Disclaimer: I'm only going to write this once, so pay attention. I DON'T OWN FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST! However, I do own Ieva, Ieva's Writing Studio, Muse!Scar, and Muse!Envy.
Muses O' Doom
Episode 01: You're Hired
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Our tale begins in an abandoned back alley in Central, where there was an old, rusty metal door on which hung a dirty cardboard sign with the words 'Ieva's Writing Studio' written in black sharpie across it. A small notice taped to the door below the sign read 'HELP WANTED'. Beyond the door was a small, dusty room lit only by a few cheap lamps. In the far right corner there was scrunched a rumpled sleeping bag with a beat-up alarm clock on the floor next to it. In the closer right hand corner was a sooty camping stove surrounded by several boxes full of ramen, tuna, crackers, tea, and pocky. On the opposite wall there sat a forlorn looking desk covered in paper, pencils, and a softly humming laptop (seemingly the only well-cared-for object in the entire room). Behind the desk sat a teenaged girl with short, silverish hair and pointed ears, wearing simply a pair of jeans and a white T-shirt, as well as a white rock on a string around her neck. Her head was down and she was drooling slightly; it appeared that she had fallen asleep while typing. A look at her laptop revealed exactly what she had been typing: "fjkdlsjflks why can't I think of anything to write". Yes, Ieva was in dire need of assistance, for she was a writer…without a muse. She had been without one for quite some time, and thus her imagination had degenerated to the point that it was currently in, which was a dusty little room in a back alley in Central. However, luck was on her side this day, as she would soon find herself with not only one, but two muses.
Scar was walking around aimlessly, as he did whenever he was not actively seeking out State Alchemists to kill. For some reason, he just did not feel like it today. It might have been the dull weather, it might have been the strangely subdued atmosphere of Central that day, but he just felt incredibly apathetic. Perhaps it was fate, or maybe sheer dumb luck on Ieva's part, but Scar found himself in front of a rusty door with a cardboard sign reading 'Ieva's Writing Studio'. It was then, that with a boredom-driven curiosity (and more dumb luck for Ieva), he found himself opening the door and looking in at the sad surroundings.
The loud creak of the opening door woke Ieva from her sleep, and she lifted her head slowly, eyes half closed, "Huh? Whozzair?" she yawned and rubbed her eyes before looking up again. Upon seeing whose head was inside her studio, her eyes bugged out and all ability to speak anything but nonsense left her, "Snerlajfig! Greinsbfkls! Yfniesbe!" she regained her train of thought, rose unsteadily to her feet, and gave a respectful bow, "Welcome to my studio, Scar-san. What have I done to deserve this honor?"
Scar blinked; this was very strange. He said the first thing that came to mind, "Studio?"
Ieva sighed, "Not really. Not right now. My muse quit and moved to the tropics. Say…you'd make a great muse! Wanna job?"
Later, Scar wouldn't be able to figure out why he had agreed. The reason he came up with was that he had been caught off guard, that the combination of apathy, boredom, and Ieva's giant puppy eyes had thrown him off. But whatever the reason, he said yes. And thus, Ieva found her first muse.
Envy tore through the streets, cursing Dante and the fact that Hughes had so many fangirls with every stride he took. It wasn't his fault! He had been following Dante's orders! Not that the crazed fangirls of the late Maes Hughes had paid any attention when he tried to tell them. Now he was sprinting through the streets, a massive horde of wild-eyed girls screaming for his blood close behind him. Far too close for comfort. For the first time in a long time, Envy was absolutely terrified; he was in such a panic that he didn't even think of shapeshifting. Although, who could blame the poor Homunculus? Anyone would lose their focus when being chased by over hundred psychotic girls, all screaming 'KILL ENVY!'.
In a last ditch effort, he turned his head and shouted back at them, "I was under orders! Don't shoot the messenger!"
"KILL ENVY!" If anything, he had just made them even more psychotic.
With a strangled 'eep' sound as he realized that they were actually gaining, he rocketed around a corner and into one of the many mazes of alleyways scattered about Central. Unfortunately, the Horde was far too close for this tactic to actually work. Then, he spotted it. A lower brick wall that he might just be able to jump over and get a little farther away. With a mad leap he cleared the wall and kept running with barely a falter, noting with more than a little relief that the Horde seemed to have been temporarily slowed by the sudden obstacle. But he knew it wouldn't hold them for long. He needed somewhere to hide. Now. And then, he saw the door. An old, rusty door with a sign on it. But he didn't pay attention to the sign; all he cared about was whether or not the door was locked. Luckily for him, it wasn't. He practically slammed into it before flinging it open, darting inside, and slamming it shut behind him. He stood there with his eyes closed, listening intently for any sound of the Horde on the other side of the door. He nearly shrieked when a female voice came from right in front of him.
"Envy?"
He opened one eye to see a teenage girl only a foot away. In his current state of panic, he had completely lost all sense of differentiation between friend and foe, and with a cry of, "Don't kill me!" he whirled and opened the door again to flee. However, he found himself face to face with the Horde.
"THERE HE IS! KILL ENVY!"
This time he did shriek, and slammed the door shut again, but found that there was still that girl from before in front of him. And now it felt like the Horde had gotten a battering ram of some sort and was slamming it against the door. It was all too much for the poor Homunculus, and he sprinted from the door behind the only cover he could see, which happened to be Ieva's desk. Of course, with nobody holding the door, it began to open, letting in the screams of the Horde.
Ieva's eyes widened, "Oh, bloody hell. SCAR! HELP!" she threw herself against the door, but she really wasn't very strong, and it continued to slide open. At least, it did until Scar came to the rescue and pushed it closed. "Thank you Scar-san. Now just keep it shut while I lock it."
"Hurry…" came the strained reply; not even Scar would be able to hold out against the Horde for long. Fortunately for them all, Ieva got the door locked quickly, and the two of them moved away from it.
"There. Nobody can get in once I've locked my door, no matter how many battering rams they have. Now…Envy?" Ieva moved slowly towards her desk, behind which hid the incredibly freaked-out Sin.
As soon as he saw her, he gave a sort of strangled squeaking sound and fled to the corner, where he threw his arms over his face, "Don't kill me!"
"I'm not going to kill you, Envy, don't worry…" she stopped as she saw that he couldn't hear a word she said through his panic, and rubbed her temples, "Scar-san, if you would please…?"
"I see," was the reply as the tall Ishbalan easily lifted Envy by the back of his shirt and carried the terrified Homunculus over to Ieva.
She adopted a stern face and poked Envy between his eyes, "Envy, you stop that right now. Nobody is going to kill you. Get a hold of yourself."
"…You're not going to kill me?" Envy sounded almost timid, and Ieva felt a stab of sympathy.
"No, I'm not going to hurt you at all," she tried to sound reassuring, "I know that what happened in Episode 25 wasn't your fault, don't worry."
"…Really? But what about all the…?"
"They can't get in, it's okay."
"Oh. If you're really sure…" Envy glanced nervously at the shaking door.
"Very sure. Scar-san, you can put him down now. Thank you again."
"You're welcome," Scar nodded and placed Envy down. It was a sign of improvement that he remained standing instead of dropping to the floor cowering again. However, he was still very obviously nervous.
"There now, see? Everything will be all right," Ieva had by now unconsciously slipped into her 'Comfort-Frightened-Cat' mode. A few more seconds and she would have begun spouting nonsense words. However, she didn't quite get that far; as she was looking at Envy, she was suddenly struck with a wonderful plot bunny. She was so excited that she began to hop up and down, pointing at Envy.
"OMG! MUSE! ENVY'S A MUSE!" why, she was so excited that she had actually said 'OMG', which never happened when she was in her right mind. However, poor Envy was still rather traumatized, so when Ieva started yelling and pointing and hopping so completely unexpectedly his mind reverted to its panicked state and he fled behind the desk again. Ieva immediately realized her mistake and slapped her forehead, "I am so, so stupid…Envy! I'm sorry! It's okay; I won't kill you, remember?"
Scar was getting thoroughly annoyed with the currently impossible-to-deal-with Sin. He crossed his arms and walked over to lean against the wall, "You might not, but I'm on the verge of it."
Ieva sighed, "Saying things like that isn't going to help the state of his mind any, Scar-san. Anyway, he does look like he'll be a really good muse. I think I'll hire him."
Scar shrugged, "If you think he's worth the time."
"I'm sure he is, when he's not having a nervous breakdown," Ieva walked very slowly over to the desk, careful not to make any sudden movements, "Envy? Are you okay?" At her question, Envy's green mop of hair slowly rose above the desk-line, framing really big, wide eyes. It was so adorable that Ieva had to stop for a moment to mentally restrain herself from squealing and scaring him in to hiding again. "Envy, I want to hire you as my second muse. How does that sound?"
"O...kay…"
"Great!" Ieva exclaimed, clapping her hands together, the sudden loud noise causing Envy to flinch and duck under the desk again. "Oops. Envy, I'm sorry! Come back!"
Scar sighed as he watched Ieva spend the next five minutes attempting to get Envy to come out again. How did he manage to get into these situations?
End Episode 01
A/N: Hooo boy, that was fun. Is poor Envy going to be in shock forever? Maaaaybe…
Envy: No.
Heeey, don't ruin my fun…-sticks out tongue- Palm Tree Head.
Envy: Crazy nerd.
Not-able-to-open-doors…ER!
Envy: Oh it is ON!
Darn right! I challenge you to a thumb war!
Envy: I ACCEPT!
Scar: -sarcasm- Such mature people I work with…
