suddenly going unnaturally high. "I have just heard you, Joey Tribbiani, practically say that you're in love with Janice. Um…hello?!! Do you not remember the last four years? You hate her. You wanted to rip your arm off because you hated her so much."
"Things change." Joey mumbled, "and I didn't say I loved her."
"Oh well, and that makes everything so different." Chandler said sarcastically, flopping back down on the couch. He looked silently at Joey for a moment, searching his face. "What did change?" he asked quietly.
"She's…" Joey paused and frowned thoughtfully. Why did he like Janice now? "Friendly." He replied finally.
Chandler arched an eyebrow. "You're attracted to Janice because she's 'friendly'." He echoed.
"She listens to what I say." Joey tried to explain, his face taking on an obstinate look, "which is more than what I can say for you guys sometimes."
Chandler gave him a wounded look. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"I don't know…it's just sometimes I feel like the odd-one out, you know?"
"You're not the odd-one out…" Chandler protested.
"Yes I am." Joey insisted. "If we have a debate – like if Rachel and Ross should date other people – if you or Monica or anyone has an opinion, everyone listens to it. If I have something to say, I get the weird looks like it was the most stupid comment you guys have ever heard. I'm the guy at the back of the classroom with his hand raised…only no-one wants to call on me."
"I…I had no idea you felt like that." Chandler uttered.
"It's not all the time," Joey hastily added, looking guilty, "but it's hard to get your attention sometimes. Be honest, do you actually know myopinion on Ross and Rachel's 'break'?"
"Well…no." Chandler admitted, looking down at his hands.
"Well here it is. Chloe and Mark did not break Ross and Rachel up. They were just the excuse Ross and Rachel needed to bail. There was nothing wrong with the relationship at all, it fell apart over other things and they let it happen. It's both their faults."
"I don't understand your point." Chandler said, looking confused.
"Everything that Ross hated, Rachel did. Everything that Rachel hated, Ross did. That's relationships. They can't agree on everything, no-one can. But they let their differences destroy the rest of what they had weeks before Chloe ever happened and they just didn't know it. And over what? Their careers and some guy called Mark? All couples do something they can't agree on – it doesn't mean everything has to end."
"So they should have put up with each other's flaws?" Chandler questioned, "is that what you're trying to say?"
"Yes." Joey said in exasperation. "The problem with Ross and Rachel is that they wanted to date someone who was a version of themselves. Ross wanted Rachel to be someone who loved palaeontology. Rachel wanted Ross to take an interest in clothes. They should have appreciated the other for who they already were, not for what they wanted them to be."
"So they're not matched as a couple?"
"They are matched. They were fine over the other stuff. They had fun on dates, they talked, they were affectionate…but as soon as it started getting serious they let the little things destroy them. And that's the sad thing. They need to get over themselves – they need to talk about their differences and accept each other. Rachel needs to understand that Ross was upset and drunk that night. Ross needs to admit that it wasn't just Rachel bailing on him, which was his excuse for sleeping with Chloe. He was bailing too. Once they realise they were just scared of the next step, and nothing else, things will be ok between them again." Joey paused and shrugged. "That's what I think anyway. As I said, my opinion doesn't matter."
"Yes it does, Joe, it really does." Chandler said earnestly. "You've just solved Ross and Rachel's whole problem. They gotta accept the other for who they are. It's so simple."
"Yeah and that's what I've done with Janice. Too bad she doesn't know that yet. And you seriously need to talk to Monica."
"What?" Chandler looked at him in alarm, "what do you mean?"
Joey just grinned at him and walked to the counter to get some food.
Chandler craned his neck around and looked at Joey's back. "Seriously, what have I got to talk to Monica about?" he demanded again.
Joey ordered a muffin and turned back around to face Chandler, shaking his head as he did so. "You're afraid that Monica doesn't like you for who you are. You couldn't be more wrong. She doesn't care if you have issues with commitment, she'll help you through it. Richard was wrong when he said you're not her type. You are so her type man! She likes caring, sensitive guys." Joey paused and pointed to Chandler. "Hello?! She likes guys with a sense of humour…hey you make preparing breakfast funny. She likes good kissers…so I don't know that about you, but I think she likes doing that with you. Trust me on that."
Chandler flushed. "I dunno…"
"Don't give me that look. I know stuff has happened between the two of you. At Richard's party those burgers were making me feel nauseous. So I went outside for some air. I stopped nearby the bathroom window…I saw it all." Joey winked and smiled.
"You…you…?" Chandler stuttered. "Saw what exactly?"
"The two of you skipping through all the bases against the door," Joey's smile turned into a grin. "I know there wasn't a lot of time but man…it sure was frisky!"
"Oh god…" Chandler buried his head into his hands.
"Too bad Ross and Rachel ruined it all for you, huh?" Joey bit into his muffin and sat down. "You should have seen your faces…talk about deer staring into headlights!"
"Ok…you can stop now." Chandler muttered.
"And when you walked back into the living room..." Joey chuckled, almost choking on his mouthful of food. "The tension was suffocating. I saw the looks you two gave each other opposite sides of the room. It was hot. Like something out of a movie."
"We weren't giving any looks!" Chandler protested, standing up and putting on his coat. "I…I gotta go." He mumbled, walking out of the coffee house.
"Well that went well." Joey said to himself, grinning wickedly. "Don't think there'll be any taunts about Janice for a while."
End of Chapter 7
:if no-one got the Tippi Hedren reference, let me know and I'll explain it next time.:
