Chapter Sixteen
Now
Aurora died three days ago. Her funeral is today. Darry and Soda and everyone is supposed to be there. I keep thinking about how wrong this is. Aurora was only fourteen, she shouldn't have died.
I've gone through the past few days in a kind of stupor. I didn't really know what was going on around me, and I couldn't stop crying. I wouldn't eat, and I could hardly sleep. I was getting sick from crying so much, but I didn't care. All I had cared about was Aurora, and now she's gone.
I rode in the hearse; sitting next to her coffin. Never in my worst nightmares could I have imagined this. I pretended that it wasn't Aurora in the coffin. That it was some distant aunt that had died. It worked for a few minutes, but then I couldn't pretend anymore. This really was Aurora; she really was dead. I started crying again.
No one else was there when we got to the cemetery. I went to where Aurora's tombstone was. It was actually pretty; for a grave marker. It was Slate with a picture of a rabbit next to her name.
It said: Aurora Harmony Kincaid 1952-1966 daughter and beloved friend.
The picture of the rabbit was kind of out of place. Rabbits are supposed to be happy, and a tombstone was the polar opposite of happy. But I had told them to put the rabbit there; I knew that she would have liked it.
I leaned my head against the grave marker and cried.
"Why'd you have to go?" I sobbed. "Why did you leave me here all alone? I miss you, come home."
I knew that begging Aurora to come home was useless, and it just made me feel worse. I was still sitting in the same place when I head someone say "There he is!" It was Soda.
The next thing I knew, he was sitting next to me, and I was crying on his shoulder.
"Pony, I'm so sorry. Are you alright?" Soda asked.
I looked up at Soda. I knew my eyes were red and puffy from so many days of crying and not sleeping. "No," I replied.
Soda held me while I cried. He was my favorite brother, and I didn't want him to see me like this, but I couldn't help it. I missed Aurora. I heard footsteps and some people talking. All the rest of the gang was there. They stood next to Soda and me in silence. I stood up. Everyone nodded at me; I guess they didn't really know what to say.
"Hi," I said softly. My voice was hoarse because I was still crying. I reached in my pocket and took out the ring. I gave it to Dally. "She wanted you to have this."
Dally looked at the ring for a second, and then put it in his pocket. I don't know why Aurora wanted him to have the ring, it wouldn't fit him. Aurora…I started to cry even harder. Once again, no one said anything. I was getting sick of the silence. Why didn't anyone say anything? I wanted to scream at them: Why don't you talk? But I couldn't. Darry walked over and stood next to me.
"I'm sorry," I sobbed. "I'm sorry I cut myself. I'm sorry I'm killing you; I know how it feels, I'm dying too."
"It's Ok, Pony," Darry said. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
I cried all through the funeral. I don't remember a thing anyone said. When I was supposed to talk about Aurora, I just couldn't do it. I was crying too hard. We stood around for a while after the funeral was over. Then Steve left, he said he had to get back to work. Dally left with him; he had looked close to tears, I think he didn't want anyone to see him crying. So It was just my brothers and Two-Bit. Two-Bit wasn't smiling; he always smiled. I wished he would smile; it would make me feel better somehow. But he didn't smile; instead, he said: "We'd better go."
Darry and Soda nodded, and we started walking toward Two-Bit's car. Before we left, I sat next to Aurora's tombstone one second longer.
"Goodbye," I whispered before I got up and left with everyone else.
Two-Bit drove back to the Asylum, and I sat in the back between Darry and Soda. I was still crying. They tried to comfort me, but I kept on sobbing. I wasn't feeling well, and I missed Aurora.
"Pony, you've gotta quit crying," Darry said. "You're gonna get sick."
I didn't care, I was already sick. I knew that Darry and Soda were worried, but I was too upset to stop crying.
When we got back to the asylum, I walked in wordlessly. Darry and Soda were talking to a nurse at the desk; they probably wanted to see Dr. Murphy. They were most likely going to ask him if there was anything they could do for me. There wasn't, not unless they could bring Aurora back.
Leonardo was in the room. I didn't want to talk to him, so I didn't go in. There were people in the rec-room, so I didn't go in there either. There was no where vacant except for the nurses station. I went in and sat on one of the cots. I buried my head in my hands and sobbed. I heard the door open a few minutes later.
"Are you alright?" the nurse asked.
I looked up from my hands "No," I said softly.
"You're Pony, aren't you?" The nurse asked. "I'm so sorry about Aurora." Don't they have anything else to say besides 'I'm sorry'?
"It hurts," I whimpered, "Do you have anything that can make the pain stop?"
"No," the nurse said, "I'm afraid I don't. But if you want to be alone for a while, I can leave."
I nodded and the nurse left the room. The nurse's station smelled bad, like a mix of alcohol and vomit, but at least I was alone. I really wasn't feeling good. I laid down on the cot and closed my eyes. I'd just take a short nap…
Doctor Murphy's Sessions with Ponyboy Curtis
Doctor Murphy: You look awful, Pony.
Ponyboy Curtis: I feel awful.
DM: Nurse Teague said you have a fever.
PC: Yeah.
DM: You didn't have to come.
PC: I know.
Here there is a long pause.
PC: It's cold in here.
Here there is a long pause
DM: Your brothers are very worried, Pony.
Here there is a long pause
PC: Why'd she have to die?
DM: It was the best thing, Pony. She's in a better place now.
PC: I miss her.
DM: It's OK to miss her, Ponyboy.
Here there is a long pause
PC: I don't feel good.
DM: Do you want to go back to your room?
PC: Not yet.
DM: How does this make you feel?
PC: What?
DM: How does Aurora's being dead make you feel?
PC: How do you think it makes me feel?
DM: Depressed, upset, lonely?
PC: All of the above.
Here there is a long pause
PC: Can I go to my room now?
DM: Sure.
End tape
