"You're an idiot," Shinra said immediately as Izaya walked through the door.
"I know," Izaya mumbled in response, rolling his eyes.
"Shut up. You not only put yourself in danger, but also Shizuo who should be resting and my beloved Celty got involved in this whole mess! I would punch you if it wouldn't just make more work for myself! Now go sit down and rest while I check Shizuo over again, and don't you dare try to run off again."
"Yeah, fine," Izaya responded, turning to head down the hallway that led to the living room.
"Don't go too hard on him," Shizuo mumbled, still breathing heavily from the walk from the street.
"You're just as bad as him," Shinra turned, pointing an accusatory finger towards Shizuo, "Get back to bed and let me check your oxygen. You look terrible."
"O-okay…" Shizuo glanced down the hallway at the same time Izaya glanced behind him, their eyes meeting for a brief moment before Shizuo was ushered back into the treatment room. Izaya really didn't want to be separated from Shizuo right now, and it seemed the feeling was mutual based on the concern in Shizuo's eyes just before he was pushed into the room.
It took a moment to convince himself everything was going to be okay as he continued towards the living room. When he was about half way down the hall, Celty stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "[I know Shinra is going to want to look you over again, but if you want to clean up a bit first feel free to use the shower. I'll update Anri-chan for you and tell her everything is done.]"
Izaya nodded in response, taking the offer and turning into the bathroom and closing the door behind him. He noted the clothes folded neatly on the counter along with a note in Shinra's handwriting that simply read: "for the dumbass". Insult aside, Shinra must have anticipated he'd want to shower. Even though Shinra was clearly pissed at him, the small gesture showed that he cared despite his harsh words. Truth be told he didn't feel like he deserved that kindness right now after running headfirst into danger.
Izaya leaned against the sink and took a slow breath as nausea began to grow and a shudder crept up his spine. He turned the cold water on in an attempt to distract himself by washing his hands and face, scrubbing at the dried blood. The nausea intensified as he watched Jiro's blood mixed with his own swirl down the drain. Thankfully he was able to hold himself together as he reminded himself for what felt like the hundredth time in the past twenty minutes that it was over.
Izaya leaned forward to rest his head on his arms which were crossed over the front of the sink. He allowed the tears to fall silently as his exhausted mind tried to process everything that had just happened. He had let his anger drive him but he couldn't make himself regret his actions. He almost wished he had done more, but it was for the best that he hadn't. It was over and everything went relatively according to plan. If he had pushed it any further it could have caused trouble for him, especially if he had killed Jiro before Shiki could question the man.
That's enough. It's done. Just move on. There's no point in dwelling on it.
With a few more breaths Izaya was able to chase the nausea away. That was a relief in and of itself because throwing up with bruised and possibly cracked ribs didn't sound like a pleasant way to spend the evening. Speaking of which, he was beginning to feel the pain in his chest and sides again. Not only that but all of the aches and pains from before seemed to be coming back full force and more. The meds Shinra gave him earlier must be wearing off already. Odds are he pulled several muscles over exerting himself like that too.
After washing the tears from his face with cold water, Izaya stood upright again, avoiding looking at himself in the mirror. He was tired. He'd been exhausted enough earlier when Shizuo was first injured and then went and pushed himself even further… Now he felt completely drained beyond anything he'd ever felt before. And he still had to face Shinra's wrath…
He wanted to shower first. The feeling of Jiro's hands on his body earlier somehow still lingered. Washing away that feeling was his main priority. Then he would take Shinra's advice and get some rest after being chewed out by him first both as his friend and doctor.
Izaya removed the bandages from earlier–they'd just have to be reapplied anyway if he got them wet–and stepped into the shower. He stood in the hot water for some time despite the way his body demanded he find somewhere to sit down. The heat helped loosen and soothe his aching muscles as the water washed over him. He took his time washing, trying to relax as he attempted to convince himself what had just happened was, in fact, real.
It's over.
He's dead.
It's over.
Jiro is dead.
After his shower he admittedly felt a bit better and much more relaxed as he dried off and got dressed, but he still felt that sense of dread knowing he still had to face Shinra. He was waiting for him on the couch, glancing Izaya's way when he entered the living room.
"Sit," he said, and Izaya obeyed.
Shinra slid several pills and a glass of water in Izaya's direction. Izaya took them immediately, thankful to soon have some relief from the slowly returning pain.
"Any new injuries besides your hands?" Shinra asked as he began assessing the damage to his hands.
Izaya shook his head.
"You're really determined to prevent your wrist from healing, aren't you?" He asked, noticing the swelling there.
"I assure you it's not intentional," Izaya replied quietly.
Shinra ignored him as he prodded at Izaya's previous injury. "Miraculously it isn't much worse than last time. Just please give it a chance to actually heal this time before you start throwing punches. If you mess it up again I'm not looking at it and I'll make you go to an actual hospital."
"I guess that's only fair," Izaya sighed.
"Glad we have an understanding," Shinra said, "Now then, take the shirt off so I can check you out again, okay? Celty's in the other room with Shizuo so it's just us right now."
"It's fine, she's already seen anyway," Izaya mumbled as he removed the shirt.
The bruising was beginning to show now in discolored patches across his chest and sides. Shinra took time to carefully examine the bruising, feeling the worst areas to see if they had been injured any further. He followed one of the darkest bruises towards his back where Shinra seemed to linger for a moment, lightly touching the largest scar there.
"Can I ask how long ago this was?" he asked as he continued taking a closer look at the scars.
"Right after high school," Izaya answered quietly.
Shinra sighed. "I know it's pointless to even ask but… have you talked to anyone?"
Izaya shook his head. "Nobody until Shizuo."
"You've studied psychology," Shinra began as he started cleaning and bandaging a scrape on Izaya's shoulder from earlier, "I know I shouldn't have to tell you why that's bad. But talking to him is a start at least."
"I didn't see the point," Izaya shrugged, "I know what's wrong with me and I have ways to cope. In fact, I was doing very well the past few years."
"What about medication?" He suggested, continuing to bandage various cuts and scrapes.
"No," Izaya said flatly, "I've been fine working on it myself and now that he's dead it's going to be easier."
Shinra sighed again. "I can't force you, but I do encourage you to talk to a professional. I can help you find someone."
Izaya frowned, "If I ever decide to go that route I'll let you know, but I'd really rather not."
"I knew you'd be stubborn about it," Shinra sighed again, "You can still talk to me, you know? I may not be an expert in that stuff but I can at least listen as a friend."
"Yeah, thanks," Izaya muttered. It sounded sarcastic due to the exhaustion in his voice but he really was grateful.
"Do you have flashbacks?" Shinra asked, his voice almost a whisper.
"Flashbacks, nightmares, intrusive thoughts, general anxiety in certain situations," Izaya listed, "Classic PTSD symptoms as I'm sure you've already guessed."
"Well, at least you admit it…" Shinra replied.
"I told you, I've been working on it myself," Izaya insisted, "Hell, I even got myself intentionally kidnapped for a job as a form of exposure therapy."
"You don't think that's just a little extreme?" Shinra said, flashing a smile.
Izaya let out a small laugh himself but the pain in his chest quickly stopped him. "Maybe a bit."
"You should add self-destructive behavior to that list of symptoms I suppose," Shinra suggested, "Am I going to have to have you admitted to a psych ward?"
"If I go you're coming down with me. I'll tell them you're a necrophiliac."
"Cute, but I think I'll pass," his smile faded as he continued, "In all seriousness though, Izaya, how are you right now? Celty filled me in on your plan before you came back. I'm assuming Shiki took him out, but by the looks of it you didn't exactly let them do all of the work for you."
Izaya shrugged. "I admit I lost control for a minute there. Shizu-chan thankfully stopped me."
"Clearly, but you're avoiding my question. How are you doing?"
"I don't know just yet," Izaya admitted, "Right now I'm… tired."
Shinra's eyes met his own as he studied his face. "In that case, give me an update after you've gotten some rest, okay? Also you're gonna have to pay me this time for the trouble of putting up with both of you at the same time."
"Is Shizu-chan doing ok?" Izaya asked.
"He'll be fine," Shinra waved his hand in dismissal, "he just needs rest. You need to focus on your own recovery right now."
"Yeah, I know."
"Good," he nodded, "Speaking of Shizuo, What exactly is going on between you two? If I understand it correctly he found out what happened to you and found out that this guy was coming after you again and agreed to be your bodyguard and now you're… together? Dating?"
"You're grossly oversimplifying, but yeah, that's basically what happened."
Shinra was quiet for a moment as he shifted his focus back to examining Izaya's hands, cleaning and beginning to wrap the cuts on his knuckles. There was a look on Shinra's face that Izaya couldn't quite decipher, though it looked like he wanted to say something. When he did voice his thoughts it caught Izaya off guard.
"You've liked him all along, haven't you?" he stated.
Izaya snapped his head up to meet Shinra's eyes. He hadn't been expecting that. Shinra never failed to surprise him with his perceptiveness but this was ridiculous. Izaya found himself unable to think of a response, instead just staring incredulously at his friend.
"There had to be a reason you always went out of your way to get his attention," Shinra continued when Izaya didn't respond, "Everyone thinks you're a masochist for constantly goading him into fights but I figured it probably hurt you more to have him ignore you."
"I-I… you…" Izaya stammered, too drained to think of a rebuttal.
"I've known you for a long time," he pointed out, "You're not as complicated as you like to think."
"Apparently not," Izaya replied when he finally found his voice, "Shizu-chan figured me out pretty easily as well."
"Oh really? He and I will have to compare notes sometime!" Shinra said, his eyes lighting up in that creepy way which Izaya knew meant trouble, "Anyway, that looks like all of the external injuries all cleaned up. Let me hear you breathe again."
Izaya decided to accept the abrupt change of subject in favor of moving on. When Shinra pressed the stethoscope to his chest Izaya took a breath but quickly was forced to stop when it hurt.
"Just take as deep a breath as you can without it hurting. No need to force it," he suggested, pausing a moment to listen as Izaya breathed.
"Hmm… At least your heart doesn't sound like it's going to explode this time," he remarked, "At this point all I can really recommend is that you get lots of rest. Celty should have set up the futon for you in the spare room with Shizuo. Please use it and actually get some sleep."
"I will," Izaya nodded, "Thanks, Shinra."
"You can thank me by healing. I'll send you a bill later and we can talk about those scars another time. Now go to sleep."
"Yeah, okay," Izaya agreed, thankful that he seemed to have gotten off pretty easy with Shinra all things considered.
…~Earlier~...
Once Izaya had closed the bathroom door, Celty waited. She could hear Shinra talking to Shizuo in the other room, mostly checking to make sure he hadn't injured himself further. She knew Shinra was upset. Shizuo and Izaya were the only people Shinra ever really saw as friends and they had both put their lives in danger tonight. She knew she owed him an apology for letting Izaya go through with his plans when he was already hurt.
Shinra stepped out into the hallway, closing the door behind him with a long sigh. He looked tired, Celty noticed, likely from the stress of having to wait at home not knowing for sure if the closest people in his life were going to make it back in one piece. She wouldn't be surprised if he was angry with her for her choice.
"Is he in the shower?" Shinra asked, approaching her.
"[Yes.]" Celty replied.
Shinra sagged against the wall next to her, closing his eyes and letting out another breath as he slid to the floor. When he didn't say anything else Celty slumped against the wall to sit next to him.
"[I'm so sorry for not bringing him right back,]" She began, "[But I knew if I just brought him back against his will he'd just find a way to sneak out again. I at least wanted to make sure whatever happened he was protected.]"
"I know, Celty," Shinra stated, placing a hand over hers before she could type any more, "I'm not angry with you, I'm glad you were able to keep them both safe tonight. I just wish they weren't both so impulsive."
"[I can't say I blame Izaya. Part of the reason I went with him is because I kinda wanted to hurt the guy myself for what he did to them. Shizuo is a good friend and seeing him on the ground like that… it scared me a lot.]"
"I get it. Those scars on Izaya are no joke. Especially the burns," Shinra said gravely, "I can't imagine the pain he must have experienced and I hate that I never even knew about it until now. I kind of wish I had gone too so I could have gotten a few hits in."
"[Can you fix them?]"
"I might be able to if he lets me. I'd have to get a better look at them first though."
"[I'll let you talk to him alone. I wanted to talk to Shizuo, anyway.]"
"Yeah," Shinra checked the time on his phone before getting to his feet, "I'd better get everything ready for Izaya. He looked terrible."
"[Go easy on him like Shizuo said. He's been eerily quiet since we left and I think right now he needs kindness more than scolding.]"
"You're probably right, but I also don't want him to feel like I am pitying him because with how he is that could make it worse."
"[You know him well enough, just use your best judgment to determine what he needs.]"
Shinra smiled as he reached out to pull Celty into a tight embrace. "I love you," he whispered, burying his face into her shoulder. She couldn't speak the words back, but she gave Shinra's hand a light squeeze when they separated to indicate her reply.
I love you too.
Shinra smiled again before spinning around to head into the living room while Celty headed towards the spare room to see Shizuo. She knocked quietly before entering, slipping in and closing the door behind her.
"[How are you feeling?]" She asked upon approaching the bed where Shizuo was resting.
"I'm okay," he replied, "It hurts a bit, but I've been shot before. Thanks for the help."
"[I really wish you had waited for me to get there before rushing into a trap.]"
"I know," Shizuo sighed, "but I didn't want to leave Izaya alone with him."
"[He was really afraid for you. I've never seen him like that.]"
Shizuo frowned. "That's exactly why I couldn't wait for you. I didn't mean to scare him like that. I know you didn't really know what was going on but I just couldn't risk that guy hurting him again."
"[I saw the scars earlier. Shinra and I were able to put together a bit of what happened.]"
"Yeah, Shinra mentioned that," Shizuo replied.
"[You found out what happened early on, didn't you?]" She asked, "[I understand why you chose to help him. You're a good person.]"
"It just didn't sit well with me when I found out, you know?" Shizuo explained, "Someone getting the upper hand on Izaya would have been one thing, but not like that."
Celty hesitated for a moment before typing her next message. "[It's really affected him, hasn't it?]"
"Yeah. He's been struggling with it this whole time but nobody knew. He just hid it very well. He had him arrested on other charges years ago, but then he got out of prison and Izaya just wasn't ready. Especially not after what I did to him a couple months ago…"
"[Don't feel guilty about that, he provoked you.]"
"I know. He said the same thing. But I can't help feeling like it's partially my fault he was caught off guard."
"[Still, it was kind of you to help him after everything he's put you through.]"
"What about you? Shinra said you were just supposed to bring him back when he left. Why did you help him with that crazy plan?"
"[Well, thats…]" Celty paused, shifting nervously, "[I guess I was a bit angry that he hurt you. And his partners almost hurt Anri-chan… And Izaya and I aren't close or anything but seeing those scars and seeing Izaya upset like that really bothered me. I figured he'd at least be safer if I went with him too. I didn't feel like having to keep him tied up all night to stop him from running back out again either.]"
"Thank you for protecting him. And for caring about me like that too. You're a good friend."
Celty waved her hand in an embarrassed gesture. "[I should probably let you rest. And check and make sure Shinra isn't ripping Izaya apart too badly.]"
"Yeah, I think Shinra is pretty upset with him, too."
"[He is, but I think he's more relieved you're both okay for the most part. I'm going to set up the futon for Izaya and then I'll go check on them. I'm sure Shinra will be sending Izaya in here to rest shortly.]"
"Good," Shizuo replied as Celty began pulling the futon and spare bedding from the closet and set it up next to the bed, "I want to talk to him and make sure he's okay. I can usually get him to be more honest when he's too tired to fake being okay."
"[I noticed that tonight. It's strange seeing him anything but over confident and in control.]"
"There's a lot more behind what he shows to people," Shizuo explained, "Maybe after tonight he will be more open to showing that side with you guys."
"[Maybe. For now though I want both of you to focus on getting some rest. I'm going to see how those two are doing now. We can talk more in the morning, okay?]"
"Yeah… G'night then," Shizuo said with a light smile.
"[Goodnight!]" She replied as she closed the door behind her.
She made it halfway towards the living room when Izaya rounded the corner. She couldn't help but notice how terrible he looked. Exhaustion was clear on his face and his shoulders slightly hunched as he approached.
"I'm going to bed, I promise," he said before she could comment about not running away again.
"[Good. Get some sleep.]"
"I will," Izaya muttered, waving as he slipped into the spare room where Shizuo was.
…~-~...
Shizuo looked up when the door opened, Izaya slipping in and closing the door behind him. He looked exhausted as he slumped down on the edge of the bed. "You doing okay?" he asked, eyes glued to the floor.
"I'm fine," Shizuo replied, "I'm honestly more concerned about you."
"I'll be okay."
"What exactly happened today, anyway?" Shizuo asked.
Izaya sighed. "I was stupid. I was on your balcony and he shot me with that fucking dart gun. I'd never anticipated something like that but I should have been more careful while you were gone. I'm sorry for getting you hurt."
"Don't be sorry. If anything, I'm glad it was a trap."
"What?" Izaya turned to look at him in confusion.
"I mean, the alternative was he broke in and took you and I didn't know how I was going to find you," Shizuo explained, "He could have taken you away and I'd never see you again. I was so relieved it was a trap for me because I knew at least I'd have a chance of finding you."
"I guess he did miss his chance to just take me and run," Izaya shrugged, "He must have wanted to make sure you wouldn't track me down but I think he both overestimated and underestimated you at the same time."
"Exactly," Shizuo smiled.
Izaya laughed, wincing slightly as he did. "Your unpredictability really is an asset… Thanks for coming after me."
Shizuo eyed him for a moment as he rubbed at his chest. "Shinra said your ribs were bruised. What else exactly happened?"
"Ah, just a few good kicks and then he stepped on my chest."
"Fucking bastard," Shizuo cursed, "Nothing broken though?"
"Judging by the pain I think they're cracked and bruised, but not fully broken. Shinra gave me some painkillers and strict orders to rest."
"I think that's a good idea. I'm glad you're okay. You scared me, you know? Running off after him alone."
Izaya slumped forward slightly. "I'm sorry. I know I should have waited for you to get better but I was… I couldn't let him get away with that."
"Definitely not your smartest move," Shizuo grinned, nudging Izaya with his foot.
"No, it wasn't," Izaya admitted with a grin of his own, "But it got the job done. And you injuring him ahead of time was helpful. I shouldn't have been surprised you could resist being drugged for as long as you did."
"Yeah, what the hell was that? I thought he was trying to knock me out or something but it just made it hard to move."
"I'll be honest I don't know exactly what it is but… he used that on me a lot. He chose it specifically because it paralyzes the body but leaves you mentally aware…"
"Oh… oh fuck I don't like that," Shizuo grimaced.
"Yeah, me either," Izaya agreed.
"You never mentioned that."
"There's quite a few details I still haven't shared yet, actually," Izaya said with a sheepish smile, "It was thirty-seven days, afterall. A lot happened."
"But you'll tell me?"
"Yeah. I will," he promised.
"He didn't do anything to you tonight, did he?" Shizuo pressed.
"N-no… well, he touched me, but no further than that."
Shizuo reached over to pull Izaya down on top of him, wrapping him in a tight hug. "I'm sorry for leaving you alone earlier."
"It's okay" Izaya reassured, "I'm fine now, really. Also that hurts."
"Oh sorry," Shizuo let go so Izaya could sit back upright.
"Don't worry about it, I think I just need to get some sleep. You should too."
"You're not going to run away, right?"
Izaya rolled his eyes. "I'm going to need all of you to stop asking me that tonight. No, I'm not going anywhere. Honestly I'm willing to bet that by morning I'll be feeling like I was hit by a train and that's not exactly conducive to running. Not to mention I'm pretty sure Shinra slipped me a sedative with those painkillers. My head feels extra heavy right now."
"Wouldn't surprise me," Shizuo chuckled, "I can't tell which one of us he's more pissed at."
"Definitely me," Izaya replied with a yawn, "He's going to send me a bill for tonight."
"Ouch. That sounds serious."
"Yeah, well," Izaya shrugged, "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes."
"You should get some sleep. I would say you can sleep here with me but there's not a lot of space and I don't want to crush you. But Celty set up the futon for you."
"Getting crushed might be worth it if it weren't for the threat of Shinra's wrath," Izaya mused.
"I'd rather not risk it. I'll be right here if you need me though."
Izaya half-smiled and stood to turn the lights off. There was just enough light filtering through the window to be able to see as Izaya navigated his way back to the futon and slipped under the covers. Shizuo scooted closer to the edge so he could reach down and run his fingers through Izaya's hair.
"'Night, flea," Shizuo whispered.
Izaya shifted and reached up to take Shizuo's hand in his own. His lips barely brushed against the pulse on Shizuo's wrist in a light kiss. Shizuo brushed his thumb over Izaya's hand in response as Izaya took a slow, deep breath. They remained like that for a few minutes as Izaya's breathing began to even out.
"Thank you, Shizu-chan. For everything," he mumbled as sleep took him.
Shizuo didn't move for some time, not wanting to sleep just yet. He watched the gentle rise and fall of Izaya's chest for a while, happy to see him finally able to rest. He could only hope that Izaya would heal soon now that he was safe. It would be nice to be able to do things together without the threat of danger hanging over them. Shizuo considered what the future might look like for the both of them, but in the end he was just glad that there was someone else he could envision his future with. With that on his mind, exhaustion finally caught up with him and soon enough Shizuo had drifted off to sleep as well.
