Author's note: Sorry this took so long. School has started back, and I have SO much homework, so I haven't had as much time to write. I'll try to write some more this weekend.
-BillyMartinGoodCharlottefan
Chapter Eighteen
Dr. Murphy's Sessions with Ponyboy Curtis
Dr. Murphy: Are you feeling better, Ponyboy?
Ponyboy Curtis: Yes.
DM: You were sick for a long time.
PC: Two weeks.
DM: I know.
Here there is a long pause
DM: We never got to finish talking about Aurora, Ponyboy. You were too sick.
PC: Yeah.
DM: Could we talk about her now?
PC: Do we have too?
DM: It would make you feel better.
PC: Alright.
DM: I know I ask you this a lot, but how did her dying make you feel?
PC: I'm glad she's not suffering, but I miss her.
DM: There's more to what you're feeling, Pony.
Here there is a long pause
PC: You didn't try hard enough.
DM: What?
PC: Aurora was only here for a week; that wasn't long enough. You didn't do all you could for her. I know she could have gotten better; you just didn't want to waste your time. She wasn't a lost cause, you could have helped her.
DM: Is that how you see it Ponyboy?
PC: Yes.
DM: You saw her yourself, Ponyboy.
PC: Yeah.
DM: Did you honestly think we could have helped her?
PC: You could have waited a few more days before you gave her the injection.
DM: She would have died in a few more days, Ponyboy. She wasn't eating. We made her death painless, Ponyboy.
Here there is a long pause
PC: I think she was ready to die.
DM: I think she was, too.
PC: But I wasn't ready for her to die.
End Tape
Now
I wish I didn't have to go to my sessions, they're depressing me. I faked sick for a few days so I wouldn't have to go to them. I used to actually like going to sessions. What was I thinking? I wasn't thinking I guess.
I've been trying to avoid people for the past few days. I'll do anything to avoid talking. I've been getting to lunch and dinner late, and skipping breakfast altogether. I've been hiding out in the bathroom a lot; the showers are the best place. No one can see you there.
Most of all though, I've been avoiding my room. Leonardo is there almost all the time; it's like he's waiting for me to show up so he can talk to me. I don't want to talk to him. He annoys me now; I can't believe I was ever friends with him.
During one of those rare times when Leonardo wasn't in the room, I was sitting on my bed reading a book. I was planning on leaving in a few minutes so I could avoid Leonardo, but right as I was about to leave he walked in. I was trapped. I guess I'd have to talk to him.
"Hey, Pony," Leonardo said. "I haven't seen you in a while."
I didn't say anything.
"Could I talk to you for a few minutes?" Leonardo asked.
"Sure," I said.
We sat down on the floor; facing each other.
"So…are you feeling better?" Leonardo asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"I'm sorry about Aurora," Leonardo said.
"Me too," I replied.
"…but we…I mean me and the doctors, we're worried about you. Aurora is dead, but you need to move on. Being depressed won't help you," Leonardo said.
That was when I came up with my plan. I'd had a lot of time to think it over while I was sick, and I decided that life wasn't worth it without Aurora. Suicide was looking like the best answer. There was no way I could kill myself in the asylum, but if I got out I would have ample access to knives, guns, and ropes. I would pretend to get better and then leave the asylum. Once I got out, if nothing happened to make me change my mind in the next two weeks, I would do suicide. I had pretended to get better before and it hadn't worked, but it wouldn't backfire this time. I'd make sure of that.
"You're right," I said to Leonardo. "I'll try to get better."
Leonardo got this really surprised look on his face, and I wished I'd had a camera so I could have gotten a picture of him.
"Good," Leonardo said. "I know you'll get better."
"Well…um…I have to go. I have a session," I said.
"OK, bye," Leonardo said.
"Bye," I replied.
I smiled to myself as I walked down the hall. Leonardo had actually believed me! This was going to be easier than I thought.
