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Chapter 5
"Are you sure you wish to accompany me Ms Black?"
My minute counter-part glowered at me indignantly. "And why shouldn't I Snape? Surely you don't have a problem?"
"I would be lying if I said anything to the contrary. However, my desire for you to remain behind in the Ministry stems from my own wish for your continued well-being."
Pétale snorted. "Since when did you start caring about others besides yourself?"
I smiled at her icily. "Have it your own way. By all means, come with me. Know only this, that some of the individuals who inhabit Knockturn Alley wouldn't hesitate to…" I paused, trying to think of the best way to put forward my argument without resorting to vulgarity. "…have their own way - if you will - with any witch that crosses their paths."
Her brown eyes widened as she understood what I was saying.
"Of course, you might not have too much of a problem with that," I said silkily, looking her up and down.
Ms Black flushed, blood pouring into her cheeks - making her the sheer embodiment of embarrassment. I sniggered quietly to myself.
And then, with her usual abruptness, she burst out laughing. "Oh please Snape! I'm not a helpless Muggle! If any idiot so much as tries to lay a hand on me, I'll-"
I interrupted. "Let me guess. You'll 'blast them to high heaven.'"
She smiled sweetly at me. "Why, Snape… I'm rubbing off on you."
I turned from her. "Oh joy," I replied dryly to her. To myself I muttered: "Just what I need… pixie-like characteristics!"
"I heard that," she accused me indignantly.
I turned towards her once again. "You did? Pardon me for being not in the slightest bit concerned." I was tired of her. She really was a little imp.
She opened her mouth - undoubtedly to attempt some scathing rebuttal, thought better of it, and said: "Anyway, I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself."
I sighed. "I'm sure you think you are. But some of the vermin that dwell in Knockturn Alley are more than a match for me, without me having to keep an eye on you."
Now, normally the fiery Ms Black would not have stood for this. In fact, this was the very reason I was trying to provoke her. I really did not want her to come with me to Knockturn Alley and add herself to my already growing list of burdens. I thought that perhaps I could get her to be so self-righteously furious with me, that she would refuse to go with me. It does not do to dwell on dreams, however, and... strangely, unnaturally, she turned her little nose up at me, totally ignoring my offence-laden insult.
I stalked close to her, noiselessly, until I was mere few inches from her hair.
"What is the matter with you, little madam? Too superior to listen to your fellow colleagues?" She jumped - nearly breaking my nose in the process - surprised at how close I was. I inadvertently smelt her hair as she flinched; a soft, delicate scent, not too unlike that of the jasmine that we had added to the Invisibility Potion.
Pétale whirled around, and stood facing me, with a knowing little smile on her pixyish face. "I've finally figured you out Professor," she sneered.
"Oh really?" I replied with equal scorn. "Then undoubtedly you will have also discovered that I treasure my nose and would resent it being harmed by an over-excited gnome?"
She nodded wisely, knowingly. "Yes I have. I've finally realised why you're so mean."
"Oh, do share your wisdom with me? Or do you believe that I am not worthy of it?"
She remained silent, smiling sweetly. I don't like this, I thought to myself. Why is she saying nothing? Must be another plan of hers.
I arched a sceptical eyebrow, subtly moving closer to her, so I could intimidate her by towering over her 'fair, bonny head.' "So you have finally figured out the mysteries of my dark soul?" I asked scornfully.
"Yes I have," she repeated.
I stared at her, waiting. "And?"
"And what?" she said turning towards a potion that was brewing to her left, and stirring it gently.
"And you will not impart even a little of your surreal wisdom - using the melodic music that is your voice - upon the poor mortal who doth stand and wait for even a shred of your unearthly knowledge?" I replied, sneering with all the cold iciness I possessed.
She flushed again.
"I see, I have touched a sore nerve, fair maiden?" I purred, enjoying the all too palatable awkwardness that she was exhibiting. "Your tongue, beautiful temptress, speaks not?" My voice was a barely audible murmur - seductive and potent.
When still she remained silent, I spoke up sharply. "What is the matter with you woman? Forgot how to speak? Give me some sign and let me rejoice in the fact that the great Ms Black has finally been silenced!"
Finally turning from the cauldron, she looked upon me with evident pity. "Ah Snape, Snape, Snape…" shaking her head, she resumed her dawdling.
Petty creature! Foolish fairy! Impregnable imp! How dare she!
"When you feel that the cauldron – and the vastly complex process of boiling water – does not require your attention any further, and that I am finally worthy of your notice, do call. Be prepared also, to be ignored. In the meanwhile, I shall be gathering a few things together," I said icily, and turned to go.
"Wait!" she called after me.
I paused.
"The real reason, Severus Snape, why your bedside manner is appallingly lame is that… you've never been loved."
I stiffened.
Her voice was quiet as she spoke. "I sat down yesterday, and I thought. I thought to myself: how on earth is it possible that someone as young as you, as young as myself in fact, is so unfriendly, so sarcastic… and aloof? And I reached the inevitable conclusion: poor Snape. He's never been loved before. He's never loved."
What on earth could I say? What was there to say? Deep down, I recognised the truth of her words. And deep down, I repressed that truth. It was thoughts like these that drove people crazy. And I would have none of it.
So I turned around to face her, with my usual scornful mask… betraying nothing.
"When you are done with your psychological analysis Ms Black, please do inform. It is time we should be going."
But she ignored me. And spoke again: "And you know what Snape? I thought to myself, I thought, how on earth can I make this poor man's life any better? And I reached one conclusion. I realised, that there really was only one way-"
I interrupted her. "Be quiet!" I barked.
Suddenly, without any idea of what I was doing, I had stepped forward and gripped both of her thin arms tightly, and had pulled her to me.
"Snape let go! You're hurting-"
I brought my face close to hers, so close that our noses were almost touching and I stared pitilessly into her eyes. "Be quiet!" I hissed again. "Listen to me. There will be no further talk on this matter, foolish girl! Don't dare to suppose you know anything of me, or my personality, or my thoughts and feelings. Don't dare to pity me. I need no one's pity. I don't need you - or anyone else for that matter - to make my life any better! Stay out of it! You are an idiot, Ms Black, telling a tale that is indeed full of sound and fury… but in the end, as the famous playwright said, you are simply… 'signifying nothing.'"
I was breathing deeply by the time I finished this, filled with a rage I have rarely ever known. Truth hurts sometimes, Headmaster, and this time it did hurt. Agonisingly.
She was looking defiantly into my eyes. "You'll have to hear me first, and then I'll stop talking on the matter. I have decided, Snape, that there really is only one way I can make you any better."
"And what's that?" My voice shook in barely suppressed rage, and I tightened my already vice-like grip on her arms. She didn't flinch.
"I'm going to be your friend."
And then she kissed me.
o.o.o
I couldn't tell you any details even if I wanted to. There was nothing in that kiss. I don't even know if Pétale felt anything. I certainly didn't. It was a meaningless connection. No desire, no passion... and consequently, it meant absolutely nothing. All I realised was that one moment I was furious at this grossly irritating woman, the next that she was kissing me. I felt no desire to continue or prolong the kiss. I felt no desire for any more physical contact. I felt no arousal: either mental or bodily. If I had thought that I was angry before, it was absolutely nothing compared to what I felt when I pushed her away.
I couldn't form words strong enough to describe the loathing I felt for this interfering woman. "You- You-" I wiped my mouth with my hand, trying to eradicate any taste of her.
Pétale had flushed. Her eyes were animated and bright, there were red patches on her cheeks, her lips were reddened and slightly apart, and there was almost a dazed look on her face, giving her the overall impression of a very, very confused and embarrassed person.
"Before I decide to press any charges for sexual assault, physical harassment and mental damage, I suggest you explain yourself, woman!"
She remained silent.
I looked at her puzzled face, her speechless mouth, her strangely befuddled expression and said as nastily as I could: "If you want to come with me, be in the atrium in twenty minutes, near the fountain. Good day."
And with that I stalked out, leaving my assailant as silent as a statue.
o.o.o
Why twenty minutes you ask, Headmaster? I didn't really have anything to do in that time. But I needed some moments to collect my thoughts; to collect myself and to steel myself against any more emotional intrusions like the ones I had just suffered. I put on my travelling cloak, fastened my wand to the inside of my robes, made sure I had plenty of money, and concealed a few potions secretly in my sleeves; I felt that if there was an emergency, they could be useful. With fifteen minutes still to go, I was stalking from side to side in front of the fountain, deep in thought.
I have to get away from this woman... she'll drive me absolutely insane if I'm in her company any longer. But where to...? Maybe I could ask Dumbledore for a job at Hogwarts. Or maybe I'll move to a foreign country and find something to do there. Whatever I do, I'll have to do it soon... I can't abide by the immorality of this Ministry, of my work and most of all... I cannot stand that woman!
"Well, look who it is. Hello... Severus..."
It was a moment before I registered this. Looking up, I inwardly groaned. The person I last wanted to see in the world was standing in front of me, wearing an extremely arrogant smile, with his arms folded in front of him. His voice had been a purr.
In our school days, I would have whipped out my wand and attempted to defend myself - I say attempted because more often than not, his friends would have been with him, stopping me from performing any counter-curses - from the curses that he would be undoubtedly aiming at me. Now, irritated and furious, I did nothing of the sort. I simply... adopted a sarcastic smile that fairly screamed my desire to be left alone.
"Black." I nodded in acknowledgement, and then turned to leave.
Perhaps he wasn't expecting me to stay calm and collected. I could tell he was surprised when he said: "What are you doing here Snape?"
This time I couldn't help sneering icily at him. "You seriously believe that I would ever tell you my business?"
"Still the same arrogance eh Snape?"
I laughed outright. "I'm assuming you made the successful transition into adulthood? Or are you really going to get upset because I was mean to you?"
I could tell that Black was getting angry. The sight didn't scare me one bit. In fact, I started to enjoy myself. I turned back towards him.
"Might I ask what brings you here?"
"No you may not."
"I rather thought you would be gallivanting around with Potter? But... as you will Black." Once again, I turned to leave.
Apparently, Black must have wanted to converse with me more desperately than I previously imagined, because he called to me once again: "I heard you became an Unspeakable Snape?"
I remained silent, neither denying nor acknowledging the question.
"So what do you do?" I could hear obvious curiosity in his voice. I didn't really blame him. Everyone was curious about what went on in the Department of Mysteries.
"I'm afraid Black, that even if I wanted to tell you - which I most assuredly iterate that I would not - I could not disclose any information regarding my work. Hence the word: 'unspeakable.' I thought the ideology would have been rather glaringly obvious... Surprisingly, I was mistaken. But I must ask you another question: are you even employed?" The sneer laced behind my icy facade was all too evident.
Black glared at me. "I'm warning you Snape-"
"Oh spare me the old threats Black. They didn't scare me then, they don't scare me now. I suppose you managed to miss the fact that we are standing in a government building with security wizards watching our every move?"
"Funny you say that, actually," he snarled stepping closer to me, his eyes blazing. "You weren't so confident when you were hanging upside down in midair."
I snorted. "Come now Black. Surely you do not think your are any mightier because you managed to disable an unprepared individual with your friends watching every move made to jump in and help you if that unprepared individual made even the slightest attempt to retaliate? Surely you recognise the concept of one-on-one?"
His hand itched towards his wand. "What are you saying... Snivellus?"
I pretended to contemplate for one second what I already knew I was going to say. "What am I saying? Why I suppose I'm saying that it's all very well to consider yourself a wonderful wizard when you've got your bunch of fellow Gryffindors to back you up. It's an entirely different thing to earn that title... honourably, in fair one-on-one combat."
"Honour?" He barked loudly. "What do you know of honour, you filthy Slytherin?"
I lazily inspected my fingernails. "And yet again Black you have predictably fallen into the same trap. You honestly believe that all Slytherins are dishonourable, traitorous cut-throats."
"Give me one example Snape, of a Slytherin-"
"Horace Slughorn, Phineas Nigellus, Bella Marchbanks, Drusilla Shacklebolt, Alera Wolf-"
He held up his hand to stop my flow.
I curled my upper lip in scorn. "And aside from all those, your dear family..."
He stiffened, and then whipped out his wand.
"If we weren't standing in the Ministry of Magic, you would be dead by now Black," I whispered coldly.
He raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? And I suppose you think you're a match for me?"
This time I laughed loudly. "Think? No... I don't think I'm a match for you. I know that I am more than a match."
"I doubt that Snivelly... I doubt that..."
I silkily turned from him, dismissing him. "Resorting to name-calling Black? Do you know your name is synonymous with the Dog Star?"
"Better that than Severus Snape…" he snarled.
I bowed to him in mockery. "Surely Black... but no, even you cannot be that arrogant to not know that all those curses you used against me were my very own inventions? Surely you realise that if you didn't have Potter and your gang to support you - a case of one against four if you will - I could have cursed the living daylights out of you with my eyes closed? Do you really think that the extent of my spells was to hang someone in midair by their feet? Surely you didn't think that?"
"Snivel-"
I interrupted him, calling over my shoulder as I walked away. "Goodbye Black. I hope I never see you again. In the meantime, don't aggravate me or I might accidentally throw the bottle of poison I accidentally happen to have in my robes at you... and then where would your good Black looks be? Oh... and Happy Christmas."
I could tell he was going to shout something at me, but at that moment he was called away by a wizard in blue robes. In the meantime, my good mood fully restored, I turned to sweep my gaze over the atrium to find the little creature who would be my companion on the trip I was about to undertake.
o.o.o
I think I might have sped on too quickly. I finished last by telling you that we had received another set of instructions. I have absolutely no idea what was in these instructions. I've tried very hard to remember Headmaster but I cannot. I suspect some Memory Charm was placed on me to suppress this particular memory. Whatever it was, it was probably an extremely heinous thing, and the fact that it has been wiped from my memory suggests that, if publicly known, it would be extremely embarrassing for the Ministry. What puzzles me is why the whole series of events following these instructions were not destroyed from my memory. I suspect that they were either too large or complicated to be erased. Or perhaps they were erased but not very well, so, what with my rather incredible mental abilities, I could have easily reconstructed these memories.
Whatever the cause, the fact that I can easily recall the consequences of these instructions gives me a fairly good idea of what the Ministry was trying to do. And heinous it most certainly was. But first, let me take you back.
o.o.o
I stood waiting, with my jaw clenched tightly, tapping my foot on the ground in impatience, as I waited for the woman to decide. I had found Pétale near the fountains five minutes ago. Any mention of what had taken place not more than half an hour ago was mutually avoided. She was avoiding my eyes.
"Really woman! Does it take your whole undivided attention to decide whether to use the Floo Network or to simply apparate?" I paused, thinking. "In fact… why am I even asking you? Come, let us go. We shall apparate."
"No… Snape. Let's use the Floo Network."
I sighed. "Finally, she speaks. No we cannot use the Floo Network. I assure you."
"Why not?"
"Well, why don't you try? I assure you if you appear without warning in a fireplace in Knockturn Alley, you would be immediately cursed by the proprietors. Most of them dabble in the Dark Arts and they wouldn't want everybody and their second cousins popping in whenever they see fit. Aside from this, they probably have charms on their fireplaces preventing from uninvited visitors… visiting. Besides, do you have a problem with apparating?"
She reddened, sighed, shook her head and looking away, said. "Alright, where should we apparate to?"
"Well, well… fancy the talented Ms Black having problems with apparition," I sneered.
"Do you like criticising people Snape?" she snapped.
"Intensely," I replied silkily. "On the count of three then. One, two-"
Before I'd finished she'd already disappeared with a loud crack. I sighed, rolled my eyes in exasperation at the little minx and followed suit.
o.o.o
I appeared at the head of Knockturn Alley across from Gringotts. There were four goblins on either side of the large entrance to the Wizard Bank, all in full Goblin Armour that not even a powerful curse could penetrate. This – and Hogwarts – were the safest locations in the whole of Britain. And no wonder. These Goblins were not afraid of cursing – quite literally – anyone who stepped out of line or behaved suspiciously. At the moment, I could see them refusing entrance to that idiot Mundungus Fletcher, who was protesting loudly at being forbidden access to a site that he was, in most probability, planning to steal from.
Pathetic creature. I thought viciously. I hate thieves.
I looked around for Pétale and found her standing a few feet away from me. I waited for her to come to me, but she remained where she was. What was the matter with the foolish woman?
Walking towards her, I realised she wasn't moving. And I as did so, I realised something else. And immediately, a huge, delighted smile split my face. "Well, well, well… little Miss Perfect has gone and got herself splinched!"
She glared at me, unable to move.
"What part, my dear?" I sneered.
"Shut up Snape! It's my… my…"I could hear her embarrassment even in my head. As I looked at her, she coloured.
"Your what exactly? I'm not a mind- Oh but wait," I grinned vindictively, "I am…" Immediately, I entered her thoughts. She reddened further.
I spluttered. "I cannot believe you left your… your…"
"Shut up Snape… just fix me…" she thought ferociously.
"Well that's the problem Ms Black. I'm not sure I can. I think I might have to call the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad to get you out of this mess," I said with exaggerated concern. Why not? I thought to myself. I need a little amusement. I myself could detect the clearly audible enjoyment in my voice. I moved closer to her, totally oblivious of anyone else, until my lips were almost touching her ear.
"Why Ms Black, when I discovered that you had problems with apparition, I didn't realise that you were an amateur!"
"Please Snape… I'm begging you; I know you know how to make me whole. Please, I'm serious…"
I paused. There was something in her tone. "Very well." I waved my wand and muttered a few spells. Immediately, the cloak across her chest bulged slightly. I smiled and said: "But my dear Ms Black, I see no difference."
She flushed red, and turned to lead the way into Knockturn Alley. As she did so, she swayed and started to fall backwards, straight into me. I caught her, instinctively, unconsciously, catching her with my arms and staggering backwards a few steps.
Of course, I should have known. "Splinching causes temporary loss of balance and stability…" I muttered, holding her for a few seconds until she could regain herself, sufficiently.
I could hear her gently moaning.
And amidst all this, no one had noticed. The war had hardened everyone. They cared for nothing but their own safety. Self-preservation… what did they care if someone was collapsing a few feet from them?
I could smell her hair again. The same jasmine-like scent. The scent softened me somewhat. For the first time, I felt a twinge of pity for the little woman. I sighed.
"Are you to interfere with everything I do, Ms Black?" I muttered into her ear, and then scooped her up in my arms. She weighed like a child, and fitted easily in my arms. Holding her to me, I started towards Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour – the closest respectable establishment – all too aware of the gentle weight of her head on my shoulder, and of the heat from her little body as she cradled against me, unconscious of what she was doing in her weakness.
As I moved towards the parlour, I looked down at my shoulder and beheld a mane of brown hair, partially shielding her face, and spread over my chest. From what little I could see of her face, a suspicion began to grow in my mind. She was looking flushed, her lips were parted, and there was a dazed expression about her eyes. I had only seen her like this when she had kissed me.
It seems like she's a- But no! She can't be a-
At that moment she stirred and readjusted herself more comfortable, putting an arm around my neck. The action, although trivial enough, sent a shiver up my spine. I quickened my pace to put her down as soon as possible. Why am I feeling this way? I thought. She's an irritating, annoying girl… then why…?
And the smell from her hair was driving me insane. Why was it so… so… beautiful? Such a feminine, soft scent – a smell that fully encapsulated the divine feminine… I shuddered. Enough, Severus… no more! But the thought still remained. I felt like burying my head in that mane of soft-smelling hair.
Finally reaching the parlour, I set her down on a table in a shady corner.
"Ms Black," I said sharply, "I shall be back in one moment."
She nodded gently, absent-mindedly, her eyelids half-closed.
I moved away to locate the proprietors.
"Ah Florean…" I muttered at the comely looking woman, standing behind a desk.
She smiled in delight. "Severus… you don't come here any more…"
I shrugged, embarrassed. "Busy…"
I liked this woman. She was nice, had always been nice to me, but wasn't overly curious like most nice people are. She immediately recognised my wish to remain private and to keep my own business to myself, and said: "What can I do for you Sevy?"
I grimaced. Whatever I said, the woman would not stop calling me that. "Just two chocolate ice-creams Florean. In bowls. And make sure there's plenty." She nodded and set to work. I started to walk back to my table.
And that's when it happened. That's when my whole life changed.
