Published November 21, 2022
Content warning: This chapter contains several character deaths.
"The Decision"
The sea was getting rougher and rougher. So they asked him, "What should we do to you to make the sea calm down for us?" "Pick me up and throw me into the sea," he replied, "and it will become calm. I know that it is my fault that this great storm has come upon you." ~ Jonah 11-12, New International Version
Lor San Tekka was waiting dutifully by his speeder, but the sight of him did not bring relief to Rey as she fled from the castle. If anything, it made her feel worse—almost ashamed.
She thought about running into the woods, where she could hide from everyone in the world. But leaving her friend without explanation that would have been a poor way to repay his kindness. Besides, she could get away from this place faster on the speeder than on foot.
She ignored Tekka's questioning look, throwing her words over her shoulder as she passed by him. "I'm ready to go. I'll drive so you can rest."
Tekka did not argue, and Rey was grateful for that. Working with machinery helped to center her, and having her hands on the wheel made her feel like she had some measure of control.
"Are you going to tell me what happened?" he asked after they had left the lush greenery of Takodana.
"I don't want to talk about it," Rey said shortly. "Not yet."
They settled into silence, and after a while, Tekka fell asleep. For once, Rey was actually glad to be alone. She needed to think.
Her friends were waiting to hear about the oracle, and they would worry about her if she did not return to Tuanul. But how could she face them and tell them what she had heard? She had hoped that the oracle would give her answers, a sense of direction. But now she was faced with a choice, and she had no idea what to do.
If Jakku was where this mysterious destiny awaited her, maybe she should avoid it altogether. Tekka could drop her off at a settlement on his way back to the temple. She could trade work for passage to someplace far away. The only difficulty would be the possibility of being recognized as the wonder-worker.
Rey felt she ought to do Tekka some favor in return for bringing her such a long way. Maybe she could sweep the temple, or sort the offerings left by pilgrims. Maybe, under his tutelage, she could become a sage or a pastor herself. Would the gods excuse her if she dedicated her life exclusively to serving them, rather than submit to the path they had supposedly picked out for her?
In stories, the most dangerous thing a person could do was try to defy the gods. Rey had never imagined she would do so, or even desire to do so. She did not want to make enemies among the gods. Who knew how they might retaliate against her?
On the other hand, the prospect of believing the oracle, and following its instructions, was even more terrifying. More than that, it angered her. How could the gods expect so much of her? Was that why they had given her such gifts, so she would be indebted to them even more than other mortals?
For the first time that she could remember, Rey wished she did not have her powers. Why had the Force given her such abilities only to seemingly punish her for using them?
She wished she could get away from this entire situation, from either of the paths presented to her. She did not want to stay in her current life, but she did not want to go into this unfamiliar world either.
She tried to imagine it, though she had little to go on. The vagueness and ambiguity of the oracle was part of what terrified her, though the few points of certainty were just as daunting.
Who or what could this future husband be? What kind of being could frighten even the gods? And what did that mean for Rey, a mere mortal? If she agreed to marry him, what kind of relationship would they have?
Rey knew that not everyone was lucky in marriage. She had met plenty of women, and even some men, who were abused by their spouses. But she had also known some people who had good, happy marriages. She had always hoped that, if she married, she would be in the latter category. The development of her powers had made this seem more likely, since they had taken away the desperation that made marriage, even to a horrible man, expedient for many poor women. She was not in dire need of protection or material support. She could afford to wait for a good man, who would genuinely love her and treat her well.
But if she was supposed to marry this creature—this unnamable thing—what could she expect? If he was so feared, he must be horrible, loathsome, perhaps outright evil. Who knew how he would behave toward her? Was he even a rational species, or merely an animal of some kind? Would he hurt her?
Might he kill her, either accidentally or deliberately? Would the gods expect her to give her life, like a blood sacrifice? Some of the gods of darkness were said to accept such offerings, usually in the form of animals, though there were some rumors of humans and other intelligent species being slaughtered for such purposes.
If she did live, what kind of life might she have? Where would this husband take her? Would she ever be able to see her friends again? Would she be able to travel, or trapped like a pet in a cage?
Altogether, she had no sure way of knowing whether this path would lead to life or death, or what shape either of these options would have.
Lor San Tekka interrupted her musings when he awoke and suggested they stop so she could eat the food he had bought at the cantina. They were in the grasslands now, and night was falling. Tekka waited patiently until Rey had eaten her fill before asking, "Are you ready to share what happened?"
Reluctantly, Rey related what Maz Kanata had said. She managed to get through it without becoming emotional, though she faltered at times under his gaze. She felt like she was making excuses as she tried to explain her doubts and fears.
Tekka said little, his expression clouded as he pondered the riddle. Though not an emotional man, even he was troubled by these ominous tidings.
"Am I a coward?" Rey asked finally.
"No," Tekka said, gentle but firm. "You're a strong-willed young woman who wants to be in charge of her own destiny. It's a common desire; many might say it's normal."
"… Are you saying I have hubris?"
He smiled thinly, and answered her question with a rhetorical one of his own. "Each of us has free will, but can any of us truly control our fate?"
"Hmph." Rey scowled as she bit into her fruit.
After a brief silence Tekka asked, "Where will you go now?"
"I guess back to Tuanul, for now." She thought of her "house," which was really the skeleton of an old war vehicle. It was the closest thing she had to a home, and she had left some of her possessions there. "After that, I don't know."
"I'll drive the rest of the way," Tekka said as they cleaned up their meal. Rey did not argue.
Navigating by the stars, they passed from the grasslands into the desert, which was remarkably cold at night. Typically, no one would be traveling in this area at night, aside from a few nocturnal animals that scurried away from the speeder's headlights.
Which was why they were surprised to see people running in their direction when they were about a mile away from Tuanul Village. It was a woman holding a crying toddler, and a couple teenage girls, one carrying a knapsack, the other pulling a small boy by the hand. They were disheveled and looked terrified when the lights fell on them, until the speeder stopped and their eyes adjusted to see the occupants.
"Pastor! They're attacking the village!" the young mother cried when she recognized Tekka.
"Who?" Rey demanded.
The woman looked at her, and seemed almost sorry. "You—you're the one they're after."
It was as if a heavy, threatening but far-off cloud had suddenly burst into a full-on thunderstorm. The dread that had been hanging over Rey since she left the castle suddenly crystallized into something much more potent and immediate.
Tekka was quicker to react. He pointed into the desert and spoke urgently to the runaways. "Go to the temple and say you claim sanctuary. We'll see what we can do to help."
"You'll stop them, won't you?" the little boy asked, looking at Rey.
"Go," she told him. Tekka started the speeder, and they rode off even faster than before.
They saw the village from a long way off, glowing orange against the indigo sky. Several houses were on fire. They could hear a metal bell, the alarm set up for emergencies, ringing over the sounds of people shouting and screaming. As Rey and Tekka reached the edge of the village, close to the Ticos' home, it took a moment for their eyes to adjust and make some sense of what they were seeing.
The bandits had returned, but this time, instead of just a handful of them, it was an entire raiding party, at least twenty in all. Their weapons were more numerous—spears, staffs, blasters, even flamethrowers and other more sophisticated items rarely seen in Jakku. Between the many small skirmishes, villagers were running, screaming for help or shouting out their loved ones' names. Adults were trying to guide children to safety, and those who owned weapons were trying to protect those who had none.
Rey grabbed her staff, which had been hidden under the speeder's seats, and spoke to Tekka as she climbed out. "Try to get as many people out of here as you can." Without another word, she ran into the melee.
She attacked the first raiders she saw, who were exchanging fire with some of the villagers barricaded behind metal supply crates. They were surprised to be attacked from behind, and Rey was so quick that she had them both on the ground before they could see her face clearly. The villagers behind the barricade stopped shooting, and Rey ran over and looked behind the crates.
"Rey!" Finn and Poe exclaimed in unison, relieved to see her. Another militiaman, Slip, remained in position to defend their hiding place while the other two made room for her to join them. A few feet behind them, Rose was crying over someone lying on the ground, her blaster forgotten at her side. When Rey clambered over the crates and crouched down, she realized it was Paige, whose head was bloody.
Rose looked up wildly at her. "Rey—you're back—can you help her?"
For a moment Rey was torn, wondering if she ought to be fighting; but she could not say no.
She knelt down and touched Paige's shoulder—and immediately sensed that something was wrong. She touched Paige's face, and then put two fingers to her neck, searching for a pulse. She found none.
Rey looked up at Rose, stunned into speechlessness. Rose's eyes flooded with understanding, and then her face crumpled, and she bent over her sister in despair.
Feeling helpless, Rey turned back to Poe and Finn. "How did this happen?"
"They were going door to door, looking for you," Poe answered. "When they didn't find you, they started asking questions, and when no one answered—"
Suddenly, after another exchange of blaster fire, Slip cried out and fell back, clutching his shoulder close to his neck. He had been hit.
"Slip!" Finn barely managed to break his fall. Poe got up and began returning fire, while Rey helped Finn set Slip down on the ground. Finn cradled his comrade's head while Rey examined the wound. Slip's eyes were unfocused, and he was gasping slowly, as though it were very difficult.
"It's going to be okay," Rey said automatically, as she had so many times before healing someone. She tried to focus, but it was more difficult at a moment like this, when both the world around her and the emotions inside her were in turmoil.
She was then distracted when Slip raised his hand, as though searching blindly through darkness. He touched Finn's face, smearing it with blood; then his hand fell, his eyes rolled back, and he became very still.
Finn dropped the man's body the moment he realized there was no life left in it. He and Rey looked at each other, their eyes meeting in mutual horror, though Finn's held more grief. Rey stood up but did not go anywhere. She looked around over the barricade, completely forlorn, overwhelmed by the chaos and carnage.
But Poe was still sharp, and pointed through the smoke and moving bodies. "They've got Snap! Rey, if they know you stayed with him—"
Rey did not stop to think. What she wanted more than anything was to get away from this scene of death and prevent any more from happening. She ran into action before Poe could even suggest a plan.
Two of the raiders were pushing Snap Wexley into the clearing at the center of the settlement. He already looked pretty beat up, his face bruised and his pilot's uniform singed in a few places. Instead of wasting her time by fighting, Rey began to call on the Force, using it to push men aside, cast them to the ground, and pluck weapons from their hands. It was effective in disarming the raiders and shortening the distance between her and Snap. But it also made the raiders realize that the person they sought was finally present in their midst. They began to shout, alerting each other: "There she is!" "Get the witch!" "Set to stun!"
The men who had been dragging Snap along stopped to look at her too. "Let him go!" Rey shouted as she ran toward them. "Stop this! I'm the one you want!"
She fully intended to attack them and free Snap. But before she could reach them, something hit her from behind, and she fell face forward to the ground.
When the world came into focus again, Rey was lying on her back in the sand, while Finn shook her gently by the shoulders. "Rey? You okay?"
She blinked at him. "Yeah. What happened?"
"You were shot by a blaster in stun mode. They almost got you, but since you took their weapons, we were able to beat them back. We captured a few; all the others were killed or ran off."
Rey sat up slowly, looking around. Finn had brought her under the awning of the Ticos' home. The fighting had ceased, but there were still people all around: families huddling together, medics tending to the wounded, neighbors trying to put out the fires that continued to rage in many homes.
"How long was I out?" Rey asked, afraid of the answer.
"About twenty minutes."
She tried to remember the last thing she had seen. "What happened to Snap?"
Finn hesitated, and that answered her question even before he could bring himself to say the words. "He tried to stop them from getting to you … so they …" He took a breath, bracing himself as he said the words. "They killed him."
"No …" Rey whispered. "He helped me … oh, gods, that's why …"
"It's not your fault," Finn said quickly. He looked out at the recovering village. "Listen, if you're okay, there's some injured people—you might be able to help—"
"Rey!" Poe's father, Kes Dameron, jogged over to them. "Rey, Lor San Tekka is asking for you."
That snapped Rey out of her shock and into action. Tekka would know what to do, how to aid the survivors and comfort the mourners.
She followed Kes to the outskirts of the village, but was not prepared for the sight that awaited her. Lor San Tekka was lying on the ground; blasters had singed his clothes and burned his side. Poe and a few others had been kneeling or standing around him, but they stepped away to let Rey run up and kneel at his head. "Teacher!"
"Rey." Tekka's expression was set in a grimace, and while it was probably from pain, it was also similar to the way he looked when he was disapproving or disappointed. It was easier to think of it that way.
Rey sobbed, her grief beginning to catch up with her. This was exactly what she had feared: that her powers would make her—and everyone around her—a target of bad people.
"I'm so sorry. I should have listened to you. I never should have shown …"
"All the good you could do? That's nothing to regret." He grasped Rey's hand, and put his other hand over hers. "This will begin to make things right."
"H-how?"
"Heed the oracle … trust the Force … You can … save us …" As Rey leaned over him, he pointed to her chest, where her heart was. "Your love … will save … love …"
"Master?"
Tekka flattened his hand, resting it on her shoulder; then, with a groan, he closed his eyes, and his arms fell, one hand still clasping Rey's to his chest.
Rey had seen suffering in many forms, but she had never seen death so closely, nor felt herself responsible for anyone's death, until now. She wept profusely, and was joined by her friends, who held her and cried with her, united in heartbreak.
The following days were the worst of Rey's life—which was truly saying something, considering some of her early childhood memories. She could remember feeling distraught, furious, or grieved at times. This felt worse.
Kes Dameron took her in for the time being. It was a mark of Poe's friendship that he did not protest this arrangement. Most others were now too afraid to give Rey any hospitality. She would have gladly stayed by herself in the desert, but her friends were in agreement that she should not be alone at this time. Not that they were of much comfort to her, or she to them. They were each grieving, and Rey suspected they would not want to see her, of all people, just yet.
Paige's death seemed an even bigger blow coming just days after Rose's wedding. Rose and her parents were devastated. Neighbors who had celebrated with them at the wedding now gathered to mourn with them.
Finn tried to be there for his new wife, but he was also deeply shaken. He and Slip had grown up together and trained in the nascent militia. Slip was not as strong as many of the other militiamen, and Finn had tried to watch out for him. Now, Finn blamed himself for not being able to protect him when it mattered most.
Poe and his other pilot friends tried to comfort Karé Kun as she grieved Snap's death. She was far too young to be a widow. Rey reckoned that Snap's death was the one she was most directly responsible for, since he had helped hide her, and the brigands had been trying to get information about her from him. The others had been collateral deaths. Not that that made her feel any better: they had still been endangered because of her presence.
A community funeral was held for all the villagers who had died. There were seven in all. Rey ventured outside to pay her respects, but the whole time, she could feel the coldness and see the judgment in the way people looked at her. No one openly spoke of her as the cause of the attack, but they all knew it. In fact, Rey suspected that it was even more true than they knew.
This was her fault. She had been trying to do good for her community, but now her subversive power was endangering them. Worse yet, she had not been able to protect them. Powerful though she was, without a teacher or clear instructions, she lacked the skill to effectively utilize the Force in combat.
The only good thing about the tragic turn events was that, in light of everything that had happened, Rey's friends did not ask her about her visit with the oracle. They attributed her silence to shock and grief, and they did not want to disturb her in the midst of her mourning. For a few days, she was left in outward peace. Inside, though, she was in turmoil.
Her guilt was not merely that of a survivor after a brush with death. True, she felt guilty for not being able to stop the attackers, and she was the reason they had been there in the first place. But the timing of it, coming just after her refusal to submit to the fate that had been foretold—it seemed too much to be a coincidence.
Even if it was not a message from the gods or a direct consequence of her refusal, it was still an indication of the gravity of her situation. Not only was she not safe, but she was also making the people around her unsafe.
She needed to put an end to this. She could clearly see the effect of her presence among mortals. She could not remain where she was, or continue doing what she had been lately. What if the next casualty was a child?
But fleeing Jakku was no long an option in her mind. She would not risk any more wrath from the gods. If she did, she now understood, she might not be the only one to suffer for her defiance.
If agreeing to this—this relationship, if that was what it would be—would help her people, how could she refuse? It would be unpardonably selfish to cling to her freedom for the sake of pride, or preserve her life at the risk of others'.
It was at Lor San Tekka's funeral that Rey finally found her resolve. As a pastor and widely respected leader in the Church of the Force, his funeral was held separately, at the Temple of the Skywalkers, and drew an even greater crowd as people journeyed from further communities.
Lor San Tekka had been the closest thing to a father that Rey had. She was not the only one who felt that way: though he did not have children of his own, he had been a friend, teacher, and spiritual adviser to many young people. He had helped them make sense of their lives, and passed on the deposit of knowledge that sages made it their business to study and share.
The new pastor gave a eulogy about Tekka's life. Though he had never married, he had taught countless people about the virtue of love. He had taught, by word and example, how to be a good parent, sibling, neighbor. He had shown that love was an act of giving, not only of material possessions, but of one's very self.
As she listened, and felt her conviction growing, Rey wondered if her giving herself would be done slowly over time, or all at once. She wondered which would be more difficult. But then she decided it did not matter. She knew what she needed to do, even if she did not know what it would lead to.
As the crowd left the temple, she approached the bier where his body was laid out, in the middle of the hall of statues. He looked peaceful, but there was no longer any warmth in him.
Maz Kanata was there for the funeral, and noticed Rey lingering. She, too, stayed behind, perhaps already knowing that Rey would speak with her. When they were the only two left, she came up to the bier, and Rey knelt before her.
"I'll do it," Rey said, her voice wooden. "Tell me how."
The oracle's ancient eyes looked upon Rey with sympathy. "Make it known that you are leaving. When you are ready, go to Plaintive Hand Mesa. Your friends can accompany you, but they must leave you there. When you are alone, he will come for you."
Rey nodded, biting her lip. "Let it be done, then."
Maz reached out and touched her face. "Have courage, child. In your hands is the power to save us all." With that, the oracle left.
Rey gazed around the room at the statues on the dais encircling the room. Many of the Skywalkers had demonstrated selflessness, even to the point of sacrificing themselves to save others. They set the examples that mortals were to take as models of right action. If there was ever a time when she needed to be more like them, this was surely it.
She knelt behind the bier, facing the statues, and prayed. "Give me strength," she begged them. "If this is what I'm meant to do, please, help me to do it." She repeated this sentiment in her mind, and could have sworn she felt something in her heart—something like warmth, or the tension or a clenched muscle. Some tears leaked from her eyes, though she could not have said exactly what caused them—grief, fear, or something else altogether.
As she breathed in and out, again and again, a strange kind of peace came over her. Now that her decision was made, her mind set to the task before her, she did not feel conflict or confusion anymore. She did not know what would happen, but she knew what she had to do. And if it ended badly for her … well, perhaps that would atone for any harm she had brought on others.
Finally, she wiped her eyes, bowed one last time to Lor San Tekka, and left the temple.
In her walk back to Tuanul Village, the peaceful reprieve gave way to the tumult of emotion. She felt overwhelmed with wonder, fear and, strangely, a kind of joyous excitement. She had to fight back a laugh at the thought: she was getting married! Her wish was coming true, in the most bizarre way. And the worst part was that she had no idea what it would lead to. Misery? Death? Some modicum of happiness?
Her first and possibly most difficult task would be explaining things to her friends. She second would be leaving them. And she knew she must do both things quickly, before anything else happened.
When she made it back to the village, she did what she had avoided doing for days: she knocked on the Ticos' door.
Finn answered, and immediately invited her in, though he and Rose and her parents all looked at her warily. "Rey? Are you alright?"
Rey gathered her courage, knowing she would need to get used to doing so. "I … I have something I need to tell you."
Author's Notes: This chapter reminded me how much I hate writing action/fight scenes. The reason for this chapter's existence is that I figured Rey would not give herself up unless she had a clear and compelling reason to do so.
Disclaimers:
~ Slip, or FN-2003, is the stormtrooper who died in Finn's arms during the opening scene of The Force Awakens. His nickname is revealed in Before the Awakening by Greg Rucka.
~ I couldn't help alluding to Mary's "fiat," found in the Gospel of Luke 1:38. I also ended up with a situation a lot like Jonah in the storm as he ran from God's call!
~ By having Rey lose her father figure because of her refusal to marry, I sort of paralleled Emily C. A. Snyder's free verse play Cupid and Psyche. You can find recordings of it on YouTube!
