Disclaimer: NOTHING IS MINE. Joan's dialog is taken from the episode "Dive".
A/N: I felt like this needed to be done. I'm sorry if I'm boring you people…
LostS- Thanks again! Sorry if I'm making you cry, man…
E.B.F.R.- Thank you! Here's you're update! I hope you like this chapter just as much.
The snow crunched underneath Joan's feet as she walked into the graveyard. The sound seemed foreign and alien to Judith, like she had never heard it before, since her footsteps were totally silent. Judith hadn't understood why she was being sent back to Arcadia so soon until she had followed Joan into the cemetery.
Judith knew God had been portraying her in Joan's dreams. She couldn't help but feel a stab of jealousy. She wanted to talk to Joan herself.
Judith watched as Joan paused in front of the headstone that Judith refused to call hers. To Judith-it was a rock. Nothing but a rock with her name on it. It seemed inappropriate to have a rock mark the memory of a human being. Rocks were steady and stable, a promise that would always be there. Death was the opposite. It didn't give guarantees. The headstone seemed definite and solid. Judith's death was questionable and blurred.
"I…I didn't think to bring anything…" Joan began, unsure. "'cause, well, what are you gonna do with flowers?" Joan asked, trying to smile slightly. Judith sat next to the headstone, amused, looking at Joan eagerly with anticipation. There were so many things Judith needed to hear.
"So, things are pretty much the same, which is weird." Joan stated. "Although, Luke did this…" She trailed off in thought for a moment. "This awesome dive off of the high board…Which wasn't really a dive dive. It was more like…" She searched for an analogy "Will Farrell falling out of a plane. You would have peed yourself."
Judith smiled widely. What Joan was saying seemed so familiar, as if nothing had changed. The only thing that assured that nagging reality check at the back of Judith's mind was that Joan had kneeled down and turned her attention to the headstone.
"Can I say that in a cemetery?" Joan asked. Judith frowned at how small she sounded. "Anyway, Luke did it." She paused as she brushed some snow from the stone. "Oh, and he and Grace are a public item." Judith laughed along with Joan, though she had been aware of this earlier. Joan's laughter trailed off. "Ah…It's a freak show. And you're…um…you're…" Judith felt herself frown. Joan was breaking. A sob cut into her voice. "Dead and I didn't come before because…I was so scared…" Judith nodded knowingly. "…That if I had to say goodbye, you know…the real one where I have to admit that I'm never gonna see you again…it would hurt so much", Joan continued emotionally. "…To let go like that. And it might never s-stop, but…" Judith watched as Joan traced the letters engraved on the headstone, as if making sure they really spelled out her best friend's name. "…But I have to. Goodbye." Judith felt herself fill with warmth as she watched Joan kiss her hand before touching the headstone again.
"I love you."
Joan stood up and walked away with Adam, but Judith didn't move. She sat there, smiling, not even fully aware of the tears spilling from her eyes. She knew Joan hadn't abandoned her now, and she never would. Joan's goodbye was different from so many others because of it reluctances, its oath to stay alive. Judith felt lighter knowing death didn't stand between the two of them. It had destroyed their connection in some ways and had made it stronger in so many others. It had ended something great, but began something better.
Judith stood up and walked out of the cemetery, knowing her time in Arcadia was up. She noticed a guy standing on the street corner, hands in his corduroy jacket pockets. He offered her a small smile as she made her way over to him. They didn't need words so they didn't speak.
He knew she understood. She'd finally realized that, no matter what, her physical state of living was gone, but the promise of who she was and the love of those she'd left behind would give her the strength to be more alive then she ever had been.
