Chapter Five

Now

Leonardo is lying on his bed, reading a comic book. He likes comic books for some weird reason; he's reading a superman comic.

"We call my brother Superman," I said.

Leonardo ignored me.

"I'm sorry, Ok. I didn't mean to beat you up." I said, "My best friend's name was Aurora. Her mom killed my parents, and then she ran away. I don't know where she is now, but I'm worried about her."

Leonardo looked up. "'That why you're here?"

"Yeah," I replied.

"That's rough," he said. "Losing your parents and your best friend at the same time."

"Yeah," I replied.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"It's OK," Leonardo replied.

We sat there in silence for a while. Then Leonardo said, "I'm here for the same reason, just my grandma died. She was the only person I ever had."

"I'm sorry" I said.

"She could have joined our weird names club," Leonardo said; brightening a bit. "Her name was Olive."

I smiled, "'Worse than Ponyboy."

"Worse than almost anything," Leonardo said.

"So you're really not mad at me?" I asked.

"Nope," Leonardo replied.

"Why?" I asked.

"I got worse from some of my foster parents. I know you didn't mean to beat me up, and you did say you were sorry," Leonardo replied.

Leonardo went back to his comic book. I stared at the ceiling, looking at the tiles. I started to mentally count them. One, two, three. I'd lost three people I'd loved in the past three months. Two of them were never coming back. Maybe Dr. Murphy is right, maybe talking about everything that's happened will help. My next session is tomorrow, but I can't wait until then.

"Hey, Leonardo," I said.

"Yeah," he said as he looked up from his comic book.

"Would you be bored to death if I told you about my parents and Aurora?" I asked.

"No, but let me ask you something first," Leonardo said.

"Sure," I said.

"Was Aurora your girlfriend?" Leonard asked.

I wanted to say no at first. But then I thought about it, I had been friends with Aurora for my whole life, and we knew everything about each other. I did like her, but I didn't think I'd liked her like that before.

"Yeah," I replied. "She was."

I started to tell Leonardo everything about my parents and Aurora. He was the first person I talked to about my parents.

Dr. Murphy's sessions with Ponyboy Curtis. Note pauses.

Dr. Murphy: Well, Ponyboy, are you feeling better today?

Ponyboy Curtis: Yes.

DM: Your roommate, Leonardo, has the session before you. He said you talked to him about your parents and Aurora last night.

PC: Yes.

DM: How did talking about them make you feel?

PC: It hurt.

Here there is a long pause.

PC: It hurt really bad.

DM: It often hurts to talk about these things, especially so soon.

PC: I know.

DM: Can you tell me some of the things you told Leonardo, Ponyboy?

Here there is a long pause.

DM: You don't have to tell me, Ponyboy.

PC: You know, it's weird. I wanted to talk to someone so bad about everything that's happened, so I talked to Leonardo. I told myself that I'd talk to you today, but then I found out…

DM: Found out what, Ponyboy?

PC: Found out that it hurts. Not all the Aspirin in the world can make a broken heart and a wounded soul stop hurting.

DM: Talking will help.

PC: No, talking hurts.

DM: But think about this, Ponyboy. Didn't it hurt more to keep everything inside you that it did to talk to Leonardo about it?

PC: I guess…I guess it did.

DM: So, can we talk about your parents and Aurora?

PC: I need some time to think about what I'm going to say. Can we talk tomorrow?

DM: Sure.

Exert from Ponyboy's Memory

It was just a month before mom and dad had been killed, and the height of deer season in Oklahoma. Dad liked to take Darry, Soda, and me hunting. Dad and Darry took it really seriously, but Soda and I always scared most of our game off. The truth is I don't like killing things; it just seems cruel.

We were out hunting one day, but instead of splitting up like we usually do, we all stayed together. There was a field that Dad and Darry did most of their hunting in.

"I bet there's a lot of deer there," I said; pretending to be excited.

"Oh yeah," Dad replied, "the most deer I've ever seen."

I didn't say anything after that. I didn't want it to sound like I was afraid of killing the deer. I wasn't afraid of killing them; I just didn't want too.

Dad and Darry shot three deer within ten minutes. Soda got one a few minutes later. I guess the deer realized that if they went into the field they'd get killed, so they stayed away for a while. While we sat around waiting for the deer, we started talking.

"You see, Ponyboy," Dad said, "You can't do this kind of stuff with Aurora. This is man stuff; I know she couldn't shoot a deer." Dad didn't like Aurora as much as mom.

That made me mad. Aurora was my best friend, and I knew that she could go hunting if she wanted too.

"Yeah," I said, "I guess not." I didn't want Dad to think I was a wimp.

After sitting in silence for a few minutes, another deer came into the field.

"Ponyboy, you're the only one that hasn't shot a deer today," dad said. "Why don't you get this one?"

What was I supposed to say? That I didn't want to shoot the deer because I thought it was cruel? I was afraid of what dad would say to me, so I just sat there.

"Pony, you shooting the deer or what?" Darry asked.

"I don't want to kill it," I said quietly.

"What?" Dad asked.

"I said I don't want to kill the deer. I don't like killing defenseless animals," I said.

I guess I said that a bit too loud because the deer ran away.

"Now look at what you've done! Scared our deer away," Dad said angrily.

We stayed in the field for a while longer, but no more deer came. Eventually, it got dark so we had to leave. I could tell that I'd disappointed dad. The whole way back, he was muttering something about how I'd never amount to anything.

That night, I apologized to dad and he said he forgave me, but I never felt like he felt the same about me.