A/N: well, I've finally figured out how I want to write this chapter. (With some help from the X-Files!) Please enjoy! Also, if you've read Karen Traviss' 'Hard Contact' you'll recognize some characters. :P Don't worry if you haven't, no big deal.
Oh yes: for anyone who watched the show Andromeda: ha-ha, Drago-Katsov!
The Greatest Boba Fett Fan: Cheese-Itz cure stupidity? Huh, I thought they just left a cardboard-like taste in your mouth. Hm, I'll remember that... :P Mace Windu scrub toilets. Now I've heard everything... Have I told you how much I love your screenname?
vegemite: what? At least MY Bobo isn't all bloated because the author won't give him his Maalox Max! :Fat Bobo glares at vegemite: :P I was actually listening to that song while I wrote the first chapter of this, so... yeah. :P
Zealit: Thanx!
Clone Trooper: OMG, I absolutely love you screenname, please don't change it! (You're profile said you were. I think. I don't know, I was kinda skimming.) Really glad you liked it, and 'Beneath the Surface' too. Thanx! :starts yelling: TRASH BAGS! I WANT TR-ASH BAGS! I'm sorry, I just remembered that for some reason. :P I have a feeling you're going to enjoy this chapter...
Flare Conlon: ha-ha, Fett-ish. I guess that would make us Fettishists:P He-he, dancing clones!
A/N: this chappie is really uber-long because I'm off to Philly on Saturday and don't know when I'll be able to update next. (Not to mention I just couldn't find a point to END the damn thing!) Thanx for all the reviews!
And while you're here, check out the fic I'm writing with random-idiot-v2 called 'Boba Fett and the Holy Grail'. It's under my profile:)
All right, I'll stop babbling now...
-xXx- CORUSCANT –xXx-
Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi glanced around furtively. Master Yoda would likely slap his knuckles if he found out what Obi-Wan was reading- the transcribed version of Fight the Future. It was one of his favorite holos of all time, and yes, it was X-Files.
He felt like a Padawan again, tucked into a forgotten corner of the Jedi Archives with his knees pressed against his chest, reading his well-worn copy of X-Files: Fight the Future.
Oh yes, Obi-Wan had the limited-edition paperback version, with printed words and images on the cover. (He'd had it specially imported from the Unknown Regions!) He was also completely obsessed with one of the main characters, Special Agent Dana Scully.
What? He was a good Jedi Master, so he deserved his break from reality- plus, he had never been caught with it, not once. Not even Bant or Qui-Gon had known.
Anakin had finally figured it out when he stumbled across Obi-Wan's box of recorded episodes -all nine seasons- complete with full-size movie poster. Thus began their Master-Padawan dispute over Trading Spaces/X-Files.
But that's not important right now. What was important was the fact that he had just seen a dark brown blur rush past, screaming like a little girl in a voice that sounded suspiciously like Mace Windu.
Obi-Wan pocketed his book and went to investigate. On his way, however, a smarmy little man, with pale skin and greasy black hair stopped him. His nose was twitching like a mouse's... no, a rat's.
Obi-Wan tucked his hands into opposite sleeves for no better reason than it looked cool and inclined his head politely. "Can I help you?" You know, just once he really wanted to snap 'Whadda'ya want?' but that probably wouldn't go over very well.
"I'm looking for Master Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi." The man's nose twitched again.
"Jedi Master," Obi-Wan corrected. "I am he."
The man held out his hand to shake; Obi-Wan carefully swallowed a wince at how sweaty the man's grip was and surreptitiously wiped his hand on his tunic.
"Master Kenobi, you may call me Drago."
'You may'? Who does this guy think he is? Obi-Wan wondered disdainfully.
"I am here to inform you that due to the wishes of the designer of this sweepstakes, it is now to be known as 'Switch'. The designer, in her own words, described the previous name of Trading Families as 'gay'."
Obi-Wan's lips turned up in a small smile. "Interesting choice of words. And now you may leave, having delivered you message. A hologram would have been easier, but tell the designer I appreciate her thoughtfulness."
"Not yet." Drago stepped into Obi-Wan's way again. "I must speak with young Fett. Is he available?"
Obi-Wan was seriously beginning to dislike this man. He took a deep breath and attempted to release his disdain into the Force. It helped... a little. "That is none of your business. Please leave." He made a friendly gesture towards the door, but his eyes indicated that this was not a request. "I don't know what kind of establishment you think this is, Drago, but we do not simply barge in demanding to see Padawans."
Drago's eyes hardened for the briefest of seconds, then his head dipped. "I hear and obey, Master Kenobi." He somehow turned the word 'Master' into a thing of filth.
"It's been a pleasure," Obi-Wan said dryly.
-xXx-
"AHHHHH!" Jedi Master Mace Windu screamed as he raced down various corridors of the Jedi Temple. "HELP MEEEEEE!"
"Master Windu?" Luminara Unduli stopped what she was doing and grabbed Windu's arm as he ran past.
"Look at me! Look at me!" Windu raved.
"And what exactly am I supposed to be seeing, my friend?"
"Look at my hair!"
"Yes, I see..." Luminara made a show of studying the man's scalp then smiled gently. "You're still bald."
"No! I'm not! I have an Afro!"
"Mm-hm." By now a passing group of Padawans had stopped and was staring. "Well, I'm sorry," Luminara said, suddenly anxious to get away. "But I remember I have to speak with...uh... Etain Tur-Mukan about, uh... her scores, yes..." she slowly began edging away.
"MY SKIN IS BLUE!" Windu screamed as Luminara rounded a corner and escaped.
Windu looked at the Padawans. "You see it, don't you!"
Wordlessly, the Padawans shook their heads. One took out a mini-holocam and took a picture of the raving Jedi Master.
Windu was distracted by the sight of a member of the Jedi Council and dashed after him. "Kit Fisto, my good friend! I need your help..."
-xXx-
Boba braced himself for what he knew was coming. WHAM! Barriss smacked him hard, and Boba tumbled backward off the bed. "Ouch!"
"That's for taking so long!"
Boba cautiously peeked over the side of the bed. "Huh?"
"You could have asked me sooner, but no, Bobo had take so freakin' long-"
"Don't call me Bobo!" Boba paused. "Wait, what did you say?"
"I said what took you so long?" Barriss glared at him.
Boba didn't know what to say. When he asked he assumed he would be slapped and Barriss would leave. This was different. And unexpected. And scary.
"Uhhhh..."
"Boba..." Barriss said warningly.
Boba looked like a deer in the headlights. "Uhhhh..."
He was saved from answering by Obi-Wan running through the door. "Boba there's a man who wants to see you. I have a bad feeling about him, but- oh, hello, Padawan Offee."
"Hello, Master Kenobi."
"Boba, why are you on the floor? And what happened to your face?" Obi-Wan added, seeing the red handprint.
"I fell."
"Yes, fell into a hand," Obi-Wan said dryly, already guessing what had happened.
"Ah, young Fett!" came a cry, and Drago waltzed in.
Obi-Wan looked like he was in pain. "Go away."
"I told you, I must speak with Fett before I leave!"
"No! Go away!"
Drago shoved his way past Obi-Wan, barged up to stand next to Boba and Barriss, and held out his hand to shake.
Barriss looked at it in revulsion. "Ever heard of washing your hands? 'Cause there's this miracle substance called soap..."
"What do you want?" Boba asked.
"I just need to ask you some questions, then I'll be on my way..."
"No."
"Question number one: Have you- wait, what did you say?" Drago looked up at him with beady little eyes.
"I said no. Master Kenobi asked you to leave, and leave you will." Boba looked at him calmly without blinking.
Drago began to be unnerved. "Now, there's no call for that..."
"You will leave," Boba said simply.
"I... yes..." Drago began to look flustered. Without another word he turned tail and left.
"You sure you don't have Jedi mind powers?" Barriss asked suspiciously.
Boba shrugged and grinned.
"Boba, Barriss, have you ever watched a show called The X-Files?"
"No."
"Nope."
Obi-Wan grinned like a little boy. "Oh, you don't know what you're missing! We'll start with the first episode..."
-xXx- KAMINO –xXx-
Anakin took a few tentative steps forward. "Um, hello?" he ventured.
His voice echoed off the shiny walls around him. Hello-lo-lo-lo...
"Creepy..."
Creepy-pee-pee-pee...
Anakin resolved to keep his mouth shut after that- then yelped as a man in bulky white armor dropped down in front of him from the ceiling. He fumbled for the blaster Jango had given him, but too late realized he had neglected to bring it.
"Relax, kid," the man said in a familiar voice. He pulled off the helmet to reveal...
"Jango Fett!" Anakin exclaimed in relief, lunging forward and wrapping his arms around the man's waist.
"No. I'm Atin." The man looked quite confused as he looked down at the boy.
"Huh?" Anakin then noticed the man had a large scar across his face and backed away.
Three more men in white armor dropped down from the air ducts above and pulled off their helmets.
"You're... you're..." Anakin's voice failed him as he looked at four near-identical Jangos. "Oooh." He fainted.
"Don't just stand there being so ugly, Atin," one said. "Let's get this civvie out of here."
"Darman's right," another said. "The Kaminoans'll be coming this way with their crazy dancing soon."
"Yeah, that'd just be cruel and unusual punishment, Niner."
"Shut up, Fi."
"Let's get him up into the ducts," Niner ordered. "Even if he is a civilian, we can't leave him at the mercy of the Kaminoans."
"Right, Sarge," Darman said. "We'd better hurry. I can hear their di'kutla parade coming this way."
"Look, Sarge," Atin said, pointing to Anakin's Padawan braid. "Jedi."
"What's a Jedi doing here?" Fi asked, giving the braid a second look.
Faintly they began to hear: "Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-CHA! Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-CHA!"
The clones looked up in horror. "The Kaminoans," Atin whispered.
"C'mon, get 'im outta here!"
-xXx-
"What do you want?" Jango demanded, highly irritated. First Anakin had run off and wasn't answering the comlink, now this greasy woman wouldn't leave him alone.
"I simply must speak with young Skywalker," the woman persisted.
"And you are..." Jango said. Not because he cared, but because the readers need to know.
"I am Katsov. Together with my partner Drago we are here on behalf of Trading Families, now know as 'Switch'."
Jango tuned her out and ignored her. The good thing about wearing a Mandalorian helmet was that no one could tell if he was actually listening. As of right now, he wasn't.
"Yoo-hoo! Are you listening to me?"
"No."
"I-need-to-speak-with-An-a-kin-Sky-walk-er," Katsov dragged out, as if saying it slower would make Jango care.
Jango waved a hand. "Go find him, then."
"You don't know where he is?"
"Nope. Now leave or I will command my ship to kill you." Jango held the remote warningly and hoped that the Slave I would do what he told it this time.
"We will remember this, Jango Fett. Mark my words, the Drago-Katsov will remember this!"
"Shut up."
Katsov walked away in a huff. Jango didn't really care. As much as he hated to admit it, he was worried about Skywalker.
-xXx-
"Hey, civvie!"
Anakin woke up to a none-too-gentle smack in the face. He looked up and saw Jango Fett. Then he saw three more and blinked. "Ehhh." He fainted again.
"Why's he keep doin' that, Sarge?" one asked.
"'Cause Atin here's so-" Fi started.
"Shut up, Fi," Atin cut him off.
"He's probably never seen clones before," Niner answered. He smacked Anakin again. "Jedi, don't faint again."
"Ehhh?" Anakin blinked and saw the clones again. "Oooh." His head nodded.
"Don't even think about it, Jedi," Niner cautioned.
Anakin snapped awake and stared at the clones. Four confused faces stared back at him. "What the hell..."
"We're clones, Jedi. Of Jango Fett."
"Oooo-kay." Anakin frowned. "Um, hi."
"Hi!" Fi answered cheerfully. The other three just watched him.
"Um, why are you staring at me?"
"Because you're staring at us, civvie," Niner answered.
"Oh. Sorry." Anakin paused. "Why do you keep calling me 'Civvie'?"
"Civilian," a clone answered. "You got a name, kid?"
"Anakin Skywalker."
"I'm Niner."
"Fi."
"Darman."
"And the ugly one here is-" Fi started again.
"Shut up, Fi. I'm Atin."
"Ummm, what are you doing here?"
"We're Recon Commandos, Anakin."
"Oooh." Anakin nodded sagely. "Recon Commandos are the ones who clean out the air ducts, then."
Atin hit his head off the palm of his hand.
"We're hiding from the Kaminoans, Anakin," Darman explained. "They're doing their crazy dancing again."
"What do you mean?"
Niner gestured for Anakin to come over and look through the vent.
It was a congo line of Kaminoans. "Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-CHA! Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-CHA! Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-CHA!" they were chanting.
Anakin leaned back. "How many are there?" he whispered.
"The whole city," Darman said gravely. "Not to mention any of us that get caught in their way."
Anakin looked down again in time to see a clone enthusiastically chanting along.
"We think it's brainwashing," Fi whispered. "That one down there? That's Zeke, RC 531-991. He's with Gamma Squad. If he was in his right mind he'd never- wait, look! There's Blaze, Max, and Apollo, the rest of that squad!"
Anakin looked down to see three more clones in the congo line.
"Brainwashing," Fi repeated seriously.
"Company, halt!" came a shout over the loudspeakers in the wall.
Anakin breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh good. It's over then."
"Oh, no," Atin moaned. "They're not-"
"They are," Niner answered.
"They are what?" Anakin asked.
Below, the Kaminoans and clones separated from the line and made sure there was a foot between them and those around them.
"What's going on?" Anakin whispered in fear.
"Why here?" Fi grumbled.
Below the Kaminoans were doing a strange dance that involved much weaving of the hands and body.
"What is it?" Anakin whispered.
Fi looked nauseous.
"The macarena."
