Constantine – The Laughing Magician Presents – Life in the Real World; Chapter 8: Monkey Business

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~ The title to this one is NOT to entail anything serious – I, repeat! If any of your wankers have a problem, go gripe on about it to your mum…Shite, still, I'm keeping a low profile as much as I can with any wizarding worlds aside, where will we be in this next chapter? Sit down, shut it, and let me direct your attention, to…. ~

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The Phys let out clucking, delightful little shrieks that made my poor already freezing blood run cold at how many sea – monkeys the sea creature could pack away. Should I quit while the beast in my net's filling up its tank? The Phys were endangered, so –

"Enough, Constantine." The gothic Trese commanded me to her right to lower my arms. The message had been received by the scattered chimp - pigs. Big shocker, there.

Lae gasped at the bloodshed; her powers fluxed at an enormous rate as she bared witness to the destruction of her allies. I only dud what was right. It, got messy. Tentacles usually were…and that was not to imply much, mate! Get off it, will yah?

She then changed; shape and all. Growing fur, a long tail, and of course canines that did not distract me from the fact that she was a hybrid – a hybrid monkey…. woman! Where then was the bleeding mate? Was this journey to the west a place I'd be playing' my part in?? No. The fiasco with Bats was fun and all, but not a second worth my time.

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"Ah, the staff!" I scoffed at my barely - there logic. Scratch that. I, John C, had missed those very important cues.

"You're a monk, though… not a mortal. How did I manage to avoid that outcome?" I nervously expressed my concerns, I'm so sure… knowing full well that either she was for or against the Phys all along "Did you know about this?" I'm looking at the Trese now, earning a brief nod from this dark eyed ally. "She knew about their loss from the path of all things, so we banded together to bring an end to their corruption. Whoever is using these creatures, is the one truly responsible for attacking the ports and going after humans for their body parts." Cassandra explained.

Gawking, l not only lowered my arms, yet was afraid to speak up in lee of this, plot twist. If you could call it that?

"I'll comply, but you'll have to fess up and tell Johnny here WHO is after your bloody chimps?" Yeah, and no one makes a monkey out of this Laughing magus. I mean it, mate. If I ever decide to face the king or deity of space time over again, I may ask them very plainly….

What. The. Hell. And a; "How do you do," wouldn't hurt.

What is the saying? Monkey see? Damn well if I'm dealing with this shite before Lord Dragul and his clan come to hunt my boney arse in the dead of winter. And Halloween is in passing…damn be it all! Giving all – thanks is…this week…Or, is that in passing?

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Our search came up nothing, not a cent for my time to be spent ogling the group's most beautiful of… monkies.

I…. dare I say it? I'm not going to don the tail. Never in this timeline or any other! The Trese needs my assistance, I'll tell her myself.

No more Monkie- business! Period.

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So, we find a booth and sit in it; Trese looks tired, I think? Her mascara is laid on a bit thick so how can I tell? Years of snoopin' and hogging the attention of thug – demons and their spawn, maybe. I want the Phys to quit biting off any heads that nod, but…. She's into this mystery for another reason.

To stop the one controlling the demons from going rogue in the first place on these streets of London.

"My home is being gutted dry, and you want to spare them? The blood suckers out on the town? (Not getting head, too tasteless, mind you.) I pound a fist to my eggs and suck up the courage to confront this mediocre "Vampire hunter."

"I thought you had the layout, the magic to put them all in cages – but boy…was I wrong to assume that you knew these streets –

"Which is why the Trese requests your help!" Lae was defensive of her comrade. She'd called out to anyone who would listen, and in return she'd gotten an answer to that.

"My name is Lae of the Devil's cap mountain pass." The long-haired priestess had reverted to a more human guise to not spook any locals a few days after All Hollow's eve.

"I'm actually a guardian of their home, as a single "Phys," you call us, who was not infected and made to steal for a greater evil face. We are pleasant when not provoked by man and his spices or fires, but something took hold of my family…" The young Phys teen wept under her chin, and wiped a few drops with the back of her hand.

"I only want them to go home before they are killed! Trese wants to help us to be home again, I cannot keep fighting my brothers and sisters…It is cruel; and whoever has committed such acts WILL be punished when this culprit is caught in cold blood!" She hissed across the table at me.

"Lae is very connected to her people, and I understand this as well." The Trese spoke and drank her coffee with a single sip at a time to pause. "My brothers were born to seem more spirit and demon in face, while I was given the role of Trese to help creatures like Lae to find hope. I know you as well, John Constantine. You have magic from your ancestors. They trust you to use it for a greater purpose. I understand this, for I am also a sibling to a twin and was brought into this world to cast away the darkness…as well as to be its catalyst from a sacred prophecy." She spoke clearly, reflecting on a time when her life had changed completely. John recalled studying magic not with his parent, but by a very powerful wizard that had become him – he'd become the lagging arse he was today…

~ Hey! I'm this story, narrator over there?? Bugger off! ~

~ Sorry…., wanted to show your unconscious a bit, can't say it didn't have an interesting effect on your audience, Joh –

~ Shite, if it did you are the worst at telling how I should be. So, Piss off, mate. ~

~Dully noted. ~

Now, where were we? Ah, the Trese's confesssion.

She is blankly staring at her cup now. I must have really dragged her out of her happy place to come out about her past like she had to me, of all the blokes she knows well enough to confide it…I feel shitty, now. Well, these times call for a mild distraction.

"You don't get out much, do you?" I turn my eyes to Cassandra, but Lae intervenes.

"She's a very important figure. As am I to my people right now." She'd be right, if her stomach wasn't to be heard for miles, that it.

"I mean, you don't eat out often –

"It clouds the mind, and we only eat to survive."

"Maybe, but what about being a local now and again?" I hint and wave over a waitress who has a breakfast menu on her hip. "Can I get you anything at all?"

"Yes, actually. These fine lasses are exchange students in my class, and I wanted to make sure they got to tryin' what's on your top list here at this fine dining establishment. They are only here for a few weeks and desert might be a pastry for now…" I lay it on like a card, it's my M.O after all. Deathstroke has his combustible attitude, Batman has his brooding, and me? I am sly as a fox, lov.

"Of course, dears! I'll get you a menu right away of our finest platter of sweets."

"That is –

"Thank you, kindly." I smile and they know that sugar can kill, but wit is what keeps you alive in this city to me. A bit of hangry makes angry, but I do offer oatmeal items that they can swap to anytime they need a pick me up on our trip.

A scone is a bit outlandish, but they have more biscuits here than last time. I came in with Zee and we enjoyed a cup of coffee on the house, so likely, they know.

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Lae becomes possessed by the sweet taste of apples, and Cassandra sticks to some meat and veggies. Mash, all it has on the menu, sadly for her. "We'll be at this all night if you don't decide now, Cass." I wave a forked spud in her face and her attitude is statuesque. "Lae can hunt for their leader. We won't quit until the Phys's mystery is solved.

And that was that, none could oppose.

I took a sip of coffee from my mug and nodded. "Wishing for a break was enough, so? Where do we start our search?" I'm not letting Dragul in, not until the chimp – monkies are sent packing with their queen.

"We return to the underground." Lae spoke. "There, I sense they will be lying in wait for more victims to drink dry."

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A bit dark, but wait until you see who'd running the monkey mill! Stay tuned. Johnny is biting off more than he can chew, and is Lae on their side? What is Trese's real goal? Stay curious for more!