Author's Notes: Well, here is the last chapter of this three-shot... hope you like this one. chapter two's my favorite, and chapter one sucks.. this one's kind of the medium. anyhoo, onward
Disclaimer: I don't own Inu-Yasha. But I'd love to own both him and papa roach, cuz Jacoby Shaddix is HOT! ((worships pictures of Jacoby))
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Chapter three-"Tragedy"
Sango POV
The rain pours outside this evening, with thunder and lightning stripping night of its enigmatic presence. And I remember them, how things were. I always do when the clouds steal away the sun and the moon and the stars.
I hate the rain now.
/This is making me crazy
These black clouds following me/
Maybe because those same clouds witnessed the death of my family and friends, the death of everything dear to me. They watched me as I failed the most important mission of my life, when I let everyone down and still now, when I cannot kill Naraku. Perhaps, though, my companions and I will live long enough to defeat him.
/So I look for signs of light-
But rarely I see them/
Hopefully, they can still see me smiling. I don't want them to know I have my doubts, but how can I honestly be expected to be hopeful? Until the sun rises, I'll hide here.
/I return to my shelter-
And crawl in a bottle
I'm losing my will for this...
So overemotional/
Maybe if I keep that idea, that the sun will shine again, then I might be able to escape this rain...
/Black clouds: They rain down,
But they can't kill the sun.../
I wonder what would happen if my friends knew that I do not share their faith in the chance of our success? Would they disown me? Would they leave me? But how can I shake off the murder of my family?
/Confession of Depression
This life I'm second-guessing/
No matter what I do, I always fail. I must be cursed, because if I am not hurt, then someone I care about is. Is this how I will live? Too afraid to take chances for fear of harming someone I love?
/Like ashes-to ashes
I always seem to fall down/
I refuse to live in fear, though. I will not allow Naraku to chase me into living like a rat; hiding in the cracks and crevices with the filth of this world.
/I'm tired-of running-
It's time to face my demons/
I don't care if my own life is taken, but for him to strike at those around me, is lower than low... which is what I expect of that bastard.
/Confession of depression-
This life I'm second-guessing/
Another thunder bolt shakes the very ground, and I find that I am crying. The tears run down my face and fall into my lap. One of Kirara's sensitive ears twitches in response of being hit by a drop. A sob wracks my body, and my anger and self-disgust grows at the feeling of my own weakness. I miss them so much, that I've nearly become dependant on this nightly misery. As I scoff my own failure, the storm rages outside.
/My emotions are storming
And tears fall just like rain
Pain strikes like lightning
Despair is becoming my friend/
I sigh. This is stupid. I should just go to sleep. But now, I have to remember, or I might lose focus of my mission. I can't afford that. But maybe the sun will shine again.
/I return to my shelter
and crawl in a bottle
I'm losing my will for this
So overemotional/
The storm booms all around and the inside of the shack is illuminated by lightning dead overhead. I shudder, and long to see the light of the morning.
/Black clouds they rain down
But they can't kill the sun/
The tempestuous weather rumbles again and I feel my self-loathing consume me as I fight my tears, yet allow them to continue to fall. These clouds mock me, they did when they took my family, swallowed them up within their billowing and black depths, and they mock me now, as I sit, crying, in an abandoned home. A grim smile comes upon my face as I wonder if the previous inhabitants of this place were haunted by these storms, too.
/Confession of depression-
This life I'm second-guessing/
How is it that no matter the situation, odds in our favor or not, I can never hold my ground against one, small boy and one pompous demon? Why is it that I can never face my past and stare into those heartless brown eyes? Why is it that I allow Naraku to hurt me like that? He doesn't even have to strike out at me, he has Kohaku do it for him...
/Like ashes- to ashes
I always seem to fall down/
I fear for my brother's safety, yet I will not hesitate to kill him, should he harm my friends again. My last attempt was thwarted by Inu-Yasha, Kagome and Miroku, because they believed I would regret it. Another grim smirk. I would have died after him, taken my own life. The dead regret nothing, and that is why Kohaku will not break free of this curse.
/I'm tired of running-
It's time to face my demons
Confession of depression
This life I'm second-guessing/
I remember my father's dying look, how all the bravery and valor had been stolen away. How his expression retained none of his living grace and dignity. Just a blank, horrified stare. Like everyone else who'd had their lives and fates ripped away from them. I make a new promise to myself: I shall never give up hope, no matter how desperate and bleak the situation.
I will not fail my new friends when we confront Naraku. It will cost me my life, but I will not fail.
/Black clouds: they rain down
But they can't kill the sun... inside/
I wait for morning to dawn, pray for the beautiful, glimmering light of the sun, to illuminate my face and show the world my false smile. I will not allow the night to steal my life away. I will not allow these clouds to press down upon me, they can follow me and taunt me all they like, but I will not allow myself to be suffocated by them.
/Still looking for signs of light!
These black clouds keep following me/
As the lightning flashes over me, directly, in the obscurred black sky outside, I feel my doubt rise again. I remember my father's face as he lay dying. Kohaku's sweet, mortified voice as we died together. But I had had even my death stolen from me. I have to live with these memories, this bittersweet nostalgia of my years taking my profession and my village and family for granted. This is my punishment for not appreciating their full worth. They say that you don't know what you have until it's gone, and I believe that. I never knew they meant so much to me. And now I can't even tell them that.
/I return to my shelter
And crawl in a bottle/
And I remember my own personal sun, Kohaku. His bright smile and shining eyes. And father, his strong arms as he taught me to fend for myself. As he taught me to live, and as Kohaku taught me to appreciate all the small things in life. They lit up my world and gave me everything I could ever truly need. And those damned black clouds outside can not take them away from me. No, Naraku did that for them.
/Black clouds they rain down
but they can't kill the sun/
I suppose that if these clouds really wanted to disturb me in these ways, then they would come more often. I hope they will not in the future, because they come often enough now. It is already hard for me to deal with seeing the reflections of my brother and father in every rain drop and puddle I see. I look out the window and see the lightning flash this time. I know my eyes flash and burn with it, as I pray for its strike to be violent and spiteful so that it may express my rage for me. I find myself embodied in the storm, now. My tears, the rain. My anger, this lightning. And those black clouds, my conscience, my regret.
/Confession of depression
This life I'm second-guessing
Like ashes-to ashes
I always seem to fall down/
I embrace the tears as they fall now, in sync with the rain, in a tempestuous symphony of destructive notes. I feel my skin crawl and the lightning flashes and thunder roars at the same time, bite back my own scream, jealous that this storm can be as loud as it pleases, yet I cannot voice my own opinions to the heavens. Why must I be left here, while those who mock me can fly and thus run away from their problems? Why am I grounded when I have experienced the worst of Hell's tragedies?
/I'm pushing-myself to-a point of self-destruction
Confession of depression
This life I'm second-guessing
I'm tired or running!
It's time to face my demons!
Confession of depression!
This life I'm second-guessing/
'You cannot take my memories away from me!' I wish to voice this towards those unruly clouds above me, as they bear down upon me. I will not let them steal away my only lifeline! I refuse to allow these same memories and sacred momentos of my happiness to destroy me!
/Black clouds: They rain down
But they can't kill the sun... Inside/
As the last cloud passes over head, the morning sky breaks into a blinding display of brilliant pastels. My anger softens at the beauty of sunrise, and I allow my tears to stop, I allow myself to store my memories away again, behind my smile, where I can always reach them. The black clouds can follow me all they like, but they cannot steal my memories from me.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Author's Notes: awwwww, how cute (GAG) well, that's all folks (second disclaimer: i don't own porky pig) anyhoo, later... and if you liked these... what the hell is wrong with you? well, if you DID like these, or if you want to know that I'm not a completely awful author, and if you like Evanescence, you can check out my story "Anywhere But Home" which is MUCH better... anyhoo, Ja ne!
