Donnie's POV:
I knew I was asleep. At least part of me did. The other, however, was on fire with every blood vessel filled with fear and anxiety. In front of me was the Shredder; one hand crushing my precious tech-bo, the other reaching up to strike me next. It feels like my body isn't getting enough oxygen. My brain can't think. I close my eyes in anticipation, but nothing happens.
I open them to see my brothers all sitting in a circle, talking about something I can't hear yet, so I walk closer and it's almost like they couldn't see me. I wave my hand infront of Leo's face with no reaction, but he continues the conversation, "I mean, we might as well tell Mr. Uno-brow the news. The sooner rather than the later just to get it out of the way." I'm confused, but keep listening.
"I almost feel… bad. We know he won't survive on his own, I mean he got totallllyyy obliterated by the Shredder last time." I look at Mikey in disbelief. I tried, you even said so. I lost everything in that fight.
"At least we won't have to deal with him anymore. I say after he leaves we turn the lab into a movie room! It'll just complete the casa" I roll my eyes. Of course Leo would turn my lab into something so useless. Just like you. Shaking the thought away, I look at Raph. He's the only one that hasn't said anything. He has to be against this, he loves all of us. Don't agree with them please.
He takes a moment to think, his eyes set on the floor. When he looks up I can almost read his mind and I take a step back. No. "Okay, I'll tell him after dinner. Just act cool until I let him know. He needs to leave and he can't come back." I turn and run, water filling my eyes to the point I can't even see where I'm going. My feet slip on something wet and I fall backwards, what feels like worms grabbing me and pulling my body down further than I thought the floor was. It's not worms, you idiot. You need to control the ship to save the world. The Krang are going to take over if you can't complete this one task. I start to struggle against the tentacles and I feel them going into my shell. I can't do this again. I can't. Leo needs me. Please help. If I don't Leo will die. The world will be taken over. Casey will have to live through the post-invasion world all over again. I can't. I can't breathe. I have to. Involuntarily, my legs thrash against the hold the ship's innards have on me and I fight against the connection harder. One more hard push to the left and I feel like I'm falling.
I feel my body create my mystic shell before I feel my body hit what I assume is the ground below. But that doesn't feel right. If I was in the ship, I would be dead. I hit the street of New York City from a couple thousand (probably more) feet drop, and I'm dead. I don't even want to open my eyes, but the running thoughts through my head make it almost too much, so I clamp my hands over my ears and do what any normal person would do in this confusing and terrifying situation and scream. I honestly don't even hear myself, but I know I'm screaming because my throat grows more and more sore. I know I scream even harder when I feel something lift me up, putting me back in the soft grip of the Technodrome. My legs kick even though my hands on both sides of my head, I just don't understand why I have to be back here.
In an instant I fell my whole body encompassed in pressure and warmth. Just the action clears my head and I'm able to think clearly enough to open my eyes to the light that now lights up my room. How did I get here? My second revelation is realizing I'm being pinned to my bed with Raph on top of me. My ears stop ringing and all I hear is him saying something I'm not even sure is for me. "It'll be okay. Just breathe. You're safe. You're home." My mouth still hasn't been able to form proper words, but I mouth what I'm able to into the void of ceiling, my brain still caught in a fog. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead.
LEO'S POV:
The scream made all of us run as fast as we could to D's room. Raph slammed through the half-open door first, but when he stopped I had to push him aside to see what was happening. It was Donnie on the floor, his hands over his ears and a poorly-formed battle shell on his body. It almost looked like the edges were cracked and spikes covering the surface (most only half made, the rest sharp enough to cut you by looking at them). I've never seen this type of shell, or even this lack of craftsmanship from him, and I would have told him so if it wasn't for the piercing scream that cut through the air. Mikey went in first, trying to pull his older brother into a sitting position to make him see it's just a dream, but one more broken yell and suddenly his shell started growing, the spikes becoming longer and sharper. D, what's going on? I freak out and Raph dives in next, lifting Donnie off the ground and taking kick after kick as he lowers my twin to his bed and screams even louder (if it was even possible). The spikes rip into his bed below him and before I can even say anything, Raph jumps on top of him.
"RAPH WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" I try to pull on his arm and he hits me away, motioning to look at Donnie. His shell is flickering in and out from beneath his body and his grip on his head begins to relax.
"He used to need this more as a kid, but I figured a little weight would help him. Go grab him a glass of water, please." I nod and run out of the room, making eye contact with Mikey as he stands by in case there's anything else needed.
Coming back to the room, I set the glass on a nearby table and listen to Raph whisper to Donnie. Standing next to Mikey I can barely see D's face, and I almost miss it, but the words form on his mouth. I can't help to see myself in him in this moment.
I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead.
The minutes pass by and I have nothing else to do other than think about how my own brother has felt the same as me (at least on some level) and I couldn't even tell. My hands start to hurt and I notice I've been clenching them for who-knows-how-long. The sound of Raph getting up makes me look back to see Donnie curling into a ball without the weight of Red and turn to the wall.
"Donnie, I know you don't want to, but we need to talk. Now." Mikey's face is blushing and he walks closer to his bed, a hand on D's arm. No answer. "D., Doctor Feelings says you need to let your brothers know what's going on, or else it'll only get worse. We read your book in your drawer, and I know we shouldn't have, but we have a basic idea of what's going on, I just feel like if you-" Purple turned to us with a rage on his face I haven't seen in a while. I wasn't sure why Mikey chose now to confront him, I would have chosen after he had rested a bit more, but it suddenly hit me. He's wearing Donnie out emotionally while he's already tired so he can't fight back. Evidently his words aren't able to come out how he wants, so he starts to sign in the language we had to specifically make for our 3 fingered hands.
You looked in my journal?
"D., we had to. You haven't talked to us in weeks and we're losing you." Raph seems to have caught on as well.
"Tell us. What's going on, Donnie?" I chime in. "We can't ever move on if all of us aren't able to talk about it together." He looks at me.
I did nothing. I got the ship back where it needed to go and we all lived. That's it. I roll my eyes.
"You can't honestly think I believe that. With that stunt you just pulled? Just. Tell. Us." With that he gets up, slightly shoving Mikey to the side and getting up on shaky legs. He's mad. I can tell with every motion he is straight up pissed. One step after the other he walks till we're face to face, and I can see the effort it takes for him to say the next thing out loud.
"I couldn't save you." My face goes from defensive to just shocked. He's not mad at me. He's mad at himself.
"D., I'm right here. It's okay, we're here, and nothing is going to change that." my mind flashes back to the same conversation I had with Mikey what feels like hours ago. He almost flinches and his eyes fall to the floor.
Nothing I'm making works. I can't even fix my battle shells. He goes mute once more, but I slowly understand what he signs to me.
"Hey, hey, it's okay. We'll help you." I look to Mikey, who has a sheen of hope in his eyes, and Raph, who just seems ready to give him another hug. I'm careful not to touch him though, scared to overwhelm him. "All of us need help right now, and if you'll let us, we can help you. Starting with some breakfast and then maybe Mikey can help with your battle shell issues. Okay?" He takes a moment and I see the cogs in his head turn. A small nod is all I need to turn around and begin walking to the kitchen, take #2 of making some eggs and bacon, but for everyone now.
