Chapter 10: Sam's New Home
Sam POV:
It's been an two weeks since I've left home and came here; "Simmons' Pyschiatric Home for Young Adults". After talking with the other patients here, I could immediately see that I was different from everybody else. Not because of my clothes, because most of the guys here dress just like me. Or because my depression problem, most everybody here has one. It was because I chose to go here. Everybody else was forced to come here. But I never told anyone that, I don't want to be more of a freak then I already am.
I've also noticed that they run things rather loosely here. Patients are not forced to stay in their rooms all day. There are no padded rooms with straight jackets. There is a room here called the "Lounge Room", its open to patients all day as long as they don't have a schedueled group talk or one-on-one session with the doctor. There's a T.V., there's non-violent video games, and there's several computers with internet so we can e-mail our families.
There are some rules though. Boys and girls are seperated, for everything. I've never even seen girls walking around or in the cafeteria. My roomate told me that there are two seperate entrances to the building, a boy's entrance and a girls entrance. The girls are on the other side of the building, and we're seperated from them so that we won't get any...ideas.
Life here isn't so bad, I've met a few cool guys who've had even shittier childhoods than me. The only thing bad about this place is being seperated from Reggie. It's been two weeks since I've seen her or even heard her voice. Everybody here is only allowed to call their immediate family, no chatting on the phone with friends. Thank god for e-mail or else I'd go crazy from seperation anxiety.
-
Flashback (Regular POV)
Sam opened his dresser drawyer and pulled out a stack of t-shirts, mostly black, and hastily stuffed them in the duffle bag on his bed. Reggie watched him from his desk.
"What's the rush Sammy? You're not leaving for two days." Reggie pointed out. Sam looked up at her and smiled.
"The sooner I get this shit out of the way, the sooner I can spend time with you." he explained.
"That's sweet of you, but I'm afraid I can't do much. My teachers have drowned me in homework this week. Not to mention, that big history test is coming up and I have to do some major cramming."
"Why didn't you say so? I could help you study." Sam said, an evil grin forming on his face. Reggie laughed lightly and gave him a knowing look.
"I'm serious Sam." Sam gave a mock look of disappointment and went back to stuffing clothes in his bag.
"How long will you be away?" Reggie asked. Sam stopped in his tracks and looked up at her.
"Honestly, I don't know. It could be anywhere from two weeks to six months." he said quietly.
"Oh" Reggie said softly as tears started to form in her eyes.
"Don't you start crying again. Honestly woman, haven't you've done enough of that for the past couple weeks? I figured your water works supply would be dry by now." Sam said jokingly. Reggie let out a half-sob, half-laugh.
"I'm just going to miss you that's all." Reggie explained while wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
"I know, I know. People become attatched to me because of my charm and good looks. You're not the first person to become mesmorized by my witty knowledge and handsome features." Sam said in mock smuggness, puffing out his chest.
Reggie went into a fit of giggles and threw a pillow at him. "You are so weird!" she said. Sam grinned at her.
"Don't lie Reg, you know you love it!" he grinned.
"I never said I didn't." Reggie said as she got of the bed and embraced him. "What am I gonna do without you Sam?"
"Wait patiently I guess, patience is a virtue." Sam said while rubbing her back. Reggie looked up at him and kissed him softly on the lips. Sam suddenly drew back a couple seconds later.
"What's wrong?" Reggie asked with concern.
"I was just wondering, you still have my hockey stick right? To beat the guys off with?" Sam asked
Reggie nodded with a smile and brought Sam's face back to hers.
(End Flashback)
-
(Sam POV)
I sat on the white sheeted twin bed with my sketchbook in my lap. I was doodling while my mind drifted to other things. I was so dazed that I didn't even here my roomate talking to me.
"Dude, Sam! Are you even listening to me?" the voice brought me out of my own little world and I looked up to meet a pale face with light blue eyes and heavy black eyeshadow.
"Sorry Dave, I was in my own little world." I explained
"Obviously! I don't know how you can concentrate like that. Are taking any...medication? Because if you are, I could really use a pick-me-up." Dave begged. He was here because of a drug problem he had, the court gave him the option of jail or "Simmons' Pyschiatric Home for Young Adults". He said he chose "Simmons'" because they used guys like him as currency in prisons. Dave looked like the poster child for goth people- tight black shirts, black fingernails, bondage pants(although the straps had to be removed in case he ever got a "little depressed") and even black make-up on his lips and eyes.
"I'm not on anything Dave. I was just thinking about shit."
"Oh." he said, sounding a little disappointed.
"So, what were you saying while I wasn't aware you were even in the room?" I asked
"Oh yeah! I was just sent to tell you that Dr.Shetler wants to see you in his office now."
"What I'd do?" I asked in false panic.
"The doc just felt like having a random chat. He does this all the time, you'll get used to it." Dave explained. He had been here for five months.
"Alright." I said getting up. "See ya."
"Yeah see ya'." he said looking down at my sketchbook. "Wait, who's that?" he asked pointing down to the sketchbook. I looked down to see the penciled face of my father staring back at me. He wore the same expression he had always worn when he was drunk. I didn't even realize I was drawing him. A surge of anger sped through my body.
"Nobody." I spat, and tore the drawing from the book, balled it up and threw it in the trash basket. I stomped out of the room, leaving a very confused Dave.
I walked down the deserted hallway towards Dr.Shetler's office. "The Doc" as everyone called him was a middle-aged man who had worked at "Simmon's Pyschiatric Home for Young Adults" forever. He was well known for his calmness when working with angry teenagers; a kid could be screaming their lungs out at him and tearing apart his office, while he simply nodded and jotted notes on his notepad. I guess that's why he's been here for so long.
"Hello Sam." Dr.Shetler greeted as I walked into his office.
"Hello." I replied as I sat in the chair in front of his desk.
"I suppose you're wondering why I called you here today?" he asked.
"Yeah, my roommate told me you randomly call guys into your office to talk"
"Your roommate would be correct. However, the reason I called you here is because... well frankly, I'm concerned." he explained
"Concerned about what?" I asked. "The Doc" sighed and leaned back in his chair.
"About you, Sam." he said.
"What about me?" I asked.'Had I done something wrong? Did he discover that I had a mental disease? Worried thoughts raced through my head.
"Sam, you've been here for two weeks now, and you have made more progress with your problems than other patients do in a month! You're coopertive, you answer my questions rather than stare at the floor like most newbees do. You've shared your true feelings during group and one on one sessions. It's like you actually want to be here!" he said with an amazed look on his face.
"Well...I do want to be here." I explained. He gave me an odd look.
"That's very rare, Sam. Most patients need to be dragged in by the hair; very few teens speak up when they need help. Why do you want to be here Sam?" He asked. I sighed.
"I'm not like most of the other guys here, after talking with them, I realized that they're from uh ...different backgrounds than me."
"What do you mean 'different backgrounds'?" he asked. He was starting to get on my nerves.
"They either grew up in single parent homes or had parents who hated eachother yet still lived together-" he cut me off- "According to your file Sam, your parnets are divorced and you spent your adolescent years with your mother." he said, giving me a confused look.
"The guys who've talked to lived in crappy neighborhoods infested with crime and drugs. I've lived in suburban neighborhoods my whole life. They skipped school on a regular basis, I've hardly missed a day in my life!" The Doc raised his eyebrows. "Look, I'm not saying that I'm better than the other patients here, I'm not saying that I'm smarter than them in any way- all I'm saying is that..."
What was I trying to say?
"What are you trying to say, Sam?" he asked gravely.
"I'm...just..different, okay?" I said, collecting my thoughts.
"I see what your saying." he smiled.
"You do?" I asked.
"But, all the stuff you just said, didn't really answrer my question. Why do you want to be here?"
"Because I want to fix my problems. Not just for me, but for my mom and my friends."
"And what are these problems of yours Sam?" he asked. What was this twenty questions?
"I'm a cutter"
"Why are you a cutter?"
"I...guess it's easier for me to carve up my arm than it is to tell someone that I'm angry or sad or depressed. Because I think that if I do tell someone those things, than they'll overeact and think that I'm gonna blow my brains out with a gun or something, ya' know. Or they'll think I'm weak and make fun of me."
"What's so bad about being made fun of?"
"I've been made fun of my whole life."
"Why?"
"People made fun of me as a kid because I was scared all the time, I wasn't very athletic, and because I was a first class nerd. People make fun of me now because I'm different, the clothes I wear, the way I act. And I'm still a nerd." The Doc let out a chuckle at the last part of my confession.
"Well Sam I think we just found out what your problem is."
"Um..Doc? I already knew what my problem was-I'm a cut-"
"No, not that! For a someone who's in the top ten of their class, you sure are clueless. Your problem isn't that you cut yourself, your problem is that you don't speak up about your problems-which causes you to cut yourself." He explained.
"You can't hold in all your anger and sadness, you've got to let it out. I'm not saying- beat up the people who piss you off, because that will just cause more problems. What you need to do Sam is tell somebody when you've had a bad day. Tell somebody when you feel like shit. Tell somebody when your sad. And never be afriad to cry." he said. "Girls love guys with sensitivity" he added with a grin.
"Wow, so not only will I solve my problems but I'll get laid too!" I asked in mock astonishment. We both shared a good laugh.
-
My talk with the "Doc" left me feeling hopeful to work out my problems and eager get out of this place. It also left me very lonely too. I returned to my room to an anxiously waiting Dave.
"So?" he asked.
"It went well." I said with a smile.
"What do you mean it went well?" he asked
"I'm making good progress. In fact, I might be able to get sooner than expected." I explained. Dave gave me a blank stare.
"Really... that's what he said?" he asked, eyeing me suspicously.
"Uh..yeah, pretty much." Dave was starting to freak me out.
"Cause, he's never said anything like that to me." Dave explined.
"Maybe you just aren't trying hard enough." I suggested and instantly regretting it. Dave glared at me.
"What exactly are you saying, Sam? That I'm a hopeless case?" he asked venomously.
"No man, it's just-"
"I guess it must just be the dope, right. The shit must have totally fried my brain! I'm surprised they haven't declared me legally retarted yet! Why don't you go to your friend the "doc" and ask him to do that for me?" Dave ranted on sarcastically.
"Dave I didn't mean it like that!" Dave just put his hand up motioning me to shut my trap. He stomped out of the room muttering under his breath-"..stupid narc...fucker." I could faintly hear his heavy combat boots stomping down the hallway. I had no idea what just happened, but I knew that I would have some trouble making new friends with the other patients once Dave told everybody about my talk with the Doc.
In a few hours, it was time for dinner. As I entered the cafeteria, I was greeted with a hushed silence as the other guys eyed me, pointed at me and whispered to person next to them. I tried to act like I didn't care and got into the food line. The people who were waitng in line next to me took a few steps away from me, like I was carrying some type of disease.
I took a seat at a deserted table in the corner of the room and tried to ignore whispers around me. But it was impossible. I finished my dinner as fast as I could, not caring if I was being too obvious. I nearly scalded my tounge on the soup but I didn't care. I wanted to get the hell out.
I stood up and walked over to tray-return window, my eyes on the floor, I could feel their eyes following me. I set my tray down and made a beeline for the exit, I should have payed more attention to my feet, because the next thing I knew I was on floor. Some asshole had tripped me, laughter rain throughout the cafeteria. I got up and looked at the one responsible- a beefy-looking jock whom I heard was here for taking steriods...big surprise.
He was laughing his most of all. Dave was sitting a few seats down from him, smirking at me. I wanted to punch the jock right in his stupid face. My fist was curled up, knuckles turning white-but I knew that if I did hit him, I would be kept here longer. But I still couldn't just walk away.
So I spat right in his face. And ran for it.
The jock yelled out in disgust causing everybody else to laugh harder. As I made my way down the hall I could hear the cafeteria monitors trying to restrain him and calling for more help. I passed a couple of security officers running the direction of the cafeteria.
I finally made it back to my room. I closed the door and laughed despite my embarassment and loneliness.
-
"Dullard!" a deep voice called out. I looked up from my book to see Steve, one of the "Helpers", standing on the doorway. I instantly regretted spitting on that jock's face.
"Yeah?" I answered nervously.
"It's your turn to make a phonecall." he explained. I let out a sigh of relief and followed him out the door. Every couple of days you could call home to check in with your family.
"Saw what you did at dinner tonight." Steve said casually. "Pretty funny, man. I never did like that meathead wrestler."
"Uh..thanks" He must have sensed my confusion because he said
"Don't worry about getting into trouble. All us dinner monitors agreed not to tell Dr.Shetler."
"Thanks Steve." I said gratefully. We entered a small, white room with two chairs and a phone on a small desk.
"You got ten minutes" Steve reminded me, instead of sitting down at the table with me, he walked out the door leaving me by myself. Since no one was there to watch me,I decided to bend the rules a little bit and call Reggie.
I picked up the phone and dialed Reggie's number. The phone rang five times, I was beginning to think that no one was home, but then I heard a familar voice answer-
"Hello?"
"Hey Reg, ya miss me?" I greeted her.
"Sammy! It's been so long since I last heard from you!" She exclaimed.
"I e-mailed you yesterday." I reminded her.
"I know Sam, it's just that the day seems a lot longer and boring without you." she explained sadly. "So what's up?" she asked. I told her about my talk with "The Doc" and the events at this evning's dinner.
"Wow, sounds like you had a rough day." Reggie said.
"Yeah, but the whole thing has just motivated me to try harder at fixing the things that are wrong with me, and going home."
"If you ask me Sam, there is nothing bad or wrong about you. But I do want you come home soon." Her words touched me. But our sentimental moment was about to be interupted.
"One minute left Dullard!" Steve reminded me as he walked back into the room.
"I guess you got to go then, huh?" Reg asked while giggling softly.
"Unfortunatley, yeah." I said sadly. "I miss you, Reg." I added.
"I miss you too Sam." She replied softly. "So get your ass back home soon, okay?" she added in a mock angry voice.
"I will. Good night, Reg."
" 'Night Sammy." I hung up the phone and walked back to my room. Luckily Dave still wasn't there. I got changed and went to bed.
-
A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in awhile, I've just been really busy with school, SATs, track, ect. Big Thanks goes out to all my reviewers-if it wasn't for you guys, I probably would have given up on this story.
Next Chapter: You'll see. (Evil laughter)
