*Just as a warning mental health and dark thoughts are going to be a strong theme going forward so please read with caution*
Santana- "Hey Weezy, what's up"
Mercedes- "Really Satan, starting off the morning name-calling?"
Santana- "Oh shut up, you will always be Weezy, morning or night. What are you doing?"
Mercedes- (Laughs) "I am walking to this brunch place to meet with someone the record label is thinking of signing. What are you doing?"
Santana- "I brought Brett to his therapy appointment and now I am just walking home to change for work"
Mercedes- "You left Brett there alone?"
Santana- "Not for long, Quinn is already on her way there but Brett doesn't know. I just told him I had to get going to work and someone would pick him up later. I knew he would be pissed if Quinn was sitting in the waiting room the whole time"
Mercedes- "Yeah, he does not like being babied"
Santana- "Exactly, that is a fight I am going to try and avoid"
Mercedes- "So…. how was last night? And so do not lie, Quinn isn't here. It's just me and you so don't leave anything else"
Santana- (Groans) "like I love Brett. There is no doubt in my mind that he is different. It is like one second I have my old Brett and the next I have TBI Brett. I know it's not his fault but it's so hard to just talk to him because he doesn't want to hear it. He is sick of constantly being reminded of what happened but I am just so worried, you know?"
Mercedes- "This is going to be hard but at least he is home. If anyone can get through this it is him"
Santana- "I know it is just so scary when his main injury is something we can't see. Like I know his burns and his knee will get better but I can't see inside his head. I just really do not what him to suffer alone, I really hope Dr. Michaels can bring back the old Brett.
Mercedes- "I saw the old Brett a lot last night"
Santana- "Yeah I did too but then there was an incident at dinner where he was kinda staring off. I went to put my hand his knee and he grab my hand. The look I saw in his eye was a mixture of fear and anger. Once he realized it was me, the look in his eyes completely changed. It was kinda scary but he just played it off and acted like I just scared him. Then he kinda did it again when we were in bed. His attitude just completely flipped and he got mad and wouldn't look at me. Obviously, we moved past it but I can't help but worry"
Mercedes- "Remember he has a brain injury and was held hostage AGAIN. Sudden movements could set him off. He also probably has a lot of feelings he is trying to work through and doesn't really know how. I think it is going to take a little bit of time for Brett to really feel comfortable again."
Santana- "I guess I just assumed it would all go back to normal when he got home"
Mercedes- (Wanting to change the subject to get Santana out of her dark hole) "So did you and Brett you know…. Do the nasty?"
Santana- (Giggles) "What do you think?"
Mercedes- "Good because if you wasted that sexy soldier I would have killed you" (Laughing)
Santana- "I like forgot how good sex was. When we were together it felt like us, it was amazing"
Mercedes- "Do you need me to pick up the morning-after pill?"
Santana- "No! I was responsible and didn't let him cum inside this time but I will say I really missed feeling the warmness inside me"
Mercedes- "Okay okay just because Quinn isn't here doesn't mean that I want to hear that much. (Laughs) How did you convince him to pull out?"
Santana- "Easy, I just ended it with an amazing blow job. A guy is not going to argue when your mouth is around their dick" (Laughs)
Mercedes- "That is very true, they think with their dick. (Laughs) Was it weird having sex again?"
Santana- "With him, it was natural, just like we have always been when we are together. What was weird was thinking about how things would have been different if I was pregnant. My body would be so different right now. Every time he touched my stomach that's all that I could think of"
Mercedes- "When are you going to tell him about the miscarriage?"
Santana- "I am going to wait until he gets further with his therapy. I am hoping that if it is just a little more stable it will come across better."
Mercedes- "You should talk to Dr. Michaels "
Santana- (Confused) "I don't need therapy"
Mercedes- "Not for you. I was thinking that he might be able to give you some pointers on the best way to tell Brett"
Santana- "That sounds like a good idea but I don't really know the guy. I've met him like twice. Don't you think it would be a little weird to be like 'hey I know you are helping my boyfriend but I lost our baby, what do I do?'"
Mercedes- "Well if you say it like that then it sounds weird. But I think he could be open to helping you. Just think about it"
Santana- "I will, thanks"
Mercedes- "I just got to the place, I'll talk to you later. Let me know how Brett's therapy session goes"
Santana- "I will if he tells me anything"
Mercedes- "Be optimistic for once"
Santana- "Fine mom, I will try. By Weezy"
Mercedes- "Adios chica" (Hangs up)
Santana- (Laughs, definitely only said that because I am Latina she thought)
Meanwhile with Brett at Therapy
Brett sat on the couch, his leg bouncing up a storm. Santana just left and now he felt stuck here on this couch waiting for Dr. Michaels to come in. He was pissed off, he didn't want to be here. He was going to make therapy a priority eventually but he deserved to just chill. Brett knew he could walk out. The door was right there. There wasn't even a receptionist at the front desk to judge him. All he had to do was get up and deal with the wrath of Santana later but he could handle her. She can't stay mad at him, not for this. He tried and that should be enough for her.
Quinn walked out of the elevator and opened the door to the suite. The waiting room was very welcoming. A small reception desk was off to the right but the seat was barren. There were a few chairs and small tables with magazines. Sitting in one of the chairs was a well-dressed man in khaki pants and a colored shirt. "Hi, you must be Quinn," he said standing up and extending his hand forward. "Yes I am and you are?" she asked. "Oh my apologies, I am Dr. Michaels" he introduced himself. "Oh my goodness, I am so sorry if that sounded rude. Very nice to meet you sir and I just want to say thank you so much for everything you are doing for my brother" Quinn said with a smile as she shook his hand. "You're not rude at all. But it is all my pleasure" Dr. Michaels said.
"Is something wrong with Brett, is he here yet?" Quinn asked kinda looking around. The office was silent and the door behind the doctor was closed with a sign that said 'Session in Progress.' "Yes he is sitting in the back there," he said pointing to the door. "I just wanted to talk to you first before sitting down with Brett" The doctor added. He gestured for her to talk and a seat and took his own seat across from her. "Does Brett know that you are talking to me?" Quinn asked. "Why? Do you think he would be upset?" Dr. Michaels asked. Quinn was taken a little off guard. "Um I don't know, he doesn't talk a whole lot about your therapy sessions" she admitted.
"That is why I am talking to you first. I feel like I have come to know Brett pretty well. He is a strong soldier that has a brick wall put up in front of him. I made a lot of progress with him slowly breaking that wall down. But working with soldiers who get deployed usually means those walls almost always go back up. I spoke to Aaron about what Brett endured over there. He is going to be extremely triggered and on guard. Brett doesn't know that I am talking to you right now. I was hoping that if you were comfortable with that, you could tell me if you noticed anything about Brett since being found. I am not trying to go behind his back but this will give me better insight in order to help him work through this" Dr. Michaels explained. Quinn thought for a minute and nodded. She did not like going behind his back but this was ultimately going to help him, she needed to do it.
"He is much more on edge. Things that you wouldn't think would set him off, set him off." Quinn admitted. "Can you give me an example of that?" The doctor asked. "We were in his hospital room. He asked us what happened while he was gone. I didn't want him to worry about us, he needed to focus on healing. So I admitted that it was really rough. The atmosphere was heavy. Aaron, Puck, and I all knew what life was like and we all gave each other a look that Brett definitely noticed. But Aaron kinda just suggested that we focus on recovery. Brett got extremely upset and defensive. He slammed his hand down on his side table making everything rattle. He was pissed. That's not something he would normally do, especially with his friends and family around." She explained.
The doctor wrote a few things down in his book before looking back up. "Is there anything else that you noticed?" he asked. "Last night, I noticed Santana reach over and place her hand on Brett's lap. He jumped and grabbed her hand. It didn't look like him. Neither noticed that I noticed but I could tell it worried her and he just swept it under the rug." Quinn pointed out. Dr. Michaels wrote a few more things down before closing the book. "Thank you for talking to me, do you think Santana would be willing to sit down with me too? She seems to be his anchor for a lot of things and I think if I tie her into his therapy he will have fewer walls up" Dr. Michaels explained. Quinn nodded, "absolutely, she would do anything for him" she said. "Perfect, well now that I let Brett stew a little in there, he's probably mad which is good for me. He talks more when I rile him up a little bit" Dr. Michaels explained. Quinn was kinda perplexed but he is the professional, not her. "Now you can stay here or go, whatever you are comfortable with. I am not sure how long we are going to be in session but I would like to request that if you hear yelling please do not come in the room" he explained. "I won't, I promise. But please go easy on him" Quinn said. "I can't go easy on him but I can promise you that everything that I am doing I have done before and it has worked" Dr. Michaels explained. Quinn nodded, he knows what works. Dr. Michaels said his final goodbyes and disappeared behind the door.
"Good morning Brett, it is very nice to see you again, especially since the last time I saw you it was behind a computer screen," Dr. Michaels said with a little laugh as he sat to the side of Brett. He doesn't like to sit directly in front of his patients because it makes some of them feel like they are on the chopping block. So instead he lets his patients be the center and he sits off to the side, basically showing them that they are the priority and are in charge of the session. "I have been sitting here for 35 minutes, I was going to leave" Brett threatened. "You can go, the door is right there. I will never force you to be here" Dr. Michaels said gesturing to the door. Brett looked from the door to the doctor and back again. He got up and started hobbling to the door on his crutches.
"Just answer me one question. What are you going to tell your friends and family when you leave?" he asked. Brett stopped and thought of the question. What would Quinn, Santana, and Puck say? He knows that Aaron would be pissed because he set all of this up. "Would you tell them at you are throwing everything that you have worked towards down the drain? Or would you tell them that you don't care about healing so you just went home? Tell me Brett, how close am I?" Dr. Michaels asked. He knew the only way to get Brett to stay was to poke him enough that he had to stay and fight against him.
Brett was pissed, what the hell does he know? Brett quickly turned around, "You don't know anything" Brett pointed out. "Really? Because the man I knew a few months ago was excited to come in here and talk to me. He was the guy that asked ME to continue the therapy overseas. That guy would not be happy with you walking out right now" Dr. Michaels explained. "Well, you know what, that guy is gone" Brett choked out. Dr. Michaels's gaze softened, "I do not think he is. I just think he is scared and he is hidden so deep because he has gone through absolute hell and doesn't want to do it anymore. This is and has always been a safe place for you. I just want to talk and you can leave whenever." he explained.
Brett took a deep breath and nodded slowly. He used his crutches to limp back over to the couch where he took a seat. "I want to know how you are feeling?" Dr. Michaels asked. "I am pissed off," Brett said without missing a beat. "Why?" he replied. Brett scoffed and laughed, he couldn't keep a straight face. "Why am I pissed? The better question is why should I be happy? Do you understand what happened to me over there? There is no reason I should be happy" Brett yelled. "I can think of a lot of reasons you should be happy," Dr. Michaels said nonchalantly. "Why don't you enlighten me," He said defensively. "Well, you have a beautiful successful girlfriend who went out of her way to bring you here. A best friend who has spent countless hours on the phone with different elected officials and military higher-ups, trying to get everything sorted out to make sure you do not get put in jail. Or the fact that your sister is currently sitting out in the waiting room fully prepared to stay here for hours because she knows you need to be here. But I think the biggest reason you should be happy is that you are not currently in a body bag or lost in the desert. As your family sits here wondering if they will ever get to bury your body! What do you think about that?" Dr. Michaels asked leaning back and crossing his arms.
Brett couldn't believe what the doctor just said to him. How is this therapy? How can a professional doctor get away with saying all that? "You can't say that to me" Brett replied. Dr. Michaels scoffed, "why can't I? You asked me and I answered your question. I opened your eyes to just how fucking lucky you are. Don't you understand that?" he asked back. "OF COURSE I DO" Brett yelled. He slammed his fist on the table and then ran his hands through his blonde locks. Brett started shaking back and forth like a baby being rocked. Dr. Michaels watched as Brett tried to get control of his anger and his breathing, the doctor stayed silent and just observed.
Eventually, his breathing evened out, and slowly stopped rocking. Brett kept his head down in his hands and started sniffling. The doctor was sure that the soldier was crying. When Brett finally looked up, his eyes were bloodshot. His face was red and blotchy. Brett's hands were so tense that the fingernails on his right hand were digging into his left hand. "Why am I not happy?" Brett asked, his voice so small as it broke when speaking.
"That is a question only you can answer. You may not be able to answer it right now and that is okay but we will get to the bottom of it. But I need you to be fully committed to this therapy. No more threatening to leave, this needs to be a priority or we may never be able to get you the answers you want. Can you do that?" Dr. Michaels asked. Brett wiped his eyes, "I will try, I promise" he exclaimed. "Good because I really think we can get back to where we were before you were deployed. I have such high hopes" he explained. Brett nodded, "I don't have high hopes for myself right now" he admitted.
Dr. Michaels nodded, "I appreciate your honesty. I believe that we are already making a breakthrough because 10 minutes ago, you wouldn't have told me that. Why don't you have high hopes?" the doctor asked. "People do not survive what I went through. I made it out of multiple tours and somehow did not die at the hands of wanted terrorists who took me hostage, not once but twice. There is no way someone can mentally survive that" Brett explained. "But you did survive it. You are here right now. You did not let them mentally break you. Did they mentally hurt you, yes they did but you can always heal those wounds" Dr. Michaels explained. Brett nodded and finally relaxed back on the couch.
"Aaron told me about what you went through over there. But I want to hear about it from you, what was the hardest thing you battled with?" Dr. Micheals asked. Brett thought about everything that happened in the desert. From being deployed to being captured and finally being in a coma. Everything was brought back, his mind was racing. "I don't want to go back there" Brett admitted as he shook his head. "I know you don't but I want you to close your eyes please," Dr. Michaels asked. Brett trusted the doctor and slowly closed his eyes. "Place your hands flat on each side of you, what do you feel?" he asked. Brett's shaky hands went to either side of him and put his palms on the couch. He moved his fingers over the material. "I feel how soft the couch is" Brett said.
"That is the key, you are here on a soft couch in New York. You are safe and you are free. Anytime you feel that your memories are too real, I want you to just move your fingers and focus on the couch. That way it brings you back to reality. Now though, I want to go back to the question I asked. What was the hardest thing you battled with?" Dr. Michaels asked again. Brett kept his eyes closed and slowly moved his fingers. "I was in the room where they were holding me. I knew everything. I knew that Kennedy was involved and I heard him tell the brothers to hold me as long as they wanted. Kennedy told them that nobody was looking for him. I believed it. I couldn't see any way to get out. If I give the codes they are going to kill me. If I don't they are going to keep torturing me until I do or I die. Either way, I was a dead man" Brett explained as a lone tear fell down his face.
Brett focused on the couch, it was so soft. He took a deep breath, he was in New York City not in the basement, everything was okay. He repeated this to himself a few times before he continued to speak. "Nobody knows this but I could hear Kennedy giving them ideas on ways to torture me. This man I blindly trusted with my life because the military engraved in my mind that we always need to trust the higher ranks no matter what. Look what that did to me. He is the one who told Aazar to slowly run the knife through my burned skin and exposed nerves, cutting just superficially so as to not let me bleed out but make me feel immense pain. My General suggested it and yes they did it if you want to see my back" Brett spat out.
Dr. Michaels didn't say anything, He would never say it but he didn't want to see it. Dr. Michaels has worked with a lot of soldiers and what Brett went through is the absolute worse. He has also seen a lot of injuries and could just imagine how bad it looked and mostly how bad it hurt. The silence welcomed Brett to keep talking and he took it while trying to keep grounded by feeling the soft texture on the pads of his fingers.
"But my lowest point was when I got out of the ropes. I used my own blood to lubricate my wrists to be able to slide out of the restraints. I found the bloody knife and made the decision to kill myself. End it all. That way they couldn't get the codes and I did not need to be tortured anymore, it was a win-win. I thought really hard about where I would cut. Out of all the arteries that I could think of in my limited knowledge, I narrowed it down to the carotid or radial artery. But ultimately I was going to cut my carotid because I could easily find the pulse and I knew it would be quick, I couldn't suffer anymore" Brett explained.
"Why didn't you kill yourself?" Dr. Michaels asked. "Santana. I found a picture of us that I had hidden in my pants after the helicopter crash. I took one look at her and realized I needed to try for Tana" Brett explained. Before the doctor could respond, Brett spoke again. "And I am so mad at her for that" he whispered. That last admission made hair on the doctor's arm stand up. With his eye slightly wide, Dr. Michaels knew that he needed to address it. "Brett open your eyes," He said sternly.
"If it wasn't for her I would be dead. I would have no physical pain and absolutely no mental pain, in fact, I would be completely free. I looked at her fucking picture and saw her beautiful smile. God! She wasn't even there and somehow completely captivated me. I shouldn't have taken her picture after the crash, if I would have just left it there I would have made the decisions to benefit myself, and NOT HER" Brett explained breathing extremely heavily. "Brett you need to look at me right now" Dr. Michaels demanded. "I should be dead, I should have died" He whispered over and over.
Dr. Michaels reached over and grabbed Brett's wrists. The sudden movement and feeling of being touched made Brett jump. His eyes snapped open to see his doctor leaning forward and holding him tightly. "Look at me right now," Dr. Michaels said calmly but sternly. Brett stopped repeating the words and stayed looking at the man in front of him. "Do you want to kill yourself?" Dr. Michaels asked point blank. Brett was taken aback by just how blunt he was being. Brett opened his mouth to answer but no words came out. He wasn't sure what to say.
"Your safety is my number one priority. I need to know if you want to kill yourself at this moment" Dr. Michaels said. Brett looked him dead in the eye, "I don't know" he answered sadly. "Do you have a plan if you were to kill yourself?" The doctor asked. "Not precisely no" he admitted to his doctor. Dr. Michaels nodded slowly. "I need to be perfectly clear. If you feel those suicidal thoughts start to emerge, you need to get help. Call me at any time, I gave you my cell phone number for a reason. There is also a veteran's suicide hotline that is extremely successful in helping at-need soldiers. You have a lot of people rooting for you that need you. So please do not let those thoughts overwhelm you" Dr. Michaels pleaded with the soldier.
Brett sadly nodded, "Even in the middle of the night?" he asked. Dr. Michaels smiled, "even in the middle of the night. I want you on this earth so if that means you need to call me then that is totally fine. We are going to get through this together, okay? You are not alone" he explained. "I am not alone," Brett said, the tears breaking through as he started to sob.
With Quinn in the Waiting Room
Quinn was glad that she decided to bring her laptop with her to the doctor's office. She wasn't exactly sure how long she was going to be there but she was to be prepared to be there for a while. As she did her work, Quinn could hear yelling at some points. Then it would start again sometime later. Based on the voice she could tell that it was mostly Brett, there were a few times that she could tell it was the doctor trying to get Brett to open up. Santana was texting her nonstop asking her if she could hear was they were saying but in reality, she couldn't. The voices were always so muffled and the room must be pretty well insulated because if they were not yelling then it was as silent as a mouse.
It was around one when the door to the room opened up. Quinn's eyes immediately shot up at the sudden movement. That door had been closed tight for four-plus hours so she wasn't expecting it to open so suddenly. Dr. Michaels came out first and based on the look hi gave Quinn, the session was tough. Brett came out limping on his crutches. His face looked dead it was blotchy and the bags were dark. Overall he looked completely exhausted. "Hey B," Quinn said with a smile. Brett always said that Quinn's smile could melt the coldest heart. So she hoped that her hope and positivity would bring Brett some comfort.
Brett did not really react, he stayed pretty quiet. "Today was a hard session, I know but you did well. I will see you at your next appointment. Remember what I told you, my phone is always on" He said will a light pat on his back. Brett nodded and went straight to the door, making his way out toward the elevator. Quinn went to follow him but the doctor stopped her, "you need to keep an eye on him. I can't disclose anything because of HIPPA but tell his roommate and his girlfriend, Brett's mental health needs to be the top priority" Dr. Michaels explained. Whatever happened behind those doors made a doctor who specializes in PTSD nervous. This scared Quinn to dead.
"Come on Quinn" Brett yelled from the hall when the elevator door opened. Quinn nodded and thanked the doctor. She wanted to question him more but she also didn't want to piss Brett off. Quinn collected her belongings and joined Brett on the elevator. The ride down was silent. Once they got to the sidewalk Quinn finally decided to break the silence. "So I was thinking we could grab some lunch, what do you say?" she asked. Brett raised a hand and hailed a taxi. "I just want to go home" He admitted. "Okay, do you want me to call and get some takeout delivered?" she asked as a cab pulled over in front of them. "No I am not hungry," he said point blank.
Brett opened the door to the cab. Quinn went to slide in but her brother stopped her. "I need to be alone right now. I appreciate that you came and sat in the waiting room but I need to digest everything that just happened. So please leave me alone." he said. The way he said it wasn't rude by any means he just sounded so defeated. Quinn nodded, she needed to respect it. Brett slid into the car and Quinn helped slide the crutches across his lap. "I love you B," Quinn said. Finally, Brett gave her a small smile, "I love you too Quinnie" he said. "Please text me when you get home, so I know you are safe," she asked to which he nodded. Quinn gave him another one of her megawatts smiles before closing the taxi door.
Santana looked over at her phone for the millionth time today hoping to see a text from Quinn or Brett but nothing ever came. But to her shock, the door to her office opened and her best friend walked in holding a few bags. "What are you doing here?" Santana asked as she closed the door. "I called Sugar who said you skipped lunch and I was hungry so I grabbed us some food and came over" Quinn explained. She handed the Latina her sandwich and started opening hers after she sat across her. "I thought you were planning on going to lunch with Brett" she pointed out. "I was going to but he wanted to go home. I was going to grab some take out but he wanted to be alone, the session was really tough" Quinn explained.
"Did he tell you anything?" San asked, really wanting to know what was specifically talked about during the session."Absolutely nothing. I could hear yelling from inside the room at times but I couldn't make out what he was saying. When he walked out San, he looked so defeated and upset. I wanted to ask him about the session but I was scared that it was going to push him over the edge" Quinn explained. "I knew this was going to happen. He was so upset about having to go and I could tell this morning that he was extremely anxious regarding the whole situation." Santana groaned. "He needs to do this though, it's the only way he is going to be able to heal" she stated. "Of course, I know that but I can't help but feel like a bad guy" San exclaimed. "Ugh tell me about it. Dr. Michael sat with me for a few minutes before the session asking me questions" Quinn said. "What did you tell him?" She asked back. "I felt like I had to be completely forthcoming. I told him all about how Brett seems jumpier and about how he grabbed your hand at the dinner table" Quinn explained.
Santana's face showed all the shock she felt, "you saw that?" she asked. Quinn nodded. "Before he deployed, Brett would have never done that. If I had reached over to his lap he most likely would have just grabbed my hand and just kissed it you know? I never expected him to act like that. Plus the look in his eyes was kinda scary" Santana admitted. "I know, I was watching you guys. Before he turned to you, right when you put your hand on his lap. His face looked terrified, and he grabbed you like you were the enemy." Quinn pointed out. "Then of course he wouldn't tell me anything. He just said he was fine and just continued on eating, like it was nothing. The whole thing is just frustrating" San groaned.
Quinn placed her lunch back down on the desk and took a breath. "I really came here about something specific," she said making the Latina a little weary. Santana sensed that the conversation may have just taken a more serious turn. She also placed her lunch down on her desk and uncrossed her legs, leaning forward just a bit. "What? Is something wrong?" Santana asked. "After Brett came out of the room, he made a beeline for the elevator. Before I could follow him the doctor stopped me. He said that I needed to keep a close eye on Brett. And without breaking confidentiality, he said I needed to reach out to you and Puck to also watch Brett. Dr. Michaels said his mental health needed to be the top priority." Quinn disclosed.
"What is that even suppose to mean? What did Brett tell him?" Santana asked in rapid-fire question mode. Quinn shrugged her shoulders, "I have no idea but he looked very serious and a little scared" she admitted. Santana felt goosebumps and the sudden need to vomit. "Is Brett suicidal?" Santana asked, terrified of the response. "No he can't be, he loves us and would never leave us. He fought like hell to get home, he wouldn't just throw that away" Quinn said shaking her head adamantly. Santana slowly nodded her head trying to calm herself down. "Right?" Quinn asked second-guessing what she just said, her voice shaking. "I mean I hope your right but why would the doctor say that to you?" San asked back.
"Maybe he just sees the potential?" Quinn asked. "Quinn, that doesn't make me feel any better," Santana said nervously. "I don't know okay! But the doctor did say he wanted to talk to you" Quinn disclosed. "Me? What am I supposed to tell him?" Santana asked. "I don't know. Did Brett say anything to you when you guys were alone?" she asked. Santana thought back to everything. One specific moment clouded her memory. She remembered back to when they were still in Romania and Brett completely lost it on her. He told her to leave as he sobbed on the hospital floor, but she didn't feel like Quinn needed to hear that. "Just a moment we had in bed but it wasn't anything huge just something small kinda like what happened at the table yesterday" San explained.
"Maybe tell Dr. Michaels about it. I think you should try to see if he will tell you what he meant. He might be more inclined to tell you since you are the girlfriend" Quinn suggested. "You of all people know that he won't tell me anything because of HIPPA," Santana said, pointing out that Quinn is literally a lawyer for hospitals and knows all about HIPPA violations. "Do you think Brett would give him permission to talk to you?" Quinn asked. Santana couldn't help but scoff, "he is not going to do that, he barely wants to tell me anything as it is" she admitted. "Ugh, I wish this was all easier" Quinn pointed out to which Santana agreed.
Santana's phone rang drawing all attention toward the electronic device. "Who is it?" Quinn asked. Santana looked on at her screen, "no idea, I don't have the number saved" she said. Santana slid to answer the phone.
Santana- "Hello"
Mystery Man- "Hi is this Santana Lopez"
Santana- "Yes it is, May I ask who is calling?"
Mystery Man- "It is Dr. Thomas Micheals, Brett's therapist. I hope you don't mind, I got your number from his emergency contact."
Santana- "Oh hi Dr. Michaels (Quinn's ears perked up hearing the doctor's name) No I don't mind at all, is everything okay?"
Dr. Micheals- "I am not sure if Quinn told you but I was wondering if I could talk to you about Brett, preferably in person?"
Santana- "Yes she mention that you wanted to talk to me. I would be more than happy to sit down with you, when do you want to meet?"
Dr. Micheals- "The sooner the better"
Santana- "If you are around today, I can stop in after work"
Dr. Micheals- "that is perfect, what time is that normally?"
Santana- "Maybe 5:30"
Dr. Micheals- "I can do that, can we meet at my office?"
Santana- "Yes, I'll see you then"
Dr. Micheals- "perfect, have a good day, see you later"
Santana- "you too, bye" (Hangs up)
"What did he say?" Quinn asked immediately when the Latina hung up the phone. "He wants to meet with me to talk about Brett" San exclaimed. "Wow, I didn't think he would reach out that quickly" Quinn admitted. "Me either but hopefully I can squeeze some answers out of him" she replied. Quinn nodded and leaned back, her mind racing. "Are you going to finish your lunch?" she asked. Santana shook her head, "I am not even hungry any more" she stated. "Come on you need to eat" Quinn pointed out. "Why it is not like I am pregnant anymore" Santana stated. Quinn softened her gaze, "that's not what I meant" she said quietly. Santana instantly felt bad for the way she snapped back. "I am sorry, that was a bit harsh. I am just really overwhelmed with this case starting soon and everything going on with Brett, it is just a lot" San admitted.
Quinn nodded, "I completely understand and I am overwhelmed too. I just don't want to have to worry about you too" she exclaimed. "You don't have to worry about me, I'll be fine," San said trying to reassure her friend. "Are you though, when we went to your check-up, the doctor said you lost 15 pounds before getting pregnant" Quinn told her. "Listen, you know I haven't always had the best relationship with food but I have done better. I think I lost that weight because I was so worried about Brett. But now that he is home I have been eating more and I have gained some of the weight back" Santana answered honestly. "I am proud of you San" Quinn said with a smile. "We are going to be okay" San replied with the same smile. "Yeah we are," Quinn said nodding.
Santana made it to the office right on time. When she walked into the office, the room to the therapy room was wide open. Santana walked over and peeked her head in, "hello?" she said. Dr. Michaels looked up from one of the chairs and smiled. "Santana, please come in and take a seat," he said gesturing to one of the chairs. Santana walked in and took a seat. "First off I want to thank you for meeting with me so quickly," he said. "Absolutely, I would do anything for Brett," she said quickly."I definitely believe that. I know that I have met you a few times but Brett has talked about you so highly and so much that I feel like I know you" He said laughing. Santana also laughed and shook her head, "that man" she mumbled. "I want to thank you for everything you have done for Brett. He told me that after a few more facetime sessions, he was actually not having any nightmares." Santana explained. "That is amazing to hear, I really believed we were making great strides together" Dr. Michaels admitted.
"Believed as in past tense?" Santana asked catching his specific word choice. "Yes, unfortunately past tense. But I truly believe that we can get back to where we were," he answered honestly. "What did you think of him today?" she asked, needing to know his point of view. "I can't tell you exactly what we talked about but I have some concerns regarding his PTSD. Brett worked very hard toward healing and everything was brought to a halt. Then he completely regressed going back to the soldier he was when I met him. In all honesty, I actually believe he is a lot worse than he was" Dr. Michaels confessed. Hearing the doctor state that Brett was worse made Santana feel sick to her stomach.
"What do we do about that?" She asked, needing to know how to help the man she loved. "Quinn and I talked a bit but I also wanted to talk to you since you and Brett tend to be together quite often. Have you noticed anything different or were there any moments that you would be willing to share that may have seemed off to you?" The doctor asked. Santana knew that Brett needed this, "yes, in fact, there were a few" she admitted. "Would you mind telling me about them?" he asked again. Santana nodded, "When we were in Romania. He was upset when I suggested that he should take pain medication. Then I made a comment that I wanted him to come home in one piece and that completely set him off. He started yelling about how the united states screwed him over and about how he deserved all the bad things that have happened to him including getting captured. He also said he deserved to lose me and told me to just get up and leave already. He sobbed on the floor and I just held him, it was heartbreaking to witness" Santana explained.
Dr. Michaels nodded and had a look on his face. A look that made Santana feel that he wasn't shocked by what came out of his mouth. "Everything just exploded?" he asked. Santana nodded, "that's exactly what it was. Once he started I just let him get it out because sometimes he regresses if you try to ask him questions" She admitted. "That's great, I know exactly what you mean. I also noticed that when we are in our sessions. Are there any other moments?" he asked. "We were in bed yesterday and I told him that Aaron made him an appointment with you. He completely pushed away from me. He groaned, refused to look at me was absolutely pissed. We moved past it but I can't help but feel like he isn't there, you know?" Santana explained. The doctor nodded and wrote a few things down in his notebook before looking back up at her.
"Thank you, Santana. I think between the information from you and Quinn I will be able to really work in depth with Brett. I was hoping that in some of our later sessions, you would be able to join us" he asked. Santana was kinda surprised at the question, "I am not sure Brett will want me to be in a session" she pointed out. The doctor shrugged, "I am hoping that we will have made enough progress where he will be okay with it. Plus I am in charge of our sessions and Brett responds well to rank and authority since he is in the military which I tend to use to my advantage" he said with a little laugh. Santana nodded, "I will definitely be here as long as he is okay with it," she said.
"I wanted to speak about one more thing" Dr. Michaels admitted. "Does it have to do with what you said to Quinn at the end of the session?" San asked. Dr. Michaels was kinda taken aback, "why yes, how did you know?" He asked back. "Well, what you said really scared and concerned Quinn. I guess you also mentioned that she should reach out to me and Puck so she told me about it" Santana explained. The doctor nodded sadly, "Quinn has every right to be concerned as am I. Like I told her, I cannot tell you exactly what Brett said in our session but I need to be very clear with you right now. Brett is struggling and he is extremely fragile at the moment. I am hoping that you and the people in Brett's lives keep a close eye on him and if there is anything extremely concerning, I need you to promise to reach out to me. I have already told him that I am always available for an emergency session and now you know that and it might help him to be reminded." Dr. Michaels explained. "I know that you can't tell me specifics but is there anything we could be on the lookout for?" Santana asked.
"He may say something that seems off. Or Behaviors such as withdrawing from activities he normally enjoys, isolating himself from family or friends, increasing alcohol consumption, or even he may just seem more upset or even depressed. If you notice any of these please reach out to me. I will not tell him that you told me. I already told him that I will be calling and checking in and if you text me then I will do my check-in sooner rather than later" Dr. Michaels explained. Santana nodded, "I will do that I promise. I will also reach out to Puck who is Brett's roommate and Quinn to make sure they know the signs" She said reassuring the doctor. "Perfect, do you have any questions for me?" he asked.
"Actually there was something that I was hoping to talk to you about. I was going to reach out prior to you asking to meet with me but I didn't know if it was appropriate since I am not your patient" Santana admitted. "What is it Santana?" he asked clearly seeing how nervous she became. He didn't care that she wasn't his patient. He is the girlfriend of his patient and overall she is a person and he vowed to help people. How could he sit here and deny somebody who clearly needs his advice? "I need to tell Brett something and I don't know how nor do I know how he will react" Santana exclaimed. "What do you need to tell Brett?" Dr. Michaels asked. Santana took a deep breath before speaking, "After Brett left on his mission I found out I was pregnant. I wanted to tell him so badly but I couldn't talk to him while he was gone on his mission. Then he went missing and Kennedy declared him dead. I don't know if it was the stress or my body but I lost the baby and he deserves to know" Santana explained. "I am so sorry for your loss Santana" he immediately said. "Thank you, I never really got to fully process it because I was so focused on finding him especially after losing our child. Then we found him and all the focus was on getting him home, I had no time to tell him. Now that he is home I realized that I don't know how to tell him" Santana explained.
"I understand that you want to tell him and I completely agree that he needs to know but now is not a good idea. I don't believe that Brett will be able to handle it" Dr. Michaels disclosed. That wasn't the answer that Santana was hoping for. She has been waiting to tell him since it happened and Rachel already almost dropped the bomb, the last thing she needed was for him to find out from someone else. "When do you think I can tell him?" she asked. The doctor thought for a minute before speaking, "I think we should reevaluate that at a later time. let us see how he progresses and I will update you when I believe he can handle it and process it without completely breaking" he explained. Santana nodded, as much as she wanted to grieve with Brett. She needed to save his sanity and mental health, Santana knew that she needed to do this for him. "Thank you, I appreciate your input," she said while trying to force a smile. "You're welcome. But please know that I am truly sorry and I want to be able to tell Brett but later will get a much safer reaction for him" he explained again. "I understand, thank you," she said. They said their goodbyes and exchanged cell phone numbers in case of emergencies before she left.
Santana decided to go straight to Brett's apartment instead of going home. She needed to lay eyes on him to make sure he was okay since he wasn't answering the phone. Santana knocked on the door which was quickly answered by Puck. "I didn't know you were coming over," He said stepping out of the way so she could walk in. "I wasn't planning to but I guess his session was tough so I wanted to check in on him" San explained. "Well he isn't here," Puck said. Santana whipped herself around, "where is he?" she asked internally freaking out. "He went to the gym," he said sitting down on the couch. Santana was kinda pissed at how casual he was being.
"When did he leave?" She asked placing her hands on her hips. "Not sure, I saw the note he left when I got home like a half hour ago" Puck explained. "And you didn't think to tell me or call him to come home. He is injured Puck, he should not be at the gym" San pointed out. "Brett is going to do what he wants, he is a grown man. Quinn already called me and told me about the session. Maybe going to the gym and getting his mind off of it is good for him" He explained. Santana groaned and sat on the other side of the couch. "It is so hard. I want him to physically heal but hanging out at home is detrimental to his mental health. He is like stuck between a rock and a hard place" San said. "You need to let Brett process this. He went through hell and back, it is something that we will never understand. We just need to support him and be waiting at home with the light on so he can find his way back when he just needs to get away for a while. " Puck explained.
Santana was taken aback by just how inquisitive Puck sounded, but at the end of the day, he was right. "You're annoying when you are right" She mumbled. Puck smirked, "why don't you say it again," he said to which she just threw a pillow at him and laughed. "His doctor told me to keep the miscarriage to myself for now because he doesn't think Brett will be able to handle it" Santana admitted. "How do you feel about that?" Puck asked. "I want to grieve our baby together but I can't hurt Brett after everything he went through" she explained. "I don't think it's wrong to talk to Brett about what you went through. You lost a baby and at one point you lost Brett, at least you thought you did. That takes a lot out of someone, and the only way to move forward is, to be honest" He said. Santana wiped the tear that escaped her eye. Puck was right, she thought Brett was dead. And she can still feel that in the pit of her stomach when she doesn't know where he is or how he is doing.
"Brett isn't the only one struggling" He pointed out. Santana figured out that Puck wasn't just talking about her. They were all dealing with this their own way, including Puck himself. "We just need to get back to normal" Santana said thinking out loud. "We will, I know we will," he said making her smile.
Puck and Santana ended up eating together and Puck went to bed not long after that. She had no idea when Brett was going to come home since he won't answer the phone. So she went to his room and got changed into his shirt and a pair of his boxers. Brett wasn't going to go through this alone. Just like Puck said, she was going to leave the light on for when he gets home, so to speak. Santana turned on the nightlight and climbed into his bed.
She definitely fell asleep because a sound woke her up and she saw it was around midnight. "God damn it," someone said from out in the hallway. Santana settled, knowing that voice anywhere. The door opened and the mumbles of swear words that were rolling off Brett's tongue stopped. Santana didn't turn to look at him, she just pretended to be asleep. A minute or two went by before she felt the blankets shift and Brett slide in behind her. His arm slung around her waist and pulled her body toward him. Santana molded against his front. She heard a few sniffles, he was definitely crying. He needed her and she was there without him even asking. "Thank you, Tana, thank you" He mumbled against the top of her head. Santana shifted intertwining their hands. "I love you," Brett said before kissing the top of her head, "so much" he added before falling asleep while holding her close.
*What did you guys think? Please leave your comments and Happy Holidays! I will see you guys next time!*
