Muses O' Doom


Episode 04: Of Badfic and Fangirls: Part II

The group was a bit lost in the maze of passageways, and Ieva was swearing blind that whomever had built the castle must have been playing far too many medieval video games, and surely there must be Item Chests around there somewhere. They continued to wander aimlessly, hoping that by some miracle they would find the way out, until the turned a corner to find themselves face to face with…THE HORDE! DUN DUN DUUUNNN! Within seconds the poor threesome was fleeing for their lives, and Ieva and Envy were both spazzing as they ran.

Envy's reaction, of course, was entirely legitimate, "They're gonna KILL me! I'm DOOMED!"

Ieva's, however, was a bit less so, "It's just like those games where something undefeatable is chasing you and it's always right behind you and there aren't any exits and I'VE ALWAYS BEEN TERRIFIED OF THEM!"

Scar just sighed and thought to himself, 'Great. Am I the only one here who isn't a total coward?'

The trio continued to sprint through the endless maze of stone halls, the Horde right behind them, and as the chase continued, Ieva began to fall behind. She had always hated running, and had the endurance of…something that didn't have any. And then, something unthinkable but at the same time entirely predictable happened. She tripped over her own feet and lay sprawled on the floor, and of course at the speeds that the two separate groups had been traveling and the distance between them it was only seconds before she had been engulfed by the Horde. She reemerged on top, being carried by several members and yelling her head off at them. Both Scar and Envy had noticed immediately, but to stop running would have been utter suicide, and completely useless. If they stopped, all that would happen would be that they would all be caught.

As he ran, Envy shouted back over his shoulder, "Oi! You gonna be okay back there?"

"Heck, I'm fine; I'm gettin' a free ride! Don't stop running!" was the reply.

"Right, then!" Envy yelled backwards, then began muttering to Scar, only just loud enough for him to hear, "Hey, I've got a plan. If we can just pull a little bit farther ahead and get around a corner…"

"What is it that you want us to do?" Scar asked. Envy told him, and he nodded, "That might actually work. All right, I see a corner up ahead."

And so the pair of them ran faster, as fast as they could. Envy pulled up ahead, as he was a Homunculus and therefore could run faster than a human, and needed to get there first for the plan to work anyway. They managed to round the corner a full five seconds faster than the Horde, and that was all the time they needed. When the mass of girls turned the corner, they screeched to a halt, finding themselves face to face with…two Scars? A general murmur rose.

"Which one is Envy?"

"How do we tell?"

Meanwhile, Ieva snickered, because now that she knew what to look for, she could tell them apart rather easily. It was an acquired talent. Anyway, she saw right away that although there was no physical difference, the Scar that was Envy in disguise had a different 'look' in his eyes than the real Scar had. Meanwhile, the Horde, who couldn't tell, seemed to be torn on what to do.

"We could get both of them…"

"But I don't want to hurt the real Scar!"

"Me either!"

"But we must wreak our vengeance on Envy!"

Ieva spoke up, "Actually, Envy was only following orders."

"SILENCE!"

Ieva sighed, "How many of you are also Mustang fans?" A good many of the Horde raised their hands, and Ieva continued, "Mustang killed Winry's parents, you know."

"Only 'cause Basque Gran told him to!"

Now Ieva smirked, "Exactly. Envy only killed Hughes because an evil old lady named Dante told him to. You're wreaking vengeance on the wrong person, you meanie-heads."

Now a large part of the Horde was looking a bit unsure. One of them piped up, "So…this Dante person…where can we find her?" Now that it was said, there were murmurs of agreement throughout the Horde.

"Oh, she's probably either out in a big house in the woods near Dublith or in a large city underneath Central. One of those interesting little 'Plot Device' things ought to take you right to her," Ieva grinned evilly. She didn't much care for Dante, and the thought of her being justly chased around by the Horde was a rather lovely thought.

The Horde discussed this change of events for about a minute before the members holding Ieva put her down and the whole lot of them began to withdraw, muttering something along the lines of 'kill Dante'.

"Oh, but before you go, would you mind giving once of those things to us? It's rather boring wandering around these corridors, and a Plot Device to get us out sounds pretty nice," Ieva looked hopeful. Her hopes were realized, and one of the Horde tossed her one of the wonderful little black spheres before the whole lot of them vanished into the maze of corridors. Grinning, the young author ran over to her muses, throwing her arms around their necks in a giant glomp-hug, "That was brilliant!"

"Why thank you. That was my idea to make them stop, by the way," Envy said smugly, transforming back to his regular form.

"I'm surprised it was so easy to get them after Dante," Scar looked fairly neutral.

Ieva shrugged, "Well, usually with fangirl Hordes like that, if you can get some to believe you the rest generally follow. Now let's get outta here before something else happens," she threw the Plot Device onto the ground, and it exploded in a bright flash of light. When the light faded, the trio was back in front of Ieva's Studio.

"Well, thank goodness that's over," Envy grinned, and tossed Ieva the keys to the door, "Here ya go, I'm thinking you'll be needing these."

"You'd be right about that," Ieva caught them neatly and unlocked her door, "Well, since me and Envy cleaned all the dust and stuff, we've just gotta organize all my junk and add some extra rooms for you guys. Rooms first, I think, 'cause that'll take all three of us."

And so, things quickly returned to normal. Well, as normal as they can get around Ieva, anyway.


End Episode 04

A/N: Gack, sorry this took so long. -hangs head in shame- I wanted to write it, but I got stuck up near the beginning. Oh, but I have the greatest idea about what's going to happen next! It's going to be the funnest thing to write EVAR. Yes, evar. That's how fun it's going to be.
Scar: Maybe for
you.
Envy: I dunno, I find it pretty funny too.
Scar: -sigh- You would.
Ehe…-rubs back of head- Oh, and the Badfic Monster will definitely appear again in future episodes, 'cause it's a fun villain. Also…sorry about the lack of the cameos…I had so much trouble with them that I just left them out…but if someone said something that you think you would say, you can always pretend that it was you…sorry…Also, about my little 'special twin telling-apart' ability; I do have that in real life. My dad and uncle are completely identical twins, so I've been getting practice telling people apart since I was really little. Anyway, now I'll answer all the reviews, both from Episode 03 and the omake.

From Episode 03:
MadMood: Why thank you. Sorry it took me so long.
Scar's fangurl: Thanks much!
kristanite: Sorry for not doing cameos…maybe another chapter.
Anasazi Darkmoon: Oh, yes, they are scary. -shudders- Glory to the trenchcoat!
Maruken: Hehe, thanks. What better villains for a story about muses? Glad to see another Envy supporter!
Duelchick901: Wh00t, a convert! Glad you like my story. :)
Hinote-chan: I hope your fic goes well! There are Envy fangirls, but they seem to be a bit scarce lately…
Halfmetal: Thanks. Have fun with your story. :)
Shale 101: No more school is YAY!
envy's dark angel: Hehehe. Glad you thought it was funny!
LadyRiona: Thank you! Humor can almost always be found in my stories; it's just how I write. Nice to see a Hughes fan that doesn't blame Envy.

From the Omake:
Anasazi Darkmoon: -nodnod- Something like that. I don't want to spoil anything for you, but what he did was very courageous and noble. -sniffle- I get all teary when I think about it.
Metamorphosis Alchemist: Yay! Thanks much!
Anase the Shadow Alchemist: Yes, that it was. And yes, presumably. -is still in denial-
Maruken: Sorry to keep you waiting!
Darkness Shadow of Hatred: Hehe, here's your new chapter.
LadyRiona: That's my way of making myself feel better when sad things happen, is to make it funny somehow. Glad you thought so to.
Shale 101: I think I'll like my version better as well.
Hinote-chan: Meep, I hope you can remember it soon. I got the joke from other fanfics, hehe. And your friends are funny. :)
Halfmetal: Right, right. There's no way.