Thanks for the reviews DS2010, Guest, and JackieStarSister! Also thanks for the note about the credits, JackieStarSister
Rey watched the flowing current of the water, her eyes never wavering from the blue river. She had insisted on going fishing, having grown tired of nothing but plants. So there she was, standing with a long pointed stick in her hand, waiting for fish to swim by.
Ren sat on the opposite side of the river, the weight of unspoken words hanging between them. It had been like this ever since the night before when Rey had come back down from the mountain. Every now and then Rey would glance over at him, as if she was going to say something, and then change her mind and go back to staring at the water.
Before yesterday, Ren would have broken the silence. He would have bridged the gap between them and insisted they were meant to be together. He would have moved earth and sky to get her to stay with him...but now the thought of doing that brought only guilt. And so he let her be, watching her from a distance and trying to numb the ache her absence caused in his heart.
He watched her fish, wishing he could help her. But he knew he would just do more harm than good. He was liable to disintegrate the fish before Rey could catch them and so he had purposefully sat downstream, on the opposite side of the river, to minimize his negative influence.
It was better to distance himself from her. The closer he got to her, the more he hurt her. And Rey, in her infinite compassion, would continue forgiving him over and over again when he didn't deserve it.
His nature was Dark. Snoke had always told him as much and his family had always implied it. They had sensed it from a young age. The temper tantrums, the uncontrolled outbursts, the nightmares...He had always been a destructive force. It was no wonder his family had shut him out and sent him away. And Luke had been right to fear him. He had seen what his young padawan would become and he had been right to try to stop him before he destroyed everything. As much as he hated Luke, he could not deny that was the truth of it. He had been right about him.
Snoke, of course, had celebrated his Darkness. He had told him it made him powerful and Ren had soon discovered this to be true. The power of the Dark Side was unbridled and unstoppable. Falling into the Darkness felt liberating and intoxicating, as if he were finally able to breathe. Snoke had told him he was special for all the reasons his family had told him he was dangerous and Ren had felt understood for the first time ever.
But it had come with a price. For every step he took towards the Darkness, he had felt something inside of him break like a kyber crystal. Until eventually he could not remember what it felt like to not be in pain. By the time he killed his father, he had long since forgotten what happiness felt like. But nothing could have prepared him for the effect his father's murder would have on him. He had been so blinded by pain, so desperate for it all to just end, that when Rey had come into his life and offered him a touch of kindness, he had been prepared to do anything to get her to stay with him. He had murdered Snoke, begged her to join him, chased her across the galaxy, tried to kidnap her, and tried to turn her to the Dark Side. He had done whatever he could to just get her to stay because the thought of her leaving him alone in the Darkness had been unbearable.
How selfish he had been to try to use her to ease his pain. How cruel he'd been to her to try to drag her down into the hell he lived in. He felt sick with nausea just thinking about it. Rey, the sweet girl who had only tried to help him.
How had it taken him this long to realize how wrong he had been?
Ren looked up as a cool breeze began to blow through the trees. He noticed some of the leaves were already beginning to turn yellow.
"Rey, I think that's enough for today." Ren said. "We should get back before it gets dark."
"Just ten more minutes." Rey called back, and Ren leaned back against a boulder with a sigh.
He waited for her to finish and then climbed to his feet as she made her way back across the river towards him. She held out two small fish with pride; enough for a single meal between the two of them. He offered to carry the fish but Rey refused, slipping them into a small basket she had brought. They took off in the direction they had come, the leaves beginning to fall down around them. It was getting late.
"You must have been so bored." Rey said. "Sitting there while I fished."
Ren could tell she was just talking to make conversation because she was uncomfortable with the silence. He knew she wanted to smooth things over; pretend as if the kiss hadn't happened. But Ren could not forget. Things couldn't just go back to the way they had been before; not now that he understood just how wrong he had been.
"I wasn't." He said truthfully. If Mortis had granted him anything, it was time for reflection. For the past six years he had been constantly on the move, constantly on guard, and constantly on the verge of battle. On Mortis, however, he had discovered the concept of free time. And in that free time, he had been left with nothing but his own thoughts.
Rey glanced over at him furtively, but made no answer. He could feel her discomfort through the Force. Never before had things been awkward between them. Their relationship had been many things but never that.
They walked in silence for a while, until Ren realized that most of the leaves had fallen off the trees. He shivered in the cold night air, wondering how far away they were. Rey seemed to be wondering the same thing because she stopped suddenly, looking around herself in confusion.
"I don't remember this." She said. "This log. This boulder. That clearing over there. I think I would have known if we passed something so distinctive."
Ren shrugged. "Maybe you just missed it." He said, continuing on.
"Maybe..." Rey said, sounding wholly unconvinced. She continued walking anyway and they fell back into silence.
Ren looked around himself, realizing he too did not seem to recognize the place they were in. It seemed more hilly than the path they had taken.
"Is that..." Rey stopped suddenly and then sped up, nearly running. "No. This isn't right."
Ren jogged to catch up with her, following her gaze up towards a small hill. This had definitely not been there before.
"Did we go in the wrong direction?" Ren asked.
"No." Rey said, with a solid certainty. "I know we went the right way."
"Then why-"
"Mortis changes." Rey said, shaking her head. "I told you before. The landscape changes."
"Rey..." Ren said. "Don't you think it's a whole lot more likely that we're just lost?"
"No." Rey said stubbornly, turning to look up at him sternly. "I don't get lost. I grew up in the desert."
"This isn't the desert." Ren said, earning himself a pointed glare from Rey.
"Which only makes it easier to navigate." Rey snapped, beginning to climb the hill in front of them. Ren followed her up it, his hands beginning to get red from the cold. The trees were completely bare now and the wind was beginning to pick up.
They stopped at the top of the hill and Ren looked out at the land around them. Nothing was familiar. A flicker of fear passed behind Rey's eyes.
"We're lost." Rey said. "There's nothing familiar for miles..."
"We should find shelter." Ren said. "The nights here get cold and it rains. We don't want to be stuck in that."
As if on cue, Ren felt a single raindrop land on his face.
"Shelter where?" Rey asked, a note of panic slipping into her voice. "There's nothing but trees around us."
"We could find a cave-"
"No." Rey snapped, shaking her head. "Absolutely not."
"Well do you have any better ideas?" Ren asked, beginning to feel irritated.
Rey merely huffed and then turned to keep marching across the hill. Ren followed her, the rain coming down harder now. Every now and then, he could swear the rain was more ice than water, and Ren swallowed the panic that was slowly building inside of him.
"Rey, we should at least get back under the cover of the trees." Ren said, shivering in the freezing rain.
"But then, how will we see anything?" Rey snapped.
"I don't think there is anything to-ow!" Ren hissed in pain as a droplet of rain seemed to sear his hand. He stopped and looked down at his hand and, sure enough, his skin looked as if it had been burned.
Rey hissed in pain a moment later and Ren stared at her, a look of horror passing between them.
"Rey...the rain is corrosive." Ren breathed.
"We need to find shelter." Rey said. "Now."
They took off running, the rain coming down harder and hotter until Ren felt his skin burning. He could feel Rey's pain through the Force and it hurt almost as much as his own.
"There!" Rey cried, after a moment. "Look up there!"
Ren looked up, and saw the base of a stone building at the top of another small hill. They didn't waste another second before sprinting up the hill. A circular rock barred the entrance to the structure and Ren reached out a hand, channeling the pain of his burning flesh into rage strong enough to move it. The circular rock rolled to the side and they darted inside.
Rey let out a cry of pain and collapsed to the ground, her arms covered in red sweltering blisters. Unlike him, she had not been wearing long sleeves. The rain had gotten through the fabric of his shirt, but it had provided at least some protection.
"Let me see." Ren said, kneeling down in front of her, even though his blistered knees protested in pain.
"It's okay, Ben. I'm fine." Rey ground out through chattering teeth. "We need to make a fire. Find something to start a fire..."
Ren looked around them but could see nothing in the darkness. The walls and floors were made of stone and Ren felt along them before finally finding something that felt like a torch. He brought it back to Rey, who had managed to find two small rocks. She struck them against one another until a spark caught the oil in the torch and it burst into flames. The light filled the room and Rey breathed a sigh of relief, leaning back against the wall.
In the light of the torch, Ren found they were in a small empty circular room, at the back of which was a door. He walked over to the door and tried the handle. When it wouldn't budge, he looked back at Rey. She sat curled up in pain and shivering on the floor, her face pale in the light of the torch.
"Okay, hold on." Ren said, walking towards the door. "I'm going to get some firewood."
"Ben, you can't..." Rey reminded him and Ren slammed his hand into the stone wall as he realized she was right. He couldn't even gather firewood because it would disintegrate the moment he touched it. He couldn't do anything to help her. There was nothing to burn except...
Ren pulled off his wet shirt and knelt to the ground, bunching it into a ball.
"WOAH what are you doing?" Rey cried, struggling to her knees.
"Starting a fire." Ren said, pouring out some of the hot oil in the torch onto his shirt.
"You don't need to burn your clothes!" Rey cried. "We can manage until morning..."
Rey trailed off as Ren set fire to his shirt. It took slowly, being wet, but eventually it caught and Ren let out a sigh of relief.
"You know that's going to last all of ten minutes before it burns out." Rey said.
"Well you wanted a fire." Ren snapped, settling down on the ground in front of it.
Rey stared at him, looking baffled and amused. "You are insane." She said.
"That seems to be the consensus." Ren muttered, and Rey's eyes softened.
She looked at him sideways for a moment and then crawled over to him. He watched her approach apprehensively, realizing too late what she was intending to do.
"Here." She said, reaching out a hand to heal the burns all over his body.
"No." Ren said, quickly, grabbing her hand. "You're injured yourself and you're freezing. You need to save your strength."
"It won't take much-" Rey protested.
"I said no!" Ren snapped, pushing her hand away roughly.
Rey stared at him in silence and Ren suddenly felt guilty for yelling at her. He sighed, frustrated by his complete inability to do anything right. Not one single thing...
"You can heal me too." Rey said, her voice breaking him out of his thoughts. "That way we will exchange energy instead of one person becoming depleted."
Ren looked up at her, fear gripping his heart. "I don't even know if I can heal you again."
"You did it once before, you can do it again." Rey said. "Try it." She said, holding out her arm.
Ren hesitated, his heart hammering in his chest. How had he ever managed to do this before? Last time he hadn't had so many doubts. He'd been more arrogant, blindly believing that whatever the Light could do, the Dark could also do. But he hadn't drawn on the Dark Side in the end, he'd accidently drawn on the Light instead. And now he didn't know how to purposefully do that again.
"Ben." Rey said, taking his hand in hers. "Just relax and focus on what you want to happen. Just like last time."
Ren tightened his grip on her hand and closed his eyes, willing his heart to slow down. He focused on Rey, on her Force signature and let it calm him. He could feel her pain and he wanted it to go away. He wanted her to feel better even if it made him feel worse. He wanted to pour whatever he could into her because she deserved so much more than he did-
"That's enough." Rey said, pulling back her hand.
Ren opened his eyes, his gaze roving over her arms, chest, and face in awe. "You did it." Rey said, a smile breaking out across her face. "You did it so easily. So quickly."
Ren couldn't help but feel his body relax in relief, a small feeling of satisfaction creeping into his heart.
"Now it's your turn." Rey said, and Ren tensed once more. He didn't deserve to be paid back in kind.
"Wait, what..." Rey trailed off, but Ren knew what she had seen. Her eyes flitted across his bare back, undoubtedly witnessing the uncountable scars that had been left by Snoke and by battle. Somehow, Snoke had always seemed to leave more scars than actual battle did.
"What?" Ren asked sharply, daring her to say it out loud.
Rey swallowed uncomfortably. "Your back is covered in scars." She said. "Are those from war or..."
"Snoke." Ren said. "Most of them."
A flash of anger passed behind Rey's eyes as she processed this information. She stared past him, breathing shallowly.
"I'm glad that man is dead because if he weren't..." Rey paused, looking back up at him. "I would kill him all over again."
Ren felt his chest tighten, an intense pleasure filling him at these words. That she should hate the man who had ruined his life out of concern for him...it felt intoxicating.
"So would I." He breathed and Rey met his eyes, the intensity of her gaze burning into him. He could lose himself in her eyes and never notice the passage of time again.
But she broke away her gaze too soon and touched his bare arm. "I'm going to remove every trace of Snoke." She said, the venom in her voice at odds with the warmth of her touch that spread through his body and healed the burns and scars on his skin. "I'm going to erase everything he did to you until there is no evidence he ever existed."
"You can't." Ren said quietly, wishing what he said wasn't true. "He is a part of me now. He made me what I am."
Rey pulled back her hand and met his eyes. Ren felt his back, his eyes widening as he felt the smooth, unblemished skin. She had indeed removed the scars.
"You are what you make yourself." She said, that look of steely determination in her eyes that he had come to love.
Ren stared into her eyes, baffled by their certainty. No matter how many times he told her he had no control over his destiny or his nature, no matter how many times he tried to explain to her that he had no choice in his life, she continued to insist that wasn't true. No one before her had ever insisted he was the one who got to decide the course of his life. To his family, he had been a legacy and a set of expectations. He had been a Skywalker, a Solo, and a Jedi...not a person. And then to Snoke, he had been a bloodline - the next Vader. He had been told who he was and what his destiny was so many times, by so many people, that he had never stopped to consider the possibility that he might choose something different for himself.
Ren noticed that Rey was shivering and he looked over at the fire to see it was almost extinguished. She followed his gaze and an amused smile spread across her lips. "Please tell me you're not going to burn your pants next." She said.
"Do you want me to?" Ren asked, and Rey laughed, the sound so pure and sweet that Ren couldn't help but smile.
She turned until she was sitting next to him, her back leaning against the wall and her legs outstretched next to his. He could feel her shaking from the cold and before he could think better of it, he wrapped an arm around her. She seemed to melt into him, her head resting on his shoulder. And little by little, she stopped shaking.
