A/N: Thought I disappeared, didn't you? I know, I know….evil author. :smacks hand: Well, things have been…pretty wild but I won't bore you with details. Just here to present a double chapter whammy, kinda….which hopefully makes up for my horrible updating habit. Things have been getting awfully serious for our boys so I decided to make this one a little lighter…with the occasional drama mixed in…enjoy.
Chapter Six: The Man With Two Brains
"Essentially." Beckett mumbled as he pushed a few buttons on the heart monitor, jotting down that hour's readings before turning back with a heavy face to the group gathered around Sheppard's bed. "The equipment is the only thing keepin' him alive at the moment."
"And what about his head?" Ford asked hesitantly, it wasn't his first time seeing someone on life-support, but in all his time here, he'd never thought John would be the next person he saw on them.
Carson took a quick glance to McKay, catching the physicist in a blank stare at the Major's body before the man blinked into action and looked up to each of them, finding Teyla, Weir, Ford, and Beckett watching him carefully. "Well" Beckett began, motioning a finger that he wanted to be followed. He moved over to a X-ray viewer supported on a metal table. With a flick of a switch the blank white panel flickered on with a buzz. Carson pulled several X-rays from a large folder nearby and placed them on the viewer.
"These are scans taken of John's brain a half an hour ago before things got hairy."
Teyla looked round Ford's shoulder, amazed at what she was seeing. "That, is John's mind?"
Beckett smiled thoughtfully, but that smile soon faded. "What's left of it, yes." This got many a troubling look from the group as Carson continued. "From what I've gathered from Rodney, and the scans I've taken from both him and the Major's head, well…." He began explaining with his hands."The brain's sort of like a battery, in theoryyou need sleep and nourishment to refuel yourself every mornin' and just like a battery it sparks off bits of impulses in order for people to do their necessary functions."
"I knew I should changed my Duracells today." John quipped.
"Well those impulses, are different for everyone. Kind of like the brain's calling card, each signature is unique. Your pulse Dr. Weir would be completely different than say Aiden's here."
"So when you took a scan of the John's brain" Elizabeth began.
"No impulse what so ever. Not even a readable blip." Beckett replied sadly, but then picked up excitedly. "But!" He quickly pulled the X-ray's off the viewershuting off and dragging up a long sheet of white paper depicting a graph. "Instead of the dark whites and grays of Sheppard's mind, this one was full of color and activity. When we sent Rodney in for a EEGah, an Electroencephalogram.Not only did we pick up his impulse, but another as well." Carson licked his lips, pointing at the different color levels.
"These spikes here." Beckett pulled on the white sheet of paper to a new section of the graph with greater pitching andzigzagging lines. "These are you Rodney."
McKay leaned in, smiling thoughtfully. "Well at least I'm consistent."
"Now notice these spikes down here in blue, running just under yours." Carson now motioned to second faint line that ran below McKay's. "I asked you a few rudimentary physics questions, remember that?"
"Yeah theories I mastered when I was five." Rodney replied proudly.
"Well la-dee-da for you, now let the man finish." Threatened Sheppard between Rodney's ears, making the physicist's ego sink back down.
"When you were recalling those, your pulses peaked, here, here, and here. Now remember when I asked you aboutafterwards...about Football statistics." Beckett got a look then from Weir, he grinned softly and explained himself. "Well, I needed a subject the Major knew more then Dr. McKay, was the first thing I thought of."
"Anyway….now notice how the bottom blue line spikes at those points. I mean, Rodney even replied with the right answers."
Ford gave the physicist a funny look, McKay shrugged. "I don't know, some people just have the time to keep track of who scored the winning field-goal in whatever Super bowl. " His hand waved submissively, before it flinched at him. Rodney looked at his own hand, staring at it with a peculiar sort of surprise, before shoving it in his pocket.
"I had the EEG programmed to scan and mark any other impulse wave coming from his mind, in a different color. And that line" Beckett stood back, crossing his arms triumphantly. "is the Major. That's his signature."
John, through McKay glanced down at his line, seeing a light blue twitch on the paper every few measures. "Kind of a pathetic line don't you think?"
Rodney nodded, seemingly to himself. "John thinks his line is a bit pathetic. I happen to agree with him."
"You piece of"
"On the contrary." Beckett replied slowly, holding up a finger and pulling another length of paper onto the table. "I just took these readings a few minutes ago."
Weir looked the sheet over, noticing the obvious darkening of Sheppard's supposed impulse. The line seemed to be shifting itself slowly up the chart. "It's moving."
"Exactly." Beckett nodded. "In the lastfourhours, John's wave has moved up a half an inch. I know it doesn't seem like a lot, but….that's a considerable change when dealing with brain waves. The real improvement has been made in the strength of the pulses sent out by his mind, they've doubled themselves in half the time."
"Now that's a Sheppard line." John said proudly. Even if he was trapped, at least he was making some difference, somewhere.
Ford took a step in, glancing at the readout that might as well had been written in Chinese. "Way-to-go Major Sheppard. So what you're saying is as time goes on the Major's brain, wave-thing is gonna get stronger and what?" He stared at the doctor then, finding Carson at the moment, at a loss for words.
"And…."Beckett began carefully, hesitant to say what was really on his mind. But the realization came to McKay all too quickly for Carson to even bother. The physicist who had been staring blankly at the readout, watching the Major's line creeping upwards and chewing on the second knuckle of his pointer finger suddenly went flushed.
"And surpass my own." McKay finished, his voice sounding washed out. Carson looked to him, raising a hand with a cajoling tone.
"Rodney now I'm not sayin' that." But Rodney wouldn't hear it, he instead glanced to the small group gathered around him, even Teyla was giving him a sympathetic look. And John, at the moment was completely silent. He began to feel weak, tired and worst of all, hungry.
McKay winced and replied with nothing, instead digging his other hand into the pocket of his jacket, and pulling out one of those energy bars that always seemed to travel with him.
"How can that even be possible Carson?" Weir turned her attention back to the doctor as Rodney nosily fumbled with the wrapper.
"Well, I haven't really figured that out yet, and it's a remote possibility if anythin'." Carson cleared his throat, this next part was going to be hard. "We've got bigger problems. While John's conscious has in essence been hardwired into Rodney's, his body had been steadily breaking down."
McKay finally tore open the bar's wrapper and bit off the corner, chewing complacently. He began to feel better already.
As soon as the taste of the energy bar hit McKay's tongue, the Major sparked up. "Oh,Oh...UHHHH! Is that what those things taste like?" John snarled, sounding completely disgusted. "How in the hell can you eat those!"
McKay frowned, looking the bar over defensively. "Look, I'm upset, and I'm not feeling well at all. And they're not that bad thank you very much." This received a few odd glances from everyone. It was well known now, at least to them that John might be held up in his head, but the fact that Rodney conversed with the Major aloud and without warning was hard to get used to. Rodney took another bite then, ignoring the crazy looks.
John fumed. "Would you knock that off! I don't care. . .putting that crap in you is not going to make you feel any better." He sounded as if this was some form of torture. "Eat some fruit or something for the love of"
Rodney's face then lightened, as he bit off a chunk of the bar. Now this, was getting interesting.
"I am going, to get you. . . .Man it's like licking the bottom of a shoe!" Sheppard moaned painfully, the taste welling up in his senses, at least, in McKay's senses.
Ford noticed what looked like some inner conflict sweeping across the physicist's face for a moment which was then replaced by a devilish smile. "Everything alright Dr. McKay?"
He glanced to the young lieutenant "Huh? Oh yeah, everything's just fine." Grinning, Rodney pulled the wrapper down further and took another large bite, chewing vindictively. Served John right anyway.
"Pain McKay, and lots of it." Growled John. At that moment, McKay felt his stomach pop violently making him wince from the discomfort. It melted away then as quickly as it came about and Rodney chalked it up then as indigestion, but strangely enough he was suddenly feeling very agitated. He heard the faint drulling tone of a Scottish doctor in the back of his mind and came back to reality, catching that last of Beckett's explanation.
"…..whatever that alien device did to them with the rate of decomposition, it might not seem bad now, butbottom-line is in three weeks time, there won't be much of Sheppard for him to go back to."
"Well if that ain't a bullet in the belly."
McKay gulped the last piece of his bar which snagged its way down to his stomach most painfully. Everyone seemed to be staring at him again, which he was honestly getting damn sick of by now. So, he put on a straight face, gave a cocky shrug and shoved both hands in his pockets to keep them from seeing how much they were shaking. "Well, guess I've got my work cut out for me."
A week came and went like it were a day. Weir placed the team on hiatus until further notice, meaning until McKay and his colloquies came up with something congruent. Some sort on answer to a not even fully formed question. Perhaps that was what Rodney hated the most; more then one lingering problem with no real solution because, in truth he didn't know why it happened in the first place. Or perhaps it was the fact that for an entire week he had been playing host to man who was otherwise quite good company but since he was in fact trapped in McKay's mind, was going completely stir crazy.
Rodney really couldn't blame him. To be locked away somewhere, without use of your body, no real control over anything, for someone as in control as Sheppard it must have been maddening. However, cabin fever aside, it wasn't just John that was being slowly driven nuts, he was doing a fair job of it to the physicist as well. This morning, was none different.
McKay rolled over in his bed, arm draped across hisface as he pulled it across his eyes. He let out a long slow yawn as a hand crept under his shirt to scratch his stomach. What time it was, he didn't really care, nor did he feel like getting out of bed was the best option right now. For the past several days, he'd had very, very minimal sleep and hadbeen waking up praying that the day before was just some horrible dream. Silently he waited….maybe today was the day.
"Morning sunshine." Came the soft and musing voice of the Major.
No, no such luck. Clearing his throat, Rodney put a hand to his cheekand rubbed his face, snuffing his nose clean. There was nothing like thebeautifulsubtitles of the process of waking up in the morning."How long have you been up for?" He asked weakly, voice cracking from disuse.
John fell silent for a moment, calculating the hours. "About six or so. Feels around nine now, it's about time you got up, lazy bum."
Sitting up in bed, Rodney ran a hand through his hair, feeling like it was in complete shambles. He glanced to his watch. "Close; 9:30." He dropped his hand back on his lap, staring out into the middle of his room, addressing no one and someone at the same time. "You mean to tell me you've just been sitting up there quietly for over three hours now?"
John laughed, at least to McKay it sounded like one. Could have been a scoff for all he knew. It was hard sometimes to tell John's mood without actually seeing his face. And even then, Sheppard kept the theatrics on the back burner most of the time, playing the game of letting out restrained clues about how he felt. "Well, you were sleeping so peacefully. Besides, you had the defeat of the Wrath dream again.." John laughed softly, recalling the dream that McKay had drifted in and out of, and today there was finally a conclusion. " You know the one with you devising the genetic bullet capable of killing a Wraith. Pretty cool stuff. I got a kick out of it."
Rodney let out a snorted laugh, rubbing a knuckle in his eye to get the sleep out. "Yeah I always liked that one too. I don't really remember having it last night though." He was still trying to get over the humiliating shock of having John able to play witness to his dreams when they both weren't sleeping. Sheppard described it as something like a weird theater show, all he had to do was sit back and watch. Carson had no real explanation for it, tagging it up to just one of the many side effects of the supposed 'Yu'set' device.
"Uh-huh. They gave you the Noble Peace Prize and Carter kissed you, how she got to the city so fast to do it, well….let me just say, you've got a very overactive imagination."
McKay blushed as a goofy smile crossed his face. "What can I say; geniuses like me only come, once…..maybe twice in a lifetime." He chuckled to himself. "Chicks dig the brain."
"Yeah I'm sure you're beating the women off with a stick McKay."
"Thanks." He replied flatly, throwing the covers off himself, scooting to the edge of the bed. Noticing then that he had one sock on, one off..."You know what really sucks; the fact that you can peep-show on my dreams and I can't on yours. What's up with that?" He lifted the covers up, searching in vain for his missing apparel before giving up with a mumble.
"How should I know? I wouldn't say you're missing out on much; don't really dream all that often. Besides I'm a light sleeper, any noise, I'm up. But, the military will do that to you. Trade your dreams in for the right to use any means to survive." John replied matter-of-factly, thankful that at least now he had Rodney up and moving.
"I never really thought about it that way." From within, Sheppard watch Mckay's eyes drop towards his hands, felt a heavy sigh pass through the man's lungs.
"Don't sound so sad. Not to knock dreams or anything; but I don't really need them. What I do need is all the rest I can get. I don't know, dreams get in the way at times."
Hesitating for a moment, McKay asked, surprised in himself that he really wanted to know. "Well alright, when you do dream….what do you dream about?"
John was quiet, which worried Rodney quite a bit, he wondered if perhaps he asked the wrong thing. "Look, I'm prying. . . if you don't. . . " But Sheppard spoke over him then.
"Sometimes, I dream about the past, like I'm right back there. For some reason the dreams are never really all that good, like I can't seem to relive the nice stuff; you know, touch football games when I was a kid, or my first school dance, time I met that girl in college, Gena…..man that was a great semester."
"Back on Earth, dreams consisted of things I missed out on, and here in Atlantis. . . they're about Earth, and the things I'm missing out on. That's what I dream about."
Taken back, Rodney's mouth hung open slightly before he forced himself to close it. It almost seemed the longer the Major was with him, the more Sheppard became less of a person, and more of an idea, just a voice. And for once in all their short relationship, McKay actually felt like he and John had something in common, that Sheppard wasn't some higher then thou guy….he was just a guy. Normal, with fears and anger, dreams and regrets. The borders of brain over brawn was blurring and Rodney felt guilty for all the things he ever said about the man, especially most recently before this whole thing happened.
Realizing he had been self-analyzing to himself again and seemingly ignoring John, McKay stuttered, blinking. "John…I'm, I'm sorry, when we were in the..."Why hadn't he just, struck up a conversation with Sheppard long ago….god was it really that hard for him to do these days, so wrapped up in his job and his work to actually stop and try, to get to know someone. That's what Ford had over him, McKay realized….Aiden wasn't selfish, well to the point of making him an enjoyable person.
Feeling he could take no more; meaning he couldn't take anymore of Rodney's feelings of anxiety and doubt mixed with the steady stream of welling remorse….John spoke up on a more cheerful note. "How about we get some grub. I don't know about you but I could eat a horse. And take a shower for Christ-sake; you're starting to leave a trail."
"I am not. And how the hell would you know?" Rodney snapped,guilt aside,raising his arm up slightly and giving quick sniff, dropping it back down with a displeased face. Wasn't that bad.
"Uh, trust me, I know." John replied bluntly.
"Yeah well it's weird" The physicist slumped forward burring his face in his hands to then quickly whip back up, talking to his empty room. "I mean geez, it's practically like you're in there with me."
The Major let out a short laugh, he couldn't help it. "Didn't you ever use the locker-room showers in high school? Think of it like that."
Rolling his eyes, McKay squinted them atan empty corner ashe replied condescendingly. "I didn't even play sports. And no, I had a hard enough time with gym class." This was getting him no where. McKay simply had to face the cold, hard, truth. Sharing his body, was a nuisance...one that would surely end up driving him over the respective edge.Which in that brief moment, reminded him of something.
"You ever see that episode of the X-files where they're after what they thought was the Fiji Mermaid when really it was the Siamese twin of a sideshow performer?"
John waited a moment, recalling the episode in his mind. He remembered briefly that the monster was a creepy little shit, but what exactly Rodney was making a point of, John had no idea. So, he played along for McKay's sake. "Yeah?" Sheppard replied curious.
"And by the end of the show, the thing finally killed his brother by repeatedly extricating itselffrom him so much, that the man drank himself to death." The physicist folded his arms across his chest.
"Uh-huh." John coaxed on, still confused.
Rodney frowned. "I think it's time you went back to Fiji Major."
From within, John inhailed…at least that's what it sounded like. One of those long drawn in ones that could only lead to….."Listen I'm not the one who's insecure about their body here! Come on Rodney, we've got the same damn parts." He lightened up, trying not to sound too pleading.
"I am not, repeat not, having this conversation with you." McKay pointed a finger upwards, warning the ceiling and quickly stood up, feeling a heavy and sudden pressure in his bladder. "Nooooooooooowwwwa." He whined, shifting uncomfortably on his feet, glancing hesitantly towards the back of his quarters.
"What's wrong?"
"Oh I just remembered I left a particle destabilizer on in the lab all night…. ." John watched from within as McKay's eyes rolled round his head. Man had a knack for the eye roll, Sheppard was sure of that. "I have to use the goddamn bathroom." Rodney quickly added, trying to wish his needy bladder away.
If the Major was out and about he'd be shaking his head right about then, looking down at his boots and trying not to lay one of his trademark smirks on the suffering physicist. "You know Skippy, if you keep this up, you're gonna be Atlantis champion at pissing with your eyes closed. I could, push myself to whistling, Beckett says you like that."
Feeling blood and heat swelling up I his cheeks, McKay flustered out a: "Oh quit it! Put yourself in my shoes for just a second"
"Technically, McKay….I am in your shoes." John interjected.
"Well, then you know this isn't exactly what I call an unproblematic situation. We've been sharing the same body for a little over a week now Major and frankly'getting a little tired of it'is an understatement."
He couldn't believe it. With all that was going on, he thought maybe for just a moment, McKay would step away from his own gripes for just one second, and consider someone else's. "Hasn't even had his coffee and already he's complaining. You really are something McKay you know that! I know this must be real annoying for you having me up here, and I'm sorry, alright! But shit happens, and you deal. Now I don't know how much time I have left, but I know it ain't much. And if this is the last place I'm gonna be before I fade out to the great beyond" The words just kinda came out. The first inclination all week that maybe, Johnwas a talking dead man. The very concept, the idea made the Majorshut up just then. It even made McKay settle down, his bladder momentarily forgotten.
"John, don't say that." Rodney pleaded softly. But no matter how he tried to put it, he really wasn't the guy to come to when you wanted some comfort. He never was, and that made him frustraited.
"I'm being realistic." Sheppard spoke up after a long and awkward moment. "I think you can agree with me on viewing problems in a realistic light."
" Yeah and I usually get a dirty look from you and Teyla." McKay snickered…John though, did not. Sighing, Rodney continued. "Listen not to sound narcissistic, but I about the smartest guy you could be stuck with right now. And we still have plenty of time." The physicist quickly stalked off into the bathroom, waving on the light as he turned towards the sink, gazing in the mirror. "Look I have to be telling the truth, this is the face of sincerity…..besides when am I ever optimistic? That's got to be a good sign."
Thankfully, McKay heard Sheppard laugh, though brief. But soon the lightness faded from the man's voice. "Whatever motivates you is fine, but you have to except the fact, and I'm not saying it will; but there may come a point when there's no time left. When everything comes down to those last few moments before whatever happens to us happens."
"What the hell are you saying?" McKay glared at himself, looking deep within his own eyes as if he was staring into John's.
"That." And John did stare right back, slightly enjoying the illusion that he was outside McKay, talking to him instead of in him."That I'm prepared, no matter what happens, but I'm not all that sure if you are." He added gravely.
Rodney confronted the mirror. "Prepared for what? You dying? John not to sound insulting or anything, but you're the last person I'd expect to just lay down and take it."
"I'm not saying that. But I've thought a lot about this. What's going to happen if, if we don't pull through on this? How exactly do you expect this to work Rodney? I can't live the rest of my days up in your head. That's not fair to either of us. I mean it's been a week and we're ready to kill each other. How are we supposed to live a lifetime like this?"
"I don't know." McKay looked down towards the dull metal sink's basin. He'd been trying to not think about that, the fact that if all else failed, they'd be stuck together for the rest of Rodney's life. A brief and chilling though came to his mind then…what if, years from now, if they were still together, old and grey and Rodney had died but John didn't. If that was even possible, the shear thought of Sheppard having to live out the rest of his days, six feet under and forgotten in a earthy grave was too much. Sheppard couldn't help but feel the shutter pass through McKay's body at that moment….feeling the man's feelings well up inside him.
"Listen, I didn't want to bring it up, you've got enough on your mind…..no pun intended." John chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. "You just concentrate on figuring this mess out, but…..you have to understand, this is just as weird for me too. I mean, I've got absolutely no control over anything that happens out there anymore. Do you know how much that bugs me?" He paused then, unsure if what he was about to say, was the right thing to say at all. But, it had beenplaguing Sheppard for sometime now, it was something Rodney needed to know. It was only fair. "Well I'm sure you do. You'd be surprised that I know a lot more about how you feel then you think I do."
McKay's head rolled up slowly, he looked into his eyes again as they narrowed. "And you'd be implying what?"
"You might be able to block out your real feelings on the outside to everybody with all your intellectual jargon and snotty remarks, but it's like a goddamn ocean of them in here McKay, and I swear sometimes I think I'm gonna drown in it." Sheppard replied, feeling a heavy weight drop in the physicist's stomach. He could feel McKay's hands clench around the basin's rim, his breath becoming tight. This was not going to be pretty, by no means.
"That's not fair. Do you know how……" Rodney fumed. "Do you know how invasive that is!"
"I can't help it!" The Major shot back, trying to defend himself on something he had no control over. "It's just here, in my face….in a matter of speaking." This only received a subtle but noticeable twitch from Rodney's left eye. "And you can't help it either. Just, I don't want you to think that I'm not aware of what you're going through and that you're going through it alone. I just don't take too kindly to being locked up with nothing to do; I mean I can't twiddle my thumbs. I don't even have thumbs McKay!"
Rodney let out a smallfurious whimper. He flet like he might just be sick, and the Major's musings weren't helping one bit.
"And so what if you wear your ego and your brain as a shield, who doesn't?"
Taking a deep and jagged breath, Rodney began slowly, speaking as firm and eloquently as he could muster. "I know that personal space between the two of us, is a bit limited as of late. But bottom-line Major, stay the hell out of my subconscious!" He snarled, pointing at accusing finger at his reflection. "I don't need you. . .telling me what's wrong with me, or how I should be feeling about something and if you really want me to just bite thedamn bullet and suck it up that maybe, just maybe I'm going to screw up and kill us both, then fine! I accept that." The physicist let his hand drop, slapping on the metal sink basin. He breathed heatedly though this nose, trying to calm himself down. He felt so, violated, and even more pissed that the Major was in fact right. Though he'd never admit it.
John waited a moment, watching from within as McKay blinked several times, then shut his eyes up tight, squeezing them as hard as he could. "You're just cranky cause you're hungry. And man do you look like crap."
His eyes bolted open, sending a most venomous glare towards his own reflection. "Yeah well I feel……well you should know what I feel like right? And stop changing the subject. You're not allowed to dish out all those personal attacks then change the subject." McKay snapped, feeling more then embarrassed.
"The dark mistress of the bean is calling you Rody boy….." Sheppard gently cooed, trying to tease a smile from the physicist.
"Oh please. I'm not that addicted." McKay spun round, hugging himself. He let out a choked laugh, mostly fromfrustration rather then the Major's more then lame joke.
But John continued without mercy. "You know you want it. I'm surprised you haven't busted a hole in the wall and stalked off to the mess hall, incredible hulk style."
Rodney's face twisted up as he suppressed a chuckle, instead jamming his tongue into his cheek. One thing he hated, was how Sheppard could one moment make you hate his guts for being so blunt and truthful, then make you forgive him two seconds later when he did something goofy. McKay shook his head, relaxing. Well, whatever was to happen, at least he wasn't alone in it all, even if he was stuck with the oddest man every to grace his life. Aman who apparently could now read him like a book,when Rodney prided himself onnever, ever, lettinganyone do that tohim.Though now trying tolive with said oddity was achallange in its own. Rodney sighed, trying to sound empowered by the whole thing. "I'm going to attempt, to take a shower with my eyes closed."
"You do that." John grumbled defeatedly as he and McKay moved towards the back of the bathroom. Maybe one day McKay would get it that he just didn't care about theirdifferences;but today…was not that day. And now he had to deal with another good half hour, hour of boring darkness. "Don't mind me. I'm just gonna kick back up here and read the newest issue of science freakin weekly."
A/N 2.0: Hey just want to thank everyone for the well wishes…feeling much better, knock on wood. Thanks again for the support, luv ya!. And…..next chapter will be up by Tuesday, promise.
