Chapter Twenty-Two
Now
When I woke up I was alone in the hospital room. There was a note on my bedside table from Soda, it said:
Pony,
I don't know what happened. I'm hoping it was just a bad nightmare. Why'd you try to kill yourself? I wanted to stay until you woke up, but the doctors wouldn't let Darry and me stay. You know we love you, don't you Pony? You really scared us. We'll come by and see you as soon as we can.
-Sodapop.
I read the letter, but I couldn't make any sense of it. My head was spinning, my vision was blurry and my stomach was hurting. I was miserable. I wanted Darry and Soda, or even a nurse; someone to keep me company. I was so hungry; I realized I hadn't eaten in over a week. Weren't the nurses supposed to come check on me or something?
The door opened and I looked up, I couldn't tell who it was, but they were walking toward my bed.
"Pony," an unfamiliar voice said. It was probably a nurse.
"I'm awake," I said weakly. It took so much energy just to speak. What had I done to myself?
"How do you feel?" The nurse asked.
I didn't want to answer her, I was so tired. But maybe if I told her how awful I felt she'd be able to make me feel better.
"My head…hurts," I said. "I can't see. I'm so hungry…stomach hurts…make me better."
"Poor thing," the nurse said softly. "I'll be right back. You just rest."
Rest; that was something I could do. That was about it; I was so tired, and I could hardly move. Even the slightest movement was strenuous, and it hurt me so much. Where we Darry and Soda? I wanted to see them. And where was the nurse? Was she bringing me something for the pain?
I must have dozed off for a few minutes because the next thing I knew the nurse was shaking me; trying to wake me up. I opened my eyes to let the nurse know I was awake. Everything was so blurry; I could only see a few inches in front of me. Was I going to be like that the rest of my life?
The nurse gave me some different kinds of medicine. I thought it was weird that medicine had almost killed me a few hours ago, and now the nurse was giving me different pills like it was no big deal. After I'd swallowed the pills the nurse fed me some soup. It tasted like crap, but at least it was food; I was starving.
The nurse left once I was done eating. There was a TV in the room, and she told me that I could watch it, but I wouldn't have been able to see it anyway. I closed my eyes; keeping them open was giving me a headache because everything was so blurry. What time was it? Where were Darry and Soda? I was so lonely; I didn't feel like talking, but I wanted someone to talk to me. It would have made me feel better for some reason. I turned on the TV just to hear the voices of the actors; they made the room feel less empty.
The medicine that the nurse had given me made me numb and sleepy. The volume on the TV was almost as low as it could go, and the voices on it were like a lullaby. I was so tired; I drifted off into a deep sleep.
I woke up a few hours later. I could hear some people talking. I thought it was the TV at first, but then I realized that the people were right next to my bed. They were talking about me.
"We should go," one of the voices said.
"No," the other one said, "Just a few more minutes."
"They're going to kick us out soon."
"I don't care."
"But…"
"He's our brother."
It was Darry and Soda.
I opened my eyes and looked up at them. "Hi," I said feebly.
Their eyes were red, and there were dark circles under them. It was obvious that they hadn't slept last night, but they both smiled when they saw I was awake.
"Hey Pony," Soda said. "How do you feel?"
"Awful," I replied.
There was silence for a few minutes. Then Soda asked "Why'd you do it?"
"Do what?" I asked.
"Why'd you try to kill yourself?" Soda asked.
"I don't know," I replied. I really didn't know once I thought about it.
"I guess…I just thought like life wasn't worth it," I said.
"We're just glad you're alive," Darry said. He sounded like he'd been crying.
"I'm glad I'm alive too," I said.
I guess Darry and Soda figured out that talking was making me tired because they stopped asking me questions. They sat next to my bed in silence, but it was a nice silence. The nurse came after a while and told Darry and Soda that they had to leave. Before they left they promised that they'd be back tomorrow, and told me to get better. I was too tired to say anything, but I think they knew that I'd heard them.
I spent the next month in the hospital. Darry and Soda came to see me every day, and sometimes Two-Bit or Dally would come with them. Steve never came though, he really doesn't like me. Once I started to feel better, Dr. Murphy would come and talk to me; he didn't want me to digress more than I already had or something. I didn't mind talking to him; the hospital was pretty boring.
I was almost glad to go back to the asylum, even though I would be in Hammacher for at least the next month or two. I just wanted to be somewhere besides the hospital. I knew that I wanted to get better, and I wasn't trying suicide again; no matter how bad things got.
I got to ride back to the asylum with Darry and Soda. They were telling me random stuff like: try to get better, we know you're not crazy, you'll get out of Hammacher soon; stuff like that.
"And don't worry," I said once they were done with the lecture. "I won't try suicide again."
I saw Darry flinch. He had taken my trying suicide really hard, almost as hard as I'd taken Aurora's death.
When we got to the Asylum, Darry and Soda walked me in. The place hadn't changed; it still had the same chairs and couches that had never been and never would be in style, and it still smelled like too strong air freshener. Dr. Murphy was waiting for me at the front desk. I started to walk toward him.
"Pony, wait," Soda said.
I looked back at them. Darry was crying again.
"We love you," Soda said.
"I know," I replied; quoting Aurora's last words.
I gave them one last hug, and then I walked toward Hammacher with Dr. Murphy.
