A/N: I don't own Harry Potter, I do, however, own these words.
This is sort of a spin off of my He Laughed story. Except with Remus' POV. All reviews welcome.
Dead. James dead. Lily dead. Peter dead. They were all dead. He stared at the bottle of firewhisky on the table. Didn't look up as Dumbledore explained to the shocked people around him that it had been one of their own. All along; one of the order. He felt the looks and gazes. Felt the pity. But he refused to meet anyone's eyes.
He remained after everyone had left. He couldn't move. Couldn't speak. Couldn't think of anything but them. James, Lily, Peter. Their names repeating like a mantra. James, Lily, Peter. All Sirius' victims
"Oh Sirius. What have you done?" He murmured, finally giving in and pouring himself a glass. Drinking alone.
Alone was what he was now. His friends had finally left him like he had always feared they would. But they'd gone where he couldn't follow. James beaming face. Lily's sweet smile. Peter's eager adoration. All gone in the whisper of a moment.
James had trusted Sirius. Trusted him beyond all others. Trusted him with the most important thing in his life: his family.
Remus tried to shut out the images which swam infront of his eyes. James trying to be brave, sacrificing himself for his wife and son. He wondered if it had dawned on James in the final moments of his life how Voldermort had found them.
He hoped he hadn't had time to fully realise that he had been betrayed by the man he loved like a brother. And that not just he, but his wife and child would die because of that man. The man he had trusted above all others. The man who had fled. The man who had killed another friend. And then laughed.
Just stood there laughing like it was all a big joke. Like all he had done was put a invisibility charm around someone's head or a dungbomb in the Slytherin common room. As if it was all harmless. As if James and Lily weren't dead.
He poured himself another drink; he had to numb the feelings. The pain. He didn't want to feel anything. He didn't want to see Lily's face, hear her voice. Remember all the kindness she had shown him. She had proved herself to be the best of all of them, and now she was gone. Murdered. Slaughtered trying to protect her son.
But of all of them it was Peter he wanted to avoid thinking of.
Poor Peter. Stupid Peter. What had possessed him to take on Sirius alone? He had never been a match for him, never been good at duelling; or anything really. But he had finally proved all those unkind people who said he didn't deserve to be a Griffindor wrong.
Remus let out a long sigh. Trying to rid his mind of Peter's laughing face. He'd always been slightly unkind to Peter. They all had been. Infuriated at his occasional stupidity. His inability to stand up for himself. He'd been the outsider of the group. The after thought.
Remus knew if he'd have been there he might well be dead as well. Not just might be, but probably would be. Sirius had been the best dueller of all of them; he had a ruthlessness about him which meant he out performed even James.
James had been too kind, he liked supporting an under dog. He liked protecting people. Sirius had often berated him for not having a 'killer instinct'. This thought made Remus laugh out loud. He didn't care what he looked like, sitting alone in a room, drinking, laughing; hours after three of his best friends had died at the hands of the forth. It was the absurdness of it all. Sirius. All along it had been Sirius.
Ruthless Sirius with his killer instinct. Sirius who had cried with James when Harry had been born. Sirius who was Harry's Godfather.
Harry. Remus felt ashamed. He'd been wallowing in his own self pity and hadn't given Harry a moment's thought.
Harry was alone now. An orphan. He would never know Lily's beautiful laugh, never make James proud. Harry would now grow up with those stupid muggle relatives of Lily's. While he had lost his friends Harry had lost his family. Lost the loving home and parents who had died for him. Would he ever realise how much they had truly loved him?
Not now. Not thanks to his Godfather. The man entrusted with his well being. The man supposed to protect him from all harm. The man supposed to help guide him on the path to manhood. The man who had taken away his childhood.
'Why did you do it?' Remus silently asked the image of Sirius sitting opposite him. The image shrugged, tossing back his hair from his handsome face and smiled. Smiled that beautiful smile which had made many Hogwarts girls go weak at the knees and the morals.
Perhaps the muggle's were on to something; perhaps Sirius was a sociopath, or a psychopath or a psychotic... it was what the papers said; he was mad. He must have been to massacre Peter so horribly.
Taking another large gulp Remus felt his fingers begin to go numb. Hopefully his brain would soon follow. He couldn't get the image of Peter standing there, infront of Sirius, out of his brain.
Peter alone, face to face with Sirius. Crying. "Lily and James, Sirius! How could you?" Alone standing down one of the most dangerous wizards they knew. Remus could well believe Peter would be fool enough to think Sirius wouldn't hurt him. Remus would not have made that mistake. He should have been there. Should have been side by side with Peter. Confronting their old friend. James' murderer.
It was survivor's guilt. Dumbledore had said he would feel guilty for still being alive. But that didn't make it any easier. It didn't make Peter's death any more alone. Another gulp and maybe he would forget, so for a brief time he could push away the the image of Peter's face shinning with admiration, gazing up at Sirius and James.
But the numbness refused to enfold him. Refused to offer him peace. So he sat there still thinking of Peter and wondering if Sirius had stopped laughing yet.
