November 19
Last night's dream is much tamer.
Judith lolls in bed. She doesn't have to be anywhere until her event with Oliver Denning. She mentally assembles her outfit for tonight.
Then Michael breaks into her room.
"Can't you knock?" Judith cannot manage more than a grumble.
Michael is too alarmed to notice. "Mom's throwing up," he announces. "I think she's sick."
Judith groans and collapses back in her bed. She should squinch her eyes shut. Maybe she'll wake up and this will all have been a nightmare.
"Judith!" Michael tugs on her blankets. "Didn't you hear me? I said Mom's sick."
"I heard," Judith moans from under the covers.
"We should go downstairs so you can make breakfast."
"Michael," Judith sits up. "One: I don't want breakfast. I want to sleep. Two: Mom's not sick. She's got herself knocked up."
"She what?"
"She's pregnant."
"Oh." Then Michael's eyes widen. "We're going to have a brother or sister."
He tugs at her for a response.
"Judith, aren't you happy? This is great news."
Judith flops down, yanking the covers over her.
II
When Judith finally drags herself out of bed, her mother gathers the family together and explains that she is having a baby and she is going to marry Ronnie.
"You don't have to marry that assbag just because he knocked you up," Judith spits out.
"Judith," Mom says, exasperated. "Watch your language."
"Right, I wouldn't want to sully your zygote's virgin ears."
"Mom, are you in love with Ronnie?" Michael asks.
"Why do you ask that, sweetie?" Mom returns the question.
Michael squints at her, confused. "People get married because they love each other," he says resolutely.
"There are other reasons people get married," Mom says. "You see, marriage is a partnership. Both the husband and the wife share in the responsibility of the household. There's a lot more to it than love."
"So what responsibilities are you going to share?" Judith puts in. "You give him the blowjobs and he gives you his fat ass on Dad's chair?"
"Judith," Mom growls. "Ronnie wants to support the baby and he wants to be a father to both of you as well."
"I don't need a father!"
"You might not, but Michael does, and the baby does. I can't just think of myself. I have to think of my family."
"Michael doesn't need someone to call him a fag and smash his toys."
"Ronnie doesn't do that," Mom says doubtfully. "Michael, is that true? Does Ronnie call you a fag?"
Michael screws his eyes to the floor. "No."
Mom sighs. Judith says, "I can't believe you're defending him. That dickhead . . ."
"It's your fault, Judith," Michael shouted. "Ronnie says you don't respect him. You're the one that's ruining everything."
Judith freezes. She almost says something, but stops herself just in time.
She withdraws, sits back against Dad's chair.
Mom is the first to recover her senses. "Look, I know this is a big change. But this will be good for us. We'll be a real family."
Judith keeps sulking. But Michael cheers up. He believes his mother's words: that they will be a real family.
As long as Judith doesn't ruin everything.
III
She lies against the backseat after a round with Oliver. Her face burns from his rough kisses that never land on her mouth.
Oliver climbs onto her legs. His hands mine under her breasts. Judith squirms, pretending that she's adjusting for a better sitting position, but in fact she's trying to minimize his Heimlich-strength thrusts against her chest.
"What do you think of a threesome?" Oliver asks.
Judith hesitates to answer. She's not thrilled about the idea.
"Look." Oliver heaved himself up to a sit so he could face her. "My friend Sid Langholt, he had this threesome with these two hot girls and he's been bragging about it for days. I figured, you know, Sid's not so special. If he can get one anyone can get one. And I figured since you have knowledge of these things."
"I've never been in a threesome," Judith states.
"Oh don't get all huffy about it," Oliver tries to console her. "There's a first time for everything. And I was right that you would be the most willing . . ."
This time Judith does get huffy. She tensed her shoulders. "The most willing."
"Yeah," Oliver lets out this easy laugh. "It's not like you thought I was in love with you."
"Right." Judith shifts her legs so she could reach her skirt. She is disappointed: she had been so excited about Oliver. She admired him from afar all through last year; played hokey moves to get him to talk to her, like dropping her books in the hall. She fantasized about him touching her: massaging her shoulder or playing with her hair. Those little touches that she sees long-term couples do.
Even if he wasn't in love her (she couldn't exactly fault him for that), he didn't have to say it like the notion was so ridiculous.
When she trudges back into the house, Mom and Michael are in the living room with Ronnie, playing a card game.
" . . . Trey pulls out the wrench and loosens the hubcap, and laid right with its corners in the rim is a set of toy jacks. Trey hollers at Jem and . . . "
Mom and Michael nearly fall over, breathless with laughter.
When the laughter abates, Mom spots Judith watching them from the foyer. "Hey honey," she calls cheerfully. Michael and Ronnie deliver smiled greetings to her too.
"Wanna join us?" Mom offers. "We're starting another round of Go Fish soon."
Go Fish is Michael's favorite game. He lingers at each turn and announces his guesses at the other players' cards like they're sneak attacks, always as if he has high stakes in winning. It drives Judith crazy. But Ronnie is acting like he doesn't just tolerate the game: that he actually enjoys Michael's strategizing.
Judith stares at this ideal family picture suspiciously. She can't pretend as well as they can that everything is perfect. That Mom marrying Ronnie would be a good thing. Already her stomach is churning at the sight of Ronnie snaking his arm around Mom, while with his other hand he signals some secret signal he must have taught Michael.
She can't pretend.
"No, thanks," Judith says, as politely as she can manage. "I've got a headache. I'm going to head upstairs."
"Ah," Ronnie says knowingly, treating her to a sympathetic grin. "Lady problems?"
"No," Judith corrects him shortly. She does not want Ronnie talking about anything that had to do with her body. "Just a headache."
"A good night's sleep will help," Mom says. Thankfully, she recognizes that she cannot push Judith into accepting Ronnie as her stepfather right away.
Judith nods. She says, with impeccable politeness, "See you tomorrow morning," and makes a swift exit.
She collapses on her mattress. The headache that excused her from the card game is beginning to realize. It surges through the blood vessels in her head, pounds noisily against her skull.
Judith closes her eyes. Tears prick at the corners and quiver onto her face. She wonders why she's the only one who can sense Ronnie's bullshit. Or if it's her; that she brings out the jackass side in otherwise normal humans. She wonders if she's the cause of all her problems.
IIII
I don't have any more sleep labs. I think Dr. Mixter is afraid to put me back in there. He's decided that the dreams are only the result of Michael Myers' Halloween rampage. Now that Sheriff Brackett and the police are working to prevent any future attack, he thinks the worst of the dreams will stop.
My parents are arranging for me to come home. Perhaps tomorrow.
Dr. Egan summons me for another session.
"I'm interested in the fact that your nightmares consist of you reliving Judith Myer's final moments."
"Dr. Mixter says I'm associating my attack with Judith's death," I say, providing the simplest, sanest explanation.
Dr. Egan gives me a patronizing smile. "But not with, say Annie Brackett's death. Or Lynda Pfeifer's. Why Judith Myers?"
"Because I know Anne and Lynda from school. But I've never known Judith."
"Would you care to describe your nightmares?" Dr. Egan asks, knowing I don't really have a choice, if I want to get out of the hospital anytime soon. "Include every detail you remember."
"Steve has left the room." I backtrack. "Steve Hale, who was also a victim that night. He went downstairs to make a sandwich." Dr. Loomis revealed that fact in The Devil's Eyes.
"I pull on my slip and lie down and put on my headphones. I'm listening to Blue Oyster Cult's 'Don't Fear the Reaper.'"
"Go on," Dr. Egan prods me.
"I don't want to." I was trying to hide how emotionally invested I was in this nightmare, but already I've come to a part of the dream I don't want to share.
My throat closes. I feel like I'm going to choke.
The only way I can continue is to omit the touch. "Someone comes in. I think it's Steve. He hovers over me. I tell him to stop messing around. But he doesn't say anything. He's so silent.
"So I finally turn around, and it's Michael, wearing Steve's mask. Steve brought this stupid mask. He surprised me with it. He asked me to close my eyes, and when I opened them, he was wearing this stupid mask and making stupid snarly noises. Anyway, Michael is wearing that mask. Steve must have given it to him or something . . . I mean Michael must have found it.
Dr. Egan is taking note of my slip.
"I ask him what he's doing in my room, but he won't say a word. He just stares at me from this mask that makes his head look huge. His eyes are blank. I get mad, because he's just staring at me. I push at him a few times. Not hard. I just want him to say something, because he might be in shock or something. Then he sticks his knife in me."
I describe the rest of the dream, with Judith's last attempt to limp down the hall to escape, to seek help, to get away. How Michael chases her and continues stabbing her, even after she falls down.
"Interesting," he murmurs afterward.
Dr. Egan says, "I'm sure you read in The Devil's Eyes that Judith was stabbed seventeen times. And the other details from the book. That Judith was first stabbed in her room, but she died in the hallway. And that Steve was in the kitchen at the time. But in your dream, you added these details: the music Judith was listening to, for example."
"Does the song mean something?" I ask.
"Dreams often intersect into real life," Dr. Egan speculates. "If you have a clock radio, that might have been the song you had woken up to one of the mornings you had that dream."
Right, I think. More like every morning. But I don't want to get into that.
I hadn't want to discuss Judith's death at all. I'm wondering more about the other dreams: the supposed events in her life. But I hesitate to bring them up. Those dreams seem much more personal. I don't want Dr. Egan to analyze them and declare them "interesting."
IIII
As soon as I return to my room, I pull out my chemistry notebook (the better to hide what I'm about to write):
Dream #1: Judith helps Michael learn to ride a bike. He falls over. He gives up, discouraged, and he blames Judith for letting go too soon.
Significance: Michael has a hard time fitting in as a normal kid.
Question Raised: Was he a normal kid then? Over-sensitive, maybe, but otherwise normal? Did he have a chance at being a normal kid if later events didn't happen? He claims he doesn't want to learn to ride, but that could be sour grapes. And for a brief moment, he seems to enjoy it.
Hindsight: Dr. Loomis mentions in The Devil's Eyes that he reviews some filmstrips of a slightly older Michael riding his bike. So he did eventually learn.
Dream #2: Judith and her friend are trying on halter tops in Judith's room. Michael barges in when Judith is half undressed.
Significance: Michael's confusion at his accidental voyeurism. He is not old enough to understand why Judith would be so outraged at him seeing her partially naked. Though Judith is largely more angry that he bothered her while she was with her friend and worried he would tell their mom about the stolen halter top.
Questions Raised: Michael had not seen that much that he shouldn't be seeing. Judith had her chest covered up fairly well. This alone would not be enough to transform him into a serial killer. Is the significance about Judith's compromised position or about her and Adele excluding Michael? Possibly both?
Dream #3: Judith accidentally squishes Michael's pet scorpion.
Significance: Michael has a history of killing his pets. Partially, I suspect, to gain sympathy from his mother.
Questions Raised: Was Judith's extermination the beginning of Michael's habit? Or was Toby the Scorpion a victim of Michael's homicidal efforts? Did Michael purposely place Toby on Judith's bed in hope that Judith would squish him? Or that Judith would get stung?
Dream #4: Judith and Michael's afternoon together is ruined when Ronnie White mocks Michael for his "f*g hobby" and hits on Judith.
Significance: Ronnie's appearance turns Judith and Michael's sibling rivalry from ordinary to highly dysfunctional. This might explain why Judith has not defended Michael afterwards, as it seems to make things worse for Michael and her mother does not believe her.
Questions Raised: How aware was Michael of Ronnie's advances on Judith? How much did he understand?
Hindsight: As to why Judith hadn't told her mother about Ronnie's lasciviousness, see Dream #5, Part 1
Dream #5, Part 1: Judith and Michael learn that their mom is pregnant with Angel Myers, and furthermore, Mom plans to marry Ronnie. Judith is horrified at the idea. When she tries to tell Mom of the things Ronnie does, Michael discredits her and says its Judith's fault that Ronnie doesn't like them.
Significance: The closest Michael comes to expressing his hatred for Judith before he murders her.
Questions Raised: Where to begin. Why did Michael turn on Judith? Dream #4 is probably involved: Michael might want to prove he doesn't need Judith to stand up for him. Also, Michael might be worried about what his mother thinks about him, as if she might agree with her future husband's taunts.
Hindsight: Michael seems enamored with the idea of being a "real family." No real mystery there: Michael trusts his mother's promise, whereas Judith doesn't. When the promise doesn't pan out, it makes his nature even worse than it was to begin with.
Dream #5, Part 2: After coming home from a bad date, Judith finds Mom, Michael, and Ronnie behaving like a happy family. She cannot make herself join in. She goes upstairs, riddled with doubts about her own judgment.
Significance: See Dream #5, Part 1 Hindsight. Judith was too wrapped up in her own problems to notice any of Michael's increasingly alarming habits until it was too late. Despite the friction between them, she regards Michael as normal and sees herself as the black sheep of the family. The one that can't fit into the Myers' happy family and the one who might ruin everything. (Though really it would be Ronnie that ruined everything.). Seems that Michael also saw Judith as the problem before Ronnie dropped the fatherly act and turned into a full asshole.
Questions Raised: This dream, and the dream where Judith is murdered, hints that Judith suffered sexual abuse in the past. But she doesn't really consider Ronnie a major threat. Is she in denial? And who did that to her before? Michael's father? Did her mom know and is that why Michael's father was made to leave?
Overall theme: Each dream is about a point of discord between Judith and her brother. They start out as innocent misunderstandings, but their problems seem to grow bigger. Michael's actions - from Dream #2 on - seem to show an underlying hatred or resentment toward his sister.
