Warning : Eating disorder and suicidal elements

Authors note : Sorry if theres mistakes with grammar or spelling. Have a great life !

Maria

There are six hundred seconds in ten minutes , I counted that underneath my breath from the time Arima walked out the front door.

After six hundred seconds with a groan of pain the sluggish wounds tore slightly as I rose from the sofa bed .

Burnt eggs and plain rice fill the air from its origin of the cooling dish resting on top of a tiny side table.

With a wrinkled nose , my mind fought back the instrict to breathe in the tainted oxygen.

My lungs were burning by the time the toilet cover was lifted open by trembling hands .

Do you know it takes two fingers shoved down to the back of your throat to activate the gag reflex ?

Splashing screams seemed to almost make my eardrums bleed.

My back tumbled into and slid down the bathroom wall .

For once the sight of bones reflecting through an ever thinning layer of fat and flesh registered to me .

This was alien , but still those two fingers made me throw up again .

That time the bail nearly did not hit the mark of the toilet with a nose wrinkling splash.

It took thirty seconds… half a fucking minute to throw up the remains of Arima's home made breakfast.

What a waste .

Toothpaste and mouthwash did a somewhat good job at hiding the taste of throw up .

Brushing my hair , trying it up was a robotic affair.

I buttoned up one of the few colorful shirts that Arima had stashed away in his mostly grey dresser .

His jeans had to be held around my waist by two constricting belts.

The coat had a faint blood stain here or there upon the material.

It looks a little bit like spilled juice so that's good… a decent excuse idea .

The coat rested upon my shoulders a little bit similarly to a warm embrace.

Another robotic routine took hold of me .

The tearing of opening up a wrapper and the doctors breakfast bar breaking underneath the chomp of my teeth .

My taste buds scream at the blandness flavor giving away to a decayed after taste .

I swallow and finally keep something down .

Now my wounds will continue to mirror the slow healing and lingering ache of humans .

Taking a deep breath , I tossed two pills of painkillers into my mouth .

There's another thing I swallow and let remain .

Door shuts with a light click , the sunlight is a pretty sight and the birds chirp away carelessly.

The pain from the wounds sends tears to my eyes but still I walk out into the world .

Time to see Hana again .

" Go back to bed ."

A yelp crawls out of me and hides within my shadow.

" Why are you here , fucking freak ! "

Arima is leaning against the wall beside the front door , arms crossed and face like a parent who caught their daughter sneaking out .

With a sigh , I tell the over concerned boy that there's plenty of work to be done .

" Bed now ," Arima snapped, voice of a cold cobra sinking fangs into my wrist.

" No ," I growled, nearly poking his glaring eyes out with a finger .

Brushing past him , the pain of the cuts and linger bruises almost made me want to climb back underneath the covers.

When I was on the staircase my head turned to peer towards the door, finding to my great pleasure that Arima was silently following behind .

:

" Lock him out ," I whispered to the guard , while skirting past to get to the entrance of the interrogation room.

The man offered up a slight nod and cut the reaper off from playing follow the leader with me anymore .

The door clicked shut behind me with a loud bang , before leaving us in silence after the echo withered away .

Hana had black bags underneath that exhausted dark gaze of hers.

Shoulders were slumped and her head was pressed against the cold material of the chair back .

Her head was faced towards the ceiling , a heaven of plain nothingness.

" Sometimes ," The ghoul began , before swallowing beeply and the chair creaked underneath my sudden weight ," …. Please tell me that was the chair and not fart , Mari ."

Twin laughter filled the room , echoing with a carefree nature until the chain restraints stole it away from us .

" Sometimes what , Hana ," I asked , with a faint smile .

From a coat pocket I brought forth a notepad and pencil .

" Sometimes, I wish evil men tasted better than more innocent ones than maybe… we could be doing I don't know …. Just doing anything together," the ghoul commented, biting down on her bottom lip and eyes fixated on that damn ceiling.

" Look at me ."

The command fell from my lips with a gentle sadness.

She shook her head and this time I added a please to the order.

Tears were blurring my world , of doomed friends and a gray torture room .

She still wouldn't look at , all she gave me was a simple glad you're okay.

Another laugh filled the room , coming out of my mouth like a lioness fighting to get back to her stolen cube .

" Fuck that … Hana nothing is okay with any of us !"

The chair went crashing into the floor and our faces within seconds were mere centimeters away ..

" The fact you're a ghoul isn't new to me … I always knew ," I hissed, a brush like stabbing pressure was felt against my temple.

I wonder if the observers from outside heard my little confession.

Oopsie.

" Stop ," Hana pleaded , dark eyes widened and lip shaking .

" Ow is the demon really going to throw on the water works ."

The taut left with another choked laugh , it tasted like madness and suicide yearning .

Please rip my face off , it seemed to shout .

The ghoul and I were close enough to rip into one another if push came to shove .

" Sometimes… no all the time I am a fucking monster becuase of you . I ignored everything off about you and hoped fucking … prayed to gods that I know don't exist or don't care to not allow you to at else not hurt to many innocent people. But Hana , what's the point of one life that costs hundreds to live … What's so worthwhile about protecting other monsters when it just costs such needles death ?"

The ghoul moves to spill out words of defense for her kind but I dare to place a hand over her mouth .

Another suicidal declaration on my end .

" Twenty-seven , is your kill count in a month and from what other investigators tell me those corpses are hardly ever picked clean . Hana , it only takes a single body to feed a ghoul for a good month. Didn't your mother teach you it's not polite to be wasteful and eat everything on your concrete slab ?"

Her teeth dart towards the last bit towards my open palm.

They sink into the flesh , but it's more of a light scratch that had more blood then actual relevant damage .

" Pathetic, is that really all ?"

There was banging and shouts coming from the other side of the door .

The noise was a whisper compared to the silent glaring occurring between two friends.

Her teeth left my skin , the stinging pain was nothing with the adrenaline racing through my body .

" Give me something… this being a monster alongside you isn't really my style ," I chirped, the stabbing touch against my temple growing in power with the birth of spotty vision .

A sob broke out , shaking my shoulders and sending me to the ground.

" I wish a hug could just fix this ," Hana whispered.

" Well a hug isn't ever going to be possible again ," I whispered back , my hold on the pencil pressed against my hand the only steady thing about me .

I was trembling.

Blood trickled down my best friend's face , while I wiped her tears away .

Her eyes ran red and ebony and I lightly said ," well this backfired…."

Those demon eyes stalked my own tainted blood rolling down her face .

" I am not going to be forced to be a monster anymore ."

Her nostrils flared and that demonic glare shadowed every word she came to speak in the coming moments.

" Seishin High School is all I'll ever tell you ."

I backed away from the ghoul , pencil still pressed against that temple.

For a moment, the what if scene of a stupid way to die seemed almost to tempting to step away from .

" Stop , beinging stupid ," Arima called from behind me .

There was a breathless quality to his voice and the memory of that kiss filters through my mind's eye .

" Mar Mar , we're all monsters in our own ways… it's normal and not worth destroying yourself over ," Hana comments and the pencil finds its place with that demon eye of hers .

" I hate you ," I growled , not caring if I stabbed all the way to her brain .

" Was my performance convincing , guys ! I can't believe she fucking bought that act ," I cheered , tackling Kishou in a bear hug.

My face was pressed into his chest , trying desperately to hide from the silence.

Where did the screams… tears go ?

" Who knew a ghouls eye was that weak… must be the RC suppressors or whatever ."

My upbeat comment was ignored.

Arima was adamant about getting me out of there .

:

" Have you seen the queen bee , Mar Mar ," A girl asks , chewing gum loudly popping in her mouth .

Other girls follow in her questions , many of them using Hana's nickname for me in the process.

The rice before me was untouched , besides for the fork the absentmindedly moved it about every little while .

" Oh , she doesn't can't come to school anymore ," I answered with a sigh .

The girl popped her big pink bubble upon hearing that .

" Why ," she chirped , the rest of the court mirroring her shock .

What annoying birdies they all are .

" She's dead ."

" What ! How ?"

That question earned the girl a face full of rice and lunch tray .

What follows in me running away , Arima playing chaser .

:

" My next assignment is at Seishin ," Arima reveals , after shoving an ice cream cone in my hands .

My head leans back over the park bench and takes a moment to cloud gaze .

Those whitefuzzy balls of gasses don't take on any shapes that really reflect anything of meaning.

But my brain isn't really working much these days .

" That's on the other side of the ward ," I commented , slowly eating the vanilla ice cream trying to hide my dislike of the flavor.

Arima nods and his eyes glimmer with a soft glow of amusement.

" I love chocolate… remember that for next time ."

" I'll remember," The reaper promises.

" When do we start going to Seishin ? "

" Monday."

" Prefect ."

:

" Where's sissy going ? Sissy just got back ," Yoriko complains , to mama while I make quick work of shoving things into two duffel bags .

" I don't know sweetie," Mama answers the young child , from her fixed place in the corridor.

" Be careful ," She advises, the whisper of worry a pitiful echo of concern in my mind .

Our embrace ends soon after those words .

Her bedroom door slams shut , leaving me to smother Yoriko in one long hug .

She's crying in papa arms by the time I manage to slip out the door.

Papa's frown is his only goodbye to me .

" Ready ," Kishou inquired , when I stepped onto the sidewalk.

I wonder if he wanted to say more than that .

But thought it was wise to keep it short and simple.

" Yep ."

:

" Stop following me ," I growled , holding the grocery bag closer to my chest .

" Stop ignoring me ," the voice says , sounding closer than what my instinct expected her to be .

Turning towards her , forced green eyes to meet haunting lalic ones .

Where's a pencil… quinque when the desire to stab someone's annoying eyes out takes hold of one's mind .

" Get lost , I want nothing to do with mom or you ."

" Yoriko makes me angry ," My blood sister comments , crossing her arms and glaring .

" Keep in mind threats make me very angry ."

" Hopefully one day you'll see me as a sister ," the purple haired girl said , looking towards the constellations with a bitter expression.

" Keep in mind starving yourself doesn't solve any problems , sister ."

" Goodbye ," I tell the little demon, turning on my heel and stalking away .

Just maybe tonight dinner will linger in my stomach.

But that was highly unlikely.

Hopefully the nosey brat gives up this stalking act .

" Wait ," the said brat yelled .

Turning to peer back at her , showed her holding out the silver mask towards me , an offering of peace.

" I don't want that thing ."

Thing left my lips like a curse , the monstrosity of being born a demon .

After a few blocks, the groceries tumbled onto the ground slashing some innocent passerby's in a wave of milk .

There were shouting and grunts of the expected outrage .

A pair of calloused hands , shook me by the flaying edges of my shirt collar.

More empathetic witnesses, gifted me a good luck frown before rushing back into the careless crowd .

The owner of the calloused hand's pulled me into the shadows of a alleyway.

We were the only foot traffic here .

Spit soared into my eyes , while black spots decorated the world upon my head bouncing off a brick wall .

" Is that all ," I taunted the person, that was painted with the morphing features of the people I loved and hated … who was my unfortunate victims.

" Does it make feel good to do this ?"

The question earned me a slap to the face , it burned with a pinkish hand print .

One calloused hand held my arms above my head .

Crushing and popping bones became the song track of this alleyway meet up .

Teeth sunk into the person's windpipe, reducing screams to bloody gurgles of a dying man .

Blood… tasted sweet and vile .

His flesh was a prefect oasis in a endless desert .

I devoured the bastard…before he could … do what exactly anyways?

Slumping next to the wall , curling up in the middle of the carnage gave nothing to relieve my pounding heart .

" So much starving to death huh ," The little demon lightly chimed her little shadow somehow stretching to encompass my entire form.

" How old are you ?"

The random question earned me a raised eyebrow and a thinking pout .

The tip of her sneaker dragged across the bloody sidewalk as she tried to grasped onto a answer .

" In a single day , mom told me I was eight and twelve once ," Rize answered with a simple shrug and demon eyes surveying my mess with a hunters jealousy.

A chill shivered down my spin and a dangerous idea … instinct clawed it's way to the forefront of my mind .

" Tonight is going to be your birthday," I revealed to the young ghoul , licking up the blood clinging to my smiling lips .

" Let's celebrate shall we , dear sister ."

The silver mask and blood stain clothes were stashed inside an tiny abandoned apartment that the little demon had adopted as her own .

We giggled over the process of fashioning old garments it colorful outfits that attempt to resemble the ancient ebony ninja uniform.

But this makeshift rainbow monstrosity had more of a old court jester type of flare to it more than anything.

Many humans chuckled when we waltzed into their sight until… well the feast began .

Rize sang and mocked prey without a touch of remorse.

I on the other hand worked in strict silence while ripping preferably hearts out with a pair of shaking hands .

The little demon devoured with a smile.

I simply killed and left the prize to rot .

Hana isn't the only wasteful eater it seems .

" Sister have some fun now ," The little girl complained, licking guts up from her fingers.

The heart in hand burst and its crimson remains dripped onto my tongue.

" Fine ."

I joined the feast , getting drunk on the madness of the frenzy.

:

The little demon pressed into the crock in my neck , breathing out a smiling goodnight.

A yawn escaped from her and I ran a hand through her tangled gutsy hair .

Humming a lyric-less melody underneath my breath willed the child off to the lands of dreams .

Wonder if her dreams are about flesh fairies instead of one of sugar plum nonsense ?

After a while , soft snores come to break apart my patience for humming.

Carful about waking the sleeping monster , with gentle motions her form rested against a pillow instead of my shoulder.

" I hate you ."

That declaration darted out in a whisper and without much regard to the honesty to it .

I dressed in the bloody clothes that I had wore earlier that day … night whatever.

Fishing out a pen and now crumbled picture from a coat pocket , the prospect of writing came naturally to me .

Get lost , staying in this ward is foolish especially after our little party tonight. Goodbye. I wrote those words underneath the ones of mothers .

The picture warning was left on top of the silver mask on a dusty dresser.

: :

Sirens and caution tape were becoming a common sight in this little walk .

The instinct to waltz in front of a passing ghoul investigators was nearly impossible to avoid.

" I did it ," my mind wanted to shout but a racing heart and a throat that felt like is was being constricted keep it a silent desire .

The shadows and moments without foot traffic were my best friend.

My feet burned with all the pressure of walking and running in madness blood-thirst or whatever I was doing now .

What was the plan?

Where was I going in these bloody clothes?

Some other instinct had control over me , and it was keeping quiet about what we were stalking towards.

My feet lead us into a world of tiny green and playgrounds.

The twilight of the evening time was upon this tiny park , the tree limbs barley holding back the first rays of the arriving dawn .

Caution tape , with its bright yellow presence did nothing to block me from entering the crime scene .

" What do yo-Were did all that blood come from ," A investigator asked , his hand gripping something inside the folds of his coat .

A younger male investigator stood a little ways behind the questioning one with a rather startled look on that pudgy face of his .

" That's my coat … and it's fucking ruined ," The younger investigator…Dove … grumbled before he jumped to attention and muttering a quick apology.

His bow was pinched together in concern and lips were a trouble frown .

The gait he used to approach what he believed to be a victim was slow and palms raised towards me .

It felt like I was a fawn that a hunter had a weird pity for after shooting its mother .

I am no Bambi that did not run , though .

The older man pushed him backwards and glared towards me .

" Where's Arima ?"

" Were you attacked, Mari ," The older man inquired, approaching with a harsh step that send my ears screaming.

" Where's Arima ," I said , rubbing my wrist until the investigator pried my hand off of it .

Without much effort, I twisted and tried to tugged away from the annoying pest .

" Tell me where he is , now !"

The man pulled me closer , but I put all my weight behind a fall ending with my side tumbling into a rib cage of a some heartless sap.

My scream filled in the silence aftermath of creaking bones and squishing of flesh .

Arms pulled me from the …mess.

Someone wiped tears from my face , and I hissed that I spoke to them .

" Who did you spoke to ," The older man's voice asked.

" The older ghoul saved me … ripped apart a man that tried to to R-hurt m- ."

A sob wrestled the strength of my voice from me , my heart begged to just admit the truth but my mind was like Lucifer.

" Think of a lie as a fun game of pretend … remember how little you loved that game ," it silently whispered before promising that everything will be okay.

So the lie went on to the final act .

" They did this … she said it was all for Hana . Ghoul only let me live be-because Hana ha-had loved me ."

The last two words were a whisper choke that barely made it out of my mouth .

My eyes are squeezed shut , the lids wrinkled up to the point of pain .

" Its not your fault," The younger investigator whispered.

That's when I realized I had been screaming that it was all my fault for the past few minutes.

How had that much time already passed ?

" Get me out of here , please," I asked the older man , that had wrapped his coat around my shoulders .

My eyes were staring at the corp- mess…messes but I processed nothing .

Fists suddenly unrolled and heart slowed in a almost normal level.

The sweat felt cold rolling down my forehead and my eyes felt like atlas shoulders holding up the world.

" Get me out of here ," I said , voice steady and just a little bit a hoarse .

:

" You don't like coffee ," The reaper first said and I replied with a sharp true before taking a final long sip .

Then the foam cup went flying out into a hall way , the loan coat slumped off my shoulders.

My hands were full of shirt fabric and yanking at it sent the reaper falling in a hemp on top of me .

Back of my head sunk deeper into the shit quality sofa cushion, fingernails clawed into the reapers skull forcing his fore head to touch mine .

" Are you okay ," He muttered .

" Am I required to answer any more question, Snookums ?"

" I don't know ."

My nails released his skull ,while Kishou released a groan in response.

His shoulders became my nails next prisoners as I forced him to set down on the sofa .

" Well , hopefully we don't get an audience then ," I whispered, tugging off the final coat and started playing around with the my shirt buttons .

A curse darted out , when after a few quick attempts I only succeeded in unbuttoning half of them .

" You little fool ," Kishou breathed out , slapping my hands away and pulling me onto his lap .

" Enough of that , Maria think and know that choice would not fix any of this ," He whispered , running a hand through my dark hair.

" Well , this little fool doesn't fucking care if something destroys her!"

That is when the reaper promised that nothing could ever destroy me .

" Well aren't we a just a pathetic pair of little fools."

That is when I kissed him and fought the urge to rip out his heart .

:

" 54 people were killed last n- ."

The news lady was cut of and replaced with the high pitched voice of some random anime girl .

" Want to watch Empire Strikes Back ," I lightly suggested , poking the half asleep boy in the temple with the remote.

Arima just retreats underneath a pillow bunker and with a sigh I turned off the television.

" Guess sleep is a great idea to ," I hummed , laying back down and closing my eyes .

Sleep didn't embrace me but the nightmare sure did .

54 people died last night because of me .

Mr. Nightmare did not let me forget that fact .

I opened my eyes again when the alarm blared an annoying chiming melody.

Mr . Nightmare didn't leave me to wallow amongst the Monday grumpy blues alone

Kishou muttered morning and stumbled to the bathroom with a loud yawn .

When the door closed and a fossett tap was flicked on I kicked the covers off .

Climb to my feet and let them lead me to the door .

All to quickly the front door was opened .

All to quickly my feet are running and running.

:

A silver mask with a blood stain on a dusty dresser is all there is waiting for me in that apartment.

The blood stain mockingly reads:

Live long and prosper . Star Trek is the best .

" Star Wars is the best , " I said , a bitter laugh darting out of me .

To bad the little demon is really gone when I finally want her.

Maybe that's for the best .

It will be easier to create a new life , if I have one less thing to remind me about two past lives .

I wiped the blood from the mask , and hide it underneath the floor board .